


Teen Idle (I Wish I'd Been)

by ZukosSecondSword (michaelsbatmanboxers)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: AU, Be nice to him, Child Abuse, Dancing and Singing, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Internalized Homophobia, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, M/M, Not even a slowburn, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Original au, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Partially Blind Zuko (Avatar), Partially Deaf Zuko (Avatar), Protective Iroh (Avatar), Slow Burn, Swearing, They/Them Toph, Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko has the mouth of a sailor, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zukos an angsty boy, an agonizing simmer, bi sokka, drink some coffee boy, enby toph, fuck ozai, gay Zuko, god i just love zuko, he deserves better, it’s a simmer boys, nonbinary toph, real slow burn, zukka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 83,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaelsbatmanboxers/pseuds/ZukosSecondSword
Summary: AU: In which everyone is born with flowers in their souls. As they get hurt, the flowers are stolen and instead given to whoever hurt them. If they run out, they become basically living corpses. Zuko loses his last one and Iroh is desperate to save him. That's when Zuko meets Sokka, who might just be his cure.Note: if you happen to have seen this prompt before, it's because I used the exact same one for an old work by the same name. I decided to scrap that and completely rewrite it with different characters, so enjoy and please don't yell at me :)Also, big big thanks to my co-authors:finwileyrainitoffAnActualFrog+ harploon
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 455
Kudos: 569





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the book.  
> First: thanks to my discord beta readers for helping me out, you guys are the best, me and my wife (the void) love you.  
> Second: I know the AU is kind of confusing, so just stick with it. I'm really proud of this idea and I think it's worth it to stick through it!  
> If you have any questions or comments, please let me know!  
> Oh also, Sokka isn't introduced in this chapter, this is all about setting up the story, kind of like the prologue? But I refuse to call it that so chapter one go brrrrr

Seventeen year old Zuko lays there, staring blankly at the royal red and gold adorned walls of the room he was dragged into. Everything keeps replaying in his mind, over and over again in segmented pieces. 

His sister and his father discussing over dinner. Zuko slipping into the dining hall to grab something to eat. _Anything_. Sneaking behind his family to avoid confrontation. Azula noticing him. Father questioning him. Zuko giving an answer Father apparently doesn't like. Then blinding hot pain, radiating through his face. Zuko dropped to his knees, anguished screams filling the hall. Azula and Father watching him coldly as healers and servants arrived to return him unceremoniously to his room. 

_What am I gonna do?_ Agni, he can’t think past this pulsing pain shooting through his left side. He raises his hand to his face, feeling the newly formed scar and recoiling in a fresh wave of pain. He pulls his hand to his eyes, noticing his thumb going in and out of bleariness as his injured eye struggles to focus. 

He watches his last of two marks fading in and out of focus, and he knows his final flower has been stolen. He only has limited time, and he needs help. 

But who is he supposed to turn to?

There’s nobody, not even a servant, and definitely not his _family_ . His mother would help, but no one is sure where she is. He certainly can’t drive like this, barely able to see. He can’t take the bus, not looking like the bloody burnt-up mess he is. Was he expected to just...lie here? He wouldn't put it past his father to leave him like this. It’s not like it’s the first time, but this is probably much more serious than it’s ever been before. Zuko is lucky his pain tolerance is so high from the past years of punishments. If it wasn’t he might’ve _died_ . _Wait, might have_ **_died_ ** _? That doesn’t sound right. Maybe I’d have lost my vision_ , Zuko decides. _In both eyes. That makes it way less bad than it seems, right? I only lost half of what I could’ve._

Zuko reaches into his pocket for his phone, and curses silently to himself when he feels the emptiness where it should be. _I shouldn’t have gotten that C+. I would be eating with them right now if I had studied just a few hours more. It’s my fault, really. I shouldn’t have gone with Azula and her dumb friends instead of doing the extra credit._

The door slides open behind him, and Zuko feels a cool rag being pressed to his face. “I’ve called your uncle, Master Zuko. Don’t tell anyone I was in here, please,” the servant begs, and Zuko nods numbly. The rag on his face is such a shock to his system that the pain from the burn is throbbing again. _Fuck._ The door clicks shut as the servant rushes out, and Zuko curls up, waiting for Uncle Iroh to show up. _He’ll know what to do, he always knows what to do_. 

Zuko looks again at his thumb, barely able to make it out through the darkness slipping in. He knows once he’s out, he’s out. His freckle fades away, and his arm drops to his side, his body falling limp and his gaze unfocusing. _Please hurry, Iroh. Please._

  
  
  


\---

The next thing Zuko is conscious of is cool sheets against his skin. His eyes-- _eye_ fly open, one of them is stuck down under something. The all-too familiar smell of jasmine tea and biscuits wafts through the air, and his stomach lets out a monstrous roar. _Shit, I didn't eat, did I?_

“Nephew,” Iroh’s voice rings through the air beside him. Zuko forces his open eye to _focus_ , _dammit,_ on his surroundings. He finally, finally realizes he’s in a hospital. _Hospital? Why am I here?_ “You’ve got a nasty burn there, and your final flower was taken.”

Zuko sluggishly guides his eye over to the source of Iroh’s voice. Oh, how he missed his uncle. He missed his scratchy beard, and his gray hair, and how he always smells like jasmine. His calm, gravelly voice, and most of all, Zuko missed feeling loved. Feeling _seen._

Iroh is holding Zuko’s hand in a tight grip, and Zuko tries to squeeze back, but he can’t. His mind is a prisoner of his own body, and he’s stuck staring at the ceiling. He glances longingly at the biscuit sitting on his uncle's tray, struggling to open his mouth, make a noise, twitch a muscle, _something_ for Uncle to know he’s there, to know he appreciates him, to know how hungry he is. 

“I’ve already contacted an institution for the flowerless,” Uncle continued, “and I have high hopes for it. I’ve heard they’ve actually had some success returning flowers to patients like you. It took some convincing, but they’ve accepted you. The head healers will be here in a week for an assessment and to start moving you in.”

_No flowerless institution has successfully restored any flowers, we both know it’s hopeless._ Zuko wants to frown, but his face isn’t cooperating. So he focuses all his energy in just keeping his eye open. He can feel the darkness slipping back, and actively fights it off as much as he can, blinking furiously.

“You can rest, Nephew. We will be here for a while. Get your strength back up. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Zuko squints, hoping it shows as much anger as he’s feeling. But then Iroh’s hand is gentle, on his forehead, brushing his hair back and humming an old tune softly. And Zuko’s eye finally slides shut, the pain residing just enough for him to slip back to sleep. 

  
  
  
\--

Zuko is awoken with a start as cool air hits his scarred eye for the first time in days. Then he feels a wettened rag being pressed against it, and his breath hitches from the pain. 

“It’s okay nephew, they’re cleaning your wound,” Uncle Iroh chimes in. If Zuko could move, he’d be fighting this lady off tooth and nail. Instead, he’s stuck showing his irritation through barely controlled huffs of displeasure. “Ignore him,” Uncle speaks to the nurse with a laugh, “he’s just a bit hungry.” 

_I am not!_ Zuko wants to shout, even as his stomach growls at the thought of finally eating something. “If you have time, would you be able to order us two cups of jasmine tea and some biscuits, please?” Uncle asks. 

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t have jasmine tea.” 

“No jasmine tea? At a hospital? The best healing tea, and you don’t have _any?”_ Iroh questions in disbelief, and Zuko rolls his eyes-- eye. _Not everyone is as obsessed with tea as you are, Uncle._ “No worries, I brought my own.” Iroh concludes, reaching into his robes. _Of course you did_. 

“I’ll bring you some hot water and biscuits, if that’s okay?”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you ma’am.” The nurse finishes cleaning Zuko’s wound, before making quick work of his bandage- _she must have done this a lot._ When she leaves, Zuko finally relaxes a bit. He hates to admit it, but his eye does feel better with the new ointment she applied. Iroh grabs Zuko’s hand yet again as the nurse walks out. 

“Nephew, what did he do to you? I knew he was cruel, but…” Iroh cuts himself off with a sigh. “After your treatment you’ll be living with me. I haven’t talked to Ozai about this, but I can’t say I care too much at this point. I’ve asked Azula if she’d like to join us. Of course, she just laughed, but I suppose I at least tried.”

Zuko widens his eyes-- _eye, how many times is it going to take for him to remember_ , watching Iroh with renewed interest. _Living with Uncle Iroh? That would be a dream come true._ Of course, this is all assuming he can even be healed. A small sigh escapes his lips. 

“Zuko, what concerns you so? You should be focused on getting better, don’t worry about anything else.” 

_I am focusing on getting better, Uncle, it’s just not realistic. It’s only been a few days. And I can barely_ **_move_** _, how am I supposed to feel better from that?_

Zuko’s hopelessness isn’t completely unbased. Despite years of trying, no flowerless institute has ever successfully regrown a flower. The flowerless tend to just live out their days in the institute, stuck in their own minds and watching everything play out in front of them. Their old friends stop visiting, their families see them once a year, if ever, and they fade into society's shadows. Being a walking corpse has some serious downsides. 

Zuko’s mind wanders again. Who’ll even notice he’s gone? Father and Azula, of course- if they’d even care. He’s become such a disappointment, he understands if they never come see him. He doesn’t really have any friends, but his chemistry partner Aang might be a little disappointed. _Shit,_ he thinks, _am I gonna have to retake my senior year?_ _That’s going to be the worst part of this, if I do get my flowers back. High school is hell._ Who else would even notice? Zuko sits with some weird kid named Jet, but that’s not out of friendship, not really. More that Zuko doesn’t want to be alone and Jet needs someone to rant to about how he’s going to overthrow the government one day. He supposes he’d call them “friends”, if not… positive acquaintances?

Maybe Jet would come visit and tell him more about Anarchy At It’s Finest, the club he started. Or his poetry teacher/fencing coach, Piandao, would notice him gone. Piandao had always been so nice to Zuko, giving his terrible poetry A’s and telling him he could make it as a writer. As if. At least he was somewhat decent at fencing. _Perks of going to a private school_ , Zuko thinks.

Aang’s a nice kid. He would probably visit, try and talk to him about chemistry. They don’t have much else in common though, so Zuko wouldn’t be surprised if the awkwardness got too much for them and Aang ghosted. At least he would bring flowers or something if he visited. Once Zuko had sprained his ankle and Aang had given him a “Heal up soon!” card.

Other than that, Zuko was kind of a loner. No one wanted to approach the son of the wealthiest man in town, the brother of the meanest girl in school. Even if Zuko did everything he could to distance himself from them. It was too much for other people. 

Zuko snaps back to reality as he feels something being pressed to his lips. “Open up, Zuko. You need to eat.” Acting of its own accord, Zuko’s mouth opens to accept the dry biscuit. He grimaces as he chews it. “I know, it’s a joke of a meal. At least you have my jasmine tea, though.” Iroh holds up the cup, tipping some liquid into Zuko’s mouth. _Agni, this is embarrassing_ , Zuko thinks, _being_ **_fed_ ** _like I’m a baby?_ He tries in vain to gain control of his hands, trying to reach for the biscuit, trying to feed himself. Of course, his body doesn’t respond, and Zuko is stuck being fed, bit by bit, by his Uncle. _At least no one else is here to see this._

As if on cue, the door flies open and in walks Aang. _Fuck._ Zuko blanches, his mouth clamping shut as Uncle breaks another bit off the biscuit and offers it to Zuko. Zuko can feel the redness of his cheeks--cheek? ( _does he even have two on his face anymore?_ ) as Aang approaches, either not seeing or pretending not to notice Zuko being fed. 

“Hey Zuko… uh, I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I was at school when I heard.” Aang spoke sheepishly, kicking the ground with one of his sandals. “I, er… came as soon as I could?” If Zuko could hold a knife, he could cut the tension in here with ease. “I like your bandages!” Aang offers, pointing at what Zuko assumes is the bandage on his face. 

Zuko focuses on his mouth, twitching the barest corner of his lips into the largest smile he can manage, which isn’t much. Aang grins back. “I brought you some flowers!” Aang beams, and _of course he did_. Aang pulls a large bunch of flowers from behind his back, fire lilies. “I picked the reddest flowers I could find, because it’s your favorite color. You know, because you always wear red.”

_He remembers my favorite color?_

“I mean, I assumed it is, anyway. I just guessed. Sorry. I wish I asked you more stuff before you- you know. You probably think I’m a bad friend, huh?”

_Friend? Did Aang just say…_ **_friend?_ **

“Anyways, I can’t stay for much longer, Gyatso is waiting outside and I only have a few minutes. Besides, Katara needs help with her chemistry, which is, uh, kind of confusing because I don’t think she’s even taking chemistry?”

Zuko tries to remember who Gyatso is. He knows he’s not his dad, because Aang’s parents died when he was a baby. He remembers hearing that from Azula. He squints slightly. Aang lives with Gyatso… is he his _uncle?_

“Um, you’re Iroh, right?” Aang asks. Iroh looks up from the book he was pretending to read, greeting Aang with a warm smile. “I think my foster dad, um, Gyatso is friends with you? I think, um, you go to the same Pai Sho club?” 

_Ah, foster dad. That makes sense._

“Gyatso is an old friend, yes. I’ve heard a lot about you, Aang. He says you’re a very promising young man,” Iroh answers. 

Aang seems to perk up. “Oh. I didn’t know that! That’s cool. Anyways, um, here’s the flowers--” Aang looks for a vase, before choosing to awkwardly set them on the table next to Zuko’s bed. “-- and Gyatso wanted me to give you this.” He offers Iroh a sachet of what Zuko guesses is tea.

“Thank you, Aang. My nephew surely appreciates your visit, no matter the length.”

“Uh-- yeah! Of course! Bye, Zuko, feel better soon.” 

Zuko blinks a few times as Aang leaves. _What a whirlwind of a guy. Kind of ironic, I’m pretty sure he’s an airbender._ Nonetheless, Zuko is happy someone came to visit. His eyes--eye, _goddamnit,_ lands on the flowers that Iroh is currently asking a nurse for a vase for, and if he could smile he’d be grinning so hard it would hurt. _Fire lilies. My favorites. Was it really a lucky guess or did someone tell him?_

“Zuko! You never told me you had such a good friend! You told me no one talks to you,” Iroh raises an eyebrow, “Seems as though you’ve got at least one.” 

_Yeah. At least one._

  
\---  
  
  


“Lost again!” Uncle Iroh exclaims in defeat, and Zuko can’t help but chuckle. If he could. Uncle Iroh’s been playing Pai Sho against “Zuko”, but really just moving all the pieces himself and letting “Zuko” win. He hates to admit it, but it’s kind of cheering him up. “I see you’ve taken everything I taught you, and become a Pai Sho master yourself.” 

_Yeah, I was totally paying attention during your lessons._

“Looks like you’ve been paying attention!”

Zuko blinks, until remembering that Uncle _can’t_ actually read his mind… probably. Zuko squints and thinks, _if you can hear me right now then… uhm… don’t drink your tea until it’s cold._

Uncle Iroh starts setting the board up again, taking an idle sip of his tea.

_Okay, good._

“This tea is a little hot, I might have to let it cool a bit,” Iroh comments, and Zuko’s eye widens.

_GET OUT OF MY HEAD!_

  
  
\---  
  


That night, Uncle Iroh is asleep in his chair, but Zuko’s wide awake. _Iroh hasn’t gone home since he’s gotten here. The longest break he’s taken from me is to use the bathroom, and even then it’s only a minute or two._ His heart pangs in appreciation for the man sleeping in front of him. _You deserve a better nephew than me. One that can talk to you and get out of bed and play all the Pai Sho you could ever want. Maybe even likes tea…? Yeah, definitely deserves one that likes tea._ **_Loves_ ** _tea. Would drink tea every minute of the day. Okay, maybe that’s a bit much._

_Someone that would help out at your shop without complaining all the time. It’s all you asked of me but I had to be a mopey ass about that, too. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate you… how much I- I love you? Is that allowed? You’re not my dad, I just… I don’t know, Iroh, you’ve always been there. From my first fencing duel to here. And now I’ve run out of time to pay you back._

_Agni_ , Zuko wishes he could say this all aloud. His eye wanders back to the fire lilies, a bright contrast to the stark eggshell white he’s surrounded by in this small room. Everytime he looks at them he gets a strange spark of joy. Zuko has a _friend!_ Probably the first of his life. Except for that Beifong girl, Toph, who he hasn’t seen since before he moved in elementary school. 

When Ozai’s business took off, their lives changed immensely. Zuko’s family moved to a bigger house, which was fun at first, but he realized his parents used the space to avoid each other. As their arguing got worse, Ozai forced them to choose sides. Zuko was always on his mother’s side, Azula on their Fathers. The fighting tore his family apart, and one morning, Zuko’s mother was just… gone. He waited days for her to return, but he never did. Since then, Zuko’s been stuck with his Father and Azula, who, needless to say, aren’t his biggest fans. Maybe Zuko should’ve picked them over his mother. _No,_ he thinks, _Father was wrong. Mom deserved better and I hope she got it. I just… wish she didn’t leave me behind._

A nurse silently steps into the room, smiling at Zuko when she realizes he’s awake. She helps him swallow down some kind of pills, probably pain killers, before slipping out of the room again. Zuko’s stuck alone with his thoughts. _Shit, I’m terrible company_ . Zuko huffs to himself, looking around again. _I could like… write poetry?_

_Everything sucks_

_I’m stuck in my head_

_My uncle’s asleep_

_I wish I were dead_

_Okay, wow, that got depressing real quick. But Piandao would probably find something in there to compliment. What was good about it? It’s… uh… observational? Uncle really is asleep. Good job Zuko._ Zuko continues writing short, shitty poems to himself as he slowly drifts to sleep, nothing else to do to stave off the boredom. 

  
  
\---  
  


Zuko wakes to a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Wake up nephew, the institute heads are here,” Uncle Iroh speaks gently, and Zuko cracks his eyes-- eye, _shit_ \-- open. In front of him stand two elders, one familiar and one not. 

Jeong Jeong, dressed in a neutral brown, steps forward, greeting Iroh warmly. “If it isn’t Iroh Sozin!” he exclaims, clasping Iroh’s hand. Zuko remembered him from a couple years back, when he served on Ozai’s board. When Ozai started becoming more and more unethical, Jeong Jeong spoke out and promptly got fired in disgrace for it. Zuko always remembered him as a kind, if blunt, man. 

“Jeong Jeong! It’s been far too long. I heard from Gyatso recently.” Iroh answered, standing up to speak to them. 

“Oh yeah? How’s he-” 

“This is no time for formalities!” the old woman interjects, “Zuko needs help and you two are simply wasting time!” Zuko dragged his eye over to her, taking in her features. She had to have been the same age as Jeong Jeong and Uncle, if not older. She was wearing the traditional colors of the water tribe, with a necklace that seemed to be made of teeth slung around her neck. _Badass_ , Zuko thought. 

“Yugoda, it is always a pleasure to see you too. Have you gotten younger?” Uncle Iroh bowed slightly to her, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Alright, charmer,” she shoots him down, but smiles softly to herself as she turns to Zuko. “Hello Zuko. I’m Yugoda, the master healer of the Northern Water Tribe. I believe I discovered a way to restore and regrow flowers, so I’ve opened the flowerless institute Elemental Regrowth.” Zuko broke eye contact with her. He couldn’t afford to get his hopes up and her positivity was contagious. “Somehow this fool,” she nudged Jeong Jeong, “wormed his way into the business, and we currently have fifteen patients all working their way through our program at varying rates of success. We have one patient who’s actually almost healed! It’s my hypothesis that if I were to introduce her to something that would trigger extreme happiness, she'd finally regrow her first flower. From there, she can go back to living her life.” 

Uncle Iroh was listening intently, actually taking _notes_ on her little speech as Zuko listlessly let the words wash over him. “While you’re in the program, you’ll be taking Xenoren, a drug of my own design that should make you more susceptible to healing and emotions. Even without your flower, you should be able to regain a little bit of autonomy with help from the drug.” 

Zuko glanced at her, and, unable to read past her guarded expression, looked away again. Uncle Iroh started asking question after question, but Zuko couldn’t be bothered to listen. He spaces off as they make the arrangements to transfer him from the hospital to the institute- Elemental Regrowth _(what a dumb name)_ , and Iroh was handed some documents to sign. 

“Of course, you won’t be charged a penny if this doesn’t work.” Zuko jolted back to attention. _Charged? Iroh’s paying for this? Of course it’s not free, but… shit._

“I understand,” Iroh answered, his pen scrawling across the page as he signed everything he needed to. “Please, just help my nephew.” 

“We’ll do our best.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elemental Regrowth is a bit questionable, and Sokka is introduced. Also, Sokka's outfit is banging.

Less than two days later, Zuko was being led into Whatever the fuck Restoration, Iroh walking directly behind him as Yugoda and Jeong Jeong carry his stuff inside. Aang tagged along to say goodbye to Zuko, who was in a wheelchair unable to steer himself and instead relying on his Uncle pushing him. To Aang’s credit, he didn’t seem to be judging Zuko, at least not on the outside. 

Aang came to a stop just outside the doors of the institution. “Elemental Regrowth, huh?” _That’s the name_. “That’s a large claim for something that hasn’t been done before.” 

“You just wait, young man,” Yugoda answered. “We’ll have your friend fixed up in no time!” She trudged inside, snipping at Jeong Jeong to hurry up, who was carrying one small bag filled with some of Zuko’s belongings. There wasn’t much to carry. Aang shook his head. 

“Well she’s confident, that’s for sure. That’s a good sign, right Zuko?” Zuko met Aang’s gaze, who was radiating positivity through his grin. _How have I never noticed how much this kid smiles?_ _Do I smile that much?_ Zuko paused for a minute. _Yeah, right. He smiles more in a day than I have in my life._ Aang steps forward to hold the door of the institution open, allowing Iroh to wheel Zuko through.

“Oh my,” Iroh spoke from behind him, and _yeah,_ Zuko thought, _oh my is a fucking understatement_. The facility was, in a word, underwhelming. In many words, it was absolutely disgusting, in a state of disrepair hinting that it hadn’t been updated with even a fresh coat of paint in years, perhaps even decades. The walls, which must have previously been a bright, jovial yellow, were now faded out to a murky, depressed shade of mucky chartreuse. The lobby’s air smelled so much of disinfectant, Zuko wondered if they were secretly spraying the stuff directly up his nose. 

The floor was half tiled in linoleum, the other half torn away to show the dirty brown concrete beneath. There was a stained shag carpet haphazardly thrown across the floor where a couple chairs were prepared for the nonexistent waiting patients and families, and there was a computer sitting on the check in desk that had to have been older than Zuko himself. And the receptionist, who Zuko reasoned to be about 200 years old, give or take, stared openly at Zuko and his bulky bandaged face. She obviously wasn’t a huge proponent of customer/patient care, as her jaw hung open. _I hope you catch flies_ , Zuko shot her way, turning his head to try to hide the bandage. Aang noticed this, and stepped between him and the receptionist, taking the full brunt of her gaze with a firm look towards the woman. 

The group came to a stop, unsure where to go or what to do next without Yugoda or Jeong Jeong to guide them. “Perhaps this was a mistake.” Iroh spoke softly, grabbing hold of Zuko’s shoulder.

“No, wait!” A boy popped out of one of the doors marked ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’. At least, that’s what Zuko assumed it was supposed to say. Instead, in all it’s worn glory, it read ‘E PLOY E ON Y’. “Don’t go!” The presumed employee walked towards the group, his long legs and large strides carrying him over quickly. “Please, don’t let the lobby turn you off. You see, we don’t have any good funding yet, but we’re working on it! Really, we’re just making enough to keep the lights on, you know? I mean, Yugoda and Jeong Jeong haven’t taken a paycheck since they opened the place and have been channeling their personal funds into the institution. I would be too, but-” 

“Hold on, who exactly are you?” Aang cut in, interrupting the blue eyed boys breathless rant. 

“Oh! Oh yeah! I’m Sokka, pronounced with an ‘Okka,’ and fire nation boy, I rock ya!” The boy - Sokka - shot some finger guns at Zuko, who blinked in response. “Tough crowd,” Sokka commented. “Anyway, I’m one of the lead employees here. I say employee, but uh- we’re not really getting paid? It’s more of a volunteer gig. But I’m here because I really believe in the program. I mean, I suppose I’m expected to say that, but I mean it!” Zuko tuned out as the boy continued rambling (he talked _so much holy shit)_ , instead opting to take in his appearance. 

His light blue eyes hinted towards being a member of one of the water tribes, which makes sense, as the healers of the bending world. He wasn’t wearing traditional tribal clothing, however, instead opting to wear a light blue tee under a pink ( _pink?_ Zuko thinks in disdain _)_ jean jacket with patches poorly sewn on, along with black jeans and plain white shoes covered in colorful sharpie doodles that Zuko can’t quite place a brand on. Tame, compared to the rest of his outfit. 

Zuko found himself staring at the whale-bone necklace the boy wore. Now _that_ was a traditional Southern Water Tribe thing. He spoke animatedly, hands moving with every other sentence, but Zuko was able to catch a glimpse of a leather bracelet and one of those stupid friendship bracelets. And no, Zuko definitely wasn’t jealous that this guy had friends who liked him enough to make bracelets with him, they’re just stupid. Zuko glances at his empty wrist. _They’re just stupid_ . _Stupid dumb bracelets with no stupid purpose._

Uncle Iroh seems to be nodding along to the worker-volunteer’s spiel, and Aang is visibly more at ease. The worker- Sokka- cracks a huge smile.

“Follow me! I’ll show Zuko to his room and let you guys get him settled before I escort you out!” Sokka walks towards the doors, hitting a button to open them with his hip. “Oh, and Hama?” Sokka stops by the receptionist. “I think our guests would appreciate it if you didn’t openly stare at any physical features they may be self conscious about.” He pats her shoulder companionably, either missing or ignoring the icicles she glares at him. Sokka leans down, pressing a button on his shoes, before taking a walking start and kicking off, wheeling down the hallway. _Oh Agni, he’s wearing fucking Heeley’s._ Aang’s eyes sparkle in amusement and Uncle Iroh chuckles delightedly beside him. 

“He’ll be a fun one, won’t he Nephew?”

Walking down the hallway is a stark contrast from the lobby, the walls painting a vibrant blue with orange swirls cutting through the blocks of color. As he followed behind Sokka, he noticed on the back of his jacket, painted in swirling letters, were the words “IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO SISTER”. Zuko would ask about that if he could, but he’s stuck pondering what it means instead. _Does he get lost often? Isn’t he about my age? How can he help run a facility if he can barely find his way around?_

Sokka led them to another room, Iroh still pushing Zuko in his wheelchair. 

“This will be your room, Zuko!” Sokka exclaimed, gesturing at the room. It had peeling paint, a scummy carpet, and one dingy window that gave Zuko a view of a boring patch of grass. “Don’t worry, I always paint the rooms for the newbies,” Sokka says at Zuko's raised eyebrow. “I like to get to know them before painting it though,” Sokka turned to him, “So we’re gonna have some bonding time!” Zuko is… less than enthused. Sokka is a big bundle of energy, and he wears _friendship bracelets_. 

“Oh, if you’re going to paint the room for him, he really likes red! I actually got you more flowers, Zuko!” Aang spoke up, pulling some flowers from behind his back. 

Zuko wishes he could hide his face. _How the hell was Aang capable of pulling so many flowers from behind his back?_ “And don’t forget the turtleducks. Zuko loves his turtleducks.” Iroh cut in, and if Zuko could flip a table he would be doing exactly that right now. Distract and run. Zuko squints, trying to move his hands enough to flip his wheelchair. It didn’t work. _Fuck me._

“Alright, fire boy! Red and turtleducks! I’m sure I could make something out of that,” Sokka beamed. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go find a vase for those fire lilies your friend brought! You guys don’t trash the room too much while I’m gone, alright?” Sokka clicks his tongue and shoots yet another finger gun at the trio, before turning and heely-ing ( _Heely-ing? Wheeling?_ Zuko questioned) out of the room. 

“What a charmer!” Iroh remarks. Zuko wishes he had enough control over his facial muscles to scowl. He had a feeling he and this ‘Sokka’ wouldn’t be friends. 

“I liked his poem! It was kinda catchy!” Aang mentioned. “My name is Sokka, I rocked ya, it’s pronounced with an Okka.” _That’s not how it even went. Besides, it was a stupid attempt at a haiku, not worth Aang’s time. Haikus are dumb, anyway. How do you fuck up a haiku? Too many syllables. I may know, like, two things about poems, but Sokka is_ **_shit_ ** _at it._

Zuko is enjoying thinking mean things about Sokka’s poetry when he’s lifted out of his wheelchair and into the bed in the corner. His eyes-- _eye, goddamnit why is it so hard to adjust to that--_ go wide, and he’s making a valiant effort to flail and squirm his way out of their grasp. (Nothing happens, he still can’t get any control over his body.) _How embarrassing is it that I can be lifted around by my out-of-shape uncle and some short, skinny fifteen year old? Maybe I should start eating more. Yeah, that’s a good plan._

His two companions sit him gently on his bed, and Uncle Iroh kneels next to him to be closer to eye level. Zuko levels him with a solid glare. 

“Nephew, we have to leave soon. We are only allowed to be here every other weekend. You’ll be in good hands, Zuko. I promise you that. I trust Jeong Jeong with my life, and I’ve heard nothing but good things about Yugoda. I love you.”

Zuko struggles his mouth into a weak frown. _Just because you trust him with your life doesn’t mean you can trust him with mine!_ He wants to stand up and scream the injustice to the rooftops, he can’t just be left here with his Uncle’s friend and… **_Sokka_ ** . _Yuck._ Aang stays standing to speak to him, allowing him a small shred of dignity to remain. “I know you’ll be back real soon, so I’ll take really good notes so when you get back I can help you get caught up! In the meantime, I’ll keep an eye out for fresh fire lilies for you!”

_Shit, why was Aang the best kid in the damn world?_ Zuko wanted to say something, anything to the only two people who showed up when he was hurt. Something small so they’d know how much he appreciated them. Something to show them how much he’d miss them. Even a “thanks” would be sufficient. _But my fucking body won’t cooperate, dammit!_

He opens his mouth, just barely. Gets his tongue in position to say “th” _._ But Iroh and Aang are already walking out, and Zuko’s shoulders slump in defeat. _Useless tongue. Stupid, dumb, worthless body, won’t even do what it’s supposed to do._

Zuko’s stuck staring blankly at the wall, waiting for something to happen. And happen something did....about an hour later. The door burst open, and Zuko’s eye flew to look at who was intruding upon his brooding time. 

“Hey fire boy!” **_Sokka._ ** “I know you must’ve missed me, but I’m back!” Zuko decided he did not miss him. “It’s time to get up, lazy bones. Therapy awaits!” _Fuck me._ **_Fuck. Me._ **

\---

Have you ever wanted to know what therapy with a bunch of people who can’t talk is like? No, no you don’t. Zuko was sitting with a group of other flowerless, with worker-volunteers scattered among them. Of course, Sokka took it upon himself to plop right next to Zuko. 

“So, how’s everyone doing today?” Jeong Jeong asked the group, and the reply was absolute, radio silence. “Well, that’s better than bad!” Jeong Jeong quips. Sokka bursts into uproarious laughter. _I’m calling him JJ._ Zuko decided. _Jeong Jeong is a stupid name. Who pops a baby out and names it_ **_Jeong Jeong._ ** _Or worse…_ **_Sokka_ ** _._

“So, since only, like, one of you can talk now, we’re going to go in a circle of the volunteers and workers so they can tell us about the progress they’ve made this week!” Sokka says, delightedly clapping his hands together. _Good luck with that. I’ve only been here for an hour._

A young adult-looking man speaks up first. “Well, as most of you know, this week our patient Toph Beiphong started talking for the first time since she got here a year ago! Toph, do you have anything to say?”

_Holy shit, Toph’s here?_

“I’m coming for you next, motherfuckers!” Toph crowed in delight, showing off their new ability. Their caretaker laughed, patting their shoulder. 

“They've been very excited to show everyone,” he explained. “Do you want to share your goals for the next few weeks, Toph?”

“I’m gonna rule the world!” Toph shouts. “Just kidding. I want to try and stand again in a couple days.”

The caretakers all clap, along with one old patient. Sokka perks up next to Zuko. “Gran-Gran. You moved!” Sokka exclaims, trying and failing to keep his voice at an acceptable volume.

‘Gran-Gran’ nods slowly and Sokka shoots to his feet, rushing to the other side of the circle and circling her in a huge hug. Her arms slowly come up to hug him back. 

“This is- this is the first time you’ve been able to hug me back.” Sokka choked around tears. _I guess that’s his grandmother? What kind of person calls their grandmother **Gr**_ ** _an-Gran?_ ** Zuko admonishes himself. _He’s obviously excited. And besides, Zuko shouldn’t even be thinking about that. Not like he has one._

“Kanna and I have some exciting news,” the caretaker beside her says. “We did the math, and... in what we’re assuming will be six months,” he starts, looking down at Kanna, “Kanna will be the first person to successfully leave Elemental Regrowth!” 

“Not if I beat you, grandma!” Toph speaks up, obviously taking it as a personal challenge. 

Sokka snorts. “Toph, it’s not a race. Besides, Gran-Gran’s been here since the beginning.”

“Everything’s a race to me, boomerman,” Toph shot back. They wasn’t even facing the right direction, Zuko notices, which he finds entirely too entertaining. “Just wait till I get my earthbending back!”

_Wait. Six months? A year? More than that? I can’t spend my life wasting in this… this… hellhole!_ Zuko’s eyes -- _fuck it! My SINGULAR EYE --_ narrowed in determination. _I’m getting out of here._ He starts tuning out everyone else, even when some of the patients are given whiteboards to have conversations with one another while the caretakers converse with one another. Closing his eye-- _I remembered this time holy shit--,_ Zuko began to meditate quietly. He’d practiced a bit before his father-- erm, before the _incident_. 

After ten minutes of sitting quietly, Zuko channels all his energy to his fingers. _Just my fingers. That’s all. Just my fingers. That’s all I need right now._ When he feels his fingers twitch, he doesn’t celebrate. He keeps his eyes closed and tries again, but… _fuck. I’m exhausted._ He loses the concentration and begins to feel fatigued. Sokka is right beside him, saying something, but his head won’t let him process it. Sokka waves a hand in front of his face, in a feeble attempt to snap Zuko out of whatever he’s lost in. Zuko can’t bring himself to look at Sokka, the simple movement of the waving hand making him feel sick. The darkness is creeping back into the edges of his vision, and his vision starts swimming. He feels his head sway for a moment, and the darkness overtakes him. The last thing he manages to hear is a faint “Zuko!” before letting himself slip away into the sweet relief of unconsciousness.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My co-writers and beta readers have watered my crops and nurtured my soul. Love y'all <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka leads Zuko through breathing exercises. Zuko's brain is mutinous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the fruit of our labor, including a completely civil debate over whether or not you put a space after "...". The answer, as chosen by me, the uploader, is sometimes.  
> that being said... I love you, co-writers and beta readers!

“Stop looking at me like that,” Sokka tells Zuko, frowning. Zuko twitches the corner of his lip into a frown to mimic Sokka. “It’s not _my_ fault you passed out!” Zuko knows that, but he doesn't stop.

“Just take your medicine, Fireboy. It’s already in your mouth, just swallow.” _Stop calling me that!_ He considers not taking his medicine just because Sokka keeps calling him that, but it’ll help him get out of here faster, so he does. Sokka grins triumphantly when he does, and something flutters in Zuko’s gut. He pushes it down. _It's just the medicine._

“Okay, and…” Sokka looks down at his clipboard. It’s bright blue and covered in stickers and doodles ( _of crocs??_ Zuko doesn't question it) but apparently Sokka can read the words through all of them because he looks up and says, “Now we’re supposed to do some breathing exercises.” 

_Kill me now. This is going to suck. Just like Sokka. More like_ **_Suck_ ** _a because he_ **_sucks_ ** _. Good one, Zuko._

“Hmmm… I’m not sure how breathing exercises will help you, but hey. Yugoda’s orders.”

_Ugh. This is dumb. I fucking hate this. Stupid breathing exercises. Stupid Yugoda’s orders. Stupid Sokka. He’s dumb with all his dumb stickers and his stupid style and his idiotic pretty blue eyes. What? They’re_ **_not_ ** _pretty. They’re_ **_stupid._ ** _Like, um, shitty popsicles that taste like_ **_shit._ **

“Just copy my breaths, deal? I’m pretty sure you can control your lungs.” Sokka starts taking deep breaths, alternating with short puffs every couple seconds. Zuko glares at him, unblinking. After a couple more seconds, Sokka squints at Zuko. “Are you even trying, Fireboy?” Zuko actually was trying, but now he decides he's not going to because of that nickname. _Stupid Sokka with his stupid nicknames._

Sokka starts the exercises again, still looking down at his clipboard. Zuko waits. Sokka gives him a peculiar look, before stopping once more. 

“ _You can’t just stop breathing entirely!”_ he cries, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air. “Tui and La, you’re more stubborn than Katara!” _Who's Katara?_ He thinks absentmindedly, pointedly ignoring Sokka. _No, bad Zuko. You_ **_don’t_ ** _want to know more about fucking_ **_Sokka_ ** _. Stop it._

“Do you even _want_ to get better?!”

_Yes. But your way is dumb. My way worked much better._

“You realize you’re here to _heal,_ right? That means you have to do what Yugoda wants you to do.”

Zuko continues to hold his breath to aggravate Sokka. It’s _incredibly_ satisfying to see him this pissed. “You know what? Fine. Don’t do your breathing exercises. We can just chat for a while instead.” Sokka plops down next to Zuko, tossing his clipboard to the side. 

_That backfired. Fuck._

“So, I know two things about you, it’s only fair you know two things about me.” _No thanks_. “Obviously my name is Sokka, but that doesn’t count. Uh, I’m into drawing and engineering!” Sokka presses a button on his shoe and a wheel pops out of the bottom. “I actually drew on these myself. They were just so… white. And boring. Like colonizers.

Zuko appraises the drawings on Sokka’s shoes with renewed interest. The drawings actually aren’t half bad- _because they’re absolutely terrible. Sokka sucks at drawing. Wait. Did he say_ ** _colonizers?_** “I wanna paint the lobby, too, but I can’t think of anything to put up. Plus, we don't really have enough money to buy all the paint for it anyway, so I have a lot of time to think.”

_Yeah, you’re not a great artist._ Zuko pauses. _Not enough money…? I don’t think I’ve ever had that problem. Maybe I could donate some- No. Don’t- don’t think like that. Azula would never think like that._

“I mean, money’s tight, this job doesn’t pay, and my dad is paying for my sister to go to some fancy private school so she can get into a better program for pre-nursing. So I’m stuck making my own money. Hear me out: Crocs, but… with wheels on them. Heely Crocs!” Sokka’s hands are held out in front of him, as if actively holding the Heely Crocs in his hands. 

Zuko finds himself actively listening to Sokka, until he says _Heely Crocs. What kind of sick fuck comes up with_ **_Heely Crocs_ ** _? I no longer feel bad for you._

“Katara thinks it’s stupid, but I think there’s a real market there! I’d pay for it!”

_Because they’re stupid, and you’re stupid too. Stupid Sokka. Stukka. Because you’re stupid. Yeah. Stupid Stukka and his good drawings and dumb eyes that are_ ** _way_** _prettier now that Sokka is looking at him- fuck. No. Don’t compliment him, Zuko, stay focused. He’s stupid. And not pretty_ ** _at all_** _, not in the slightest._

Sokka reaches for his clipboard again, flipping to a blank piece of paper and gazing up at Zuko’s wall. “Turtleducks, huh?” He laughs to himself, shaking his head. “Didn’t know anyone other than six-year-olds still liked those. Fire lilies are nice, though.” At that, Sokka starts sketching some soft lines, eyes squinting in concentration. Zuko, despite trying to keep his air of indifference, can’t help but steal a glance at what Sokka’s working on. His eyes— _eye, still only one of them, dumbass—_ follows Sokka’s quick sketching, trailing up his hand to watch his fluidly deft movements. 

“Can you move at all?” Sokka asks absentmindedly, still sketching. He looks up at Zuko. “Oh! Right. Um… blink twice if you can and once if you can’t.”

Zuko blinks twice.

“No way! Show me.” 

Zuko shuts his eye and begins to concentrate. Sokka waits patiently, and Zuko lets out a long exhale, curling his fingers in. The blanket on his lap scrunches up into his palms, and _wow, I forgot how great it felt to be able to hold things._

 _“Holy shit!”_ Sokka screeches, and Zuko loses the concentration. His fingers go slack, forming loose fists. 

_Fucker._

“Holy. Shit.” 

_Fuck off._ He shoots a glare at Sokka. _Don’t you know how much concentration this takes?_

“That’s absolutely amazing! I’ve never seen people move this quickly!” _I want to get the fuck out of here. Besides, have you met me? I’m not quite “on par” with the rest of these idiots._ Zuko pauses for a second, his eyebrows _(eyebrow? Does he even have two anymore?)_ pulling together. _I suppose he… he doesn’t know much of anything about me, huh?_

Sokka flips the papers on his clipboard back to the paper on top, detailing the breathing exercises Zuko was expected to work through. _Shit._

“I can sense your excitement!” Sokka exclaims. “And you’re absolutely right, Fireboy! It’s time for more! Breathing! Exercises! Rahhhh!” Sokka’s voice drops to a stage whisper for that last bit, mimicking a distant crowd cheering. _What kind of crowd would cheer for breathing exercises?_ “Just follow my lead.”

Zuko levels Sokka with an icy stare. “C’mon, if you do this I can leave you to your own devices until dinner.” This catches Zuko off guard, because for some reason. . . he doesn’t really want Sokka to leave. _It’s not like I like being around him or anything. . . I’m just. . . lonely. God, I miss Uncle._ Sokka punches Zuko’s shoulder lightly, who barely startles before dragging his eyes— _eye—_ back up to Sokka’s. “Let’s get it done!” Zuko somewhat reluctantly starts following Sokka through the _stupid dumb idiot_ breathing exercises. Sokka nearly shouts in excitement once they’re finished. 

“ _Iluak_ _ï!”_ Sokka exclaims, the word rough-sounding out of his throat. 

_What does that mean?_

“There’s about, um,” Sokka says, glancing to a clock on the wall. “An hour and a half until dinner. I’ll be back then, so, enjoy your alone time!” 

Zuko feels a weird panging in his chest. _Agni, what kind of fucking loser am I? So lonely that I don’t want the guy I_ **_hate_ ** _to leave? What the fuck is wrong with me?_ Zuko looks at Sokka, trying to communicate his loneliness through his single pleading eye, but Sokka’s phone goes off from his pocket, Zuko startling slightly by the loud song bursting through the speakers. Sokka sings along, off key, before picking up.

“ _BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM, LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER, FROM NOW UNTIL_ —halu, Atatak!” Zuko’s eyebrow furrows in confusion, and Sokka covers the mic, speaking to him. “It’s my dad, sorry.” Sokka steps out of the room, speaking spitfire in a language Zuko can’t even begin to comprehend.

The rhythm of the words is difficult to track, the beats of syllables unlike any language Zuko has ever heard before, and just gets more difficult as Sokka walks off down the hall. 

With the loud ball of energy incarnate out of his room, Zuko’s left feeling alone in a vacuum. _Fuck. I don’t even_ **_like_ ** _Sokka, why am I feeling his absence so much? Fuck._ **_Fuck_ ** _._

Zuko’s eye falls on his fire lilies, now in a porcelain vase with little paintings around the base. _I wonder if Sokka painted those_ . In the light of the evening, they look to be literally afire, reflecting a strange golden-orange halo in the space around them. Zuko is suddenly filled with an urge to smash the vase against a wall. _What the fuck, brain? Stop producing anger! I can’t even do anything! I just have to sit and stew! Stop it!_ But his brain is fucking mutinous. It’s decided it wants to rip up the flowers, knock over the wheelchair, storm out and punch stupid Sokka’s stupid goofy smile off his stupid kind face and never look back. _I’m so goddamn SICK of being helpless._

Zuko’s face blanches as he realizes something; _Sokka’s going to have to feed me._ It’s humiliating enough for your uncle to feed you, but at least Iroh’s related to him. But someone he’s barely met? 

_Agni, just let me starve. Perfect. Then I’ll never have to show my face again._ Zuko realizes then: _What do I even look like? I haven’t. . . Uncle made them keep mirrors away from me in the hospital. Was I that ugly?_ **_Am_ ** _I that ugly? I didn’t get to see what I looked like when they rebandaged my face yesterday. It can’t be any good though. Fucking hell, I’m gonna look like a monster. Not that I looked too good in the first place._

Zuko feels his head slump back against the wall, staring at a distant corner in his room. Didn’t know that would happen on it’s own. _My life is fucked. I want my mom. What? Shut the fuck up, you don’t want your mom. She left you. Doesn’t love you, hasn’t called or texted once in the—how long has it been now? Six? Seven years? Hate him as you do, at least. . . Father’s here. He may have burned you, but it- it means he cares. . . he wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t such a disappointment. I deserved it anyway. A C? That’s practically a D in his book, which is just the same as an F. A failure. Hm. Fitting._

Zuko watches a spider crawl across a web it’s been working on creating. _I’m stuck in a loop, I need to get the fuck out of here. Quick! Think of something happy Zuko! Fire lilies, kittens, turtleducks, fuck, um, Sok—aaaand that’s enough of that._

Zuko remains in his thoughts for the next hour and a half, blankly staring at the spider spinning its web. A careful knock rings out through the room, the door opening slowly. Sokka walks in, balancing a bowl, cup, and some opaque container on a tray. He sits down directly next to Zuko, shooting him a soft smile. 

“Hey, Fireboy. It’s time to take your meds! Brought some dinner, too. Tonight’s menu is some soup, water, and jello! I’m jealous. They don’t feed us.” _Then why haven’t you starved?_ “Well, here, at least. We don’t live here like you do.” Sokka said, as if he read Zuko’s mind. _This is just like the uncle situation, isn't it? Ugh, I hate him. Get out of my head,_ **_Sukka_ ** _._

Sokka delicately grabs the two pill capsules. “One for pain, one Xenoren.” He gestures for Zuko to open his mouth, and when Zuko just barely parts his lips, Sokka stuffs the pills in his mouth. Before Sokka has the opportunity to tip some water in his mouth, Zuko swallows the pills dry. Sokka gapes, cup in hand. 

“How the _fuck_ did you do that,” he says, more of a statement than a question. “I would’ve given you water!” _Beat you to it, bastard. Take that._ “Oh, whatever. Prepare yourself for the best soup you’ve ever tasted.” 

Zuko frowns. _That’ll be the day. Do you have any spicy sesame noodles? No? I didn’t think so._

“I know you’re from a fire nation family, so I threw in some extra spices for you. I hope it’s not. . . you know. Terrible.” _Is he. . . embarrassed?_ “Here! Try a bite! If you hate it just blink twice,” _I’m going to blink twice._ Sokka filled the spoon up with the amber-red liquid, making sure to catch a couple vegetables on it, before slowly raising the steaming liquid to Zuko’s lips. Zuko’s mouth acts of it’s own accord - _stupid traitor mouth-,_ sipping the liquid up. His eye widens as the flavor washes over his tongue, the spices dancing together surprisingly well and coming together to form a soup reminiscent of Uncle Iroh’s cooking. 

“You like it, eh?” Sokka says, a shit-eating grin splitting his face. Zuko can’t even bring himself to pretend he doesn’t, instead closely watching the spoon as Sokka dips it back into the liquid. “Let me know if you need water, by, like, I dunno. Not eating the soup.”

Sokka’s words flew in one ear and out the other as Zuko hungrily slurped down the broth. _It’s crazy how hungry you get just sitting here all day_. After a few ravenous spoonfuls, Sokka pulls the spoon away, leaving Zuko staring after the spoon longingly. 

“I know you probably don’t want to, but you need some water. I mean, hot damn, you’ve already eaten like... half of this. Have you been running laps behind my back?”

Zuko twitches the corner of his mouth down. _I’m fucking hungry, asshat. Give me more soup!_

Sokka picks up the white styrofoam cup, using his thumb to carefully open up Zuko’s mouth to slowly trickle water into it. Zuko studiously avoids eye contact with Sokka and swallows the water, not realizing how fucking _thirsty_ he had been. Sokka keeps pouring while Zuko drinks, finally stopping after a few more rounds of this.

“Pace yourself, Fireboy. The food’s not gonna run away from you!” Sokka quips, and Zuko’s eye darkens at that. _Yeah, right._ Sokka continues feeding him, making unwelcome jokes throughout the meal. When the soup is gone, Sokka tries to feed Zuko some jello, which Zuko pointedly refuses. _It looks literally fucking disgusting. Who wants to eat lime green chunks? Not me, that’s who._ “Suit yourself, Fireboy.” Sokka shrugs, picking up the clean spoon and emptying the jello can in his mouth. _Why grab the spoon if you’re just going to pour it directly in there?_ Zuko thinks incredulously, watching Sokka swallow the barely chewed gelatin. _Gross._

Sokka shoots Zuko a closed-mouth smile as he wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “We have one more thing tonight before I go home. I have to change your bandages real quick.” 

_Change my bandages?_ **_Change_ ** _my_ **_bandages?_ ** _Change_ **_my_ ** _bandages? FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK._

Sokka pulls out a fresh roll of bandages, a clean wash rag, and some of that ointment the hospital just loved slathering on. He shoots Zuko a reassuring smile as he carefully undoes the wrapping, and Zuko keeps his eye focused on Sokka’s. Much to Zuko’s surprise, Sokka doesn’t even flinch. _Come on, it’s gotta look bad. Show it! React to it!_ Zuko can feel the rage building inside him again, made even worse by Sokka’s indifference. The guy was humming. _Humming!_ Zuko hisses in pain as the washrag touches the raw skin near the bottom.

“Oh! Shit, you scared me! Sorry! Didn’t know you could do that, Fireboy,” Sokka comments, lifting the rag off his face before gently wiping once more. “You know... It kind of disgusts me...” Zuko’s eye flew up to Sokka’s. _Finally_ . “...that someone could do this to someone else. Especially you, Fireboy. You like _turtleducks,_ for La’s sake.” _What?_

“I mean… What has to be going through someone’s head? To do this much damage to someone and just continue living their life? And to your eye, too?” 

Sokka dips his first two fingers into the ointment jar, moving his fingers up to Zuko’s burn. “I’m gonna touch, okay?” 

Zuko blinks to acknowledge. Sokka very, very carefully guides his fingers along the bottom of the burn, applying a thick layer of ointment. With slow, steady movements, he starts dragging the extra ointment up to the rest of the scar.

“We’re gonna have to do this every day, just so you know. Like they did at the hospital, but now you get to stare at _my_ ugly mug while I do it.” Sokka gives Zuko a million dollar smile, and Zuko can’t even bring himself to glare at that. He wipes his fingertips off on his jeans, reaching for the roll of bandages. 

“I gotta say, I’m excited to get home. My sister is gonna help me get my Heely Crocs—” _There’s my glare. Found it._ “—going. She’s probably just gonna make fun of me, but we haven’t seen much of each other since I started here, so I’m excited anyway.”

Sokka tears a large chunk of the gauze, carefully setting it over Zuko’s weak eye. Zuko can’t see a thing from it, but he supposes it’s fine. _Could be worse. Just remember, it could be worse. Almost was, too._ Sokka grabs the rest of the roll, carefully unraveling it around Zuko’s head to secure it in place, ensuring the wound is well covered. 

“Well, there you go, buddy. Do you want any water, or anything before I go?” 

Zuko blinks twice. Sokka beams, delighted by the fact that Zuko picked up on his communication system. 

“Here, Fireboy.” 

Zuko gratefully drinks the water, feeling a sense of drowsiness set in. It’s the most he’s eaten in- probably months. He blinks slowly a few times, fighting off the ensuing sleep. 

“Is that supposed to mean something, or are you just sleepy?” Sokka laughs. _Sleepy? I’m a grown-_ Zuko’s mouth open, letting out an ill-timed yawn. _Yeah. I’m tired._ **_Not_ ** _sleepy._ “Well, that answers that. Here, let me help you lay down, mkay?” 

Sokka circles his arms around Zuko’s back, scooting him forward so he can lay the pillows Zuko was propped up on flat. Once Sokka successfully sets up the pillows, he puts one hand to the back of Zuko’s neck and one on his chest, carefully guiding him into a sleeping position, then grabs the soft sheets and pulls them up over Zuko’s frame.

“That good?” 

Zuko is busy feeling his face set aflame. _Embarrassing. Agni, embarrassing as_ **_fuck._ **_I don't_ _even like Sokka, and here he is, helping ME_ **_fucking lay down?_ ** _I WANT CONTROL OF MY BODY AGAIN, GODDAMNIT._

“Well, you don’t look like you’re complaining, so I’ll take that as a yes. Sleep tight, Zuko. I’ll probably be here by the time you wake up, but if you wake up early then maybe not. Don’t party too hard without me!” Sokka shoots Zuko one final set of finger guns, clicking his tongue, before closing the door gently behind him. 

It doesn’t take long for Zuko to drift to sleep. The medication Sokka gave him must’ve had some sort of sedation in it, he fell asleep faster than he has in years. _Weird_. He can’t dwell on it though; he's too busy dreaming of pretty blue eyed boys who hum and doodle on their shoes. By morning, he doesn’t remember what he dreamt of.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Zuko drink lemonade. Sokka blames Haru for his therapy bill.

Zuko wakes up to the sound of the door softly closing. His eye flies open, immediately on edge, but manages to relax when he realizes it’s just Sokka. “Good morning, Fireboy,” Sokka sings. “You ready for breakfast?” 

Zuko blinks, trying to wake himself up. 

“I gotta prop you up first though.” Zuko’s eyes— _eye. Eye. Eye. Eye.—_ lands on the abomination of colors assaulting him. _What the fuck is he wearing?_ When Sokka backs away from propping Zuko up, Zuko gets an eyeful of a _horrendous_ blue hawaiin shirt covered in gaudy cats and… what look to be palm tree leaves, unbuttoned over a _lime green_ tee, which is terrible already. It only _adds_ to the look when Zuko notices the _khaki zip up shorts. Who the fuck wears_ **_khakis._ ** _And they can be turned into pants? Who needs two-in-one?_ The look is topped off, of fucking course, with lime green Crocs. _Agni save me_ . _Seriously? LIME GREEN?!_ **_LIME! GREEN!_ **

“Admiring my outfit there, pretty boy?” Sokka laughs. “You have some serious bedhead.” Sokka lazily reaches a hand over, ruffling Zuko’s hair. Zuko goes to duck but—frozen. Instead, he sits still, glaring daggers at the Water Tribe boy as he fixes his hair for him, his fingers threading gently through Zuko’s hair. “That’s better! Hey, Fireboy? Can firebenders use their hands as irons?” Zuko doesn’t dignify that with a blink. “Alright, alright, we can eat.” Sokka whips a bowl out from behind his back. “Guess what it is!”

_Oatmeal. I fucking_ **_hate_ ** _oatmeal. How_ **_dare_ ** _Sokka bring me_ **_oatmeal._ ** _What the_ **_fuck._ ** _First he touches my hair and now he’s going to feed me_ **_oatmeal?_ ** _What kind of a cruel game are the spirits playing?_ **_I hate Sokka again. Stukka. Sucka._ ** _Sucka better get that oatmeal away from my_ **_FUCKING_ ** _face or else I’ll_ **_KILL HIM_ ** _—_

“Here comes the airplane!” Sokka jokes, stuffing Zuko’s mouth with oatmeal. _Stupid fucking mouth, why would you let me eat_ **_OATMEAL?_ ** Zuko is ready to kill someone. Probably _Sucka_ . _Jail, here I come._ His hand twitches out of pure rage, but he’s unable to move it further as he forces himself to swallow the disgusting, bland, mushy oats. “Ready for another?” **_NO!_ **“Here it comes!” 

**_STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY!_ **Zuko is left glaring daggers at Sokka as his stupid mouth takes the food it’s offered, until it’s finally gone.

“Alright, let’s get you some water and then, guess what time it is? Oh yeah, breathing exercise time! And the crowd goes WILD! Raaaaahh!” Sokka waves his hands around, in a loose interpretation of jazz hands. 

_Fucking fuckery fucker. Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck all the way off of Earth. The crowd does not go fucking wild. The crowd DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST. And if it did it would be TOTALLY SILENT right now. You could hear a fucking pin drop because it’s so quiet. Sucka._

Zuko empties the water cup in record time, feeling like he never has enough. Sokka laughs softly. “You want more?” Zuko’s eye raises to Sokka’s, blinking twice. “Alright, give me a second.” Sokka walks off, leaving Zuko to his brooding over _the fucking oatmeal_ . _Stupid oatmeal. Stupid Sokka. And more importantly:_ **_stupid, stupid fucking oatmeal._ **

Sokka wanders back in, holding a cup filled to the brim with water. “Now don’t drink it too fast; we don’t want you getting sick.” Zuko ignores him, easily downing half of it before Sokka pulls the cup away. “Alright dude, I’m not cleaning you up if you throw up on yourself.” Sokka reaches over for his clipboard, flipping to his breathing exercises. 

Zuko rolls his eye. _I’m thirsty, give me the motherfucking water!_ Sokka ignores Zuko’s thoughts— _jerk—_ and instead focuses on the paper. 

“Same thing as yesterday, you ready?”

_No. I want water._

“Great! Let’s go!” 

_Asshole._

For 10 minutes, Sokka leads Zuko through the exercise again. At the end, Zuko stares at the cup enough that Sokka gets the gist and lets him sip a bit more. 

“Okay, _technically_ I’m supposed to leave you alone, but you must get _so_ bored when I do that, so I have an idea. Why don’t I walk you around the premise? I’ll show you the rooms and stuff. I could even break you outta here for a couple minutes and we could chill outside!” Zuko blinks as many times as possible. _I wanna go out I wanna go out I wanna go out I wanna go out._

“Wow, you really like that idea, huh?” Sokka blinks rapidly back. ”Let’s get you in your wheelchair, and we’ll be off.” Sokka starts moving out the door to get the wheelchair before stopping and turning towards Zuko, “Think of it as an adventure.” He leaves with his signature finger guns tailing behind him. _Stupid finger guns._

Zuko decides he could forgive the oatmeal. He gets to _do_ something. Sure, he has to sit in a chair and be wheeled around, but he can _go see the sun._ _I’ve been going insane being cooped up in here. I need that sunlight, right now. Immediately. Pronto._ The edge of his mouth twitches up, just barely. _Give me the sun, give me the sun, give me the sun,_ he chants to himself while Sokka is gone. 

Sokka walks back in, pushing the wheelchair ahead of him.

“There’s no non-awkward way to do this, I’ve learned,” Sokka sighs. “Get ready, Fireboy.” Zuko braces himself to be picked up, but what he is _not_ prepared for is when Sokka scoops him up from under his knees and puts a firm hand on the middle of the smaller boy’s back, lifting him securely from his bed and gently setting him into the awaiting wheelchair. “Your carriage, Lord Fireboy.”

_He’s stronger than I expected._ Zuko finds himself eyeing Sokka’s arms while he picks up the dishes, noticing the subdued strength hidden below his skin. _I want to be buff like that. Maybe when I’m better Sokka will show me how? Biceps like that are… kind of attractive. I wanna be like that too, damnit! Why do I look like a malnourished, emo teenager? Oh shit, right. It’s cus I don’t work out… or eat. Hm._

Sokka balances the dishes in one hand as he corrals Zuko with the other. “We gotta drop these off in the kitchen before we get going, but I’ll make it quick!” Zuko’s barely listening, staring out the windows Sokka wheels him by. _I can already feel it on my skin._ **_Agni_ ** _, I miss the sun, the sun, the sun, gimme the sun! I’ll snatch it right out the sky and put it in my room. Yes. Sun._ Sokka stops pushing him and slips through a tan door, a jarring contrast from the brightly painted halls. _No, wait- Come back! Asshole._

Less than a minute later, Sokka steps back out, grabbing the handles with both hands and leaning forward to speak into Zuko’s ear. “You ready?” Zuko shivers. _I can feel his breath on my cheek, ew_ . Sokka braces one of his feet on the bar under Zuko’s seat and pushes off, sending the two flying down the hallway. _Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit what the fucking fuck what the fuck shit fuck holy-_ And then they skid to a stop. Sokka’s head tips back in a laugh. _Wow, his laugh is nice._ Zuko doesn't even lecture himself about that thought as Sokka opens the front door, about to lead Zuko out. 

“ _Sokka! Tavrani tavra!”_ Sokka’s head whips towards the direction of the voice. 

“ _Ilaaniungituq_ , _Yugoda_!” Sokka calls back.

“Of course you meant to! You don’t accidentally go flying down the hallway!” She scolds back down the hallway as Sokka pushes the door open and pushes Zuko out the door. 

“She’s not one for fun.” Zuko’s face raises on it’s own to bask in the sun as Sokka keeps talking. “Oh- I should probably translate; she basically yelled at us to stop having fun. I tried telling her it was an accident, but she doesn’t believe us. It’s uh- Inuktitut. It’s, y’know, our culture. My mom taught me some words as a kid.” Zuko is too busy soaking up the sun to pay too much attention, but he’s still absently listening. Something about the way Sokka chatters is very soothing.

“Wow, you sure love the sun huh?” Sokka chuckles. “Like a lil lizard sunbathing.” 

_Rude. I mean, true, but_ **_rude._ **Sokka wheels Zuko forward, setting him up in a patch of sunlight and stepping away for a second to lay a blanket out on the grass. He turns to Zuko, lifting him out of the wheelchair, and lying him on the soft blanket below. Sokka plops down next to him, leaning back on his elbows and gazing into the sky. From this angle, Zuko can see exactly how sharp Sokka’s jawline is, can see the warmth in his skin as the sun washes over his facial features. Sokka glances over and Zuko quickly averts his gaze. 

“Mmh… you know, I’m starting to see why you like sunshine so much,” Sokka hums. _Agni, his humming._ “There weren’t many days like this in the South Pole. We couldn’t really just lay outside and soak in the rays.” Zuko couldn’t imagine. He grew up swimming every summer, from pools to the private beach his father eventually bought. No matter what, he spent about half his summers outside, in the water. 

Zuko starts spacing off again, shutting his eye and tilting his face up to the sun. Sokka is definitely rambling about something or another beside him, but right now, all Zuko can think about is _sun sun sun._

“So that’s how we learned; you never trust a polar-dog with your great-grandma’s ashes.” _What?!_ Zuko’s eye snaps open. _Great-grandma’s ashes? Oh fuck, I missed the story, fucking_ **_shit_ ** _! I should’ve been paying attention! Now what if he references the story and I don’t understand and then he gets mad-_ “I’m joking, Fireboy. Making sure you were paying attention.” Sokka kicks his feet up, and Zuko just knows he’s got that shit-eating grin tugging at his lips. _I’m going to throw you into the ocean. Then you’ll drown and know_ **_exactly_ ** _what kind of agony you put me through. Like feeding me oatmeal._

“I’m gonna ask you some yes or no questions, here. You know the drill; once for no, twice for yes.” Zuko rolls his eyes, but there’s nothing much else to do. Sokka turns slightly to face Zuko more and _goddamn, the light is reflecting off his eyes so- what?_

“Do you have any siblings?” Zuko pauses for a second, a heavy weight settling in his stomach, but he blinks twice nonetheless. “Sisters?” Twice. “Brothers?” Once. “More than one sister?” Once. “I wonder if she knows Katara?” _Your sister?_ No blink, because how the fuck was Zuko supposed to know that? “You’re a senior, right?” Two blinks. “Your favorite color is red?” Twice. “You liked my soup last night?” Once, just to fuck with him. “Now I _know_ you’re lying!” 

Sokka hits Zuko’s shoulder, a light, bubbly laugh tumbling freely out of his mouth. Without any actual effort, Zuko’s mouth twitches into a slight smile, just big enough for him to notice. Sokka continues chattering on, oblivious to the development beside him. “Pets? Do you have any pets?” One blink; _Father would kill us if we brought home an animal. “_ Damn. Boring. Uhh, lets see… your uncle said you write poetry, right?” _What’s the signal for fuck off? Oh, right._ Zuko levels a glare at Sokka, who puts his hands up defensively. “Alright! Alright! Don’t tell me. Do you draw?” One blink. “Huh.” 

“Hey, Sokka!” Somebody calls from the direction of the door. Zuko can’t turn his head because it would smush his bandage on the ground (and because ya know. He _can't move),_ so he just tries to listen with his undamaged ear. “Is it okay if Toph and I come sit with you two?”

_Toph? Shit, will they remember me?_

“Sure! We’d love company.” 

_Is the dude their caretaker?_

“Great!” Zuko can hear one of them walking over, and assumes the patient is also in a wheelchair. Toph gets lifted out of their chair and is sat on the blanket next to Zuko, and they wave their hand, accidentally whacking him in the process. 

“Whoops. Who’d I hit? I’m legally blind. Like, literally can’t see anything. Blind.” they say, waving a hand frantically over their eyes.

“You got Zuko, and we know you’re blind, Toph.”

_“Sparky!”_

“You two know each other?” Zuko can feel a hand patting down his arm, before it settles on his hand and grabs it in a tight hold. 

  
“We've known each other since elementary school. We were best friends until he decided to be a jerk and _move._ How’s it going, jerkbender?” Toph parrotted out their old nickname for him, and Zuko could basically feel the smile radiating off of them. 

“He can’t talk, Toph.” 

“Oh. _Laaame!”_

“You’re lame,” Sokka retorts in Zuko’s defense. “Sorry Zuko, I’ll have to fight for your honor until you can do it yourself. It’s in the contract.” _I doubt there’s a contract_. 

“Shoot, I have to run inside,” Toph’s caretaker says, “You good on your own, Sokka?”

“We’ll be fine, Haru, take your time.”

“Just keep an eye on Toph. You know how they are.”

Sokka chuckles. “I sure do.” 

“Guess what, Sokka!” Toph nearly bellows in Zuko’s ear. 

“ _Volume,_ Toph, Tui and La,” Sokka scolds, pretending to rub at his ears. 

“I got a girlfriend!” Toph sang, patting Zuko’s hand. 

“How’d you get yourself one of those?”

“My friend Suki introduced me to her through text! She’s really cool! She likes dragons a lot.”

 _How can Toph use a_ **_phone?_ **

“Good for you, Toph. Can’t believe you got a partner before I did, though. Disrespectful.”

“What!” _What?_

“I’m older than you, it checks out. That’s the excuse adults go for,” Sokka explains, throwing a nonchalant shrug at the end of the sentence.

“Aren’t _you_ an adult?”

“That’s what they tell me, at least.”

Zuko feels lost. They’re talking _so fast._ Besides, he can’t contribute, so he’s literally just… there. At least Toph is patting his hand every once in a while…? Zuko lets his eye slide shut, letting out a quiet sigh. _I gotta get better._

Zuko glances over at Toph. _Girlfriend, huh? Father would murder me if I came home with a boy. Not that I would even_ **_have_ ** _a boyfriend, obviously. Just in theory. Fuck, he might think I’m gay, I’ve never brought home a girl. I just can’t find the right girl. Mai was close, but we didn’t connect all… romantic like. And stuff. Yeah. Maybe I’m just not made for romance?_ A hollow pang strikes in his heart, but he ignores it. _That’s fine. I don’t need anyone. Well. Maybe Uncle? And Sokka’s been_ **_somewhat_ ** _useful these couple of days, but that doesn’t count. Iroh is my uncle, Sokka is just an employee. And that’s all he cares about, really. This is a job, nothing more._ Zuko squeezes his eye shut. _I’m just part of a job. And that makes sense._

The door opens, and someone comes out. “Haru! Welcome back!” Sokka greets. Zuko’s eye peeks open again to see what’s going on. The other worker - _Haru?_ \- is holding a tray with four cups on it. 

“I brought some lemonade! It’s so nice outside, I figured we could use a summer drink!” He settles next to Toph, handing two of the cups over to Sokka for him and Zuko. 

“Hey Fireboy, you wanna sit up and drink this?” Two blinks. “Dope. Let’s sit you up then.” Sokka sets the cups a length away in the grass, grabbing Zuko’s shoulders and pulling him up, letting him lean against Sokka for support. Sokka then reaches over, grabbing the cups again, and intertwines one of his arms with Zuko’s, locking them together at the elbow to make sure he stays supported. Sokka sets one of the cups against Zuko’s bottom lip, letting him sip from it. _This is… surprisingly good lemonade_. 

“It tastes like the old school lemonade, right jerkbender?” Zuko’s eye tracks the voice back to Toph, who’s still holding his hand but sipping on the lemonade eagerly. “Good stuff!” 

Sokka laughs. “Maybe they use the same powder shit Haru does.”

“I don’t have time to squeeze a billion lemons to make two and a half cups of lemonade. I’m a busy guy.”

“You had time to grow out that spirit-awful mustache,” Sokka shoots back, leaning over to elbow Haru. 

“Let it go, Sock. It was six months ago.”

“But the memories will last a lifetime. Along with the therapy.” 

“I’ll kick your ass.” 

“I’ll cut all your hair off.”

“Not my silky smooth locks--!” Haru laughs, running a hand through his hair. Sokka lifts the cup back up to Zuko’s mouth for him to sip from. Zuko takes a big gulp, his mouth puckering involuntarily. 

“So you can handle some of the spiciest food I’ve ever made, but you can’t handle a little bit of lemonade?” Sokka teases. **_That_ ** _was the spiciest thing you’ve ever made? Agni, I’ve gotta get you some real food._ “Woah, Toph, you downed that fast!” 

“I beat you! I beat you! And I beat you!” They rattled off, pointing at each person in turn. Except they only actually pointed at Zuko correctly, aided by their hand on his wrist. 

“Wasn’t a race in the first place,” Haru points out.

“Still won, bitches!”

“Toph-- you’re fifteen, maybe you shouldn’t swear so liberally?” Haru suggests.  
  


“Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it, huh?”

“Wait.” Sokka speaks up. “Toph… did you just- Did you just point at us?” Toph’s eyebrows shoot up. 

“Did I?” 

“I mean, you completely missed your targets, but you definitely _tried_.” 

“I’m blind.” 

“We know, Toph. The point is… _you moved your arm,_ ” Haru’s grinning, Zuko can hear it in his voice. “Toph! You moved your arm! You also- you accidentally hit Zuko when you sat down! You grabbed his hand...” 

“I moved my arm!” Toph celebrates alongside him.

_Haven’t they been patting my hand this whole time?_ Zuko wonders absently. _How in the fuck did I not notice? How the fuck did no one else notice?_

“Toph, I need you to tap each finger on each hand to your thumb in turn. Just to test your motor movement,” Haru instructs, watching them intently. Toph focuses on their hand, sticking their tongue out. Slowly, they bent their thumb, index finger, and middle finger. (Took advantage of that to flip everyone off,). They ran into some complications with the last two, unable to bend them separately. They let out a sigh, and Sokka jumps in quickly. 

“Hey! That’s still amazing progress! Don’t be let down by one setback! You couldn’t even _move_ that arm yesterday!” 

_I need to get out of here! I need to get out of here!_ Zuko’s hand twitches again, but Haru and Sokka are too busy rejoicing over Toph’s development to notice. _Fuck._

“ _Sparky!”_ Toph exclaims, feeling his hand move under hers. “Did you just move your hand?!” 

_Maybe?_

“Holy shit… There’s so much going on! The sun is magic!” Sokka exclaims, his hands coming up to his temples. 

“Or they’ve been working hard to get better?” Haru suggests, getting immediately cut off. 

“THE SUN IS MAGIC!” 

\---

Sokka steps into Zuko’s room, balancing a steaming tray. “Din-din!” Sokka exclaims. “We got some chicken and rice! And hey! Special treat for you- your uncle stopped by and dropped off some jasmine tea. Apparently it has healing properties! I had to look it up to make sure I didn’t burn it or anything, I think I got it right!” _He- he learned how to make jasmine tea for me? That’s nice. Really nice._

Sokka sits down in his usual spot. “Chicken first?” One blink. Zuko wants tea. “Oh, rice then?” Once. “...tea?” Two rapid blinks. “Oh, I see, you’ve gotta judge my tea making abilities?” Two blinks. “I get it, I understand. Wanna rip the bandaid off as soon as possible and tell me it’s horrible,” Sokka grins, shooting a wink at Zuko and picking up the porcelain mug. “I had to drop a couple ice cubes in there since you can’t blow on it, but hopefully that doesn’t ruin the taste too much.”

Zuko takes a small sip, and tries to avoid making a face. Well, whatever face he can make with one eye, an eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth. The tea is _incredibly_ bitter. Definitely burnt.

“Good?” Two blinks. _Why am I lying to him?_ “Wow, really? That’s cool! I’ll have to make it more often, huh?” Two blinks. _It’s not like it’ll be every night, I can suck it up sometimes._ “Ready for chicken and rice?” Twice. Sokka grabs the fork, loading it up with rice and skewering a piece of chicken on the end. Zuko’s mouth drops open in anticipation, basically watering at the smell. Sokka carefully let's Zuko close his mouth, pulling the fork out. 

“Oh, you got a little rice…” he trails off, reaching out and wiping the food from the corner of Zuko’s lips with his thumb. Zuko’s pretty sure his cheek is on fire. _I’m- I’m embarrassed! That’s it._ Sokka levels him with a wide grin, scooping up another bite on the fork. “Ready?”

Zuko frowns, tilting the corner of his mouth down. _I need my body to fucking work._ He obediently opens his mouth again as the fork approaches, chewing the food thoughtfully. _I’m already pushing myself, though. What am I supposed to do?_ They finish the meal in relative silence, Sokka apparently noticing Zuko’s brainstorm. 

Sokka sets the plates to the side as Zuko finishes the last bite, grabbing the supplies to change Zuko’s bandage. “Alright, Fireboy, I’m gonna take this off again.” Sokka stands up to get a better angle, leaving Zuko staring directly at his stomach. _Hm._ Sokka’s hands are gentle as always, unwrapping the bandage and tutting softly when the scar comes into view. “I just. I can’t imagine, Zuko.” With that, he shuts up again and gets to work, wetting the wash rag with cool water and patting at the afflicted skin. 

This time, he’s expecting Zuko’s hiss of pain, and grabs his hand, giving him a comforting squeeze. He keeps his eyes focused on the patch of skin he’s working on, his hands moving with a practiced ease. _Probably from his engineering. Or drawing?_ _Probably both._ Zuko feels his head relaxing into Sokka’s hand, drawing a smile from him. “Comfy?” Sokka questions, and Zuko rolls his eye. 

Sokka steps back, grabbing the ointment and dipping his fingers in. “I’m gonna touch again, okay?” Two blinks. With that, Sokka’s fingers were on Zuko’s scar, gently spreading the cooling ointment over the red skin. He’s humming under his breath, a soft tune that leaves Zuko feeling loose and relaxed, his eye sliding half shut. Sokka smears the ointment liberally, reaching up with his free hand to brush some of Zuko’s bangs out of the way as he gets further up his face. 

Finished with the ointment, Sokka reaches to grab a chunk of gauze, pressing it against Zuko’s weak eye, and moves on to bandaging it in place. He works a lot smoother today, finishing in half the time that he did yesterday. Sokka pulls his free hand out of Zuko’s hair as he wraps the injury, his hand falling instead to Zuko’s shoulder to help hold him in place. Ripping off the bandage from the roll, Sokka secures it in place and steps back to admire his handiwork with a self-satisfied grin. 

“It sure _looks_ a lot better!” Zuko’s eye opened, trailing up from Sokka’s stomach to his eyes. “I’m giving Katara a run for her money. Nursing school, here I come!” _Yeah, right. And I’m going to be the prince of Japan._ Sokka steps back, clearing his throat. “So, uh, you ready to lay down? Go to sleep?” Two blinks. “Alright, let’s get you all tucked in! Snug as a bug in a rug!” Much like last night, Sokka lays Zuko back carefully and grabs the blankets, pulling them over Zuko with a flourish. The corner of Zuko’s mouth twitches upwards, a movement Sokka noticed. 

“I got you to smile!” Zuko struggles to get his _stupid traitor mouth_ under control, but Sokka’s already gloating. “Fireboy, the brooding master, smiled at me! The humble Sokka!” _Humble? You’re as humble as you are ugly- wait. That means he’s not ugly?_ **_Shut up Zuko_ ** _._ Sokka shoots Zuko one last fond smile as he walks to the door. “Get some sleep, sunshine. You’re gonna need it.” Sokka pauses at the doorway, clicking the lights off and tossing _the goddamn finger guns_ Zuko’s way as he closes the door, leaving Zuko to his thoughts.

_What have I gotten myself into?_ That night he dreams of lemonade and pretty boys calling him sunshine. He wakes up with the taste of lemon faint on his lips. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? My co-writers!  
> Seriously, we couldn't be updating this often if it weren't for there being multiple of us.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet swings by. Iroh tries Sokka's tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translations for this chapter
> 
> kinnaķ: fool  
> siķķuķtuķ: (is) stubborn  
> gik: good, pretty  
> aatchikkaaņ: exclaimation of warning

The next week is filled with mostly the same schedule for Zuko. Eat breakfast, do a breathing exercise, sit and stare at a wall for a few hours, eat lunch, try to move (and fail), stare at a wall again, eat dinner and drink that spirits awful jasmine tea ( _who knew he’d make it every day?)_ , get his bandages changed, do another infernal breathing exercise, fall asleep. Repeat.

Sokka took Zuko outside once more during the week, and they sat against the lone tree out there while Sokka rambled on about whatever and a half. Zuko wasn’t paying much attention, watching clouds drift by with a half-closed eye. There was one point where he almost drifted off, leaned up against Sokka’s shoulder so he wouldn’t slump over into the grass. Sokka’s shoulder was warm against his own. Zuko had been so _cold_ ever since he lost his flower, it felt unnatural. Firebenders are supposed to be _warm_. Warm like fire heating your palms, like the sun on your face, warm like fire lilies just for you, shitty tea for healing, and soft smiles being thrown your way, for your eyes and your eyes alone.

Another blip in the schedule was when Sokka pushed Zuko’s wheelchair into Toph’s room, where they sat on their bed. Sokka interpreted Zuko’s communication and Zuko got to have a (short) conversation with them, but what interested Zuko most was their _walls._ Even though Toph couldn’t see the paint, Sokka had still gone through the trouble to paint the walls in earthy tones, dark greens, beiges, and dark browns all swirling together in big swaths of color. Mountainsides and fields were painted on display on the walls of the somewhat small room, all with impeccable detail. Sokka might not have been able to draw, but he was one _hell_ of a painter. 

Saturday. Zuko wakes up early, somewhat out of excitement. Iroh’s visiting today, and though Zuko hates to admit it, he has missed his uncle. Sokka is company, annoying company, but Iroh’s definitely Zuko’s _favorite_ company. Roughly forty minutes after Zuko wakes up, a soft knock rings out against his door. The door creaks open and the familiar ponytail ( _wolf tail?)_ appears in the corner of Zuko’s vision. 

“Good morning, lizard boy!” _That’s a new one_. “It’s visiting day!” Sokka’s energy is contagious, and Zuko can feel his lips twitching into a smile. _Fuck yeah! Visiting day._ As he continues speaking, he props Zuko up. Sokka’s wearing a relatively subdued outfit today, his shirt cut into uneven squares with different blocks of mostly primary colors layering over to intersect with each other. His jeans are a cool washed blue and very distressed, some of which look like they’re supposed to be there, and some that seem to be inflicted from wear and tear. His shoes are the same style as his shirt, with beads threaded through the laces spelling out “WTR TRB”. His leather band remains firmly on his wrist, with the friendship bracelet of the day resting just above it. _How many of those does he have?_ His whale bone necklace gleams from its home on his neck, just like every day. _Does he ever take it off? Maybe he keeps it, since it looks so nice on him._

“We’ve only got, like, thirty minutes before people are supposed to show up, so-” Sokka’s cut off by the window opening from the outside. 

“Oh, thank the spirits, this is the right room.” Zuko’s eye flies to the source of the intrusion, landing on Jet’s form sliding into Zuko’s small window. “You have no idea how many wrong windows I went through.”

“Who the hell-” Sokka’s immediately cut off by Jet striding across the room with his arms open wide. 

“Hey there, rich boy!” Jet’s smile is bright, but Zuko’s too busy staring at his black eye to notice. “Ha, checking out the shiner?” 

“Visiting hours aren’t unt-” Sokka tries again, but Jet completely ignores him, shrugging nonchalantly. 

“Yeah, I know. Shut it. I’m here to visit. Obviously. I meant to come ages ago, but then I got suspended and then there was that whole mess to deal with. How ya been, darling?” 

“He can’t talk,” Sokka says bluntly, his eye twitching at the absolute audacity of this fool. “He’s _flowerless._ That’s why he’s _here._ At a _flowerless institution.”_

“I’m well aware, but look at him.” Jet runs a hand through Zuko’s hair. _Why is everyone touching my fucking hair? Does it look soft or something?_ “Baby looks like he could use some fun.” Jet leans in closer to Zuko, shooting him a quick wink and an air-kiss. _Flirt. Just like always._ Zuko’s used to this. It was uncomfortable the first few weeks, until Jet learned his boundaries and they settled into it.

Sokka looks bewildered and somehow, pissed at the same time. _Maybe because Jet climbed in the window…?_

“Anyway, some people were talking mad shit about you. That Aang kid tried being nice about it, but it didn’t work, so I took care of it. I’m suspended for the week, but who really cares? Not me, and certainly not you.” Jet plops on the bed beside Zuko, taking up Sokka’s normal spot and threading an arm around Zuko’s midsection to cuddle. Zuko feels the smile creep onto his face again. _I forgot just how much I liked Jet._ “I’ve missed having my partner in crime around! The club’s going well, but none of them have that…” Jet pauses, spreading his hand in the air. “ _Zuko-_ ness, yknow?” 

Zuko blinks twice, forgetting that it’s not Sokka.

“He said yes,” Sokka speaks up begrudgingly from the corner. 

“Oh! Once for no, twice for yes?”

“It’s more complex than-” 

“Doesn’t look like it. Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Jet leans against Zuko’s side. “I understand what you mean.” Zuko can see Sokka roll his eyes, and is suddenly glad he can’t laugh. “Oh! I stole this from Walmart for you. ‘Cause, like, fuck capitalism.” Jet reaches into his jacket, pulling out item after item from its seemingly bottomless pockets. _Does he just have endless pockets in there?_ Finally, Jet pulls out a small plush, settling it in Zuko’s lap. “Koala-sheep! I tried to find a turtleduck, but Walmart’s a bitch and didn’t have any.” Zuko’s eye falls to the koala-sheep sitting on his lap, feeling his smile get a little bigger. Jet starts stuffing his shit back into his pockets.

“He likes it,” Sokka says from his corner, his arms crossed over his chest and his foot kicked against the wall.

“I got that,” Jet answers dismissively. “He doesn’t smile, ever. Musta touched your heart real good, right sugar?” Zuko rolls his eye. Jet laughs again. Zuko likes Jet’s laugh. It’s rough, throaty, and more importantly, entirely contagious. 

Jet leans forward, whispering just loud enough for Zuko to hear. “Is he always this grumpy?” He asks, obviously referring to the sulking worker. One blink. “Huh. I must be rubbing him the wrong way.” 

Sokka scowls harder at the sight of Jet leaning towards Zuko’s good ear to mumble into it. Jet glances up, and, catching Sokka’s glare, shoots him a wink before leaning in to press a soft kiss to Zuko’s cheek. 

_What the fuck? What’s he playing at?_ Zuko questions, his eyebrow jumping and his cheek heating up. 

“For good luck!” Jet declares loudly. “Everyone needs a healing smooch every once in a while! Even you, loverboy!” 

“Oh-kay! That’s enough of that!” Sokka announces. “Out, now _._ I need to get Zuko’s breakfast.”

 _Damn, he must be_ **_pissed_ ** _-pissed if he’s calling me by my name._

“Aw, it was just getting fun! I can watch our little prince while you grab his food, don’t worry. I may steal plushies from Walmart but I don’t burn buildings down… anymore.” 

Sokka glowers at Jet. Then he makes eye contact with a bewildered Zuko, who can feel himself smiling more than he has since he’s been here. A sigh slips from Sokka’s lips. “Fine. I’ll be right back.”

Sokka slips out the door, throwing one more **look** at Jet. 

“He’s bitchy, huh?” Jet comments, leaning his head on Zuko’s shoulder, his arm loosely wrapped around Zuko’s waist. _Jet’s awfully cuddly today._ Zuko’s used to Jet hanging himself all over Zuko, but never this much. _And certainly no kissing! What the fuck was that?_

Jet continues filling Zuko in on what’s happened in his absence. “Oh, and you know Mr. Pakku? _Total_ asshole, as it turns out. Big disappointment. Thought he was gonna be cooler, but turns out he just sucks.” _Probably doesn’t help that you call him by his first name._ “The fact that he’s a _raging_ misogynist doesn’t help either. Won’t even let girls take his class! Piando’s trying to blackmail him or something? I think that’s what Bee told me.”

_Bee?_

“Oh! Right! Bee’s, well, she’s going by Bee now. Changing pronouns and all that. The uh, short one, remember? Anarchy At Its Finest vice president? Woulda been your role if you didn’t have that stick up your ass sophomore year. ” _Fuck off_. “I know it’s still up there somewhere, we gotta extract it.” 

_Disgusting._ Clearly it’s showing on his face, because Jet laughs his ass off. 

“Oh, I missed ya, sugarcube. You’re the only one who reacts positively to my jokes! Everyone else says they’re ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb puns’ but you! You actually like them!” Sokka steps back in, his jaw tightening as he sees Jet’s basically draped himself across Zuko’s lap, his feet kicked up against the wall. 

“Out. Or at least off of him. He needs to eat.” _He must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed or something, Agni above._

“Kill joy.”

“Thief. Get off.”

“Is that Jet I hear?” A voice calls from the hallway, and Haru steps into the room.

“Ru-ru! Babe!” Jet calls, flinging himself out of Zuko’s lap and into Haru’s arms. Haru lifts Jet up slightly as they hug. Zuko’s eye darts between the two. _Ah,_ **_that’s_ ** _Haru. Wonder how I didn’t connect the dots…_

“I missed you!” Haru mumbles to Jet, pressing a kiss to his head. 

“Wait? Haru, _this_ is your out-of-town boyfriend?” Sokka questions incredulously.

“Of course he is, dumbass. Would I be doing _this_ right now if he wasn’t?” Haru rolls his eyes.

Jet shoots Sokka a shit eating grin, standing up on his toes to kiss Haru. Sokka’s jaw is dropped open and he’s motioning at Zuko. “But he-” 

“It’s part of my charm, loverboy!” Jet cuts him off gleefully. “Zuko’s one of my best friends! I love my best friends, man! Am I not allowed to hug up on ‘em?” 

_Best friend? That’s… unexpected._ Sokka looks like he’s about to combust, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. _He’s flustered. Kinda cute,_ Zuko thinks absentmindedly.

“You alright there, Sock?” Haru asks, eyes narrowing.

“Fine!” Sokka’s voice breaks, splitting the word in two. “Oh, just peachy. I’ve been trying to feed my patient, who I’m supposed to be taking care of, and _your boyfriend,_ ” he points at Jet, “won’t stop draping himself over him.” 

“Oh, he’s just kinda like that. It’s his thing. Of course, as long as the other person is fine with it.” Haru shrugs. “Who pissed in your cheerios?” Sokka stutters, lost for words.

“I- my _cheerios?_ My cheerios _, Haru,_ are absolutely **piss free**.” Haru and Jet share a look, giggling. 

“Doesn’t seem like it.” 

“It’s not like your boyfriend _just climbed in my window_ half an hour before opening time, _Haru_.”

“Wh- the window, Jet? Really?”

“Aw, bud, I’m alright. No need to worry about me.” 

“That’s not what I’m talking about, you know that.”

“Yeah, I do! Let’s go get outta here, though, rich boy here needs to have some alone time with his ‘buddy’.”

Haru chokes on his laughter. Sokka seems to be at a loss of understanding, but Zuko can feel his _other_ cheek burning up, surely a bright red. _Jet basically just called him my_ **_boyfriend_ ** _. How does that even make sense? Jet was just_ **_on my lap._ ** _Besides, I-I don’t even like dudes._

“Alright, byeeee, babes! Enjoy breakfast!” Jet calls as Haru walks out of the room, holding the other boy's hand. “See you in a couple weeks, Zuko-my-boy!” 

As soon as the door closes Sokka says through clenched teeth, “I hate that guy.” Zuko rolls his eye. Sokka sighs, sitting into the empty space left by Jet. He picks up the stuffed animal in Zuko’s lap, putting it on the nightstand beside Zuko’s bed, then reaches for the tray piled with bowls and cups.

“We got oatmeal again!” _NO. Fucking digusting! I hate you, I hate oatmeal, GIVE ME WAFFLES AGAIN. THOSE WERE GOOD. Wanna know what’s not good?_ **_Fucking oatmeal._ ** “Open wide,” Sokka prompts him, bringing the spoon to Zuko’s mouth. Zuko clamps his mouth shut. “Come on, you’ve gotta eat.” Zuko looks at the corner of the room defiantly. _What’s up, spider buddy?_

Fortunately, the door opens, saving Zuko from an oatmeal-filled hell. Sokka throws his hands up. “Jet, I swear to fucking-” 

“Excuse me?” Sokka’s head snaps to the door, where Jeong Jeong stands with his arms crossed. 

“I uh- I-” 

“Come on, Sokka. Zuko’s family is waiting in the common room. Katara’s here too.” Jeong Jeong speaks levelly and calmly to Sokka, before turning to Zuko with a wide grin. “You ready to see your uncle?” Sokka shakes his head, apparently giving up on the oatmeal-- _sucks to suck, Sucka -_ -and instead easily lifting Zuko up, settling him into his wheelchair. _Why am I so easy to pick up? Or maybe Sokka's just weirdly strong._ Zuko's eye lingers on Sokka’s biceps. “And Sokka! No wheelchair-skating through the hallways today.” 

“You’re no fun!” 

“I’m aware.” Sokka rolls his eyes as he wheels Zuko out of the room, turning towards the common room. 

“You haven't been in there yet, have you?” Zuko blinks once, even though Sokka can’t see him. “It’s pretty cool, actually. I painted all the walls myself, each wall is based on one element. It was one of the first projects they gave me. The earth wall in there was basically my prototype for Toph’s room. Theirs is more swirly, though. They can’t see it, obviously, but that’s what they wanted.”

They turn around a corner, Sokka going glacially slow to spite Jeong Jeong and his ‘no wheelchair-skating’ rule.

“One wall is like the ocean, I did that one first. It’s not as good as the other three but I still really like it. Then there’s the earth one, it’s all blocky and stuff, like I said. Kinda like some really fucked up hills. Fire was next, I didn’t really wanna paint just straight up fire, because that’s basic and hard as hell to get on the wall. That one’s kinda complicated, it’s like, the side profile of a dragon, I guess? I know they’ve been extinct for awhile so I had to google what they looked like. And then there's air, I did a _dope_ air temple. That one’s the most detailed, it took me three weeks to finish, but I’m really happy with the result.”

Zuko looks up as the bustling common room comes into view, and _holy shit. Those murals are… astounding._ Sokka smiles proudly, looking around at all the art. A voice breaks through Zuko’s stupor. “Nephew!” Iroh calls, standing up from his chair. Zuko’s mouth takes over, curling into a large- but still closed- grin as he sees Iroh and Aang sitting at a table together, talking with a girl he’s never met. Sokka wheels Zuko over, greeting the girl with a wave.

“Katara! Meet Fireboy-- er, Zuko. Sorry you had to wait in here for a bit, I was being petty. Jeong Jeong pissed me off.” Sokka shrugs as Katara shakes her head, her hands on her hips. _Wait, I recognize her. She goes to my school, right?_ Zuko glances over at Aang, who’s smiling at her goofily. _Yeah, the non-chemistry chemistry girl. I remember hearing about her._

“Sokka, did you make that jasmine tea I got for Zuko?” Iroh questions.

“Oh! I did! He loves it, I’ve been making it every night! I’ll go brew up a pot now.” 

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” Iroh answers as Sokka turns on his heel, dashing out of the room. “No wheels on his shoes today?” 

“He removed the ones from his regular Heelys. He’s going to order more wheels, but first he’s trying to make “Heely Crocs” in our garage, and he insists they’re going to be the _next big thing_ , apparently,” Katara answers.

“Heely Crocs?” Aang tilts his head. “I could use a pair o’ those.”

“No way, Aang,” Katara groans. “Not you too. I never should’ve introduced you to Sokka, he’s gonna convert you to all his weird ways.”

Iroh, ignoring the two, turns instead to Zuko, taking one of his hands between both of his own. “I’ve missed you, nephew. Have you made any progress?” Two blinks. _Fuck. Where’s Sokka when you need him?_

“Oh! That means yes!” Katara realizes, before clearing her throat. “Sorry, Sokka talks about you a lot.” _He talks about me? Huh._ “Why, though, I’m not sure. I mean, you can’t even talk but he worships the ground you walk- er. Uh. Wheel on.” Zuko meets her steely gaze with his own. _She doesn’t like me. Great. I can deal with that, won’t bother me. How the fuck can someone you’ve barely met hate you?_ Zuko thinks back to when he first met Sokka. _Never mind._

“You’ve made progress? Are you willing to show us, Zuko?” Iroh questions, smiling encouragingly at his nephew. Zuko blinks twice, before sliding his eye shut and letting the world around him fall away. There’s nothing besides him, his uncle’s hand on his palm, and his breathing. _Those damned breathing exercises actually came in handy_ . _Long breaths in, short, controlled puffs out._ With an immense effort, Zuko squeezes his uncle’s hand, holding it there for a solid five seconds - _new personal best! -_ before his body gives out, his hand going lax yet again. Next thing he knows, Zuko’s been wrapped up in a hug, his face pressed against Iroh’s shoulder.

“Oh, nephew! This institution really is working out, isn’t it?” Iroh says, wide grin spreading across his face. Zuko pauses for a second, trying to figure out if it’s rhetorical, before blinking twice. Iroh finally untangles himself from his nephew, settling back in his seat, as Sokka rounds the corner, carrying four steaming cups of jasmine tea on his tray. _He really loves that dumb thing._

“Here we are!” Sokka exclaims, setting out a cup in front of everyone, except for Katara. Noticing Iroh’s questioning look, Sokka shrugs. “She says it’s not her thing. My tea just isn’t… her cup of tea.” Sokka cracks, his finger guns making their first appearance of the day. _Agni, that was awful._ Aang thanks him softly, letting the tea sit on the table to cool. Sokka grabs Zuko’s cup, raising it to his lips and letting him take a sip. _Terrible as always. Spirits, you’d think I’d get used to the taste at some point._ Zuko manages to hold back a frown

Iroh however, doesn’t. He takes a small sip, and stops, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head. Forcing himself to swallow, he turns a critical gaze to Zuko. “Zuko,” he starts, “have you actually been drinking this every _single_ night?” Zuko can’t bring himself to disappoint his uncle like this. Luckily - or not - Sokka’s here to answer. 

“Yep! Every single night!” 

“Sokka, young man… this is not _tea!_ There’s a difference between _quality tea_ and hot leaf garbage! What you’ve been making is of the second variation.” 

Sokka blinks. His eyes fall to Zuko, who’s refusing to make eye contact with anyone, choosing instead to find interest in that water mural. _Fuck, I thought Uncle would pretend it was good._ “Zuko, do you… not like the tea?” No blinks. _No blinks. No fucking blinks there’s no damn way he’s answering that fucking question._

“Of course he doesn’t like the tea! It’s undrinkable,” Iroh answers, a hand falling on Zuko’s shoulder. “He’s been drinking tea basically since the day he could walk, he knows good tea from… whatever this is.” _Not looking not looking not looking NOT looking do NOT._ Zuko looks up, catching a glimpse of Sokka. Sokka’s utterly confused, possibly devastated. _Uncle, you hurt his feelings! You’re not supposed to do that! You’re_ **_Uncle!_ ** “I can see you… probably tried your best. I don’t mean any offense, it’s just… Sokka, have you tried this?” Sokka nods miserably, pouting a bit. 

“None taken.” He turns away, “I thought it tasted good,” he mumbles under his breath. Aang takes a sip across the table, carefully keeping a mask of indifference but pushing the cup away from him a bit.

“I think it’s nice, Sokka,” he says kindly.

“Oh, dear boy! I need to teach you how to make _real_ jasmine tea!” Iroh exclaims. _PLEASE don’t do this now, Uncle! IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL._ “This is obviously a huge deal of utmost importance!” _UNCLE, GET BACK INTO MY HEAD. IT’S NOT. A BIG. DEAL._ Sokka stutters, his eyes flying to the clock. 

“Uh- as much as I’d love that and not be totally terrified by you- We only have a little time left and maybe you want to spend it with your nephew?” Iroh turns away from Sokka, who sags in relief, leaning in to whisper in Zuko’s good ear. “Spirits, he’s terrifying.” 

_He’s not terrifying, he’s just Uncle!_ Zuko watches Sokka’s dumbfound expression as he sips his own _admittedly trash_ tea. _At least you like it, Sokka._ Zuko feels a jolt of… affection? _Yeah,_ he decides, _affection. Sokka’s a good guy, a decent friend._

As the visit goes on, Zuko notices Iroh actively avoiding mentioning anything from home, and finds himself wondering if Father or Azula have asked about him. He wants to ask, but even as he strains to open his mouth, nothing happens. _Guess I’ll have to wonder in silence._ His eye falls on Aang and Katara, who are talking amongst themselves. 

“I still don’t understand why you’re having me tutor you in chem? You’re not taking it this year, you don’t need to prepare for next year or anything.” Aang states, and Katara’s cheeks light up red. 

“I just want to get a head start! That’s it!” she explains in a rush, and looks away, catching Zuko watching. Zuko raises his eyebrow, and she crosses her arms, shooting him daggers. Zuko tries to catch Sokka’s attention, but Sokka is busy pretending to be absorbed in anything other than Iroh’s direction. 

_I wish I could_ ** _fucking move!_** **Sokka. Sokka. Sokka. Sokka.** _Come on, dumbass! Sokka!_ ** _SOKKA!_** _SOKKASOKKASOKKASOKKASOKKASOKKA! Bitch, look at me! I have a question for Uncle!_ Sokka’s too busy “inspecting” his nails. _HEY! STUPID! LOOK AT ME! YOUR PONYTAIL LOOKS DUMB! UGH!_

An alarm on Sokka’s phone goes off. He looks at Zuko. _Yes! Yesyesyes! Look at me!_

“Looks like your visiting time is up, Fireboy.” _No! I have a question for Uncle!_ His mouth twitches towards a frown, furrowing his forehead. Glancing between Sokka and Uncle, Zuko tries to get Sokka to understand. _It’s just a question! How hard is it to understand that?_ Iroh’s standing now, gathering up his items and pressing a hand to Sokka’s shoulder. 

“Next time I see you, you better have that tea figured out.” Iroh raises an accusing eyebrow and Sokka laughs nervously, scratching his neck. 

“Yeah! Totally!” He shoots back, sighing with relief as Iroh turns his back to him, meandering out the door. _Uncle! Tell me about home!_ Iroh doesn’t hear Zuko’s thoughts. _Asshole! Just read them! Read my stupid mind! It’d be so much easier!_ Aang approaches Zuko, a smile on his face. 

“Don’t worry Zuko, I didn’t forget!” He exclaims as he whips a bunch of fire lilies out from behind his back. _Seriously, where the fuck is he keeping those?_ Sokka smiles gratefully at Aang. 

“Thanks, man, the ones in his room are withering and I’m trying to use them as a reference for his walls.” 

“For sure! I know his room is probably boring, and besides,” Aang motions at Zuko, who’s staring at the new flowers in his lap, “he’s so happy about it.” 

Zuko was not happy. _I don’t want_ **_flowers._ ** _I_ **_want_ ** _to ask Uncle a_ **_question!_ ** Sokka wheels Zuko out alongside Iroh, Aang and Katara following after them. Zuko’s looking at Iroh intensely, begging for him to notice. Iroh drops a heavy hand on Zuko’s shoulder, before pulling him into a tight hug. _Stop hugging me! I need to ask you something._ Shooting him a bittersweet smile, Iroh turns to leave. 

“I’ll see you in two weeks, my nephew.” He assures Zuko, before stepping outside. _Fuck._ Sokka goes through a complicated handshake with Katara. 

“I’ll see you at home, _kinnaķ!_ ” Katara smiles up at her brother. 

“Don't call me an idiot, _siķķuķtuķ_ ,” Sokka shoots back. 

“I am not stubborn!” she says, punching him in the shoulder. She turns to Zuko, shooting him a closed mouth smile. _Passive aggressive._ “Nice to meet you, Zuko. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again.” She speaks politely. _Hooray._ A grin breaks across her face as Aang joins her, patting Zuko’s shoulder good-naturedly. 

“I’ll see you later, dude. More fire lilies on the way!” _Spirits, he’s gonna drown me in these things._ Aang and Katara smile awkwardly at each other as they walk out the door.

“Well, that was fun!” Sokka comments, resting his weight on the back of Zuko’s wheelchair and leaning on his good side. _That sucked. Didn’t even get to ask Uncle about family._ “Let’s get you back to your room, _gik_ .” _Gik? That’s… new. What’s that even mean?_ Yugoda walks by as Sokka says this, stopping and leveling him with a firm look. “What?” Sokka questions, suddenly defensive. 

“ _Aatchikkaaņ_ , _Soh-Ka_ .” Yugoda says, her tone final. She walks away, leaving Sokka speechless. _What the fuck does that mean?_ Zuko wants to shout, but sits in silence as Sokka starts wheeling him back to his room. 

\---

“Come on, if you can show me one last time, I’ll be done with it. But you need to work on moving your hand _every day_ ,” Sokka explains, and Zuko huffs in displeasure. _I’ve done this like, five times now. I’m not a fucking circus monkey!_ He protests silently. “Just move your fingers.” _I know what you want from me, but I’m fucking tired! This is too goddamn hard, Sokka!_ “I know it’s tough, but you’re doing a great job. Just one more time.” _Don’t patronize me, asshat!_ “Come on! You can do it!” _I can’t fucking do it! Fuck off!_

Zuko’s hand responds to the unsent signal, his wrist twitching in response to the rage and holding his hand up, his fingers curling into a ball with his middle one standing out, tall and proud. _Huh_ . Sokka’s eyes go wide. _Oh shit, oh fuck, I hurt his feel-_

“Zuko! You flipped me off! You moved your hand and flipped me off!” Zuko’s eye was screwed shut, expecting anger but… all he heard was jubilation. His eye opens cautiously, watching Sokka’s hands. You can tell by the hands, always the hands. To his relief, they aren’t balled up, and Sokka’s shoulders aren’t carrying the tell-tale tension. In fact, Sokka starts _laughing._ Zuko likes his laugh too. He’s surrounded by boys with the best laughter.

“Can you do it again?” Sokka asks, dropping to his knees to make eye contact with Zuko. _Uh. I can try?_ Zuko’s wrist twitches, but he’s unable to force his fingers to comply again. He meets Sokka’s gaze. One blink. “Hey, that’s still pretty amazing!” Sokka, in his endless positivity, exclaims. And Zuko finds himself believing him. _Yeah, it is pretty amazing._

Sokka continues parroting praises as he changes Zuko’s dressing, pausing only to ask, “I’m going to touch, is that okay?” before he starts the ointment. He says it every time, waiting for Zuko to give him the okay before touching the sensitive skin, always with a feather-soft hand that surprises Zuko after spending a day with the high energy worker. 

Sokka lays Zuko down in bed, a small smile playing over his features. “It’s been a long day, sunshine. You should get some rest.” Zuko wholeheartedly agrees. _I’m fucking wiped._ He’s not even conscious long enough to make fun of Sokka shooting him his good-night finger guns. 

That night, Zuko dreams of shitty jasmine tea, its undeserved pride, koala-sheep, and those goddamn fire lilies growing on the shores of deep blue lakes. He wakes up searching for the flowers, and finds peace when he realizes they’re in the vase next to his bed, his koala-sheep standing guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a big ass "I LOVE YOU" to my co-writers and beta readers. It truly takes a village.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko spends time with Toph. Sokka pisses Jeong Jeong off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut Translations: 
> 
> Gik - good/pretty  
> Nakurmiik - thank you  
> Ilaali - you're welcome

Zuko’s staring at the fire lilies, unable to slip back into sleep when his door opens, announcing Sokka’s arrival. _He’s early._ Sokka creeps through the room, obviously not noticing Zuko watching his movements. He’s carrying something in each arm, something curled up and tucked safely under one and a small metal tin held securely by the other. Sokka grabs a chair, leaning it up against the wall he had started Zuko’s mural on. 

_What are you doing, Sokka?_ The other boy sets down the tin, stepping up onto the chair and unrolling the cloth he was carrying. It spread from one side to the other, attaching both ends to opposite sides of the wall. Now that it’s spread out, Zuko can read the beginning of it. “CONGRATS ON-”. _Congrats on what?_ Zuko asks himself. Looking a bit closer, he can see small paintings across the bit he can see. A cup of tea here. A koala-sheep there. Fire lilies growing out from the bottom of the “O” in congrats. Their faces smiling out at him. 

After the banner is successfully set up, Sokka turns to the metal tin, opening it carefully and setting it up, along with four separate plates. Zuko watches him through one half open eye, content enough to be off guard but curious enough to keep an eye on his careful movements. _He’s obviously trying not to wake me up._ Sokka turns around, shooting a quick glance at Zuko. _Fuck!_ Zuko’s eye snaps shut, pretending to be asleep. A beat or two passes, and the shuffling from the other side of the room continues. _He didn’t notice._ Zuko’s eye opens up slowly. 

Sokka’s now setting up a couple metal chairs; two of them. _Sokka sits next to me. What’s he doing?_ A set of footsteps sound from outside the hall, along with an indignant voice. “So not only do you get me up at the crack of dawn, but you get me out of bed without breakfast?” _Toph?_

“It’s not the crack of dawn, Toph, it’s only thirty minutes earlier than usual.” Haru answers, and Toph huffs. 

“Well it’s not like I could tell. I’m blind.” 

“We know, Toph. Besides, we’re here for a friend.” Haru wheels Toph in, shooting a quick smile at Sokka. “Now quiet down. Zuko’s sti-” 

“We’re in Sparky’s room?!” Toph nearly shouts, causing Zuko to nearly jump out of his skin. _Spirits, that’s a vibe change._

“Dammit, Toph, you woke him up!” Sokka complains, but there’s not a hint of malice in his voice. “Sorry about the alarm clock, Zuko. I was trying to surprise you, but…” 

“Sparky! You better have a good reason for dragging me out of bed!” Toph accuses him, pointing a finger towards the corner where Zuko’s spider-friend hangs out. Haru grabs them by the elbow, gently correcting them until they’re pointing at Zuko’s bed. _What in Agni’s name is going on?_ Zuko questions, finally being sat up by Sokka. 

Sokka leans in, mumbling into his good ear a greeting meant only for him to hear. “G’morning, _gik_.” Sokka’s breath fans out over Zuko’s cheek, leaving a shiver instinctively rolling through his body. Sokka steps back, an arm sweeping out to fully introduce the scene. “Surprise!” Sokka whisper-shouts, a wild grin appearing across his face. Now that Zuko’s sitting up, the banner is in full view. “CONGRATS ON FLIPPING ME OFF!” Zuko doesn’t even try to fight off the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“And that’s not all, Fireboy!” Sokka grabs the tin, tilting it towards Zuko so he can see what’s inside. A small chocolate cake is waiting, with a terrible icing job painting the majority of the surface brown and a poorly drawn… something... in yellow. _He really can’t draw for shit, can he?_ Zuko traces Sokka’s arms from the cake up to his shoulder, then to his face, which is absolutely beaming with pride. _He’s so proud of it, though._ Zuko blinks, finally noticing Sokka’s outfit. 

Today, he’s wearing a pink cotton button up with small, navy blue peace signs littering the fabric. Over it is a leather jacket, surprisingly plain except for a small pin with a purple line straight down the middle, the top colored pink and the bottom blue. _I wonder what that means._ The button up is tucked into some black jeans, though when Sokka turns around Zuko notices he missed the back, a tail of fabric peeking out from under the leather jacket. His shoes were chunky black Doc Martens with navy blue laces threaded through to match the peace signs on his shirt. The shoes were obviously thrifted, but all the scuffs and worn areas were covered with sketches of… _fucking Crocs. He’s addicted._

Sokka’s cutting up the cake into four equal pieces, having made it just big enough for the four of them. He hands Toph their own plate, and Zuko watches with a pang of envy as they raise a fork loaded with cake to their own mouth. _Must be nice,_ he thinks bitterly, before mentally shaking himself out of it. _It’s not their fault I can’t do that. Get a grip, Zuko._ Sokka takes a seat next to Zuko, two plates of cake in his lap and an uncertain smile on his face. 

“Hey Zuko, I just wanted to let you know how proud I was of you. And words didn’t… They didn’t really seem like enough, so I took action. I hope it’s not too much.” Zuko squints at Sokka. “Oh, right. Is it? Too much?” One blink. Sokka’s smile grows in both size and confidence, a dust of blush settling over his cheeks. “That’s good. That’s good.” 

Toph rolls their eyes. “Stop fl-”, they start, and are cut off by a cough from Haru. 

“Sorry, must have swallowed wrong.” He explains, shooting Toph a look they won’t receive. _Strange_. “I have to say, though, I’m impressed too. It took Toph nearly a month of straining to flip me off, and even then they weren’t completely able to do it.” 

“Yet you were devastated nonetheless.” Toph shoots back, a smirk pulling at their lips. 

“Oh yeah, couldn’t pull it together for the next week.” Haru responds, not missing a beat. “Sokka, what was the design on this supposed to be?” He suddenly questions, squinting at the yellow frosting.

“It was a middle finger emoji, isn’t it obvious?” Sokka answers, raising an eyebrow. 

“It astounds me that you’re _so good_ at painting and so awfully, terribly shitty at drawing.” Haru states as an answer, and Sokka shakes his head. 

“Well, _I_ think it looks great, Sokka!” Toph quips, shooting a wink in Sokka’s general direction. 

“Thank you Top- HEY!” Zuko watches the exchange play out in front of him, his chest warming from the inside out. _Spirits, I have some good friends here._ Sokka turns back to Zuko, lifting another forkful of cake to his lips. _Scratch that- amazing friends,_ Zuko revises himself as he accepts the bite, chewing it slowly and savoring the richness bursting over his tongue. 

“Dessert for breakfast, huh?” A voice speaks from the doorway, causing Sokka and Haru to look over. Yugoda’s standing in the frame, a rare smile playing over her lips. 

“Yugoda, I-” Sokka stands up as he starts to explain, but she holds up a hand to stop him. 

“I understand, Sokka _._ Enjoy your little party, but try to finish that cake up quickly. Jeong Jeong will be… a little less forgiving if he catches it.” Sokka sags with relief, before straightening his back in a sign of respect. 

“ _Nakurmiik,_ Yugoda.” Sokka shoots a winning smile at her, and she nods once. 

“ _Ilaali,_ ” she answers, stepping out of the doorway and letting it close behind her. Sokka turns back to the rest of the group, shrugging good-naturedly. 

“You guys heard the lady! Party on!” he exclaimed, plopping back into his designated spot and grabbing Zuko’s half finished cake. “You want the rest of this, _asik_?” Zuko blinks once. He never really liked sweets all that much, and no matter how good it tasted, it was still just too rich for him. Sokka shrugs, grabbing a clean fork and digging in. “I’ll finish it, then!” 

“What if I want it?” Toph pleads, and Sokka winks at Zuko, clearing his throat. 

“Oh no! How terrible, Toph! It’s all already gone! I’m such a pig!” he lies, grabbing another forkful of the over half a piece of cake left. Toph huffs, their bangs being moved slightly by the air escaping their mouth. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. And you wouldn’t lie to a blind person, would you?” Toph asks, and Zuko would be laughing if he could. _They totally know._ Sokka nearly chokes. 

“I would _never_ , Toph, and the fact that you would insinuate is not only hurtful, but insu-” 

“Hand it over, Snoozles,” Toph interrupts, holding their hand out for the plate, and Sokka sighs in defeat, relinquishing the half-eaten cake. 

“I was eating that,” he mourns as Toph takes a big bite, and Toph shrugs. 

“Make more when you get home, you’re obviously good at baking.” 

“You think I’m good at baking?” Sokka lights up so much he might just be able to replace the sun as Zuko’s favorite light source. _What?_

“Of course I do, dummy. I wouldn’t be manipulating you into giving me the last slice if I didn’t.” Sokka smiles to himself, glancing at the now empty tin. 

“Maybe I’ll have to bake more often. What do you think, lizard boy?” Sokka turns to Zuko, his eyes dancing in the sunlight. Two blinks. “Glad to have your support, buddy.” His hand drops on Zuko’s shoulder, giving him an affectionate squeeze. Zuko’s cheek lights up red, breaking eye contact with the taller boy. 

_What the fuck? Why is my face all hot?_ **_AM I BLUSHING?_ ** _That can’t be it. I’m probably just dying, it’s fine, Zuko. Or, this is the first bit of affection I’ve had since I was fucking… ten? That doesn’t sound right. Well, Uncle’s hugged me, but does that really count? He hugs everyone. Fuck, I’ve even seen him hug_ **_Father._ **Zuko blinks as he realizes Haru is staring at him, standing off to his left. Zuko gives him a nervous look, squinting involuntarily as Haru moves his hand subtly by his side. 

“Didn’t you hear me?” he asks, and _shit. I didn’t._ One blink, still watching that twitchy hand, his chest tightening with anxiety. 

“Haru, he can’t hear out of that ear. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Sokka explains, and Zuko’s eyebrow shot up. _You have?_ “Either speak a bit louder or stay on his right.” 

“Oh! Shit! Sorry, Zuko.” Zuko’s too busy thinking back on all his interactions with Sokka and _yeah. He’s almost always either speaking from my left and loud or on my right. But… he did it so smoothly I didn’t even notice. Shit. I need to pick up my awareness game. It’s been through the floor since I’ve gotten here._ “Zuko? Did you hear me?” Haru repeats himself calmly. Something about the way he says it, though it’s undisturbed, sends a chill shooting up his spine. _Fuck. Missed it again._ One blink.

“He wanted to know if you want to go outside.” Sokka leans down, repeating Haru’s question a bit closer to Zuko. Two blinks. _Fuck, why was I so nervous about that?_ “Alright, _gik,_ we can go.” Sokka shoots him a reassuring smile, but doesn’t say anything more about it. _Thank Agni for that. He’s already gone so far out of his way to deal with my_ **_fucking_ ** _deafness, at least he’s not outwardly pitying me. How did I not even fucking notice he was doing that? What the fuck! Spirits, he must think I’m an idiot._

Sokka’s lifting him into his wheelchair. _Why is my attention so fucked? I can’t get out of my_ **_fucking head_ ** _._ Sokka’s chattering away about his Heely Crocs. _I swear to Agni above, the second I can communicate I’m telling him how stupid that is._ Despite his absolute hatred for the idea, Zuko finds himself half listening to Sokka. _Or a quarter listening now, I suppose._ The excitement in Sokka’s voice as he talks about inventing and engineering is absolutely, undeniably contagious, and Zuko can just imagine the grin taking over Sokka’s face. _What a great smile._ Zuko stops himself for a second. _Where the hell did that come from?_

Zuko comes back to himself and realizes just how fast he’s going. _Wheelchair-skating._ Sokka’s behind him, whooping and hollering as they speed through the halls.

“ _Whooo! Hell yeah!!”_ Sokka calls, laughing freely, wildly, as they pass Kanna in her own wheelchair, with a bewildered look spread on her face. “COMING IN HOT, JEONG JEONG!” Jeong Jeong manages to jump out of the way as Sokka flies by.

“Sokka! What did I say!” 

“You said that yesterday! Nothing about today or tomorrow!” Sokka answers, and Jeong Jeong goes to yell something back. Sokka kicks against the ground, picking up speed to leave Jeong Jeong in the dust. “Sorry, can’t hear you!”

Zuko feels himself laugh. _Laugh._ It’s only one short snort, but as far as he’s concerned he’s just lost his breath cracking up. It’s been so long since he’s laughed. Sokka comes to a dead stop, jumping off the support beam beneath Zuko and landing on the floor once again. 

“Did you just _laugh?”_ Sokka asks, breathless from cheering and laughing. His hair is an absolute, amazing mess, strands of hair untucked from his ponytail and falling around his face. Two blinks. “Holy shit. I did it. I made a _flowerless emo_ laugh.” One blink. _I am not emo, thankyouverymuch._

They step outside and Sokka rolls out the blanket, looking around. “Looks like Toph and Haru aren’t here yet,” he comments, once again lifting Zuko with ease and setting him down gently. “Probably too busy being lame.” As Sokka plops beside Zuko, he reaches up and undoes his hair, letting it fall down completely. _Holy shit._ His hair stops right as his jawline starts, silhouetting it and- _Shut UP, Zuko._ Without a glace at Zuko, Sokka quickly fixes his hair back into his signature wolf-tail, shooting a crooked grin at Zuko when he’s got it fixed. 

“What can I say? I’m all about the vanity.” _I’m aware._ Sokka reaches over to muss up Zuko’s hair, smiling fondly. “There. Fixed your bedhead. For someone who can’t turn in his sleep, you sure get sticky-uppy hair.” 

_Really? Sticky-uppy? That’s not even a word, Stukka._

“Hey, bitches!” Toph calls, from what Zuko is assuming the back door of the building. 

“Yo!” Sokka says back, leaning away from Zuko so he’s not shouting in his ear. 

Toph is set next to Zuko, and they pat Zuko’s chest, moving their hand until they make their way to his own. 

“What took you lame-os so long?” Sokka asks, flicking Haru’s knee as he settles onto the blanket.

“Shut up, dick. We stopped in the kitchen so Toph could get some water. Jeong Jeong hates you now, by the way.”

“Pshhh. He doesn’t hate me.”  
  


“He called you a buffoon.” 

“He would never. I know him better than that,” Sokka says, playing up the drama in his voice by putting a hand on his chest. 

“I’m his favorite volunteer now,” Haru preened, putting on the show with Sokka.

“ _No,”_ Sokka gasped.

“Yes!” 

“It’s true. I heard it,” Toph offers. Sokka shrugs dramatically, throwing himself against Zuko’s shoulder. 

“Guess I’ll die.” 

“Jeong Jeong will be pleased,” Haru says, rubbing his hands together. 

“Oh, fuck no.” Sokka sits up. “No longer dead. Jeong Jeong can go piss himself.” 

Toph and Haru crack up. Giggling, Toph says, “I’m telling him you said that.”

“No you are _not,”_ Sokka says, reaching in front of Zuko to smack Toph’s forearm playfully. “I’ll be fired. What will our poor lizard boy do?” _Not much I_ **_can_ ** _do._

“Mmh. Die, probably?” Haru offers up, still chuckling.

“Yeah, that makes sense. Who’ll put ointment on his burn without me there?”

“Wait, Sparky’s _what?”_ Toph asks, patting Zuko’s hand three times. Haru and Sokka make wide eyes at each other. _Oh, shit, I forgot they couldn’t see._

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal,” Sokka says offhandedly, seeing Zuko’s _look._

Toph seems to accept the answer, moving on quickly. “Annnyways, I have something to tell you.” Toph immediately holds up their fist, flipping off Zuko. _Oh, fuck yeah._ Zuko sticks up his own middle finger, and they’re flipping each other off. Sokka and Haru laugh, filling the clearing with palpable joy.

  
  


\--

“C’mon, F- Zuko, you can do it,” Sokka encourages, glancing at Yugoda. She frowns.

“Are you sure he actually did it?”

“Definitely!!” he turns to Zuko,”You remember, don't you?” Two blinks.

“And it wasn't just a spasm?” Yugoda asks, unconvinced. _Well I technically didn't do it on purpose but they don't need to know that. I was trying to move something, so that counts right?_

“Sokka, we've been trying for ten minutes, he’s neither laughed nor ‘flipped me off _’_ , I am seriously doubting he did either in the first place,” Yugoda says, eyebrows coming together. 

“But-” 

“No, stop wasting my time with this. Either leave now or get the boy to move. I have work to do.” Sokka looked hopefully at Zuko but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't even flex his fingers. _UGH stupid fucking fingers, fucking move for fucks sake._ Zuko looks apologetically at Sokka but the boy isn’t looking at him, as he wheels him back down the corridor to his room.

“Zuko, what was that? You didn't even move a bit!” Sokka looked so disappointed, Zuko can't help feeling guilty. _I really tried, okay?_

After Sokka leaves that night, Zuko tries to move again. He spends ten minutes watching helplessly as his useless hands fail him again and again. _Just move stupid things, you were fine when we were with Toph and Haru, whats your problem now?_ He channels all the energy into his body and just focuses on moving one hand. His outstretched hand curls in on itself as if it's grabbing onto something. Zuko is speechless. Well- as speechless as a person who can't talk can be. He slowly uncurls them, taking a deep breath and focusing on his hand once again. And they curl and uncurl again.

_What the fuck, what the actual fuck. I did it, I moved them! Even more than before._

He looks around for Sokka beaming at him, deflating as he remembers it's nighttime and Sokka's gone home. Zuko tries one more time, forcing his hand to curl in on itself and holding it until it’s trembling, holding it until it hurts, holding it until he physically can’t hold it anymore, then finally lets his hand relax, sighing to himself. He should probably go to sleep.

That night Zuko dreams of waters made choppy by a storm of disappointment being swept up into a whirlpool of Zuko’s own design, the defeat in Sokka’s voice following him all the way down. Zuko wakes up in a cold sweat, Sokka’s words ringing in his ears and tears in his eyes.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first of all; thank you guys so much for the comments and support on this story. It's been literally jaw-dropping to see the positive response to this. My original story with this AU never picked up too much steam, so to finally see what I think is my best literary idea be received well means so much. On top of that, watching how happy my co-writers get in our writer's discord when we get an especially kind comment or break a new benchmark in hits, kudos, etc. makes my heart soar.  
> We started out saying "We don't care if anyone reads this or not, we're just having fun" and that's still true. But it's really nice for our work to be recognized. Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko gets lost in his head. Haru's a bad wingman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut Translations
> 
> Gik - good/pretty

“ _Gik.”_

_What?_

Zuko’s eye focuses again. Sokka is so close he’s practically touching nose-to-nose, worried eyes watching him. Zuko blinks a few times, feeling his face get hot. _Why is he so close?_

“Are you okay? I came in and you didn’t notice, it didn’t seem like you heard anything I said.”

Briefly, Zuko considers blinking once. Two blinks. 

“Good. It’s visiting day! And you get to see Toph again. They’ve been busy with physical therapy all week. At least that’s what Haru told me.” 

_When did Sokka lift me to sit up?_

“I’m pretty sure Aang isn’t coming today, Katara said they’re hanging out. I’m pretty sure they’re secretly dating, but who knows. Sorry Fireboy, I know how much you like him and his firelilies,” Sokka rambles on. 

_Fuck, it’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?_

“So, did you like breakfast? Voak’s waffles are great. I snuck a bite when you weren’t paying attention, sorry.” 

_Shit._ Two blinks. A weight settles on Zuko’s lap.

“How’ve ya been these past couple weeks? Sorry I didn’t show up last visit day, sweets. I had some trouble come up, but I’m here now!” 

Jet. He’s plopped onto Zuko’s lap, Sokka sitting on the very edge of Zuko’s bed so that there’s room for all three of them. _Fuck. I wish I could just_ **_focus._ **

“He’s kinda weird this morning,” Sokka says, watching Zuko intently. 

“Aw, are you feeling all right, sugar?” Jet asks, settling himself so that just his legs are draped over Zuko’s. Jet says something else, but Zuko can’t process it as his mind sinks further into the fog.

  
  


“He had days like this sometimes,” Jet is saying quietly, “where he fades in and out.” 

“Yeah?” Sokka sounds upset. 

“He’ll be fine. Just not super… _there._ ”

_I didn’t know Jet noticed that._

“Hm… thanks.” 

“No problem, babes.” 

“Babes?” Sokka asks, amused. 

The conversation is drowned out by crashing waves of silence washing over Zuko’s head. 

  
  


“Bye-bye! See you next week, honeys!” Jet is leaving, _through the door, weirdly enough_ , calling out in singsong behind himself. 

“Hm. Jet isn’t as bad as I thought!” Sokka remarks cheerfully, lifting Zuko into his wheelchair. “Seems like an alright dude now that he’s not in the way of your breakfast.” 

_Breakfast…? Oh, right, I guess I ate._

“Ready to see your uncle?” 

_Probably?_

  
  


“No wheel-chair skating today. Jeong-Jeong put a lifetime ban on it. Usually I would ignore him, but if you’re feeling kind of low today, it’s probably best if we don’t,” Sokka says, the words suddenly clear against the blankness in Zuko’s ear. “We can next time, mmkay?” Two blinks. It’s almost instinct now, even if Sokka can’t see it. _How are we almost to the room?_

“Zuko, are you all right?” Iroh is asking and _oh fuck shit fuck I wasn’t able to hear fucking_ **_hell_ ** _Agni--_

“He’s kinda off today,” Sokka says, sitting beside Zuko. He’s watching again, his eyebrows coming together to make a deep furrow between them. _Ugh._ _Stop that._

“Is everything going well with his treatment?” Iroh’s worried too. _Come on._

“Oh! He’s doing great, Iroh. There’s so much progress. He’s just having a thinky day, I guess.” 

There’s more, but Zuko’s mind won’t let him listen. Days like these are filled with blank spots. It’s more like one giant blank spot, splashed with color. He knows he’s hearing this, he knows he’s seeing it all; but instead of falling on one deaf ear and one broken eye, it’s two. _Agni,_ Zuko hates these days. 

  
  


“Bye, Iroh. Sorry he wasn’t really responsive today.” 

“Don’t linger on it, young Sokka. There are days when healing is difficult. It is not my place to judge.”

Sokka is waving goodbye now, there’s sun on Zuko’s face. He can’t bring himself to care enough about it to enjoy the warmth. 

“I know you can’t really hear me, or whatever is going on, but I think you shouldn’t do much else today,” Sokka says. “You can probably talk to Toph tomorrow.” 

_Is the visit over? Fuck. I missed it. Fuck._ ** _Fuck!_** _Why won’t my brain just let me fucking concentrate! Stop it! This is so fucking stupid!_ ** _I’m_** _fucking stupid! I shouldn’t even be in this goddamn place. I should be_ ** _fucking able to talk._** _I should still be at home!_

Zuko doesn’t realize he’s snapped out of himself, distracted by his own frustration. 

_I shouldn’t have this dumb fucking burn. I shouldn’t be fucking_ **_deaf_ ** _in one ear. I shouldn’t have failed that goddamned test. I shouldn’t have tried to sneak into the kitchen._

“Oh, shit, I have to go early tonight, I forgot,” Sokka says, interrupting Zuko’s thoughts. “Ergh, is it alright with you if we stop in Gran-Gran’s room? She doesn’t get a lot of visitors besides me, Katara and Dad, so she’ll appreciate it. Oh, shit, right. Forgot. I guess you’ll be okay for twenty minutes.” 

_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Not like it’ll get me fucking out of here. Won’t fix me. Nothing you do will fucking fix me. I should be left on the side of the street for the rats._

  
  


There’s a short pause, where it seems like Sokka might be considering what he says next. He kneels in front of Zuko and catches his eye, pulling Zuko back into the present. _What. The fuck. Do you want._

“Is this… is this my fault, Zuko? I didn’t mean to come off as harsh last night, I just-” And Zuko was thrown back into the furthest corner of his mind, unable to follow along long enough for Sokka to try to explain himself. 

Instead, Zuko finds himself remembering the _incident_ . In vivid detail, he could see Father’s anger. _Not anger. Disappointment._ In his memory, he overwrites Ozai’s face of cold passiveness. _Yeah, he was definitely disappointed. He knows I could do better. Shit._ The bandages on Zuko’s face are overwhelming, itchy and hot and _it’s too much_ . _I need these off. I need these off. I NEED THESE OFF._ His head starts shaking spasmodically, twitching and shaking beyond Zuko’s control. 

Sokka’s voice weaves its way back into Zuko’s consciousness. “Zuko…” It keeps fading in and out, but Zuko could hear the twinge of panic. “Zuko! … are you… doing? How… help? Zuko! … Zuko!” It was all too much. Zuko could feel the walls around him crumbling, the middle brick being torn out and the rest all falling to pieces. 

_Get off. Get_ ** _off._** _GET OFF OF MY FACE._

The colors on the walls are too much, it’s too bright, they’re _in_ Zuko’s head. _Get out._ **_Get out._ ** It’s hurting, it hurts his eyes- _eye, ag- fuck-_ , it hurts, _stop hurting me._ Sokka’s outfit is the cherry on top of the shit-sundae, the bright pink swimming in his vision. 

_Stop. Stop it,_ **_stop it!_ **.

  
His clothes feel like they’re digging into Zuko’s skin, too hot _too hot_ ** _stop it._** Sokka’s hand rests on Zuko’s cheek, and Zuko can feel himself jerk away, his eye wide and crazed, because Sokka’s hand feels like fucking sandpaper. The voice tumbling through Sokka’s lips _doesn’t sound like Sokka. That’s not my Sokka. Where is Sokka?_ Zuko squeezes his eye shut, willing that- that _thing_ to go away, and next time it opens- 

He’s alone. 

His heart is pounding. The silence is goddamn deafening. 

“He’s-- I don’t know what’s wrong! He won’t communicate, he won’t make eye contact like normal, he won’t-” Sokka’s voice continues weaving its way through the cracks in his subconscious. _That’s Sokka. That’s_ **_real_ ** _Sokka._

“Calm down, Sokka, he’ll be okay.” _Who is that? I can’t tell-- I don’t want them! I want Sokka only Sokka only-_

Sokka. There’s an arm around his shoulder, a gentle voice speaking in his good ear. _Fuck. I only have one good ear._ “ _Hush now, it will be all right.”_

  
  
  


Zuko’s sitting on his bed, staring at the corner in which his spider buddy lives. 

“Are you… there, buddy?” 

Sokka’s sitting next to him, way closer than his usual spot, close enough that their knees brush. _What the fuck, fuck fuck._ Two slow blinks. Zuko can almost literally feel the relief rolling off of him. “Thank La, I was- I was gonna lose my shit, Zuko.” Zuko feels a twinge of guilt. _Fuck fuck fuck._ **_And_** _he called me Zuko. He’s not supposed to do that._

Zuko realizes there’s a weight in his hand, and he glances down to confirm his suspicion. Sokka’s hand is resting on top of Zuko’s. _Damn, he was really worried._ Zuko closes his eyes for a second, taking a couple deep breaths and focusing his energy into his hand, like he did the night prior. Another deep breath, and Zuko’s hand responds, flipping over so their palms are together, his fingers loosely grabbing onto Sokka’s hand. _He needs to know I’m okay. He needs... comfort?_

Sokka makes a choking noise in the back of his throat. _No! You’re supposed to feel better now! That’s how it’s supposed to work!_ Sokka’s hand is snatched away from Zuko, leaving the other confused and slightly lost. He glances at Sokka’s face, whose cheeks are red. _Agni, he’s pissed._ _Fuck. Fucking fuck I shouldn’t have done that._

“That’s new,” Sokka says, and something in his voice wavers. _Not mad…? Maybe just good at hiding it?_ Sokka turns away, taking a deep breath before returning to face Zuko. _Oh my fucking-- he’s pissed. He’s_ **_pissed._ **Zuko flinches as Sokka reaches towards him again, his breath stuttering in his chest. Zuko’s waiting for the hit to come, but instead a gentle hand lands on his arm. 

“What’s wrong, _gik?”_

Zuko’s breath catches in his chest yet again, but for a completely different reason this time. _Relief. Right? Yeah. Relief._

“Is it me?” Sokka’s arm recoils close to his chest, as if Zuko burned him. _No!_ One blink, squeezing shut as harsh as he can, as if he can get his panic across. “Oh. That’s… good?” 

Two blinks. Sokka swallows, relief rolling off his shoulders. “Do you… know what that was? Earlier?” One blink. _It was terrifying, is what it was._

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” 

They sit for another couple of minutes, Sokka chewing the inside of his cheek. _What’s going on in that thick head?_

“I still have to go early,” Sokka confesses eventually, dropping his arm back down. “My dad’s only here for a couple weeks. He’s a deep sea fisher, and that takes him away for, like, months at a time, so we don’t get a lot of time with him. I’m taking two days off, actually. I said it earlier, but, um. You probably didn’t hear.” Zuko just watches Sokka carefully, gaze flicking between Sokka’s arm and face. _The hands. You can always tell by the hands._ Sokka’s hands are messing around with something in his fingers, flipping it between them and sliding it through deftly. _He’s got nice fingers._ Zuko squints, trying to make it out. _A coin?_ “Uh, Haru will be taking care of you while I’m gone. He’ll change your bandage and everything.”

Zuko blinks twice, drawing a smile out of Sokka. “Thanks for understanding, Fireboy.” He answers gratefully, leaving the other with the start of a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. 

"And, I, um, want to let you know," Sokka starts, uncomfortably messing with the string of his shoe, "I'm sorry, if I, um, fucked up, earlier.” Zuko’s eyebrows (eyebrow…?) draw together. _What the fuck is he talking about?_

Sokka is avoiding looking at him now. "When I scared you. It's-- I wanted to help. I'm just not good at that, I guess. Sorry.” Zuko’s eye widened. _Sokka never talks like this, what’s he up to?_ Zuko’s hand clenches at the empty air, in a futile attempt to grab for Sokka’s hand. _Stop feeling bad, dipshit! It's fine!_ “I don’t really get what I did to make you flinch away like that, but… I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel unsafe around me.” Sokka says the last sentence quietly enough that Zuko has to strain to hear him. _I’m not- I’m not scared of you! I just-_ **_fuck._ ** _What’s wrong with me? Well. I know what's wrong with me already._

"Sokka?" the door was apparently cracked open, a familiar face peeking through framed by two strands, fastened into her hair. _Katara_. “I’m here to pick you up, you weren’t out front.” She shoots a look at Zuko, barely letting her gaze run over him. 

"Sorry, 'tara.” Sokka shoots Zuko a sympathetic smile, reaching over as if to ruffle his hair, then quickly recoiling, reeling his hand back before touching a hair on Zuko’s head. _Why is he acting like it hurts to touch me? Sokka?_ “I’ll- uh. I’ll see you in a few days.” Sokka says, the words sounding fake, dropping a semi-fond smile before turning his back on Zuko, and walking out. _Sokka, wait! What did I do?_ The door clicks softly behind Sokka’s retreating form, and Zuko’s left staring at the spider and wrestling with the hole caving in his chest. 

\--

Later, Haru appears in the doorway, shooting Zuko a bright smile. “Hey, bud, Sokka wanted you to talk to his gramma. I know it’s tough for you to communicate, but even being around her will help her road to recovery. Are you okay with that?” Two blinks. “Great!” Haru grabs Zuko’s chair, steering him towards the other end of the facility. 

Something felt wrong; Haru doesn’t push Zuko right. _Agni, how do I even judge someone’s pushing?_ Zuko doesn’t know, he just knows it wasn’t **right.** He goes too slow and somehow too fast at the same time. W **i** thout too much choice, Zuko bites his lip and sucks it up. His eye trails along the wall, watching the paintings show the progression of a flower blooming, from a small seed surrounded by brown to a tall and proud sprout of lilacs, exploding in a vibrant but simultaneously soft purple, little blue flecks adding to the dimension. 

_He’s talented, I’ll give him that. I’m excited to see what he’ll do to my room._ Haru breaks the slightly uncomfortable silence that fell between the two. “Admiring Sokka’s work?” Zuko couldn’t be bothered to blink a response. _He can’t see anyway, what’s it matter?_ “He’s been painting as long as I’ve known him. He wasn’t always this good, you know. It almost makes me hopeful that someday he’ll figure out how to draw.” Haru pauses for laughter, seemingly forgetting that Zuko _can’t laugh, dick._ Haru clears his throat, the awkward silence returning ten-fold. “So…” Haru tries again, “what was up with your freak out earlier?” 

Zuko immediately stiffens, his fist clenching in his lap of its own volition. “I suppose you can’t answer, huh?” _I wouldn’t if I could._ “It scared the shit out of Sokka. He was going insane. ‘Oh! I broke Zuko! Oh no! Zuko’s short-circuiting!’ The guy never stops talking about you.” Haru continues, unaware of Zuko’s obvious discomfort. “Anyway, here’s Kanna’s room.” A distant memory echoes through Zuko’s mind, his former inner monologue filled with spite. _Gamma? Gammy? Augh, what does he call her… Gram-Gram? That sounds right to me._

Zuko looks up as he comes to a stop, staring into the wrinkled face of a lady who had shed many tears, but shared many more laughs. A lady who had lived many lives. A small smile graces her face now, as Zuko blinks at her in his best attempt at a greeting. “Remember, Kanna, one for no, two for yes.” Haru walks out, leaving Zuko and Kanna in semi-privacy with the door left slightly cracked. 

Zuko tracks Kanna’s hand as she reaches over to a small screen hooked up to her wheelchair. _What in Agni’s name is that?_ She hits a couple buttons, and a voice cracks through the speakers, robotic but somehow conveying the warmth she radiates. 

“Hello, Z...u...k...o…” she types, and Zuko’s eye widens in astonishment. _A text to voice app… that’s genius!_ She takes a second again, typing something else in. “ Handsome young man .” She states, and Zuko can feel his walls literally melting. _I feel- safe._ Zuko breaks eye contact with her, blinking once. He heard some fast tapping, before “ not a question. Statement. ” Zuko’s cheek lights up, burning furiously. A hand reaches over, laying on top of his gently. "My S...o...k...k...a…picks well." _What in Agni’s name is this woman on about?_

“You have met my K...a...t...a...r…a…?” She asks, and he blinks twice, thankful for the change in subject. “With A...a...n...g…?” Zuko breaks eye contact again, his only form of shrugging. Kanna revises herself, “A...a...n...g… likes her?” _Why is she so obsessed with our relationships?_ Zuko can’t just leave her hanging, though, and gives her two blinks, hoping it's what she wants. She lights up with a grin. “Fantastic. Good. Great. Great. Great.” _Is she hitting the same button over and over again?_ Zuko’s eye lands on her tablet, watching her fingers awkwardly dance over the keypad. _Toph can talk, this lady can communicate, and I just fucking blink. Great. Bet all, like, twenty patients in this goddamned building can probably talk shit about me aloud._ Zuko huffs. 

“What is wrong?” Kanna asks, shooting a sad smile at Zuko. “You are sad. Want to talk about it?” She asked, tilting her head. _You know what, I do wanna talk about it._ Zuko struggles to force his mouth open, but all he gets from his efforts is irritation and hopelessness. Zuko sighs to himself, catching Kanna’s gaze and blinking once. _I’ll deal with it myself. I always do,_ he thinks, ignoring the pained ringing in his chest. 

  
  
  
  


\--

That night, Haru helps feed Zuko, an attempt that Zuko’s more than okay with. _Agni, I’m starved._ But when Haru reaches for Zuko’s bandage, Zuko flinches away. _What the fuck, Zuko? He's not going to hurt you. Stop._ But when Haru tries again, the same flinch happens. Haru stops trying after that. 

“That’s alright. Sokka said you didn’t have a great day. He and Fale had to calm you down.” 

_Fale?_

“You haven’t met Fale yet, have you? She’s a worker here. She fills in, usually, when people take off days, but Sokka didn’t want anyone else to take care of you while he’s gone. Something about how it stresses you out to meet new people, I think. So I’ve got you, Fale’s probably teaching Toph some new swears.” Haru laughs to himself, a fond smile falling over his lips. 

“Uh, by the way, Sokka asked me to have you work on your hands.” Haru reaches into his pocket, grabbing a small ball and opening Zuko’s hand to press it into the palm of his hand. He put his hands on either side of Zuko’s loosely cupped hand, keeping the ball in place, and shot an encouraging smile to Zuko. “Just close your fingers around it.” 

Zuko’s eye narrows in concentration, taking a deep breath reaching for his energy. He could feel it locked in his core, but with a little bit of concentration he was able to wiggle it free. _I hate to admit it, but it really does get easier with practice. Maybe soon I can just move._ Zuko refocuses, directing the energy to flow along his arm and through his hand, finally coming to rest between his five fingers. And with that, Zuko opened his eye and his fingers curled around the ball. Haru broke out into a smile. 

“Zuko, you did that so quick! Great job!” Haru praised him, and Zuko blinks twice, glancing off to the side. _Sokka would’ve been jumping for joy._ Haru pushes Zuko through the exercise three or four more times, each round leading Zuko to be less and less interested in it, until finally Haru decides to leave him alone. 

Haru helps lay Zuko down and walks to the door. He hovers awkwardly by the door as he contemplates what to say, before finally settling on “Night, dude.” _Agni, we’re so weird without Sokka around._ Zuko’s eyes are heavy and he’s exhausted. Dissociating so strongly will do that to you. Sliding his eyes shut, Zuko hefts out a final sigh as he drifts to sleep. 

That night, Zuko dreams of the awkward silence between two mutual friends, missing the dynamic piece between them. A soft robotic voice speaks in the background, reassuring Zuko as best it can, and as he curls in on himself he notices a small flower growing next to his foot. Zuko reaches over to pick it, but as he pulls at the stem it just continues growing until it’s a bloom of lilacs so large it surrounds him, protecting him from the eyes of the outside world. When he wakes up, the lingering smell of lilac follows him from the dream world. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh? an update?  
> thanks again to my co-authors, i'm love u


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka returns. Zuko shows off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> atatak - dad  
> asik - my dear  
> gik - lovely, pretty

_Sokka’s coming back today. Sokka is coming back today! Sokka’s coming back today._

Zuko is staring at a dark ceiling, thinking about Sokka coming back to Elemental Regrowth. It’s been _five days_ since Sokka left, because according to Haru, Sokka had decided at the last moment to take a few more days off. In this time, Zuko had spent most of his time alone, as Sokka didn’t leave his clipboard somewhere they could find, and Haru had training to do with some other worker, or something. Zuko wasn’t paying much attention to what he said after he told him Sokka was staying home for a couple more days. 

_He’s coming back. Today. Sokka is coming back today._ Zuko wishes he could hold back the smile on his face. It’s weird. Even though he can barely move the corners of his mouth, he smiles so much more often now. _Sokka’s coming back today._

He has to wait another _hour_ for Haru to come get him. He’s abysmally slow, and doesn’t spend the same amount of time with him that Sokka does. Zuko supposes he can’t blame him, it’s not exactly part of their job to spend every minute of every day with the patients, Sokka just does. With all of this freetime he’s found himself with, Zuko’s been working on his hand movements, and has made tremendous progress, progress that Haru’s unaware of because Zuko will be damned if Sokka’s not the first to see. Zuko focuses on his hands, clenching his fingers with a practiced ease, and slowly twisting his wrists, flipping his hand from one side to the other, and back again. _Hell yeah, I just need to start working on moving my fingers separately_ , Zuko thinks, a pleased smile tugging at his lips and the more and more familiar feeling of pride lighting up in his chest. 

It took Zuko a while to finally realize that’s what he feels every time he hits a new milestone. _It’s crazy that it took until I’m in a literal rehabilitation program for me to find this feeling. That feels a little fucked up._ Before Zuko can dive further into that depressing self psycho-analysis, the door creaks open. Zuko drags his eye to greet the source of the intrusion, hoping against hope that Sokka came back a couple hours early. Of course, his hopes are crushed when he registers Haru’s voice ringing through the room. 

“Wakey-wakey, grumpy!” _Stop calling me grumpy._ “It’s time for breakfast!” Zuko shoots him a withering glare as Haru sits him up. “Before though, any chance you’ll let me change your bandage?” One harsh blink. “Shit dude, I had to ask.” Haru holds his hands up defensively. “Anyway, we’ve got some parfait! Greek yogurt topped with granola, blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, and bananas!” _...that’s acceptable._ Haru sits in Sokka’s spot, a fact that always bothers Zuko- _stop trying to replace him_ \- and reaches for Zuko’s morning meds. “Open wide!” he directs, reaching over to plop Zuko’s meds in his mouth. Zuko dry swallows his pills, per usual, opening his mouth to accept the bite Haru’s offering. 

Haru’s chattering on about the new employee, Hahn, not seeming to notice Zuko’s lack of interest. “He gives me weird vibes, like he’s just kind of doing this work for the sake of saying he did it. I dunno man, maybe I’m paranoid.” _God, parfait is good_ . “Like, he doesn’t seem to be any good with the patients and he doesn’t really try.” _Is this fresh fruit?_ “I guess we can’t turn down the help though, we’re starting to need more and more workers.” _I need to eat parfaits more often._ “Anyway, you must be excited about seeing Sokka again, huh?” Zuko perks up at Sokka’s name. “He won’t be here until noon or so, but I’m sure you can wait that long.” _Of course I can wait that long, I’m not a child._

\--

Zuko can barely wait that long. He’s staring at the clock ticking at the wall, watching each second pass glacially slow. _Tick, tick, tick, tick… I’m going crazy._ Zuko clenches his fingers into the palm of his hand, his eye impatiently following the clock. _11:55, where is he? Haru said around noon! Stupid fucking Haru._ Forcing himself to try to focus on something else, Zuko glances to the corner of his room, finding his little spider-buddy doing their thing. _What’s up, dude? I hope you know you’re the best roommate I’ve ever had. Thanks for keeping the flies away. What’s that? You say I’m welcome? You say you know they bother me and you don’t want me to be bothered? What a pal._ Glance to the clock. _11:56? Come on! I just had a fifteen minute conversation with my spider!_ He perks up as he hears footsteps approaching his door, deflating quickly as they pass without so much as a pause at the threshold. 

Zuko’s eye slips shut, a sigh of boredom and frustration slipping through his lips. _Come on! Agni’s really testing me, I swear._ He relaxes against the wall behind him, listening to the ticking of the clock. _Tick, tick, tick, tick, click- what?_ Zuko’s eye opens, flying to the door that was flying open, Sokka walking through nonchalantly. “Hey, Fireboy!” Zuko can feel one of the biggest smiles he’s had since he’s been here spread across his face. “Damn, you’re happy to see me!” Two blinks. A shocked laugh sounds from deep in Sokka’s throat. “And you admitted it, someone’s feeling generous today!” 

Sokka plops down in his spot, _finally_ , but doesn’t move to lay a hand on Zuko. _Strange, he’s always touching me._ Sokka smiles at Zuko, semi-awkwardly, leaving Zuko confused. _Why’s he acting like this?_ “Aren’t you gonna ask me how my visit with my dad was?” 

Zuko rolls his eye, before blinking once, _just to fuck with him_ . “I’m telling you anyway!” _Hmph._ “So, _Atatak_ took me and Katara on an impromptu camping trip! Honestly, neither of us had any idea he was planning it, so when we announced ‘Hey! We’re going to the wilderness!’, we had to scramble to get time off work and school; that’s why I had to take those extra days off. Luckily I'm an exemplary employee, minus the wheelchair-skating. But when we got out there, he set us up in the most gorgeous spot in the entire campground. We were right next to the lake, and he let us fish for our dinners! We spent the week hiking, rock climbing, spelunking-” _What the fuck is spelunking?_ “and roasting marshmallows! Oh, and-” 

Sokka gets up, crossing the room to where he left his bag and pulling something out with a flourish, “I found this. I thought you’d like it.” Zuko’s eye falls on the small feather in Sokka’s hand, pinched between his fingers. “I think it’s a turtle-duck feather!” _Cute. The feather._ **_Not_ ** _Sokka._

Sokka reaches over, hesitating slightly as his hand closes the distance between the two. _Stop being weird, weirdo!_ He catches Zuko’s eye, raising an eyebrow, and Zuko blinks twice to answer the unspoken question. Sokka lights up with a grin, grabbing a couple strands of Zuko’s hair and slowly working the feather in, pulling away to admire his handiwork. “It looks great on you, sunshine.” Zuko can feel his heart literally skip a beat, a light dusting of blush settling over his cheek. A goofy grin breaks over Sokka’s face, his arm sliding over Zuko’s shoulders. _Finally, oh my spirits._ “I missed you, Fireboy.” Zuko feels his face heat up. 

The door opens, an unfamiliar guy walking in like he owns the place, quite literally strutting. _Who the fuck is this?_ Sokka looks up, standing to greet him. “Hey man, you lost?” he asks, smiling at him. _New?_

“Of course not. This is the guy with the big-ass scar’s room, right?” Zuko flinches at that, his gaze dropping to the floor. Sokka shifts beside Zuko, his smile going subtly from kind to a chilly politeness. 

“This is Zuko’s room. Word of advice, _maybe_ don't refer to patients as 'the guy with the scar.' Can I help you with something?” He speaks through clenched teeth, a hand resting on Zuko’s shoulder protectively. The man throws an obvious glance at it. 

“Whatever, man. I’m supposed to work with you for the next few days, to observe. You’re supposedly the best in this place, but that can’t be too high a bar.” _Fuck me. I don't want him here._

Sokka sighs, turning to Zuko. “Zuko, this is-” He cringes to himself as the guy interrupts him. 

“I’m Hahn.” _Hahn? Haru mentioned him._ “Let’s have some fun, huh?” He reaches over, ignoring Zuko’s flinch and plucking the feather out of Zuko’s hair. “This must’ve come in through the window, kinda gross they didn’t take it out.” He flicks it to the side, watching it with a critical eye as it flutters to the floor. Zuko blinks once, over and over again, watching in dismay. _I liked it._

"Don't worry, buddy, I'll pick it up later," Sokka mumbles in his ear. Hahn watches the exchange with a raised eyebrow. 

“Shouldn’t I be hearing what you’re saying? You know, since you’re _training me_?” 

"No," Sokka says, heaving himself off the bed. "There's some things you gotta figure out yourself. Don't worry, anybody with half a brain can learn it!" Zuko bites his lip to hide his smile. _Get his ass._

Hahn juts his jaw out, glaring at him. “Alright, pretty boy.” _Ugh. Sleezeball._

"I'd appreciate it if you called me Sokka. Since, you know, I'm your _trainer._ ” 

“Big man, pulling rank.” Sokka responds by crossing his arms, pulling himself out of his small slouch to his full height, a rare sight. _Holy shit._ ** _Holy shit._** Hahn rolls his eyes. “Alright, Sokka.” He spits Sokka’s name out, like it's a swear. _I wonder if someone ‘pissed in his Cheerios’._ Zuko smiles to himself at his own private joke. Hahn's scowl only deepens. _Oh, somebody_ ** _definitely_** _pissed in his Cheerios. Piss-Cheerio ass._

Sokka swoops down, picking up Zuko with a practiced ease and depositing him in his wheelchair. “Let’s go, Lord Fireboy!” He smiles at Zuko, whipping him around in his wheelchair. Hahn steps forward to join the two, leaning against Zuko’s left and causing Zuko to involuntarily leap in surprise. Sokka grabs Zuko’s shoulder comfortingly, smiling at him gently before glancing up at Hahn. “Hey dude, Zuko’s pretty much deaf and blind on that side. I think we’d both appreciate it if you tried to stay on his right. So, don’t approach from his left and if you forget and speak from his left, just stay patient and repeat yourself,” He explains patiently, squeezing Zuko’s shoulder. 

“Deaf, huh?” Hahn casts a judgemental eye over Zuko’s bandage. Zuko glances over at Sokka again, who’s chewing his lip in frustration. 

“Hey, how about this? You can push Zuko, I’ll walk alongside. He’s not super heavy, so I’m sure you won’t have a problem.” Hahn glances at Zuko’s wheelchair, before taking up residency behind him and grabbing the handlebars. Sokka shoots a smile at Zuko, walking in front of him so he can track his movements, and settles on Zuko’s left side. His hand rests reassuringly on Zuko’s shoulder, allowing the other to finally relax just a bit. 

Hahn pushes forward, jerking Zuko a bit with the suddenness of it. Sokka bites his tongue, following Hahn’s lead. “Where we headed, bossman?” Hahn asks, glancing over at Sokka. 

“Uh- we’re going outside. Haru says it’s been awhile since he’s been able to get Zuko out there and Zuko lives for the fresh air.” Sokka’s voice is warped and muted, but he’s obviously speaking up so Zuko can hear him. _Thoughtful._ Hahn stops suddenly, Zuko flying forward and getting caught by Sokka, who levels Hahn with a glare. “What the hell, dude?” 

“So this is a glorified nursing home?” Hahn asks incredulously, motioning at Kanna, who’s sitting in her wheelchair and reading peacefully. She glances up, smiling at Zuko and Sokka. “She looks fine! What’s she even doing here? Just freeloading?” Before Sokka can even jump to his grandma’s defense, she’s typing out an answer. 

“ Why are you so cranky? Smile, before you forget how to.  ” She chastises, before turning to face Sokka and Zuko. “  Hello, my boys. S...o…- ” 

“We’re not sitting here while she types out your name.” Hahn grumbles, starting off again. 

“You know, you’ll do a lot better in this job if you can manage even pretending to like the patients.” Sokka comments, continuing to speak up a bit to make up for being on Zuko’s left. Hahn scoffs a bit. 

“What’re they gonna do, kick my ass? They can barely move!” Zuko clenches his fists, his palms heating up as his rage boils deep in his chest. _Shit-_ He startles himself, his eye falling to his hands as they cool down. _I haven’t done any bending since-_ The door opens in front of him, and Haru unceremoniously wrangles Zuko’s wheelchair through the door. 

Zuko’s eye slides shut, almost involuntarily, a smile pulling at his lips. _Sun_ . _I missed the sun._ Sokka takes over, pushing him ahead of Hahn and to their normal spot, stepping away only to set up the blanket. Zuko can vaguely hear Hahn’s voice to his left, but he can’t make out what he’s saying. _It’s probably not important, anyway._ He thinks, settling into the warmth of the light basking on his face. _I love the sun. I'm gonna marry the sun. It's so warm and peaceful and-_

Zuko’s snatched from his thoughts by a shout, directly next to his left ear. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” Hahn’s shouting, his hand landing suddenly on Zuko’s shoulder and harshly shaking him. Zuko’s eye widens, jumping in fright with a soft noise of alarm sounding from the depths of his throat, his breath catching in his chest and leaving him struggling to breathe. Sokka comes to attention, his confused expression quickly morphing into one of fury as he figures out what must’ve happened. He leaps to his feet, shoving Hahn away from Zuko, his face absolutely murderous. 

“You absolute, goddamn, idiotic, pile of shit! I _told you_ he’s almost deaf on that side! I told you not to approach him from that side! HE. CAN. NOT. SEE. OR. HEAR. FROM. THAT. SIDE.” Sokka’s shouting now, motioning at Zuko, who’s trembling and watching the confrontation play out. 

“Calm down, buddy, I-” 

“I am not your buddy,” Sokka spits, shoving his finger in Hahn’s chest, “and I certainly will not calm down. You have absolutely no right to _shake him_ like he’s a- he’s-” Sokka’s struggling for wording through his rage, and Hahn picks up on this. 

“Forget how to speak?” he taunts, a smirk playing across his lips. 

“Would you just shut up, man? It can’t be _that_ fucking hard,” Sokka shoots back, missing the tell-tale jingle signaling that the door’s opening. 

“It’s not my fault that _freak-_ ” And faster than lighting, Sokka punches Hahn, a solid fist connecting with Hahn’s jaw. One second, his fist is by his side, and the next, it's being swung in the air, hitting Hahn's face with a _crack. Sokka?_ Hahn steps back, holding his jaw in one hand and making eye contact with Sokka, his gaze darkening. “You shouldn’t have done that.” He takes a step forward, only stopping when Haru steps up beside Sokka. 

“Hahn, I think it’s best if you go home for today.” Haru suggests, but the way he’s standing makes it clear Hahn doesn’t have much of a choice. Haru tilts his head slightly, the ground giving a slight rumble. _Haru's an earthbender?_

“Whatever. I’m out," Hahn snaps, twirling on his heel and storming off. Sokka lets out a soft sigh, visibly relaxing. 

“Thanks for the assist, Haru.” 

“No problem, I-” 

“Sokka! That was one hell of a punch! I could practically _feel_ his jaw rattle around!” Toph cheers, running up to Sokka to tackle him in a hug. He laughs bashfully, scratching the back of his head. 

“Tophers! Since when can you walk? And see?” 

“I’ve been able to walk for a couple days! I’m still a little wobbly, but I’m not in that stupidass wheelchair!” Toph answers, shooting a clumsy wink in Zuko’s direction. “No offense, jerkbender. As for the seeing thing,” they start, waving their hand in front of their eyes, “I’m still blind. It’s hard to explain, but I basically see through my feet. Earthbending, you know how it goes.” Sokka’s eyes drop to their feet, noticing for the first time that, despite standing outside, they’re completely barefoot. 

“Huh. That’s cool.” He shrugs, choosing not to pursue the issue further. _Smart, Toph would just make fun of any questions he asked._ Sokka steps over to Zuko, showing his knuckles to Zuko. “Look! They’re bruising!” _Yeah, that tends to happen._ “Katara’s gonna kill me,” Sokka laments, his head falling back. **_Literally_ ** _only you would worry about that after a fight._ Sokka swoops down, lifting Zuko up and settling him on the blanket laid out on the grass. “How should we celebrate our break from that shit head?” 

Zuko swallows. He doesn't feel like celebrating. _Freak._ He still hadn't seen himself since before his incident. _Is it really that bad? Well, it is. And I_ **_am_ ** _half-deaf, plus I can't see with the bandage. I guess I am a freak, sort of._ Sokka catches his eye, a frown tugging down his lips. “What’s wrong, sunshine?” Zuko can’t even bring himself to look at Sokka, the shame rising up inside him. _Spirits, he probably thinks the same._ Sokka reaches forward, his hand resting on Zuko’s unbandaged cheek. “Was it something Hahn said?” Some hesitation, then two slow blinks. A sigh slips from between Sokka’s lips, and he glances over his shoulder at Haru and Toph. 

They’re both sitting off to the side, chatting amicably and not paying any attention to Sokka and Zuko’s conversation, Haru showing Toph how to make a kazoo out of a blade of grass. Sokka turns back to Zuko. “You know better than to listen to asshats like that, don’t you?” he questions softly, reaching down to grab Zuko’s hand. Meeting Zuko’s gaze, he shoots him the most tender smile Zuko has ever seen. “Don’t worry, I’ll kick his ass for real next time.” Sokka squeezes Zuko’s hand, dragging a small smile out of him. There’s a short pause, before Sokka speaks up again. 

“Is it about the ‘freak’ thing?” Zuko can’t bring himself to look at Sokka again, his eye settling instead on a point just behind Sokka’s shoulder. _Stop reading me so well, it's annoying._ “I thought so. Listen, Hahn’s not even seen your eye. He has no idea what he’s talking about, he was just trying to get a rise out of me.” Sokka explains, sliding an arm around Zuko’s shoulders. “It worked.” Sokka sighs, pulling Zuko into a half hug. _He smells like the ocean._ “But it had nothing to do with you. He came looking for a fight and he got one.” 

Zuko relaxes into Sokka’s side, his eye fluttering shut. _Yeah,_ he decides, _fuck that guy._ Sokka pulls his arm away, clearing his throat as he steps away. _Shit. Shouldn't have done that, he's still being weird. Or I'm the one being weird. Just more proof for Hahn. Fuck Hahn._ “Better not tell Jet about this, huh? He’ll track the guy down and make him eat his own toes or something.” Sokka laughs lightly, helping Zuko lay back to soak in the sun as he prefers. Toph wanders over, plopping next to Zuko and grabbing his hand without having to search for it. They squeeze his hand, lying down and plopping their head on his shoulder. 

“You’re pretty warm, Sparky,” they comment, catching Zuko by surprise. _I’ve been running cold since I got here_ , he ponders, glancing at Sokka. Sokka’s eyebrow is raised, and he reaches over to grab Zuko’s arm. 

“They’re right, lizard boy, you’re pretty warm today. Are you running a fever?” He asks, pressing his hand against Zuko’s forehead. “No… maybe you’re just getting better.” Sokka shrugs. _Does he not know I’m a firebender?_ Sokka reaches over, ruffling Zuko’s hair. “You’ve progressed quite a bit!” Zuko’s eyebrows shoot up, suddenly remembering what he’s been working on. Sokka notices his subdued excitement. “What’s going on?” 

Zuko glances from Sokka’s eyes to his own hand, back to Sokka’s eyes, who seems to get the message. Sokka looks at Zuko’s hands, waiting patiently, and Zuko clenches his fists with ease, moving faster and more fluidly than he used to. He starts flipping his hands from one side to another, glancing up to watch Sokka’s eyes widen in delight. To top off his hard work, he tries moving each of his fingers separately, successfully bending his pointer finger at the middle knuckle, but unable to get any further than that. However, he’s able to get his middle finger all the way down, and can bend his last two fingers all the way, despite having to move together. Zuko looks up at Sokka, his mouth twitching to a proud smile. _Look_ , the smile says. _I can do it._

"Maybe I should leave you on your own more often,” Sokka jokes. _No! Don’t do that!_ Sokka smiles at him, pride filling his gaze. “You have no idea how proud I am of you, _asik_ .” A match lights up in Zuko’s chest, his cheeks lighting up. Sokka squeezes his shoulder companionably. _I knew he’d be proud. I knew I could count on him._

“Maybe next time you can give me some finger guns, huh?” Sokka asks, grinning jokingly. _Absolutely not. Shut up._

  
  


\--

  
  


That evening, after dinner, Sokka’s slowly unwrapping Zuko’s wound and chattering away. He stops cold as he takes a glance at Zuko’s eye, and his eyebrows raise. “Did Haru not do your ointment like I told him to?” Zuko breaks eye contact, because _no, he didn’t, but I also wouldn’t let him._ Sokka lets out a sigh, shaking his head. “I’ll have to have a chat with him.” One blink. “What do you mean no?” One blink. “I have to, dude. He didn’t do the job he was supposed to do. It’s important, you deserve to be taken care of.” Sokka mumbles that last part, his cheeks rushing with blood. One blink. “I’m gonna talk to him about it whether you like it or not.” _Stubborn ass._ “I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks. 

Sokka finishes Zuko’s bandages, before dropping to a knee in front of Zuko. “Hey, for real. I’m really proud of you, and you should be too.” Two blinks. Sokka smiles, resting a hand on Zuko's knee and leaving it tingling where his palm rests against Zuko. “I’m glad. You deserve it.” Sokka glances at the clock, raising an eyebrow. “Hey, you should probably go to bed. I gotta go home and help _Atatak_ make dinner. Oh, and listen to Katara yell at me about this.” he waves his bruised knuckles around. “You ready for bed?” Two blinks. Sokka rests his hand on Zuko’s back, helping him lay down in bed and grabbing the blankets, reaching up to tuck him in snugly. “Good?” Two blinks. “Good.” 

Sokka walks to the door, flicking the lights off. “Goodnight, _gik_ ,” he calls, as he shoots his finger guns behind him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

_I’ll see you tomorrow_ . Zuko sighs in content, holding that phrase close. _I’ll see you tomorrow._ He slides into a deep sleep, still repeating it in his head. _I’ll see you tomorrow._

That night, Zuko dreams of a slowly ticking clock, counting down until a ball of pure energy and light appear next to him. He watches the turtle-duck feather float to land in Sokka’s hand, who turns and hands it directly to Zuko, pulling him into his side for a hug. Zuko relaxes against Sokka’s side, and wakes up with the lingering _warmth_ , unsure what he dreamt of, but a feeling of safety and peace encompassing him from top to bottom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to my co-writers, we got this done real quick!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko shows Yugoda what he's been working on. Sokka maps out Zuko's mural.  
> TW: slurs from avatar universe and homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translations:  
> Gik - lovely, pretty  
> Atchuu - I don't know  
> Nipiaķsuķ - quiet  
> Kinnaķ - fool  
> Asik - my dear

“Yugoda-- come on, he’s a _doooch--_ a terrible volunteer!” Sokka complains from the edge of Zuko’s bed.

“Hahn says _you’re_ the one who attacked him, Sokka.” Yugoda’s sitting in the chair in the corner, seldom used. “Unless there’s a serious violation, he can still volunteer. What you did was technically a violation, but I’ve known you for eight years; you’re a good kid. You wouldn’t do that without reason.” 

Sokka huffs an annoyed breath, but drops the topic. _You tried, now stop being a little pissbaby about it._ Zuko’s been in a mood since Sokka stormed in this morning, so pissed that Zuko could practically see the stormcloud over his head. Now that it’s after lunch, they’ve both started to calm down, though Sokka is still heated. _Hopefully this will put him in a better mood._

“Now, let’s get on with what I’m _actually_ here for,” Yugoda says, flipping a few pages on her clipboard. Hers is plainer than Sokka's, a matte black with a worn dog sticker. _Weird. Wouldn’t have guessed Yugoda was the type for children’s stickers._ “An eval.” 

Zuko knows that it’s fine, that she’s just checking in, seeing his progress, but it sends a jolt through his system nonetheless. _What if she kicks me out? Uncle’s gonna be so disappointed. What if Sokka’s fired?_ Sokka puffs up with pride. “He’s doing a great job, I’m really excited for him to show you what he’s been working on,” Sokka boasts. 

“Yes, but that’s what you said last time, and we watched him do nothing for fifteen minutes,” Yugoda reminded him, not looking up from her clipboard. Sokka’s undeterred. 

“I know, but he’s ready this time! I won’t be pushing him past what he’s ready for!” _Oh spirits, you’re psyching me out, Sokka._ “It’s extremely impressive, especially considering where he was when he started.” Yugoda’s nodding along with Sokka, her expression guarded. _She hates me, she’s gonna fail me no matter what I do, why should I even try?_ Zuko glances over to Sokka. _He needs me to try. That’s why I should. Oh spirits, this is gonna go terribly._ Yugoda turns to Zuko with a critical gaze. 

“Alright, Zuko. Blow me away.” _WHY DID SHE SAY THAT? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO PILE IT ON?_ Sokka lays a reassuring hand on Zuko’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. _He needs me to try._ Zuko closes his eye, blocking everything out except for Sokka’s hand on his shoulder and his own breathing. _Deep breath in, short puffs out. Deep breath in, short puffs out. Deep breath in…_ Zuko can feel his hand twitch, before it curls in on itself. _Fuck yeah._

Zuko lets it uncurl, before curling it twice more. He stops for a second, giving himself some time to breathe and rest. Then, he starts curling his fingers separately, getting his first finger all the way down, his middle finger all the way down, and his last two fingers curling most of the way, despite only moving together. Zuko opens his eyes, catching Yugoda’s semi-surprised gaze, and with as close to a shit-eating smirk as he can get, he twists his hand around and flips her off. Her eyebrows raise in surprise, and Zuko can hear Sokka snorting to himself, but he quickly covers it with a cough. Zuko returns his concentration to his hands, repeating the routine with his other hand, and meets Yugoda’s eyes once again once he finishes. 

“Do you think he has enough coordination to type?” Yugoda breaks the silence, watching Zuko’s hands closely. 

Sokka’s eyes light up, sparking with recognition. “I think so! If he can’t, then he’ll be able to soon! He’s working so hard, Yugoda, you don’t even _know!_ ” Yugoda finds herself chuckling. 

“I’m sure I don’t.” 

“Besides, having such a tangible and close to reach goal sitting next to him will certainly stand for some extra encouragement.” Sokka’s basically bouncing on the balls of his feet, but he’s sitting, and the waves of his movements are bouncing Zuko around. 

_That was surprisingly articulate for such a dumbass._ Zuko glances at him affectionately, swaying slightly with his movement. _Are they giving me a tablet like Kanna’s? Maybe I can finally tell Sokka how stupid Heely Crocs are. Oh, wow, can’t wait to see the look on his face._

“I might not be able to get my hands on a spare speaker system until tomorrow, but I’ll start making the preparations.” Yugoda stands up, “Don’t forget, when he starts using the text to speech app, he has to start therapy with me too. That being said,” she glances at her watch, moving towards the door, “I have an appointment to get to, don’t want to leave Genuo waiting. And Sokka?” she stops at the door frame, “At least _try_ to get along with Hahn today. If you have any problems with him, bring them up with me or Jeong Jeong. Keep the violence to a minimum.” 

_Oh fuck. Never mind. I don’t want the tablet anymore. Therapy sounds like actual fucking hell._ Yugoda steps out of the room. 

“You hear that, _gik_? You’ll be able to talk to me soon!” Sokka basically whoops, his arm falling around Zuko’s shoulders. Yugoda pops her head back in the door, raising an eyebrow. 

“ _Gik, Soh-ka?”_ Sokka’s cheeks flush a dark red. 

_“Atchuu! Nipiaķsuķ_ _!_ _”_ Zuko watches the exchange, absolutely and completely out of the loop. _What’s going on?_ Yugoda shakes her head, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her. _Does gik mean something weird? Has he been calling me an idiot this whole time and I thought it was something nice? Damnit, that’s totally a Sokka thing to do._

Sokka turns as soon as she leaves, shaking Zuko with excitement. “We can totally drop the blinking system! I mean, it’s not very efficient, let’s be honest. I know you love it, but two words just isn’t enough, Fireboy.” Zuko blinks twice in agreement. ‘ _Love it’ is an overstatement, though._ “Spirits, that shit-eating grin you gave her! She was so surprised!” Sokka loses it, his head dropping on Zuko’s shoulder, giggling uncontrollably. Zuko can feel his face flush. _Why do I blush all the time? Is that a side effect of losing your flowers? It’s a fucking dumb side effect. That shouldn't even be a thing. Flowers shouldn't even be a thing. If flowers didn't exist people wouldn't have to be like this. Dumb flowers. Dumb side effects. Dumb Sokka. No, not dumb Sokka. Sokka isn't_ **_that_ ** _dumb. Usually._

Zuko is pulled from his thoughts by Sokka's words, “Anyway, we haven’t gotten rid of Hahn entirely. Looks like we have to deal with him for another couple weeks.” Zuko’s mouth twitches into a frown. _Ew._ “I know, I know. I don't like it either, but I couldn't convince Yugoda to fire him so we’ll have to wait it out. Well, I don’t know if ‘fire’ is the right word. Can you fire a volunteer?” 

Zuko tunes out of Sokka’s random rabbit-hole on what it’s called when you fire a volunteer, choosing to focus on the annoying edge of Sokka’s pink jean jacket being pressed against his arm. _Get that scratchy thing off me, Stukka._

Almost as if he can hear Zuko’s thoughts, Sokka leans off of Zuko, shifting to press his back against the wall. He wiggles around for a second, digging his phone out of his back pocket. 

“I just had the greatest idea of all ideas ever,” Sokka says, unlocking his phone with a quick swipe of a passcode. “Let’s see…” 

Zuko can’t quite tell what he’s doing, but it’s pretty obvious when Sokka whoops.

“Public account! Oh, Hahn, you have no clue what you’ve done,” Sokka says gleefully, turning the phone for a second so Zuko can catch a glimpse of an Instagram account. Sokka starts laughing again pretty quickly, almost dropping the phone. “Oh, La, he posts so much political shit. What a prick.” _Show me the screen, dipass._

“Of _course_ he’s a homophobe,” Sokka rolls his eyes, showing the screen to Zuko. Zuko squints against the brightness - _Agni, it doesn’t have to be a damn flashlight_ \- and when the screen comes into focus, he can make out Hahn at some sort of parade, holding up a sign calling for others to “ **PROTECT OUR FAMILIES! HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!** ” 

“Protect our families, my ass. He’s just mad he can’t get any,” Sokka fumes, continuing his scrolling. The next picture Sokka stops on is Hahn with a beautiful girl, her fine hair a stunning shade of white and her eyes shining a playful ice blue. Hahn has his arm wrapped around her waist, and she’s leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. While the picture shows a happy couple, Zuko’s eye is drawn to the caption, a long drawn-out misogynistic rant filling it. Sokka whoops with laughter, “Yue must’ve dumped him! Good for her!” _Does Sokka know that girl?_

Sokka locks his phone, slipping it into his pocket as the door creaks open. Hahn steps in, leveling Sokka with a glare. Sokka rolls his eyes and turns to Zuko, leaning into his good ear and whispering, “ _Kinnaķ_ ,” pulling away with wink. Hahn crosses his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“So are we actually going to do anything, or are you just gonna sit there and talk about me all day?” He shoots. 

“Oh trust me, Hahn, I’d die before voluntarily talking about you ‘all day’,” Sokka returns without sparing him a glance, turning instead to Zuko. “We’re going to hang out in the community room, okay?” Two blinks. “While we’re there, I’m gonna finish sketching out your wall plans so I can get that started tomorrow!” Zuko’s mouth twitches up, glancing at the empty wall. Hahn reaches towards Zuko, his face twisted in disgust. 

“How do feathers keep ending up-” Before he can grab the feather, Sokka grabs his wrist, pushing it away. 

“I put it in. He likes it. Leave it.” Sokka speaks in short, fragmented sentences, his tone undercut with frustration. Hahn scoffs, shrugging as he turns away. 

“If you want him to look like he’s homeless, I won’t stop you.” 

Sokka takes a deep, calming breath, keeping his eyes focused on Zuko. “Good! Let’s get going then. And this time, maybe don’t insult my poor Gran-Gran in the community room.” Sokka swoops down, easily lifting Zuko up and setting him in his wheelchair as he speaks, continuing not to look at Hahn. “She’s lived through more shit than you could ever imagine.” Hahn clenches his jaw, flinching as the soreness of it hits him full force. _Ha, idiot. That’s what you get for being an absolute dickwad._

“So! Hahn, I’m assuming that you didn’t get, uhm, the basic training that most of us volunteers get, mostly because you seem so… _rough_ on the edges of patient-care. Which is why I’m starting you off with what I did when I first started training here! Of course, I was in school, so it was only on weekends, but obviously I figured it out.” Sokka glances at Hahn, leaving his sentence there. “Do you remember where the community room is?” 

“Of course I remember where it is, do I look-” 

“Great! You can push him then!” Sokka interrupts Hahn, walking in front of Zuko to settle on his left side and placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. 

“You don’t have to be touching him 24/7, you know,” Hahn shoots. “It’s not like I’m gonna kill him.” 

“He gets anxious around new or aggressive people,” Sokka shoots him a pointed look as they take off. “So I figure if he can feel that I’m next to him, it’ll help make him more comfortable.” Zuko smiles to himself. _Yeah, it does help. Weird._

“Whatever.”

“Ah! Too fast, slow down a bit. That’s too slow now, you want a nice steady pace.” 

“Dude, I’m literally pushing a wheelchair, it’s not that complicated,” Hahn shoots. 

“But somehow you continue to struggle. Mmh. Too fast.” Sokka continues to critique Hahn’s wheelchair pushing the entire way to the common room. 

They step inside, the two still squabbling, and Zuko catches Haru’s eyes, silently pleading for help. Haru gets the message, standing up to greet the two other volunteers. “Sock! How you been, buddy?” Sokka splits with a grin, raising his arms in greeting. 

“Hey, Haru! Just vibin, workin, you know.” Sokka shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Ah, yes. The perpetual vibes.” Haru turns to Hahn, smiling politely. “Hahn, good to see you again.” 

“Yeah, whatever dude.” Hahn pushes Zuko away from the duo, depositing him at the table with Toph and Kanna. There’s somebody else at the table that Zuko doesn’t recognize, so he gives them a hesitant half-smile, glancing at Sokka. Hahn, meanwhile, storms away and takes up residency in the corner of the room, his arms crossed and glowering at the rest of the room. Sokka walks up to Zuko, pulling a chair next to him and plopping down, pulling out his sketchbook. 

“You ready to get this done?” Zuko glances at the new person, then back to Sokka, and pulls his eyebrow down. _Who is that?_ Sokka follows his gaze, smiling at the new patient. 

“Oh, that’s Dema! Dema, meet Zuko!” Zuko keeps his gaze on Dema, who barely reacts to Sokka’s voice. _This must be one of her first days._ “She’s kinda new, she got here like, two weeks ago, I think? She’s made great progress, apparently!” An unfamiliar worker looks up, smiling proudly and glancing at Dema. 

“Mhm! She’s, well, you can obviously see her sitting up, but she can sit up now. When she came in she was completely limp!” The worker says, looking back down at their work. 

“That’s amazing, great job Dema!” Sokka lays his hand on her wrist, smiling away. She flickers her gaze up at him, before breaking eye contact and looking back down at her lap. Sokka turns back to his sketchbook, yet again. He holds the open pages out for Zuko to see. “What do you think so far?” 

  
  


_I can’t for the life of me tell what that’s supposed to be._ He squints at the paper, then back up to Sokka, who’s beaming with pride, then the paper again. Two blinks. 

“It’s a turtleduck pond! Today I’m just sketching the fire lilies and adding the sunset, then everything will be mapped out and I can get started.” Sokka pats his pockets, pulling out his wallet and curling his lip. “I’ll have to figure out how I’m gonna get my hands on that paint, though.” Zuko feels a pang of sympathy. _Spirits, even before Father’s business took off, we were never hard off. I mean, great-grandfather had a successful business too, so we’ve been living easy. I can’t imagine anything else._ Sokka shakes his head, his attention returning to his page. 

“Isn’t your Heely-Croc thing starting soon?” Toph asks, their head tilted slightly. 

“Uh, yeah, we got a couple pre-orders. Mostly from some guy online named ‘AppasDad’, but I’m sure once this guy gets them for his son he’ll be parroting the praises off so often we’ll have a huge jump in sales!” 

“I want a pair!” Toph nearly shouts. 

“Toph, you don’t wear shoes,” Haru reminds them. 

“Heely-Crocs are worth it. Imagine the shock, the _despair_ , from my parents when they see me, their child, in Crocs. And then when I _Heely?_ They’ll grieve for weeks.” 

“Toph, you’ll literally run into walls. You won’t be able to see,” Haru sighs, shaking his head fondly. “I’ll take a pair or two though, Sock. Jet would kill me if I didn’t get him some, and I suppose as your best friend I have to have some too.” Sokka lights up with a grin, pumping his fist. 

“Hell yeah! Take that, Katara! ‘No sales,’ my ass,” Sokka whoops in victory. “Do you think I could convince Jeong Jeong to buy a pair? He loves me!” 

“Absolutely not.” Haru answers. 

“J… e… o… n… g… J… e… o… n… g… hate C… r… o … c… s…” Kanna types, beaming proudly. Her typing was getting faster.

“He’ll change his mind for me. He knows I need the support,” Sokka boasts, crossing his arms proudly. 

“You have a literal love-hate relationship with him. In which you love him and he hates you,” Haru shoots at him playfully, and a look of horror crosses Kanna’s face. 

“ He not hate S...o...k...k...a… ” she types in, shaking her head, alarmed. 

“You’re right, Kanna, that was silly of me to suggest. Jeong-Jeong doesn’t hate Sokka.” Haru lays a reassuring hand on Kanna’s shoulder, smiling at her. “It was a dumb joke, I promise it won’t happen again.” 

“I t is okay, H...a...r...u…” She tilts her head, closing her eyes and smiling up at him. Sokka looks up from his sketchbook, squinting at Zuko. 

“Hey, Fireboy, you want a dragon on your wall?” _That came out of nowhere._ “It’s just-” Sokka glances at the dragon on the wall behind Zuko, smiling a bit. “I know you’re from a firebending family, I figure you might want a piece of home?” Hahn makes a noise from the corner, his glare narrowing in on Zuko. Zuko hesitates slightly, staring at his lap before slowly blinking twice. “It doesn’t have to be big if you don’t want it to be. Do you want it to be small?” Two blinks. “Are you sure you want it?” Two blinks. Sokka nods to himself, erasing something on his sheet and replacing it with a new sketch. 

“Oh! Sparky’s finally getting his mural?” Toph asks, their head tilting to the side again. 

“He’s only been here a couple months, Toph! You had to wait, like, five to get yours. Which makes sense because you can’t really _see_ it.”

“But it’s the thought that counts, Sokka!” They shoot back, smiling smugly. 

“My m...u...r...a...l was started after three weeks,” Kanna types, glancing at Sokka. 

“Three weeks? Why did she get _hers_ so quickly?” Toph shoots, leveling an accusatory glare in Sokka's general direction. 

“She’s my grandma! I know what she likes and it’s easy to paint it. You were a stranger when you started! _And_ I did it over _five years ago!_ ” Sokka defends himself, a look of panic crossing his face. 

“Excuses, excuses!” Toph responds, shaking their head. 

“ Not be mad at S...o...k...k...a..., please. ” Kanna pleads, shaking her head to herself. 

“Don’t worry Gran-Gran, Toph’s just joking.” Sokka lays a placating hand on her shoulder, smiling as she visibly relaxes. Toph waves their hands around, just out of Kanna’s vision, until Sokka looks at them, making a slicing motion across their neck with their hand. Sokka rolls his eyes, reaching out to knock their foot with his own. They laugh in delight, pulling their feet away. 

“Good thing the floors are made of, I don’t know, some sort of stone? I can’t feel what type it is, but I can still see your lame excuse of a rebuttal, Snoozles.” Sokka laughs softly, returning to his notebook again. 

Zuko watches all of this, a silent spectator in a room full of life, and sighs to himself. _Spirits, I wish I could talk. At least Other-Girl- fuck what was her name?- is in the same boat as I am. Ew. I hate boats._ He looks up, trying to make eye contact with the new patient, but she studiously stares at her lap. _Huh. Must be shy._ Sokka glances at Zuko with a smile, nudging him with his elbow. “What’re you brooding about now, lizard boy?” _I don’t brood. Asshat._

“Ah, give him a break,” Haru speaks up, glancing from his crossword, “he has to deal with you all day, the least he can get is a couple minutes uninterrupted brooding time.” _Stop that! I don’t brood! I’m… thinking._ **_Thinking!_ ** _Not brooding._ Sokka reaches over to swat at Haru, who barely dodges out of the way in time. Zuko drags his gaze over to the corner where Hahn’s taken residency. Hahn meets Zuko’s gaze, raising an eyebrow and scowling. Zuko looks away. 

_Spirits, you’d think I killed his family or something._ Zuko rolls his eyes to himself, chewing at the inside of his lip. _Can’t wait until this training is over._

The afternoon continues on in relative peace, Toph and Zuko having their own little conversation - Zuko taps their hand with his pointer finger, once for no and twice for yes, instead of blinking -, Kanna reading her book, Sokka putting some finishing details on his sketch and Haru working on his crosswords. The only sound other than Toph speaking is the occasional smartass comment from either Sokka or Haru, which starts a five minute conversation about whatever-the-fuck, until Toph’s talking returns to being the only sound again. Hahn spends the entire time sulking in the corner. **_He’s_ ** _the one that’s brooding._

\--

Later that evening, after dinner, Sokka’s speaking in Zuko’s good ear. “He’s technically your caretaker too, he doesn’t need to do it but he needs to at least be in the room so he knows _how_ .” Zuko blinks once, slightly panicked. _I don’t want him! Get him out!_ Sokka sighs, shaking his head. 

“Oh, what does it even matter to you? At least _someone’s_ doing it,” Hahn snaps, his lips curling in disgust. 

“He’ll sit across the room,” Sokka promises quietly, completely ignoring Hahn as he continues ranting in the background. Zuko hesitates, breaking eye contact with Sokka. “Come on, I need to do this for work. Just- for me, _asik_ ? Please?” Zuko finally drags his eye to meet Sokka’s pleading gaze, and he sighs miserably to himself before finally blinking twice. Sokka squeezes his hand, smiling at him gratefully. “You’re the best, Fireboy. I’ll pull some strings and get waffles in the kitchen tomorrow morning.” _It’s gonna take a lot more than waffles, but they’re a good start._

“Can we get this over with now?” Hahn sighs. He starts approaching Zuko, who squints at him nervously. Sokka looks up at him, shaking his head. 

“You’ve gotta stay over there. You can stay standing so you can see what’s going on, though.” 

“So I’m supposed to learn by staring at your back?” 

“Until he’s comfortable with you, yes,” Sokka answers dismissively. _That’ll never happen._ Hahn returns to the opposite side of the room, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He catches Zuko in a withering gaze, who looks away and focuses instead on Sokka, kneeling in front of him. “First, you have to take off the old bandage,” Sokka starts, delicately unwrapping Zuko’s wound. Zuko closes his eye, digging his nails into the palm of his hand. _He’s not supposed to be here._ “Now, since this burn is a couple months old, it looks a bit different and reacts a bit different from fresh. You know the basics, you’ve obviously gone through first aid, it’s required. But not only is this different due to the stage of healing, it’s also over his eye.” 

As Sokka speaks, he’s going through his routine with practiced ease. He sets the unwrapped bandage aside, grabbing the ointment. 

“What happened to _him_ ?” Hahn asks, recoiling slightly as he catches a glimpse of Zuko’s burn. Zuko fights against the urge to open his eyes- _eye, shit_ \- and see his reaction, instead shutting it tighter and sucking in a deep breath. He hates the way it trembles in his throat. 

“It’s a third degree burn,” Sokka replies firmly, refusing to look in Hahn’s direction. “It doesn’t matter how he got it. What matters is that we take care of him. Now, third degree burns are usually deeper and cause nerve damage, so while it’s sensitive, it’ll become more and more numb as it scars over.” 

_Oh, maybe I should pay attention too._ Sokka brings a washcloth to Zuko’s face, cleaning the area delicately. 

“These parts by the edge will stay sensitive for the longest, since they’re a second degree. Furthest away from the heat, so it’s less deep. Doesn’t touch the nerves.” Sokka finishes his cleaning, tossing the rag aside and looking up to make eye contact with Zuko as he dips his fingers in the ointment. “I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks. 

“Is that part necessary?” Hahn sounds sincere, but Zuko can tell by the way it goes sweet at the end that he’s faking it. _Don’t answer, Sokka. He’s trying to fuck with you._

“Not really...? But I don’t think he can see well out of that eye, and I don’t want to startle him. Besides, it’s such a sensitive area, it just feels _wrong_ to touch it without permission. Like, it seems violating, you know?” _Goddamnit, Sokka. Start learning how to read my thoughts._

“Mmhm, sure,” Hahn says skeptically, and Zuko clenches his jaw. _Dickhead._ “I suppose in this day and age, you need to ask permission to do anything. Wouldn’t wanna trigger someone.” 

“Yep, that’s right,” Sokka says absently, focusing more on carefully spreading ointment near Zuko’s scarred eye. “This ointment helps prevent infection and dryness. It’s absolutely essential that Zuko gets this ointment. Without it, his eye will get tender, dry, itchy, and there’s a high possibility that the scar will get all infected, which will just make it worse,” he explains, glancing over at Hahn to make sure he’s paying attention. 

“Oh yeah, wouldn’t want that.” Hahn’s monotone voice tells Zuko all he needs to know. _This guy couldn’t care less. Come on, Sokka, stop baiting him._ Sokka grabs a fresh roll of bandage, setting a piece of gauze over Zuko’s eye. 

“This piece of loose gauze is pretty much here to catch any fluids that may or may not leak, just to keep the area clean,” he explains, pulling out the needed length of bandage. “Then, you just wrap the whole thing together and secure it in place.” Sokka wraps Zuko’s wound quickly, securing it in place with a quick tuck and a small piece of tape, before sitting back and admiring his work. “And that’s pretty much it! I know I did it pretty quick, but for the first couple days I was super slow and clumsy.” Sokka laughs to himself, scratching the back of his neck. _Stop it. You’re baiting him, stop._

“Mmhm.” 

“You got it?” Sokka asks, standing up with a small smile, wiping his hands on his pants. _Sokka, stop it. You’re just giving him an in._

“I got it. I’m just not sure why we’re going through all this trouble.” Zuko opens his eye, glancing over at Hahn. _I fucking knew it._ “I mean, it looks to me like the _ash maker_ got what it deserved,” Hahn basically spits the words out, his voice filled with disdain. Zuko can feel his breath catch in his chest, tears springing to his good eye. The breath comes out in a broken sob, strangled in his throat as he tries to hold it back. 

“Get out,” Sokka’s voice is dangerously quiet, and he’s refusing to look in Hahn’s direction. Hahn refuses to move, a smirk pulling over his face. _Damnit, Sokka. I’ll teach you to deal with people like Hahn when I can talk._

“What’re you going to do, _pretty boy_? You’ve already got a strike against you.” 

“ _Out.”_ Sokka’s almost literally shaking with barely contained rage, his fists curled so tight that his knuckles are white. Hahn leans against the wall, tutting softly. 

“Don’t you think the ash mak-” Sokka whirls on his heel, shoving Hahn up against the wall. 

“You want to finish that thought?” His voice is angrier than Zuko had ever heard it get.

“I was _saying,_ don’t you think the ash maker would be best left to his own devices? The only good firebender is a-” 

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll _shut. The fuck. Up.”_ Sokka spits, his grip on Hahn’s collar tightening. _Sokka, stop it! Stop! You’re only giving him more to fucking work with!_

“-Dead firebender.” 

“ _Get the_ _fuck_ ** _out_** _of here_.” 

“What are you going to do? You can’t hit me.” Sokka pauses, wavers for just a moment, before letting go of Hahn, taking a step back. Hahn smirks, his eyes following Sokka’s movements. 

“All righty, Zuko, let’s go and find Yugoda, shall we?”  
  


“Didn’t see you as a little snitch,” Hahn says.

Sokka makes direct eye contact with Hahn as he deposits a trembling Zuko in his wheelchair. “It’s not ‘ _snitching’_. It’s protecting my friend.” 

“I think we both know what’s really going on.” Hahn glances between the two, his lip curling. Sokka pauses, looking him up and down. 

“I’m not sure we do,” Sokka says finally, turning Zuko in his chair and marching out the door. Hahn follows behind, continuing his jabs at Sokka and Zuko. Sokka, to his credit, seems to have finally tuned him out. The only time he directly interacts with Hahn on the way is when Hahn comes up on Zuko’s left, reaching to grab at his shoulder, and gets roughly shoved away when Sokka steps close to Hahn, pressing all his weight in that foot as he pushes Hahn so hard that he stumbles. Zuko squeezes his eye shut, focusing on his breathing. _Deep breath in, short puffs out._

Sokka kicks the door open, interrupting Yugoda as she speaks with Jeong Jeong. “Sokka, can I help you?” 

“If you don’t get this guy out of my sight, I’m literally going to strangle him,” is all Sokka can say, dead serious.

“Death threats now, huh?” Hahn jumps in, amusement dancing in his eyes. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Sokka!” Yugoda exclaims, shocked, her eyes widening and shooting to her feet. “What’s gotten into you? I ought to have a chat with Hakoda-” 

“He called him a-- a-- _that word._ ” 

“What word, Sokka?” Yugoda questions. Sokka glances at Zuko, weighing his options, and Zuko meets his gaze, blinking twice. 

“I’m not saying it,” Sokka says stubbornly. _Sokka! Just tell her goddamn it!_

“I can’t do anything off of ‘that word’.” Hahn remains watching, smirking from the corner. 

“Gah! It’s just-- it’s bad!” Sokka throws his hands up in frustration.

“Sokka. Just tell me what he said.” 

“That slur. The one they use for firebenders, it starts with an ‘a’.” Sokka firmly sets his jaw after speaking. 

“Hahn, did you call Zuko an ash maker?” Jeong Jeong finally turns to Hahn, his eyebrow raising. 

“Did I?” he tilts his head innocently, his gaze not leaving Sokka’s face. 

“I swear to Tui and La-” 

“Sokka, enough!” Jeong Jeong cuts him off. 

“He’s hated me since the minute he met me. He’ll do anything he can to get rid of me,” Hahn accuses, raising his arms in a defensive stance. 

“That’s absolutely not true! I tried to be-” 

“You didn’t try shit, _Sokka_ ,” he spits out the name, “you were mad because I was infringing on your time with the firebender!” Zuko can feel himself start to tremble again, his hands shaking so hard he can’t keep them still.

“He has a _name!_ ” Sokka shoots back, his hand falling protectively on Zuko’s right shoulder. 

“Maybe I’d know that name if you called him by it every once in a while! It seems wildly unprofessional to call him stupid nicknames-” 

“Don’t come at me about being unprofessional when you literally refuse to acknowledge his needs!” 

“ _Boys! That’s enough!”_ Yugoda shouts, slamming her palms on the desk. Zuko can’t help it; his core tightens and then his face is coated with an unrelenting stream of tears. _Fuck. Fucking fuck._ Without a second glance at Hahn, Sokka’s kneeling in front of Zuko, grabbing one of his hands and his other hand coming up to Zuko’s shoulder, squeezing tightly. 

“Sokka, take Zuko to his room, then come back. We’re having a chat,” Yugoda dimisses Sokka, her gaze falling on Hahn. “We’ll figure this out when you get back.” Sokka doesn’t look at her, just stands up and pushes Zuko out of the room silently. 

When they get there, Sokka carefully puts Zuko back in his bed. Zuko’s face is still wet, though the stream has stopped.

“Hey, buddy, I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have brought you, but I didn’t want to leave you alone with him. If I had known he was going to follow, I would’ve left you here.” 

Zuko sniffles, desperately trying to get himself under control. _God damnit. This is my fault. This is all my fault._

“I’ll get him out of here, don’t worry,” he says, hesitating for a second before he sits on the edge of Zuko’s bed. “Here-- do you want me to…?” Sokka lifts his hand in the air, fingers slightly spread. Two blinks. Sokka presses his hand to Zuko’s cheek, wiping the tears away. Zuko leans into his touch slightly, his eye fluttering shut. “It’s okay, _asik,_ I’ll take care of it.” Sokka promises again. “Let’s lay you down, you should get some sleep.” Two blinks. 

—

Zuko can’t sleep. Sokka left his room ages ago, and though the _rational_ part of his brain knows he went home eventually, he can’t help but fret. _What if Yugoda doesn’t do anything about it? Sokka’s gonna lose his shit. What if he gets himself fired? Spirits, I don’t think I could stand this place without him. What if he got punished? Oh, fuck, don’t think about that._ The time passes slowly, and Zuko’s stuck listening to the clock. _Tick, tick, tick…_ every passing second seems like a taunt. _Shut up, clock._ It ignores him and ticks on. _Fuck you._ After what could be minutes, what could be hours, what feels like days, Zuko finally falls into a restless and uneasy sleep. 

Zuko’s dream contains fire. Fire that seems to shout, make pounding noises, similar to hands hitting a table. It mocks him, dancing ever closer but just barely touching, until the dream ends with a searing pain across his face. He wakes up gasping for air, his lungs fighting against a heavy smoke that isn’t there. For once, Zuko wishes he couldn’t remember what he dreamed of. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me and my homies hate Hahn  
> ilu cowriters :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko types. Sokka spins around.  
> TW: homophobic slurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translations  
> we all know what asik means, right?  
> asik - my dear

Zuko’s staring at the clock, listening to the taunting _tick_ of the hands. _Sokka’s late. He’s late. He’s late. He’s been fired. I fucking knew it, they fired him. He did something stupid and they fired him._ He glances at the clock again. _Ten minutes late. Spirits, who are they gonna stick me with?_ Zuko squeezes his eye shut. _This is all my fucking fault._ He can feel his hands shaking. _What am I gonna do?_ A stray tear slips from Zuko’s good eye. _Agni, stop fucking crying Zuko. You’re almost 18, stop acting like a child._ He takes a deep, calming breath. _It’s okay. You’ll figure it out. Worst case scenario, you’re stuck here for life with someone you can’t stand- not bad, right?_ His breath comes out as a huff. _Fuck._ His eye lands on the clock. _Twenty minutes late._

Zuko glances up as the window slides open, Jet slipping in and rolling gracefully as he hits the ground. He jumps to his feet, looking around the empty room in confusion. His eyebrows raise as his gaze lands on Zuko’s prone form, and he crosses the room in a few strides. “Zuko? What’s going on?” Jet questions, helping him finally sit up. One blink. “Where’s the sourpuss?” One blink. Jet looks around the room, his eyes narrowed. “Maybe I should go get Haru-” One blink. _Don’t make it a big deal. I’ll be fine._ Jet shakes his head, glancing around the room again. “I’m gonna go look around.” Jet takes a couple steps towards the door, before it creaks open, two voices intertwining in argument. 

“Just because you fooled Yugoda doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.” 

“I didn’t fool anyone!” 

“You manipulated her, and you know it! If it were up to me, you’d be out of here in a heartbeat.” 

“Yeah, I’m _real_ scared of you-” 

Sokka looks up, catching a glimpse of Jet standing in the middle of the room, his arms crossed. 

“Shut up, Hahn, we have a guest,” Sokka shoots, a dark look covering his face. Sokka turns away from Hahn, a smile lighting up his face as his gaze falls on Zuko. “Hey there, Fireboy!” Zuko glances up at Sokka, his eye widening as he takes in Sokka’s outfit. 

Sokka’s pink button up with the navy peace signs has made a reappearance, but this time it’s tucked into _a skirt? Why’s he wearing a skirt?_ The skirt falls just below his knees, leaving some bare skin showing before his shins are covered with tall rainbow socks, complete with a pair of black platform Doc Martens, rainbow stitches lining the boots and a small rainbow flag on the outer heel. _Is he- Is he wearing makeup? What the fuck, Sokka?_ Zuko squints at him. _Yeah, he’s definitely wearing eyeliner. Why’s his face so shiny? And lipgloss? Sokka?_ Zuko glances over, taking Hahn’s disgusted lip curl in. _Spirits, I’m gonna wipe that stupid fucking look off your face._ Jet grins, glancing over Sokka’s outfit. 

“Lookin good, hotstuff.” He winks, leaving Sokka puffing up his chest in confidence. 

“Fuck yeah, I do.” 

“Yeah, if you’re into queers,” Hahn answers. Jet rounds on him, his face immediately switching from easy-going to fury. 

“What did you just say?” 

“Oh, another hero type, huh?” Hahn shoots, back, looking Jet up and down dismissively. 

"What the _fuck_ did you just _say?"_ Jet repeats, taking an aggressive step towards Hahn.

“You should’ve heard what he called Zuko yesterday.” Sokka sits down next to Zuko, setting up his breakfast tray. _Fuck yeah, waffles._

“What? Ash maker?” Hahn replies, amusement dancing in his eyes. “You know you can’t do anything about it.” 

"Sokka, why don’t you fucking beat his ass to a pulp?" Jet turns his ire to Sokka for a single second, before facing Hahn again.

“I’ll get fired, Jet. Nothing says you can't, though!" Sokka cheerfully cuts a bite of food for Zuko, who's watching the two others in the room nervously. “Come on, sunshine. Ignore them.” _How am I supposed to ignore them squaring up two feet away? I'm not worth all of this anyway._ Jet’s jaw sets determinedly. 

“No, there isn’t,” he responds, taking another step towards Hahn. 

"What are you going to do about it, _tiny?_ " Hahn taunts, towering over Jet. _Don't fuck with Jet._ Jet closes the distance between them, his fist raising as the door creaks open again. 

“Jet?” Haru pokes his head in, glancing between Jet and Hahn. 

"Damnit!" Sokka swears from the bed, "Stop, Jet, if there's more than one of us here then we have to take responsibility." Jet backs up from Hahn, rolling his eyes. 

“Great timing, bud,” he shoots, squinting at Haru. 

"Don't be a salty ass because I stopped your beat-up. You’ll get kicked out of here for good if they catch you doing something stupid.” Haru answers, grabbing his boyfriend by the collar of his shirt. Jet smirks at Hahn, spinning around and catching Haru in a kiss. Hahn glowers from the corner, looking as if he’s about to throw up. 

"Is _everyone_ a queermo in this place?" Hahn spits, and Haru pulls away from Jet, glancing at Hahn with disdain. Jet takes a step towards Hahn, his face darkening again. 

“Jet, he’s not worth it. Let’s go.” Haru grabs his hand, tugging him towards the door. 

“I suppose I’ll see you later, my dear.” Jet blows a kiss at Zuko, shooting him a wink. He turns to his boyfriend, shooting him a playful smile. “Alright, pal, let’s kick it.” They step out of the room, the door clicking shut behind them. Sokka reaches for Zuko’s plate, bringing a bite up to Zuko’s mouth, who opens his mouth to accept it. 

“Really? You have to feed him?” Hahn shakes his head. “Absolutely useless.” 

“Do you not know anything about the flowerless? They literally can’t feed themselves,” Sokka answers, not even pretending to hide the irritation anymore. “Spirits, I can’t believe Yugoda stuck me with him again.” Sokka still doesn't look at Hahn, focusing intensely on furiously cutting up Zuko’s waffles. _You’re going to smush them! Calm down!_

"Calm down, pretty boy. It's not going to kill you.” 

"You know, for a straight guy, you sure do call me 'pretty boy' an awful lot. Got something you want to tell us?” Sokka answers, trying to hold back the smug look on his face. Hahn’s fists clench, and he takes a step towards Sokka. 

“You calling me a fa-” Sokka cuts him off with a shout. 

“Look at this! There’s chocolate chips in these waffles!” He exclaims, smiling widely at Zuko. _Stop arguing with him, Sokka, I swear to Agni above._ Hahn shakes his head, standing stubbornly in the corner. “We better hurry up, though, your uncle and Aang are waiting in the common room!” Zuko brightens up, his eye flicking to the door. _Hell yeah! Uncle Iroh!_

" _Uncle?_ Does he not have any parents, or did they just get tired of _him?_ " _Ignore him, Sokka. Don't let him antagonize you._ **_Please_ ** _. Not over me._

“I assure you, his uncle cares more about him than your parents ever cared about you.” Sokka answers, raising the final bite to Zuko’s lips. _Damnit! Stop saying shit! That's how you get punished!_ Sokka stands up, scooping Zuko into his arms and depositing him in his wheelchair. “Before we go, though, give me a second to hook up your tablet and speaker system.” Sokka smiles up at Zuko, reaching into his bag and digging through it, he pulls out a brand new tablet, plugging it into his speaker system. Sokka sets up the tablet, clicking it into some kind of holder, and attaching that to the arm of his wheelchair, settling it on Zuko’s right side. 

"It's not the best arrangement, but hey! It works! Most of the time. We just kind of hope it doesn't fall too often, these holders are a bit shoddy," Sokka says, turning on the tablet and clicking into an already downloaded text-to-speech app. He picks up Zuko's wrist, settling it on the arm rest so he can reach the tablet. “So, Zuko, how are you today?” Zuko stares at the tablet, straining his fingers to reach the screen. There’s a long pause, before-

“Garden. ” _Fuck. Why is there a_ **_garden button?_ **

Sokka tilts his head, his eyebrows raising in amusement. “Garden?” 

“Good.” Sokka laughs, his excitement filling the room. 

“Welcome to the land of the speaking, Fireboy.” Zuko glances at his tablet, his hand shaking as he focuses and types out his message. _I need to tell Sokka. He needs to know._

“ H...e...e...l...y… C...r...o...c...z… done. ” 

“Done?” 

“Dumb.” 

“Shit, I’ve got another Katara on my hands. Get off my back, hater,” Sokka laughs, reaching over to ruffle Zuko’s hair. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Sokka grabs Zuko’s turtleduck feather, easily weaving it in with a few strands of loose hair. Hahn rolls his eyes, scoffing. 

“That feather _again?_ ” Hahn scoffs. Sokka visibly bristles, an angry breath hissing through his teeth as he turns to respond. 

“Stop.” Zuko glares at Sokka, his mouth twitching to a frown. 

“What’s up?” Sokka says, turning his head to Zuko. 

“ Wants react. Do no.  ” Zuko fumbles with the buttons, but manages to get his message across. _Why are ‘no’ and ‘not’ right fucking next to each other? This is a stupid app._ Sokka glances at Hahn, then back to Zuko. 

“Fine. Let’s just go see your uncle.” He raises to his feet, stepping behind Zuko’s wheelchair. 

“Aren’t I supposed to push him?” 

“Not anymore, buddy!” Sokka answers, pushing off. “Stay away from his left, I won’t be so forgiving next time,” he warns, starting off down the halls. 

“You barely did anything last time,” Hahn reminds him.

“I know.” 

“Stop. ” Zuko slaps the button. _Spirits, how do I shout using this thing? Is there a caps lock? Would that even do anything? It should._

“Listen to the firebender. Wouldn’t wanna get kicked out, _Sokka._ ”

“ You… stop.... d...i...c...k…  ” Zuko types, his jaw setting. Sokka snorts from behind him, but _\- finally, spirits -_ doesn’t say anything. _Good._

Sokka wheels Zuko through the entrance of the common room, quickly finding Iroh’s table and bringing Zuko to him. Zuko looks up, his mouth twitching to a smile. Iroh’s sitting at a table, drinking from a thermos filled with what must be tea. Aang is next to him, talking animatedly with Katara. As he moves his hands around, one of them brushes Katara’s, and they both withdraw their hands, blushing furiously. 

“Nephew,” Iroh greets, an easy smile spreading across his face. 

Zuko concentrates on the keyboard, biting his lip. “ U… n... v... l...e. ” Iroh’s face lights up, his calm demeanor splitting with a grin. 

“You can speak!” He stands, stepping to Zuko’s side and pulling him into a tight hug. Zuko twists his wrist, clenching on to Iroh’s robe as tight as he can, the closest he can get to hugging him back. Zuko can feel tears spring to his eye, a smile pulling at his lips again. _Spirits, I missed you_ . Aang leaps to his feet behind Iroh, dashing to Zuko’s right. _Sokka must’ve told them too._

“You can talk?” he basically cheers, grabbing Zuko’s shoulder and shaking him in celebration. Zuko glances at his tablet, lifting his fingers again. _Spirits, this is getting harder and harder._ Zuko fights back a yawn, pushing through to answer Aang. 

“King of.” _WHY IS KING NEXT TO KIND?_ _WHY ARE MY FINGERS SO CLUMSY?_ _WHY IS THERE A BUTTON FOR KING BUT NOT FOR ‘DOES’?_ Aang smiles widely. 

“That’s cool,” he responds, shrugging. _Thanks for not making it a big deal._ Katara stays seated, raising an eyebrow at Zuko. 

“What. ” _Thank fucking Agni I tapped the_ **_right fucking button_ ** _._

“Katara, be nice,” Sokka shakes his head at her. 

“Yeah, Katara, Zuko’s cool,” Aang pipes up, smiling at her, a dusting of blush covering his cheeks. Katara meets his eyes, smiling at him softly, and glances at Zuko again. 

“Congrats, Zuko.” She finally says. 

“And Sokka, you’re looking good! Where’d you get that skirt?” Aang asks, tilting his head. Sokka opens his mouth to answer, getting cut off by Hahn’s scoff. Aang glances at him, smiling kindly. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you, I’m Aang. What’s your name?” 

“Is that Hahn?” Katara asks, an eyebrow raising and a hand landing on her hip. Sokka coughs into his hand pointedly.

“Oh, I’m flattered. You told your _sister_ about me.” 

“I mean, who wouldn’t?” Sokka says. “You have… such a… _charming personality.”_ Aang looks between the two, finally seeming to notice the tension lingering in the air. 

“Sokka, who is this?” 

“This is Hahn, he’s new. I’m training him. Well, being forced to train him.” 

“Be less excited about it, _Sokka,_ ” Hahn spits, glaring at him. 

“ Stop .” 

“You’re right, Fireboy, this is immature of me.

“You would do well to learn some respect,” Iroh starts, pinning Hahn with a firm stare. _Oh, shit, not the ‘Uncle stare’. That’s the worst one._

“I’m not scared of you, tubby.” _WHAT DID HE CALL UNCLE?_ Zuko’s hands heat up, his stomach turning with rage. 

“You tell yourself that. But a young man with that much hatred in his heart doesn’t have a very kind future.” Iroh takes a sip from his thermos. “If you want to spend your life making people miserable, at the end of the day, you’ll find yourself worse off. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’m having a visit with my dear nephew.” Iroh turns away from Hahn, who’s sputtering in disbelief, focusing instead on Zuko. “So tell me, nephew, how’s your recovery coming?”

“Garden. ” _COME THE FUCK ON._ Iroh smiles patiently. “ Good.” 

“He’s still learning how to use the tablet,” Sokka says, holding the back of his skirt to his legs so he can sit. He plops in the chair next to Zuko, throwing his arm around Zuko’s shoulders. “Let me know if you get too tired, I know this must be tiring. It’s a lot of work.” Two blinks. _Wait, I don’t have to do that anymore. It conserves my energy, at least._

“You are making amazing progress, Nephew. I am so proud.” Iroh beams, turning to Sokka. “Something you’re doing seems to be working.” Sokka puffs up his chest proudly, a hand landing on Zuko’s shoulder. 

“It’s really all him. I’m just here for emotional support and to look pretty,” Sokka quips, leaning back in his chair. 

“Pfft, you’re doing a terrible job then,” Katara laughs. “Your shirt’s untucked in the back.”

“F-- Dammit, again?” Sokka throws Iroh a glance, switching from the harsher curse. Iroh doesn’t glance up from his cup. Sokka wiggles in his chair, pushing the back of his shirt into the waistband of his skirt. _Seriously though, Sokka, a skirt? Boys don’t wear skirts._ Zuko glances away. _No matter how good they look in them. What? Shut up, brain._

“It was kinda cute, like a turtle duck tail!” Aang comments, shooting a smile at Sokka. 

“Don’t call my brother cute, it’ll boost his ego!” Katara lightly punches Aang’s shoulder, smiling playfully. 

“Oh, speaking of turtle ducks!” Aang reaches behind his back, pulling out a bunch of fire lilies. 

“Where... keep. How.” 

“A magician never reveals his secrets.” Aang winks at Zuko, smiling softly. 

“ Thank. Like… single... garden.  ” _For once I actually meant to press it. Why is there a ‘garden’ button but no flower?_

“Yeah, pretty much! Single garden, bunch of flowers, what’s the difference?” Aang shrugs. _Is he patronizing me?_

Zuko reaches for the tablet again, but feels a wave of exhaustion roll over him, and can’t move his hand. Zuko glances at Sokka, his eye filling with tears of frustration. _Come on! I was just doing it! I barely even said anything. I WANT TO TALK TO UNCLE!_

“Give yourself some time, Lizard Boy. It’s tiring.” 

“ _Lizard boy?_ ” Hahn speaks up for the first time since Iroh shut him down. Katara shoots to her feet, some water dancing between her fingers. _Is she a waterbender?_

“Step off, you jerk.” 

“Or wh-” Hahn’s cut off by a stream of water slapping him, before trailing the water over Hahn’s head and dropping it on him with a _splash_ , soaking him through. Katara laughs to herself, sitting back down. _Is Sokka a bender too?_

“Katara!” Sokka scolds. “You waterbend that off him right now, I don’t need another reason to get in trouble! And he’s gonna get me wet too.” _Huh. Guess not._ She sighs, rolling her eyes, and reaches her hands out, lifting the water off of him. 

“You’re on thin ice, jackass,” she warns, returning the water to a cup. “Anyone gonna drink this?” She glances around the table, her eyes dancing in amusement. 

“No one wants to drink your bending water, Katara.” Sokka reaches across the table, knocking her with his foot. She shakes her head at him, laughing softly. 

“How touching.” Hahn rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Watch it, asshole,” Katara warns, “I don’t really want to smell wet dog again.” Sokka’s phone beeps, and he glances at the clock. 

“Well, it’s about that time, you guys.” He pushes himself to his feet, resting his hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “It looks like our friend needs some rest anyway.” Two blinks. _Fuck, I’m tired. It’s not even noon!_ Sokka smiles, grabbing Zuko’s wheelchair. Sokka leans down, whispering into Zuko’s ear. “We can just hang out in your room, I’ll start your mural.” Two blinks. Sokka waves his goodbyes to the group as they exit the community room. “I’ll see you guys in a couple weeks!” He calls, waving them off. 

“Stop leaving me behind, _Sokka._ You’re supposed to be training me, _remember?_ ” Hahn crosses his arms, shooting Sokka a dire glare. 

“I’m not training you, Hahn. I’m waiting until you get booted out of here.” 

“Well that’s not happening anytime soon. If anything, _you’ll_ be the one kicked out for being such a shitty teacher.” 

_Come on Sokka. Don’t say anything. You should know better by now._

“Strong words, from such an absolute asshole. You don’t know jack about shit,” Sokka responds. _Shut up, Sokka!_ _You’re baiting him! Stop!_ They turn a corner, walking past Yugoda’s office. 

“At least I’m not a fag-” Yugoda’s door opens, an appalled look on her face. 

“What were you saying?” Sokka turns to Hahn, a smug grin splitting his face. 

“Nothing,” Hahn shoots back, shaking his head and turning away from Yugoda. 

“No, Hahn, I’d like to hear this. What _were_ you saying?” Yugoda asks, her eyebrows pulling together. Sokka crosses his arms triumphantly, his chin raising with a cocky smirk playing across his lips. “Because it sounds to me, as if you were planning on calling Sokka a slur.” 

“Ugh, you too, Yugoda? I thought somebody of the older generation wouldn’t be so easily triggered.” 

“Your father won’t be thrilled that you lost yet another job, Hahn. He very well might pull you back to the Northern Water Tribe.” Hahn’s face pales, his eyes widening. 

“C’mon Yugoda, you wouldn’t-” 

“Yes, I would. I’m very disappointed in you. I thought you had met my daughter’s partner and knew better than to spew your hatred in _my_ building. Leave. And if I catch you so much as thinking about my institute again, you’ll be packed for the Northern Tribe faster than you can think of a new insult to shout about.” She crosses her arms, catching him with a withering glare. Hahn lets out a huff of frustration, pushing past Sokka. 

“Whatever. I’m sick of being around that _freakbender_ anyway. I can barely stomach looking at him.” Sokka glances at Yugoda, shaking with barely contained rage. Yugoda shrugs, shooting him a small smile as she turns away and closes her door behind her. 

“Thank Tui and La,” Sokka exclaims, and he finally swings at Hahn, faster than lightning. His fist makes a satisfying _crunch_ as it connects with Hahn’s nose, and he pulls his fist back to his own jaw, settling into a defensive position. _Sokka what the fuck!_

“Hell yeah, Sokka!” Jet cheers from down the hallway, running at Hahn himself. _Oh, Agni. This is too much._

“Jet, no!” Haru grabs the back of Jet’s shirt, holding him back. 

“Haru, if you don’t-” 

“You’re gonna make it worse.” Haru silences him, stepping into the fray only to grab Zuko and pull his wheelchair out of the way. Toph steps forward, standing next to Zuko and grabbing his hand. Zuko startles, his heart pounding so hard he can hear it from his inner ear. _Fuck! People need to stop approaching from behind!_

Sokka and Hahn are pacing around each other, each looking for an opening. _Sokka, don’t. He’s not worth it,_ **_I’m_ ** _not worth it!_ “Kick his ass, Sokka!” Jet shouts. _Shut up, Jet!_

“Yeah, Sokka!” Toph calls, even though _they’re not caught up on the story. “Let’s see some blood!” You can’t even see! Someone stop them!_ A spark jumps from Zuko’s free hand, his panic overflowing. _Sokka! Stop it!_

Hahn swings at Sokka, who steps and ducks off to the side, easily dodging the blow. He counters with an elbow in the stomach, knocking the wind out of Hahn. “Maybe you’ll shut up for a minute,” he taunts, laughing as Hahn hunches over. In his mini-victory, he fails to notice Hahn kicking out, knocking Sokka’s feet out from under him. Sokka falls to the ground, landing with a thud as Hahn stands above him, pulling a foot back, about to kick him. Sokka shoots him with a cocky grin, grabs his foot, and yanks, pulling him down next to him, slamming Hahn’s chin onto the ground. 

“Damn, Snoozles, I felt that one!” Toph cheers, pumping a fist in the air. Zuko’s barely paying attention, because _oh Agni,_ _his skirt is hitching up. Pull that fucking thing down, Sokka! Why are you even wearing a skirt!_ His cheeks burn red. _Spirits, why am I looking?_ Zuko squeezes his eye shut. _I don’t want to watch this, anyway._

“What the hell?” Jeong Jeong’s voice breaks through the ringing in Zuko’s ear. _Finally, someone will stop them._ Sokka jumps off of Hahn, straightening his skirt and dusting himself off quickly. 

“He started it!” Hahn shouts, shoving a finger in Sokka’s face, wiping his bloody nose with the back of his other hand. Yugoda’s door opens again, and she pops her head out. 

“What are you still doing here? I told you to _get out_.” She glares at him, before looking up at Jeong Jeong. “Get him out of here,” she asks him, waving Hahn away. Jeong Jeong looks between the two boys, before grabbing Hahn’s shoulder and pulling him towards the door. Sokka turns to Zuko, smiling at him softly. “Sokka, don’t get used to fighting people in my building. It won’t happen again,” Yugoda promises, pinning him under a glare. 

“It sure won’t, Yugoda! There’ll be no need.” He shrugs, shooting a glance back at Yugoda as he walks to Zuko’s wheelchair. Yugoda steps into her office again, muttering something about the ‘paperwork I need to do now’. “C’mon Fireboy, we’ve got a wall to paint.” Sokka shoots a wink at Jet. “I’ll see you next time, dude.” 

“Goodbye for now, my sweet prince.” Jet winks back at Sokka, turning to his boyfriend with an adoring smile. “Is it okay if I stick around for a bit longer, buddy boy?” 

“I mean, as long as Toph’s fine with it. Just don’t tell Yugoda,” Haru answers, pressing a small kiss to Jet’s hairline. Zuko watches the exchange, before looking away and fixing his lap with a hard stare. _Shut up. Don’t be a dick. Not their fault you can’t get a girl to like you._ Sokka grabs Zuko’s wheelchair and pushes off, steering towards Zuko’s room. 

“Finally, some peace and quiet,” Sokka sighs, smiling at the back of Zuko’s head. Zuko blinks twice, instinctively. He goes to reach for his tablet, but another wave of exhaustion hits him, and he drops his hand in defeat. “Hey, _asik,_ don’t focus too much on it. You’ll get better as you practice, just like you did with moving. You’re pushing yourself too hard.” One blink. _Shut up, you don’t know shit._ Zuko sighs in frustration. _I was just able to talk, and now… I’m fucking back to blinking._

Sokka pushes Zuko into his room, lifting him out of the wheelchair. He lets Zuko sit against the wall, so he can still look around.

“Wanna see something, _asik?”_ Sokka whispers conspiratorially, leaning in close. Zuko can really see the shimmer on his face now, highlighting his cheekbones. Two blinks. Sokka backs up, grinning, and spins in a quick circle. The skirt puffs out around him, and Zuko flushes. _What the fuck! Sokka!_ Encouraged, Sokka makes another few spins, laughing when he stumbles in the middle of one, tripping towards Zuko. “Spirits, that makes me dizzy,” he laughs, falling on the bed next to Zuko. His arms fall out to his sides, smiling at the ceiling. 

_I wonder what Father would think of Sokka. Spirits, he’d burn him alive. Obviously, it’s not too far out of his personality. He’s kinda fucked. Whatever, he’s never gonna meet Sokka anyway. No reason for him to. Good. Sokka doesn’t need to be around that guy._

“Have you ever worn a skirt, sunshine?” Sokka asks, turning his head to look up at Zuko. One blink. _Obviously_ . Sokka shoots him a grin. “It’d look good on you.” Sokka pushes him affectionately, smiling up at him, his eyes filled with… something. _What’s he looking at me like that for?_ Sokka finally sits up, stretching until his back cracks. “Oof, that’s a good one.” Sokka gets up, rolling across the floor and landing in front of the wall. He reaches into his bag, pulling out his sketchbook and a small collection of paints. He spreads the colors out around him, before grabbing his brushes. Zuko watches closely, squinting. Sokka leans back, chewing on the wooden end of his brush, before finally dipping his brush in a bit of green paint, drawing the brush across the bottom of the wall. 

_What is that? Grass? Who starts with grass? Shut up, you don’t know anything about painting._ Sokka keeps switching between different shades of green. _What’s he doing? Why won’t he just stick with one color?_ Sokka glances up, catching Zuko’s eye. 

“I’m making sure that there’s different colors of grass, because when the light hits the grass it leads to an array of colors. Having one color will make it look flat, fake. I want this to be more along the realism track,” Sokka explains, dipping his brush in some more paint. _Ah, yes, I understood most of that. Realism, that’s a thing. I guess that makes sense…?_ Sokka turns back to his wall, biting his lip in concentration. Zuko leans back against the wall, smiling to himself. 

_I’ve got a pretty nice little set up._ He leans his head back, listening to Sokka’s humming. _I’m lucky. That I got Sokka. He really cares about this place. He cares about me. He cares a lot._

Sokka, feeling Zuko’s gaze, turns around and shoots a crooked grin at him. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” _Shut up._

\--

Sokka’s fingers work quickly, changing Zuko’s bandages with paint stained fingers. “I’m glad we finally had more of a lowkey night. With Hahn around, it’s just been too much.” Sokka wipes his hands off on his skirt, his hands falling on his hips. Zuko’s gaze twitches back down to the skirt. _Agni, it’s so weird. What kind of boy just wears a skirt like it’s nothing?_

Sokka’s hands land in Zuko’s hair, carefully undoing the braid that’s keeping the feather in Zuko’s hair. “So it doesn’t get ruined.” He sets it carefully next to Zuko’s koala-bear, which is in it’s normal spot, protecting his fresh fire lilies. 

“Let’s lay you down, it’s been an… exciting day.” Two blinks. Sokka helps Zuko lay back, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. “Get some rest, _asik._ ” Sokka pauses on the edge of Zuko’s bed, almost as if there’s something else he wants to say or do. _What?_ Sokka physically shakes himself out of it, shooting a half smile to Zuko’s confused look. “I just want you to know, I’m totally willing to punch any asshats who fuck with you. Flower or no.” Sokka looks away, a light pink settling under the shimmer sitting on his cheeks. _Is he blushing?_ “That is, if you’d want that.” He catches Zuko’s eye, who’s eyebrow is pulled in. _What’s he talking about?_ No blinks, because _what am I supposed to say to that? What’s he asking?_ Sokka shoots to his feet, shaking his head wildly. “Nothing, nevermind.” 

He takes a couple quick steps towards the door. _Why’d you have to make it weird, Sokka?_ Sokka turns around, shooting a quick smile at Zuko. “I’ll see you tomorrow, duckling,” he promises, shooting his finger guns as he reaches the door. Zuko has to strain a bit to watch, but he can barely see the silhouette of Sokka hitting himself on the forehead, the lights of the hallway providing a backlight as he closes the door behind him. _Strange. ‘Duckling’ is a new one._

Zuko dreams of painted grass, bruised knuckles held in his own, the lingering taste of chocolate chip waffles, a spinning, laughing, _glowing_ boy in a skirt and shy smiles being swapped. Zuko wakes up with a red blush on his cheek, remembering the barest wisps of his dream, but a smile tugging at his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful for:  
> *my cowriters and beta readers  
> *my discord that brought all of us together  
> *every single commenter out there (ya'll have all my uwus)  
> *anyone who gives this story a half of a chance  
> Happy Thanksgiving, my American audience. To the rest of you, happy Thursday, enjoy the double update :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko/Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translation:   
> gik - pretty, lovely  
> asik - my dear  
> Iñugiksuķ - beautiful

"Alright, we've got a pretty chill day lined up! Your regular breathing exercises, some physical therapy, and then whaddya know, regular therapy! After that we can vibe in here while I paint, how's that sound?"  _ That sounds terrible and I hate you.  _ Zuko glances at the tablet, and sighs to himself. 

“ Good. ” 

"Perfect! Let's get a move on then!"  _ Not perfect. Opposite of perfect. What's the opposite of perfect again? It's not bad. It's not imperfect. Wait, is it?  _

Zuko lets Sokka lead him through the breathing exercise as usual, still occupied with remembering what the opposite of perfect is.  _ Terrible. Unperfect. Unperfect doesn't sound right, what kind of a word just has 'un' in front of it as it's opposite? That's dumb.  _

“You seem a little distracted. You nervous about therapy, or are you just having a think-y day again?”  _ No. I'm busy.  _

" No. "

“Then what’s wrong?” Sokka kneels so he’s eyelevel with Zuko, shooting him a winning grin. 

“ No… thing, I am okay. ” Zuko has gotten a bit better at using the app in the few days he’s had it, but he’s still slower than Kanna. _ It doesn’t help that the buttons on this thing are tiny.  _ Zuko thinks bitterly.  _ Damn, why am I such a bitch today?  _ Sokka raises his eyebrow, his mouth twitching into a frown.  _ Now he’s angry at you. Great job, Zuzu _ ! “ Sorry. ” 

“Nothing to be sorry for, duckling. I’m just worried about you. You’ve been unenthusiastic about the whole therapy thing, and now you’re kinda… out of it.”  __

“ Think… about word. ” 

“Which one?” 

“ Not… perfect… ” Zuko squints.  _ What’s the fucking word?  _

“Unperfect?” Sokka shrugs. 

“ No, can… not be. ” Zuko rolls his eye.  _ Idiot.  _

“Okayyyy...? Let’s just get to work on physical therapy then, Fireboy.”  _ Fuck.  _ Zuko hates physical therapy. He gets tired and cranky and so, so goddamn frustrated. And then, of course, he takes it out on Sokka, who doesn’t say anything about it, just keeps smiling and joking around, and then Zuko feels bad and plunges into silence, and it repeats.  _ At least it’s only twice a week. That’s not so bad.  _ “Let’s try not to hit me this time,” Sokka’s voice is joking, but Zuko can tell he’s serious.  _ It was an accident! I feel like shit about that, anyways.  _ Zuko breaks eye contact, staring down at the ground. 

Sokka plops the clipboard onto Zuko’s bed beside him, the paper covered in illiterate scribbles.  _ What the fuck does that say?  _

“First up is just some hand movements, you want to get started with that?” 

“ Yes. ” 

“Great! Alright, lemme just…” Sokka trails off as he picks up Zuko’s wrists, placing them palm down onto his own hands. Zuko flushes, glancing off to the side.  _ Spirits, I always act so weird during this part.  _ “Squeeze my hands.” Zuko does his best to wrap his fingers around Sokka’s hand and squeeze, but his hand isn’t cooperating very well. _ Come on, why do you only work like, half the time? Bitch.  _ Zuko’s eyebrow pulls in and down, his wrist twitching in his frustration.  _ That’s not what I wanted!  _ Sokka glances at him, smiling reassuringly. “It’s okay,  _ asik,  _ don’t stress about it.” 

_Stop patronizing me! And it’s not like I can_ ** _stop_** _stressing about it, so shut up._ “Let’s do the next one, huh?” One blink. “Come on, you can’t give up already.” _Yes I can. And I will._ Zuko meets Sokka’s eyes with a glare, before sighing to himself. _Fine._ Two blinks. “Perfect! Your wrist seems to be moving fine, you want to work on that?” _Sure._ Two blinks. “Go ahead and flip your hand over and back.” 

Zuko glances at his wrist, taking a centering breath before narrowing his focus onto his wrist.  _ I can feel the energy moving right there, why can’t I- FUCK!  _ His hands don’t respond.  _ God fucking damnit. Just work!  _ Zuko glances up at Sokka.  _ I’m wasting your time, just leave me alone.  _

“That’s alright, healing isn’t a straight slope. You go up and down and up again, it’s like a rollercoaster.”  _ It’s a shitty rollercoaster. Stop trying to be Uncle.  _ Sokka smiles at him. “Try again.”  _ Fuck you _ . But Zuko tries again anyway.  _ I don’t want to disappoint him. Not when he’s poured all this time into me.  _ Another deep breath. Another refocus. This time, his wrist-  _ doesn’t respond.  _ His jaw clenches, squinting at his hand.  _ I’m gonna cut you off.  _ He glances up at Sokka, catching a poorly disguised face of disappointment. 

_ Spirits, he’s wasting his time on me.  _ **_Me._ ** _ He’s so disappointed and then I’m going to get in trouble and it’s my fault I should be doing better.  _ Everything’s rising up around him, a wall of tears forming in his eye.  _ I need to be alone.  _ Zuko glances at the tablet, trying to push his hand over to it.  _ Come on! I need to-  _ One blink. Over and over again.  _ I need to be alone, Sokka! Go away!  _ Zuko’s breath shudders, his hands shaking out of his control.

And now Sokka's bent over him, trying to catch his eye, but Zuko's just so frustrated, so overwhelmed, it's too much and Sokka's too loud. His hands heat up, his anxiety boiling over and forcing itself out through his skin. Zuko strains his arms, he needs to cover his ears, he needs to mute it just a little bit. But his arms don't listen, and he rests a hand on Sokka's shoulder.  _ No! _ As he pushes Sokka away, a couple sparks dance from his fingers in the distance between the two.

“ _ Shit _ !” Sokka pulls away like he's been slapped, but _ no, that would've been better _ . He pushes the shoulder of his shirt off, glancing at the red skin below. “Zuko!”  _ Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!  _ Sokka sucks in a breath through his teeth, looking up at the ceiling.  _ Oh shit, what’s he gonna do?  _ Zuko can feel the tears finally break from his eye, rolling down his face.  _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to  _ **_please_ ** _ don’t be mad I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.  _

“Maybe we should be done with therapy today,” Sokka finally speaks, keeping a bit of distance between the two.  _ I didn’t mean to! Come back!  _ Zuko glances back and forth desperately at his tablet, his eyes wild. “It’s not your fault, I just- I need to get this looked at, okay?”  _ Give me the tablet!  _

Sokka steps out of the room, glancing back at Zuko as he closes the door behind him. _Agni-d_ _ amnit, Zuko, why are you  _ **_like this?_ ** _ You can’t even control your hands, you goddamn useless waste of space. Father’s right, goddamn it, you should just be locked away.  _ His face is sticky with the tears rolling down his cheek.  _ Fuck. I’m a mess. You hurt him. You  _ **_hurt_ ** _ him. He’s literally wasted months trying to help you and you burn him. Just like Father does. Like Father  _ **_did_ ** _. You’re no better than him. And besides, at least you deserved to be burned. Sokka… deserves so much better. Spirits, I’m worse than father.  _

Zuko drags his eye to the clock, he hasn’t been alone during the day since Sokka got back from his vacation. He watches the second hand click by slowly, the time seeming to drag on. Despite staring at the clock, he’s completely out of it and unsure of how much time passes before the door finally opens again. He feels his heart leap, and he glances over at the door, hoping against hope that it’s Sokka. 

“Are you ready for therapy?” Yugoda asks, striding in and holding her clipboard. She grabs the chair from the corner, dragging it to sit in front of Zuko. Either she doesn’t notice Zuko’s wet cheek or she doesn’t mention it. Zuko thanks the spirits either way. She pulls out a pen, jotting something down. “First week of therapy…” she mutters to herself as she writes. Zuko glances at his tablet, his mouth twitching to a frown. “Ah, yes.” She reaches over, grabbing his wrist and settling it so the tablet is in closer reach.  _ What’re we even going to talk about? Probably something stupid, like- _

“I noticed your parents never visit. Why is that?” Zuko squints, his jaw setting.  _ Fuck you _ . 

“ No. ” 

“We can start with something else, that’s fine. How’ve you been feeling today, Zuko?”  _ Like shit.  _

“ Fine. ” 

“I don’t think you are. Sokka swung by my office before we started.”  _ Sokka talked to you?  _ “He said you’re not feeling well today.” 

“ Fine. ”

Yugoda sighs. _ Shut up.  _

“Do you want to get better?”  _ Duh.  _ “Then trust me, and trust the program. You think Toph got as far as they did without taking therapy seriously?”  _ Toph doesn’t take anything seriously.  _ “Fine.” Yugoda goes to stand up. “If you’d rather sit here for the rest of your life, I can leave you alone.” She takes a step towards the door. 

“ No. ” Yugoda sits down again, with a ghost of a smug smile on her face.  _ Fuck you _ . 

“I know it’s been rough recently, what with the whole Hahn thing,”  _ Which was mostly your fault.  _ “but I’m here to help. Let me.” Zuko glances at his hand, trembling over the keyboard. 

“ Okay. ” 

“Let’s start over. How are you today, Zuko?” Zuko hesitates, feeling a ball of nerves rise up in his stomach, but he slowly starts to type. 

“ All… too many, so loud… hands hot. ” Yugoda makes a quick note. 

“Do you feel this way a lot?” 

“ Yes. ”  _ Don’t lie. Just tell the truth. You can handle that, at least.  _ His wrist twitches, a spark jumping from his skin again.  _ If I burn two people today I’m never forgiving myself. I’ll never firebend again. I can’t.  _ Yugoda watches it land on the carpet, bringing her foot out to step on it. 

“Do you lose control of your bending when you’re anxious?” 

“ Sometimes. Lots… no flower… no computer- ”  _ Fuck.  _ “ No control. ” 

“Ah, I see. Was it easier to control before?” 

“ Calm yes. ” Zuko searches for the word he wants, his eye squinting. “ Crazy no. ” 

“You think you’re crazy, Zuko?”  _ What would you call it?  _

“ Too loud… shake hands and… spark. Feel going throw up. Head… screams. ”  _ Spirits, she’s gonna discharge me from here and send me to a crazy bin.  _

“You’re not crazy. That’s anxiety. A lot of people have it, it’s common, especially in trauma survivors.”  _ I am  _ **_not_ ** _ a trauma survivor. Shut up.  _ She seems to pause, weighing her next words carefully. “Or abuse survivors.” Zuko flinches.  _ I’m not an abuse survivor either! I shouldn’t have gotten that shit grade, I shouldn’t have tried to steal food from Father, I shouldn’t have-  _ “Zuko? Are you still there?” Zuko glances up at her. “You seem like you’re spiraling.” 

“ No t...r...a...u...m...a ” He pokes the tablet screen, trying to get his irritation across. Yugoda raises her eyebrow, but chooses not to comment. 

“Would you like to talk about your family?” 

“ No. ” 

“What about your uncle? He seems fond of you.” 

“ I...r...o...h… good. ” 

“Are your parents not?” Zuko ignores her question, straining for the buttons. 

“ Likes tea… j...a...s...m...i...n...e.... Good. Tea… shop I work… sometimes. ”  _ That was practically unintelligible, Agni.  _

“So you have a job?” 

“ Yes. ” 

“Do you miss working with your uncle?” 

“ I… miss him… no job… ” 

Yugoda chuckles under her breath. “What’d you usually do at his shop?” 

“ Make… tea and… customer order. ” 

“Doesn’t quite sound like the ideal job for a teen, but it seems like you enjoyed it. How was working customer service?” 

“ No… like… shout. People… shout me.” 

“I can imagine that would be rough. Did you feel the same then as you do now?” 

“ Yes. Hide… back… and breathe big. Uncle… kick out… people… shout me. ”  _ Agni, I’m exhausted. _

“Your uncle sounds like a good man, Zuko.”

“ Yes. ”  _ Better than I am. He deserves a better nephew.  _

“Can you tell me about your scar?” 

Zuko’s blood runs cold, his hands shaking and sparks dancing wildly across his skin. He can feel his breath hitch - _ again? control yourself, fucking hell-  _ his head light. “Hey, Zuko. Focus on me.” He blinks once. Twice. Looks up and catches Yugoda’s gaze. “Let’s talk about something else.”  _ Good. That’s good.  _ Two blinks. 

“ Hurts. ”  _ Why am I telling her this?  _ His eye fills with tears, his gaze unfocusing. “ Hurts. Ugly. ” 

“Have you seen yourself since you got it?” Yugoda questions, tilting her head.

“ No. I… know H...a...h...n… say… freak bend… I know… am… more ugly now. ”

“Hahn has his own reasons for being cruel, but you don’t need to let what he says dictate your views on yourself. I’ve heard Sokka with you, he showers you in compliments. Why don’t you listen to him instead?” 

“ His job… I… ” Zuko’s eye wells up with tears again, his mind racing, “ burn S...o- ” his hand drops limp. He can’t force himself to keep typing,  _ I’m so fucking tired. I want to go home. _

“You burned Sokka?” Zuko stares at the wall, locking up.  _ I can’t do this. Not right now.  _ Yugoda waits for a response, then sighs softly. “I guess we’re done for today. I’m going to put in an order for some anxiety meds. I think that’ll help. I’ll see you at the same time next week.” She stands, hesitating slightly before patting Zuko’s back awkwardly. “Thank you for sharing so much today.” She steps out of the room without another word, leaving Zuko in his self inflicted silence. 

_ I barely said anything. Are her standards for me that low? Or did she say that to hide her disappointment? Is she going to use that against me? Fuck, this is like Azula all over again.  _ Zuko glances back to the clock, his eye glazing over again as he watches the clock tick by.  _ I wonder if Sokka will ever come back. He shouldn’t. I fucked up. I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see me again.  _

The hours drag by, Zuko stuck in a pit of self loathing. The door creaks open slowly, and Sokka finally steps in. Zuko looks away from the clock, immediately straining to reach for his tablet.  _ Come on! I need to get this!  _ His muscles strain, pushing and pulling against themselves, but slowly, so slowly, he’s able to push his hand towards the tablet. He taps it awake, hitting a button at random. Sokka’s sitting on the edge of the bed now, patiently waiting for Zuko to type what he needs to. 

“ So… so… so so so… sorry. Hands… hot… head loud and… hurt and… can not… hands bad. So sorry. So sorry. Sorry. ” Zuko hits the same two buttons on a loop, unable to bring himself to look at Sokka. 

“Zuko,” Sokka says, interrupting his rapid repeat of ‘sorry’s. “I’m fine. Katara took a look at it.” He pulls his shoulder out of his shirt again, showing his formerly burned skin. “It was barely enough to leave a mark, she didn’t even need to heal it. It wasn’t any hotter than if I had dumped a glass of tea on myself. Just a little… surprising.” Sokka glances at Zuko’s hand, a small smile pulling at his lips. “I didn’t know you were actually a bender.” 

Zuko twitches his fingers, the exhaustion pulling at his bones but pushing through it anyway. “ Can’t… control… with no flowers… ” Sokka nods. 

“I’ve never thought about it, but it makes sense.” He reaches out, ruffling Zuko’s hair. “It’s okay, duckling. I don’t blame you.” He glances at the tablet, Zuko’s hand trembling with overexertion. “You seem tired. Do you want to sit in bed?” Two blinks. Sokka scoops him up, depositing him in bed. He helps Zuko lean up against the wall, dropping on the bed next to him and resting his elbow on Zuko’s shoulder, leaning his head to the side to rest it on his own bicep.  _ This is nice.  _ Zuko’s eye slides shut, and he relaxes for the first time all day. 

  
  


\--

  
  


A week later, Sokka’s sitting across the room, working on Zuko’s mural. He’s painting some details on the turtle ducks that are slowly taking form, humming along to the song playing. Zuko blinks, squinting at the starting melody of the next song.  _ That sounds familiar.  _ After a bit of a pause, the lyrics begin. Sokka sings along, lighting up with a smile. 

“ _ Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars _ …” his rough voice fills the room, and suddenly Zuko can’t remember what the original song sounded like because  _ spirits, he’s amazing.  _ “ _ Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars _ .” Sokka’s voice dips and rises with the melody, his body swaying slightly with the song.  _ “In other words… hold my hand,” _ Sokka croons softly, “ _ In other words, baby, kiss me.”  _ Sokka stands up, abandoning his paints and stepping across the room to Zuko. He grabs his hands and starts shimmying offbeat to the music as he continues singing. 

Zuko feels his cheeks light up, much more than they should. He wasn’t expecting the sudden contact, he wasn’t expecting the joy on Sokka’s face as he pseudo-danced with the boy in the wheelchair. And he  _ certainly _ wasn’t expecting Sokka to tip his head back and laugh as the song ended. “You could stand to be a more involved dance partner, sunshine.” Sokka winks at Zuko, twirling on his heel and returning to his side of the room.  _ Play the song again. I liked it! _ The next song starts up instead, and Zuko huffs to himself, rolling his eye.  _ Learn to read my thoughts or something. It’d be easier. _

The door creaks open, and Yugoda steps in, slightly surprised when she catches sight of Sokka sitting in Zuko’s room. “Sokka! I didn’t think you’d still be in here.” He jumps to his feet, knocking over one of the bottles of paint.  _ Good thing that was closed. I don’t want a green carpet. _

“Oh! I was just working on Zuko’s mural!” He steps to the side, motioning at it. “What do you think?” She barely glances at it. 

“ _ Iñugiksuķ _ ,  _ Soh-ka, _ ”  _ You didn’t even look!  _ The rest of their conversation continues in a different language, Sokka motioning at the mural with a laugh and Yugoda checking it out again. She shakes her head as she responds, sitting on the chair she’s moved to the middle of the room.  _ What’s going on?  _ Sokka crosses the room to join Zuko’s side, throwing an arm around Zuko. 

“Whatever you have to say to him, you can say to me!” He answers in English-  _ finally! _ \- leaving Yugoda pursing her lips. 

“Therapy is private, Sokka. You know this.” He lets out a boisterous laugh, ruffling Zuko’s hair. 

“Just kidding, ‘Goda.” He stands with a stretch, smiling at Zuko fondly. “I’ll see you later,  _ as-  _ er-” He glances at Yugoda, “Fireboy.” She raises an eyebrow at him, before motioning for him to leave the room. “Alright, geez!” Sokka laughs, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. Yugoda pulls her clipboard out, glancing up at Zuko as she writes her notes. 

“Week two, let’s get started. Kanna went home yesterday, how does that make you feel? I know you two were friends.” 

“ Happy... her. Home.” 

“And how are you feeling today?”

Zuko thinks for a moment, considering his options. He reaches for the screen again, typing out his answer. “ Better than… last…. ” 

“Do you think those new meds are helping?” 

He  _ hates _ to admit it, but, “ Yes. ” 

“I’m glad. We left off last time while,” she stops to check her notes, her gaze flying across the page, “talking about your scar. Do you want to keep talking about that?” 

“ No. ” Definitely not. 

“That’s alright!” she gives him a reassuring smile. “How are you and Sokka getting along? He’s a good kid, so I’m not too worried, but I like to check in.” 

“ He is… good. ” Zuko smiles to himself, thinking over his time with him. “ Funny… nice and… smart. ” 

“You might be the first person to describe Sokka as smart,” she laughs softly.  _ Hey, fuck you.  _

“ Smart. More smart... than me. ” 

“You’re pretty smart yourself. Have you taken some time to reflect on how much progress you’ve made since you came?” 

Zuko considers that, his eyebrow drawing towards the middle of his forehead. “ No. ” 

“Let’s review.”  _ Let’s not.  _ “You started a little over three months ago, since then you’ve already started moving mostly of your own accord, you’re communicating, and Sokka told me you laughed last month. That’s unheard of.” 

_ You make me sound so much more accomplished than I am. I can barely do anything. Hell, half the time I can barely control my hand.  _

“And you have firebending, somewhat. How’s that been, by the way? Have the meds helped you from getting worked up so quickly?” 

“ Sometimes… still hot. Better. ”  _ And no more burns, which is good.  _

“That’s great! At least you won’t be at risk of burning my facility down now.” Zuko glances at her, and the smile on her face gives away that she’s joking. 

“ You. Different than. I think before. No… scary. ” 

“Well, I’m glad I’m not scary to you anymore, Zuko,” Yugoda says, pursing her lips to avoid grinning. “What do you want to do when you get out of here?” 

“ Uncle… says I… move in. Work and… help at… shop. Finish… school and… take a gap. year. ” Zuko beams with pride as best he can.  _ All the right buttons, hell yeah.  _

“That sounds fun! You’re not going to live with your parents?” Yugoda questions, tilting her head. 

“ I… ” Zuko pauses longer than normal, staring at his lap. “ No mom. ”

“Oh, did she pass away?” 

“ I don’t… know. Gone. ” He takes a steadying breath, looking at the corner with his spider-buddy.  _ You won't ask questions, right? _

“I’m sorry, Zuko. That’s gotta be rough. You chose to stay with your dad though, you two must be close.” 

“ No. No. No.” 

Yugoda stops, studying Zuko with curious eyes. “Not close? Then why’d you stay?” 

“ No… more. ” Zuko can’t look at her.  _ It’s too much, I can’t.  _

“We can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about?” 

Zuko hesitates, his hand hovering over his tablet. “ What do I… look… like? ” 

“You look like a teen boy,” Yugoda says, shrugging slightly.

“ My… eyes. ” 

“Yes?” 

“ Scar. I want… see. ” 

“I don’t think that’d be very good for you right now.”

“ I want see. ” Zuko narrows his eyes determinedly, keeping intense eye contact. “ Not you, then S...o...k...k...a… ” He sets his jaw. 

“Sokka won’t either,” Yugoda says gently. “What do you think will happen if you see your scar? It won’t go away.”  _ Fuck you.  _

“ I need… see. S...o...k...k...a… look every day. My face. It my face. ” He pokes at the screen to show his agitation. Bad habits be damned.  _ I want to see. _

“Yes, but it’s still healing. This isn’t the end yet.”

Zuko’s eye fills with tears of frustration, breaking eye contact with Yugoda.  _ I can’t even see my own Agni-damned face?  _

“Why do you want to see it, Zuko?” Yugoda asks eventually, letting him sit in silence for a few minutes.

“ Want see. Ugly. Want see how much. ”

“That’s not going to do you any good. You know that.”  _ But I don’t  _ **_care._ **

“ Do not… care. Need… see. ” 

“Let’s talk about something else.” 

“ No. ” Another slap to the screen. 

“Then we’re done for today.” She stands up, pressing a hand to his shoulder. “I’ll see you next week.” 

_ Stop doing that! I want to see!  _ He reaches for his tablet again. “ No. ” 

“You’re not going to listen to me and we’re not getting any further here.” Yugoda shakes her head, sighing softly. 

“ Y...u...g… ” Before he can even finish typing her name, she’s gone, the silence echoing around him.  _ Fuck. _ He glances up at the clock with a sigh.  _ Now to wait for Sokka to get back.  _

Less than two minutes pass before the door opens again, and Sokka steps in. “Hey, duckling! Let’s get you in bed, I bet you’re tired again.” He goes to lift Zuko, who reacts quickly. 

“ No. ” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“ See. Want see… face. ” If he could, he’d be on his knees pleading.  _ But then I could just look myself.  _

Sokka chuckles nervously, scratching the back of his head. “I’m not sure if that’s the best idea. Yugoda said you might try and convince me to let you see.” 

“ Is… that bad? ” Zuko finally learned how to use the ‘?’ function the other day. “ Is… so ugly? ” 

“You stop that. It’s neither of those things. It’s a wound. It looks like a wound.”

“ Why not… see? ” Zuko knows he's being a semi-manipulative ass, but  _ spirits, I need to see.  _ “ You embarrassed? ” 

“No. And that’s final,  _ gik. _ Yugoda’s orders. You can see it when she says you can.”  _ Bastard!  _ Zuko glares at Sokka, his mouth twitching in disappointment. “You can glower all you want, but I think she’s right. I don’t want you spiraling.” 

_ I wouldn’t! Dick! Just let me see it!  _ Sokka lifts Zuko easily, settling him in bed, leaving him leaned up against the wall as usual.  _ Don’t touch me.  _ Sokka hesitates, choosing not to sit next to him. Instead, he walks back to the wall and sits down, looking up at it contemplatively. “What should I do next?” 

_ Leave me alone.  _ “I think I might start some of the fire lilies.” 

_You should_ ** _start_** _letting me see my own fucking face. Asshole._ The rest of the afternoon continues in relative silence, Sokka singing along to his music and Zuko hurling unrelenting insults at Sokka in his head until he finally dozes off. 

\-- 

The next week, Sokka wheels Zuko back from the common room, where he had just seen Kanna for the first time since she left. “I know it’s not visiting day, but I figured it might be nice for you to see her.” 

“ Yes. ” 

“It’s been really nice having her home. She’s actually been teaching me how to knit!” Zuko can practically hear Sokka’s smile. “Her hands are still a bit clumsy, so I help her turn the needles and stuff, but she’s doing great! It’s also awesome having somebody else home for Katara.” 

“ What? ” 

“Oh, y’know, with our dad being gone all the time, and Gran-Gran being here, me and ‘Tara were on our own for a while. We had a nanny at some point, but then I got old enough to watch Katara so then it was just us! But now that Gran-Gran is home, she finally has somebody else to talk to.” 

“ I am happy for you and her. ” 

“Thanks, buddy. You ready for therapy?” 

“ Okay. ” 

“Come on, Zuko, I know you’ve got more thoughts than that.” Sokka laughs, shaking his head. 

“ I am nervous. Lot to say. ” he finally answers, his jaw set in determination. 

“Huh, that’s kind of foreboding,” Sokka responds, opening Zuko’s door. Yugoda’s already sitting in her chair, her pen flying a mile a minute over the paper.  _ What do you even write in that?  _ She looks up from her work, smiling at the boys. Her and Sokka trade a couple words in the language Zuko will never understand, before Sokka’s hand lands on his shoulder. “I’ll see you later, fireboy.” He exits the room, closing the door carefully behind him. Yugoda folds her hands over her lap, looking at Zuko over her glasses. 

“How are you today, Zuko?” 

“ Good. Saw K...a...n...n...a… ” 

“I heard about that, how’s she doing?” 

“ Happy at home. Spend time with K...a...t...a...r...a… and S...o...k...k...a… Knit a lot. ”  _ Holy shit, I’m getting so much faster.  _ Zuko swells with pride. 

“I’m happy to hear that. It’s good you got to see her again.” 

“ Yes. ” 

“So what are we talking about today?” Yugoda asks, resting her hands under her chin. Zuko pulls his shoulder up as far as he can in a shrug, glancing to the side. “Are you willing to talk to me about what caused your scar? If you want to see it so bad you need to prove to me that you’re mentally capable of seeing it.” 

Zuko hesitates, staring at the tablet awaiting his directions. He slowly types his answer. “ F...a...t...h...e...r… ” 

“Oh, your father did it?” Yugoda asks, her eyebrows pulling together. 

“ Yes. ” 

“Was it an accident? You guys were just messing around and-” 

“ No. ” The silence that falls after Zuko’s revelation is deafening.  _ Say something!  _ Yugoda’s face is passive and impossible to read, but she’s writing something down.  _ What are you writing about me? _

“You told me our first week you were never abused.” She finally breaks the silence, catching Zuko’s eye. 

“ Right. ” 

“Why did you lie?” 

“ Not abuse. ” Yugoda gapes at his answer, shaking her head. 

“That’s quite literally the definition of abuse, my dear.” Zuko clenches his jaw, squinting at her. “Do you not know that?” 

“ Nothing know. Not a...b…u...s...e. ” Zuko shoots back. 

“So what would you call it?” She asks, tilting her head. 

“ Giving a s...h...i...t… more than mom did. ” Yugoda nods, her eyes never leaving Zuko’s. 

“Do you hold a grudge against your mom for leaving?”  _ It’s not a grudge, it’s justified.  _

“ Not happy about it, ” he answers. 

“What about your father? If you’re willing to answer, you don’t have to yet.” 

“ He was… ” Zuko’s eye closes as he remembers the day his father realized his mom was gone. “ He did not care. Like… a fish died, that is it. ” 

“So it wasn’t a big deal to him?” 

“ No. ” 

“Doesn’t that seem off to you?” Zuko breaks eye contact, blinking to himself. 

“ He had to move on. ” 

“Yes, but that quickly?” 

“ My f...a...t...h...e...r fast. All… way.” 

“Hm. Is there anything else you’d like to share? We still have plenty of time.” 

“ I think… miss him.” 

“Your father?” Zuko hesitates, his stomach coiling. 

“ Yes. Want him proud. ” 

“Zuko, you don’t have to earn his love. It should be given.” 

“ Who loves a screw up? ” 

“People who genuinely love  _ you _ . They’ll see past your flaws,” Yugoda’s tone was gentle but her words were firm. “You deserve people who see the full you. Who don’t judge you based on mistakes you might have made.”  _ Like Sokka? I  _ **_burnt_ ** _ him and we’re still friends.  _

“ What if that is all I am? ” 

“We both know that’s not true,” she answers sternly, an eyebrow arching up. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you things you already know. How about  _ you _ tell  _ me _ things I should know about you. Things that you’re proud about.” Zuko hesitates, staring at his tablet. “I’m not leaving until you give me three things.” 

“ I am… a good bender? ” Zuko starts, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “ I am… was a good big brother. ” Yugoda nods, watching him closely as he ponders his next words. “ I am good at working tea shop. ”  _ That was a waste of time.  _

“So that’s at least three things you’re not a ‘screw up’ at.” Zuko shrugs, staring at his lap. Yugoda glances at her watch, sighing to herself. “I suppose I’ve kept you long enough.” She stands up, smiling at him kindly. “You’re making amazing progress Zuko, and I’m proud of you even if you aren’t. I’ll see you next week.” She steps out of the room, passing by Sokka on her way out. Sokka moves to go in, but she grabs his arm and pulls him down the hall with her.  _ What’re you doing?  _

If he strains his good ear, Zuko can hear them talking quietly in their language.  _ Fuck _ , _I really need to remember the name._ Yugoda says something, and there’s a long pause, followed by a short question from Sokka. She answers it shortly, and Sokka speaks again, his voice undercut with anger.  _ Oh shit.  _ Yugoda shushes him, ending their conversation with something he can actually understand. “Just be careful today.” 

“I will.” There’s some shuffling, and Sokka steps in the doorway. “Hey, Fireboy.” Zuko can hear the hesitation in his voice. 

“ What did she tell you? ” 

“Nothing too serious, just-” 

“ Bull. ” Sokka takes a deep breath, shaking his head. 

“She told me it was your dad.” Zuko's blood runs cold.  _ She wasn’t supposed to tell him.  _ “Shit, dude, that’s horrible.”  _ Don’t patronize me.  _ “Honestly, just say the word and I’ll literally kick his a-” 

“ No. ” Zuko hits the button, willing Sokka to just  _ stop _ . 

“What kind of dad would do that to his own-” 

“ Stop. ” Zuko cuts him off again.  _ This is why I didn’t want you to know.  _

“I just… I’m sorry Zuko. You deserve better than that.”  _ That’s the quote of the day, isn’t it?  _

“ Done talk. ” Zuko’s tired, emotionally and physically.  _ Just let me sit here.  _

“Okay. We can be done. Do you want me to leave or…?” 

“ No. You no leave. No talk. ” 

“Okay  _ gik, _ we can just hang out.” Sokka helps Zuko to his bed, before settling next to him. He settles in the same position they’ve found themselves in more and more recently, his elbow resting on Zuko’s shoulder and his head resting on his own arm. 

“ What g...i….k mean? ” Zuko asks, somewhat out of the blue. He’d been wondering ever since the nickname was used on him.

Sokka’s cheeks burn dark red as he sits up, his eyes widening. “Oh- uh. Nothing. Friend. You know.” 

_ Hm. That’s nice. _ Zuko feels a smile quirk at his lips.  _ Friend.  _ Sokka’s fidgeting with his hands, keeping a bit of distance between them and his face still flushed.

“ Garden. ” 

Sokka looks up, smiling. “Is that the word you’re looking for?” 

“ Yes. ” 

Sokka laughs, and Zuko feels a rush of pride. He made Sokka laugh.  _ All by myself. _ Sokka settles back on his shoulder, staring at the wall. 

“What do you think of it so far?” he questions, glancing up at Zuko. 

“ Pretty. ” Sokka puffs up with pride, sitting up straight.

“Well, I should probably try and raise that rating a little, huh?” Sokka says as he stands from the bed, stretching until his back cracks. The rest of the afternoon is spent pretty much the same as the week before, Sokka painting away and Zuko leaning against the wall, content to watch him work, music playing from Sokka's phone beside him.

\--

The next week, Sokka’s dancing around the room, his paints abandoned on the ground. “ _ Here comes the sun, do dodo! Here comes the sun, and I say it’s all right _ .”  _ Spirits, he loves singing.  _ Sokka grabs Zuko’s hands again, shimmying weirdly to the beat.  _ I wish I could really dance with him. Shit- I’ve never danced before. Not for real.  _ Sokka lets go to continue dancing around the room, sliding across the carpet with his arms thrown out to the side.  _ Doofus.  _

The door opens as Sokka’s spinning around, and Yugoda barely ducks out of the way as his hand flies through the space her head was. “Sokka!” she calls, and he stumbles away as he startles. 

“Oh, Yugoda! I didn’t see you there!” 

“Are you having fun?” she laughs softly as he dashes to turn off his music, fumbling with his phone and almost dropping it. 

“Uh… yes?” 

“Good to hear. Out you go, it’s time for therapy.”

“Already on it!” Sokka ducks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

“How are you today, Zuko?” 

“ Okay. ”

“That’s good! Did anything good happen this week that you’d like to share?”

“ Fast typing .” Zuko’s been working himself almost to the bone at this point, pushing and pushing past the exhaustion to get better. He’d had to deal with Sokka taking the tablet away for a few hours at one point when his hand was shaking badly from overexertion, but now he  _ finally _ felt like he was making progress. 

“Congrats. Anything you’d like to talk about this week, or should I ask some questions?” 

“ I want to learn flowers. ” 

“Hm?” 

“ How flowers work? ” 

“I can explain really quick, sure,” Yugoda says, taking a few moments to think. “So, you already know the basics. Everyone’s born with flowers, the amount depends on the person, you can lose flowers, yadayadayada.” Zuko blinks twice. “But once you lose all your flowers, you shut down. Your body is trying to protect you from further harm, like a… defense mechanism against mental breakdowns and… worse. Unfortunately, despite developing this wall of defense, the body didn’t develop a way to undo it. Human's mechanics got a bit… weird during evolution.” 

“ How many flowers? ” 

“The amount tends to fall between five and eight, but some are lucky and get more and others…” Yugoda motions at Zuko, “aren’t. You were born with two, right?”  _ Of course I got the short end of the stick.  _ “Where are your flower marks?” Zuko glances at his thumb, the faded moles glaring up at him. “Ah, your thumb. It tends to be on people’s arms, mine are on my bicep.” 

“ What are marks? ” 

“They just show you how many you have, really. They aren’t physically linked to the flowers other than a representation of how many there are.” 

“ They leave with pain? ” 

“Yes, that’s correct,” Yugoda nods, smiling at him. 

“ Why not lose when I break arm? ” 

“No, it’s psychological pain, emotional pain. Something that could be traumatizing, you know?” 

_ Oh. Shit. Fuck.  _

“Any other questions?” 

" No. ”  _ I don’t need to delve any further than this, spirits.  _

“Well I have a question for you.”  _ Of course you do.  _ “Have you thought more about what we talked about last time?” 

“ F...a...t...h...e...r…? ” 

“Yes.” Zuko squints at his lap, taking a deep breath before turning back to his tablet. 

“ Yes. I… burn S...o...k...k...a… like f...a...t...h...e...r… burn me. ” Yugoda watches him curiously, waiting for him to finish his thought. “ I deserve burn… S...o...k...k...a… not… Am worse than… f...a...t...h...e...r… ” Zuko feels his shoulders slump as he admits what’s been on his mind for nearly a month, the shame rising in his throat.  _ Fuck.  _

"Zuko. What makes you think that?" He pulls his shoulder in a half shrug. "Well, it's good to see physical therapy is working at least," Yugoda sighs. "Don't tire yourself out." 

" Okay. " 

"Let me ask again. Why do you think you deserved to be burned?"

“ Bad, s...h...i...t… grade. Try steal food from kitchen and f...a...t...h...e...r… say no dinner. ” 

"You got a bad grade?" Zuko blinks twice. “And what did you say about eating?”

“ No dinner, but hungry… went get food and… get caught steal. ” 

“Stealing from… your own kitchen?”  _ Is it that hard to understand? _

" F...a...t...h...e...r… kitchen ."

“So he didn’t let you eat dinner because you got  _ one  _ bad grade?”

" P...u...n...i...s...h. One night. ”

“Zuko, do you realize how…” she stops, trying to find a professional word for it, “messed up that is?”

" It is normal? ”  _ It’s always been like this, isn’t everyone the same? _

"No," Yugoda says gently. "It's not."  _ Oh. Fuck.  _ Zuko can feel his stomach coiling up, glancing away. “Do you think Sokka would deserve to be starved for one bad grade? To be maimed?” 

" No. No. No. S...o...k...k...a more good. "

“So why would you?” 

" Bad. " 

“Why are  _ you _ bad?” Zuko stares at his tablet, lost for words. 

" Don't know. " he finally admits. 

"Let's work on figuring that out,” Yugoda glances at the clock, tutting to herself. “Next time.” She stands up, smiling at Zuko warmly. “Thank you for sharing so much today. We made some really good progress, Zuko.” Zuko feels a sense of pride lighting up his chest at her comment, looking at his lap as a smile pulls at his lips. “I’ll see you next week.” She steps out of the door, passing by Sokka who’s eagerly waiting just outside the door. Sokka darts in, his face absolutely lit up. 

“Hey  _ asik _ !” He calls after he closes the door behind him. “Look at this!” He pulls something out from behind his back, settling it in Zuko’s lap. Zuko squints at the lump in his lap, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Look what I made!" 

"What. " 

“It’s a turtle-duck! Gran-Gran taught me how to knit it!” Sokka’s beaming with pride, and if Zuko applies some  _ artistic liberty _ , he can kind of see the shell resting on a blob of yellow. There's a sort of beak protruding from the front, where the blob is just a tiny bit taller than the shell.  _ Yikes.  _

" Thank you. Good. Like. ” 

"I’ve been working on it with her since she got out! I'll tell her you like it, she'll be so happy.” Sokka gently takes the turtle-duck out of Zuko’s lap, settling it next to the koala-bear on his bedside table. “Wanna get in bed?” Zuko feels himself nod absently, staring at the turtle-duck. “Hey duckling? You just nodded!” Zuko’s eye widens in recognition, his hands clenching at his arm rest. He takes a second, before slowly nodding again. 

"Holy shit, dude," Sokka laughs. "Your progress is  _ insane _ ." He scoops Zuko into his arms, lifting him out of the wheelchair and settling him in bed.  _ He’s warm.  _ “I’m thinking another chill day. I know therapy makes you tired, so we can just hang out.” Sokka studies the unfinished mural. “I want to get some more work done on that, too.”  _ Wait, don't go yet.  _ He brings his fingers (which are now permanently stained with multi colored smudges of dry paint) to his jaw, tapping on his chin as he considers his next steps.

" Like. "

"You like it so far?" 

" Yes. " 

"Good. That's good." Sokka smiles at him bringing his hand up and ruffling Zuko's hair gently. Zuko closes his eye, leaning towards Sokka just slightly, before jumping to attention and pulling away.  _ What was that? _

"Look at you, being all soft with me. I’m honored,” Sokka chuckles to himself, pulling his hand away with a light dusting of blush covering his face. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that our favorite dramatic emo is a softy at heart."  _ I am not a dramatic emo! _

“ Shut up. ” Zuko slaps at the screen, shooting a glare at Sokka. 

“And miss out on teasing you? Never.” Sokka winks at him, stepping away to sit in front of the wall.  _ Idiot.  _

\--

Sokka finishes applying ointment, humming under his breath.  _ He sings and hums, like, all the time. Weirdo.  _ Zuko watches his face carefully, studying it. Sokka never makes any faces when he does this part, just does his job with a blank expression and careful fingers. 

As Sokka turns to reach for the bandage, Zuko taps his tablet awake. “ Can I see? ” Sokka’s movements still, only for a second, before he turns back to Zuko, the bandage in hand. 

"Not yet, sunshine." 

“ I am ready. Show me. ” Sokka sighs. 

"Why do you care so much?”

“ Want know what you see. ” Zuko answers, and Sokka sits next to him, grabbing his wrist gently. 

"You want to know what I see?” He asks. Zuko nods. “I see somebody who's healing. I see a guy who’s doing his best and isn’t getting the credit he deserves for it. I see someone who’s…” He trails off, breaking eye contact. “I don't think that seeing your scar now is going to do you any good. Okay?" 

" Okay. " Zuko agrees finally, sulking, but not willing to press the issue. 

“Thank you.” Sokka grabs the bandage, wrapping the scar up with a slight tremble.  _ What’s wrong with him? _ “You should go to bed. It’s- uh- been a long day.”  _ It has. _ Sokka picks the tablet off of Zuko's lap, plugging it in and settling it on the wheelchair, out of the way of anyone who may walk through. 

"Goodnight, my  _ asik _ .” Sokka stops, shaking his head quickly. “Uh- yeah. See ya.” He closes the door behind him, neglecting his finger guns for tonight.  _ I wonder if he’s okay.  _ Zuko stares up at the ceiling for a good while, his eye only half open.  _ I like being around Sokka. He makes me feel warm. Different from firebending warm. _ His eye finally slides shut, sleep overtaking him at the end of a long, long, month. 

Zuko dreams of paint stained fingers, a singing and dancing boy in his room, lumpy abominations floating, and…  _ forgiveness.  _ Yugoda’s words echo around him, all woven together into long, barely coherent thoughts.  _ You deserve better, Zuko. You deserve… better.  _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7.4k chapter? we popped off


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Zuko spend the day together. Yugoda has some good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translations  
> Atatak - father  
> Anaana - mother  
> Gik - pretty, good  
> Asik - my dear

Zuko’s munching away on his parfait, only half listening as Sokka babbles on. _Fuck yeah. I love parfaits._

“So _then_ _Atatak_ said ‘Bato, I’ve known this about you for years.’ So it took them awhile of dancing around each other, and _La,_ when I tell you it was frustrating to watch, I can’t even describe it.” Zuko nods along slightly to show he’s listening. “But finally, _finally,_ ‘Tara and I tricked them into going on a date.” Sokka laughs.

_Wait, what? What the hell was this story about again?_

“ _Atatak_ had to get over his guilt of moving on from _Anaana_ , but after that…” Sokka laughs again. _What the fuck is he saying?_ “Him and Bato are pretty much inseparable. ‘Tara and I make fun of them all the time, it’s insane that they were friends their whole lives before they finally figured their shit out. I mean, _come on_ , they literally got a job on the same fishing ship so they weren’t apart all the time.” 

“ Your dad g...a...y? ” 

“Nah, _Atatak_ is bi.” 

_What?_

“Okay.” 

“Anyway, _Atatak_ kind of wants to meet you. I’ve pretty much told him all about you,” Sokka’s cheeks light up as he scratches the back of his head. “He told me to tell you, and I quote, ‘We’re proud of you, keep on keepin’ on’.” 

_What the hell is bi? Wait, his dad? I don’t want to meet his dad. My father is bad enough, I don’t have the energy to be verbally harassed by another. Jet’s lucky._ Sokka sets aside Zuko’s empty bowl, shooting him a soft smile. 

“I gotta be honest with you, _asik,_ today’s gonna suck.” Zuko tilts his head, as much as he’s able. “For me, at least. I have to sit through some dumb seminar all day. Yugoda set it up after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named got fired, it’ll pretty much be some thing about ‘how to report shitty workers’ and some new program they’re introducing to thoroughly vet new applicants. Sounds boring as all hell, but at least Haru’s gonna be there too.” He shrugs to himself. “She says she’s got some good news at the end of it all, so hopefully that’ll be worth something.” 

“ I have come too? ” 

“Nah, you’ll be hanging out with Toph all day. Now that they can walk, we gave them permission to go outside with you if they want to. Just don’t let them take you too far away, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to break out of here.” _Not like I can do much to stop them._

"Okay.”

"Anyway, let’s go!” Sokka lifts Zuko up, settling him in his wheelchair. He leans into Zuko’s good ear, whispering conspiratorially. “You know how we haven’t wheelchair skated in a while?” 

“Yes.” 

“Jeong Jeong thinks he’s won. But we don’t back down too easily, do we?” 

“No?”

“That’s right, Lord Fireboy, we sure don’t. Are you ready to see the stupid look on his face?” 

“ I suppose. ” 

“Fuck yeah, you are.” Sokka chuckles softly next to Zuko’s ear, before pulling away. A shiver rips through Zuko’s body. _Stop laughing in my ear, I don’t want to feel your breath. Gross._

Sokka leads him out the door, glancing around the hallway. “Alright, the coast is clear.” He settles his foot on the support beam below Zuko’s seat, kicking off the linoleum. Zuko curls his fingers around the arm rests, his mouth pulling up in a half smile. Sokka whoops behind him. “Take that, Jeong Jeong!” 

“Sokka!” Jeong Jeong shouts as he jumps out of the way. “I thought you were over this!” 

“Can’t catch me!” Sokka calls back, slowing down only to twist Zuko around a corner and jumping back on after. “Did you see the look on his face?” 

The air is whipping past Zuko, his hair ruffling in the breeze. He slides his eye shut, enjoying the ride as Sokka navigates through the halls as fast as he’ll risk going. All too soon, Sokka leaps off the back and slows Zuko down carefully, coming to a stop in front of Toph’s room. “ Done already?  ” _I like those rides._

“Well, unless you wanna make a quick lap-” 

“Sokka!” Jeong Jeong rounds the corner, out of breath from running to keep up. “How many times do I have to say this? No wheelchair skating!” Sokka waves at the facility head. 

“Good morning, Jeong Jeong!” He calls down the hall, shooting him an innocent smile. _Cute. What?_ Zuko squints. _Is it gay to call a friend's smile cute?_

“Don’t ‘good morning’ me! We’ve had this conversation many times over!” _Nah, it’s no big deal. Girls call each other cute all the time, why can’t guys? Sokka’s my friend and he’s cute. Sometimes. Sometimes he's just an ass._

“What can I say, JJ?” Sokka shrugs. _Ha, he’s started calling him JJ too._ “I like to live on the edge. You can’t tie me down.” Jeong Jeong rolls his eyes, shaking his head. 

“You’re a terrible influence on Zuko.” 

“Fireboy? He’s a free spirit, he’d be right next to me.” Sokka nudges Zuko. “Right, buddy?” 

“ Make J...J… angry.  ” He pauses, his lips pulling into a smirk. "Ye s.” Jeong Jeong rolls his eyes, turning away from the boys and muttering. 

“Impossible. Absolutely impossible.” Sokka breaks out in laughter, his arm settling on Zuko’s shoulder. 

“That was incredible, _asik_. He’s gonna kill us!” 

Zuko frowns. " I hope not. I am too pretty for die. ” 

“Hell yeah, you are.” Sokka responds easily with a chuckle, pushing Zuko into Toph’s room. _What does that mean?_ Toph perks up, a grin splitting their face. 

“Sparky!” 

“ Hi, T...o...p...h… ” 

“What’re you doing here?” Toph asks, though they don't seem to be upset. Haru glances up from the other side of the room, where he’s piling all of Toph’s breakfast dishes onto his tray. 

“Oh shit, is that today?” Haru asks, slapping a hand to his forehead. 

“Yeah, you ready to be bored to death?” Sokka rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why we have to go, it’s not like we’re bad caretakers.” 

"Everyone's gotta go. Even Jeong-Jeong's attending, and he's a co-owner of the place."

“I know, but I don’t like it. Should we sit next to good ‘ol JJ?” 

"Have you pissed him off yet today?" Toph butts into the conversation, kicking their feet lightly against the floor. 

"When do I not?" Sokka hums, winking at Toph. “Oh, shit. Uh… Wink.” Toph snorts.

"When he's about to fire you," Haru suggests. 

"Okay, true, but when do I not _other_ than that?"

"That made no sense, dumbass."

"Whatever. Tophers, you sure you can push the wheelchair all the way outside?" 

"It's not that far from here, and we've been working on my stamina. I'll be fine. Right, Sparky?"

"Yes?"

"See, he believes in me.” Toph puffs up with pride. 

“Ah, he believes in Sock, so his bar can’t be that high,” Haru nudges Sokka, who pushes him back with a laugh. 

“Asshole.” Sokka kneels down to meet Zuko’s eye. “If you need anything, just hit that ‘emergency’ button on your home screen, okay?” Zuko blinks twice, out of habit. “Alright, I’ll see you later, duckling.” He smiles as he stands, shooting his trademark wink and finger-guns at Zuko. _Idiot._

“Toph, I trust you’ll be okay on your own. Don’t push Zuko off a cliff.” Haru waves as he turns his back on the two, slipping through the door. Sokka hesitates, glancing nervously at Toph. 

“Don’t do anything stupid, Tophers.” 

“That’s literally all I do,” they answer, waving him off. “Zuko will be fine, stop worrying so much! Have fun at whatever that stupid thing is!” Sokka sighs, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later. Remember-” 

“I know, I know, come get you guys if we need anything. Now get out of here so Zuko and I can get up to some shenanigans.” 

“If he gets too tired-” 

“Get! Out!” Toph huffs. “Or I’ll chuck some rocks at you.” 

"Tui, Toph! I'm just making sure he'll be alright."

"You're acting like a mother of a baby when they get babysat for the first time. Might as well be a helicopter mom at this point.” Sokka flushes, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Am not!” 

“Go!” Toph plants their feet, pushing Sokka towards the door. 

“ We are okay. Will...see you later. ” Sokka finally nods, shooting a look at Toph. He does it frequently, purely to annoy them. 

“Let me know if you need anything, _asik_.” 

“ I promise. ” Sokka finally steps out the door, glancing back at the two as he links up with Haru. 

“Took you long enough, Mama possum-hen.” 

"Shut up, Mustache Man," Sokka groans. 

“Woah, Sock, low blow.” Haru shuts the door as they walk away, their voices fading. 

"I'm glad I never had to see his 'stache. Sokka says it was terrible, but Haru has described some of his outfits. His taste is all wacked out." 

“ His o...u...t...f...i...t...s… are fun.  ” Zuko rolls his eye. “  Very loud, many colors though. ” 

"I wouldn't know. Blind!"

" We know,  T...o...p...h…" 

"Damnit, you too?" Toph laughs, “I thought I fooled you.” 

“ It has been long time. ” 

“Since we saw each other yesterday?” 

“ No. Since we used to be friends. ” Zuko sighs softly. 

“We’re still friends, though,” Toph says, confused, tilting their head. “Right?”

" Yes. I meant. Since children. "

“Yeah, a lot of shit happens. Quickly, too.” Toph sighs, kicking the ground with their foot. 

“ You lose flower. How? ”

“That’s a long story, Sparks. You sure you wanna get into that?” 

“No p...r...e...s...s...u...r...e. Do not need tell.” 

“I-” Toph sighs. “I’ve only told Yugoda. It could be nice to talk about it.” 

" You t...r...u...s...t me that many?  " _Wow._

“Of course, sparky. You’re like, my favorite person here.” Toph leans in to whisper. “Don’t tell that to Haru, though, I need him to keep taking care of me.” 

"Promise.” Toph takes a deep breath, fidgeting with their hands. 

“So, you remember how my parents are kind of… crappy?” Zuko squints, catching sight of their wrist, four faded moles staring up from their pale skin. 

“Yes.” 

“They’ve just been getting worse the older I get. I mean, I taught myself earth bending, I taught myself how to see, and they still act like I’m some helpless baby!” Zuko blinks to himself. _At least they care, right?_ "So it's like, kind of awkward between us now. It’s their fault I lost my last flower.” Toph runs a hand through their hair, sighing in frustration. “I just wanted some alone time! I was going to go back home! But they sent some fucking guys after me, and they threw me in a van in some metal box _that I couldn’t see in_ so I couldn’t get out. And it was so bumpy and I was just being thrown against the sides of the box thing, and I couldn’t see and it was so dark and I just needed to get out.” Zuko nods a bit. “So, I… this is gonna sound stupid but… I bent the metal.” 

“What.” 

“They said I couldn’t but I was so scared, I _needed_ to get out. So I just… bent it.” 

"How?"

“I don’t know. I just did. It took ages, but it bent somehow.” Toph shrugs. “I got out of the van, but I didn’t know we were on a highway. I, uh. Landed pretty hard. My leg snapped, and I couldn’t walk for months. The guys didn’t notice I fell out, so I was stuck on the side of the road for hours. I didn’t know what to do, I was so scared and just… so alone. My last flower was taken then. I’m sure it split between my parents, somehow.” 

" I am sorry.  "

"Don't be, Sparky. Nothing we can do to change it now."

“Others?” 

“Well, I lost my first one after you left our elementary. A bunch of people cornered me. Carried me off my feet so I couldn't see, calling me an ‘ _it_ ’, and put me high up in a tree. I was stuck 'till the end of the day." 

"Sorry. " Zuko wrung his hands together, a wave of guilt overtaking him. _I should’ve been there to protect them._

"Stop apologizing! You were literally, like, ten."

“ I could have help, ” he types, his hands shaking. 

"You were so scrawny back then, dude. It's fine, it's not like you chose to leave." 

“ But bend. ” 

"We both know your firebending wasn't all too great back then. I mean, mine was barely anything either, we were kids.” Toph shrugs. “So, the second one was a couple years later. I was hiding from my parents in the backyard, but someone dug some fucking hole for a goddamn pool. I went to go check it out, but the edge crumbled and I fell in. I broke my ankle that time. I’ve broken a lot of bones in my life, usually because I want to get away from mom and dad.” 

" I get it. Didn't get hurt but h...i...d... much." 

“Yeah, I would too if shitlord was my dad.” 

“ S...h...i...t...l...o...r...d…? ” 

"I started calling him that when he started airing those stupid commercials. ‘Become the lord of your home!’ Dick.” 

" Almost forget those. " 

“I never could. I couldn’t even see him but I could just _hear_ the disgusting grin on his face.” Toph’s knuckles clench. “If I ever see him again, I’m gonna kick his ass.” 

“ You are b...l...i...n...d, T...o...p...h. Can't see him. ” 

“Fine. Next time I feel him." They pause. "That sounded weird as hell. Anyway, we can talk more on the way out." They stand up, grabbing Zuko’s handlebars. They reach forward, opening the door to their room and pushing Zuko out the door. “Anyway, my third one was when my parents carried me into a helicopter. I absolutely hate flying, and they _know_ that, but of course they wanted to go to Europe or whatever.” Toph sighs, navigating their way through the empty halls. “I was stuck in the air, unable to see for _12 hours!_ And they refused to even apologize or acknowledge that they were wrong! They just said ‘maybe next time we can take a boat, so you won’t flip out so much’,” Toph scoffed, rolling their eyes. 

“ Can’t see there? ”

“Yeah, I can’t see on boats either. I don’t know what they were thinking! I was screaming and kicking when they forced me in, too. It’s like they’re stupid.” 

“ They are. ” 

Toph laughs delightedly, reaching over to open the door. “Hell yeah they are!” They push Zuko outside, reaching into the bag Sokka left for them and pulling out the blanket. “Don’t make fun of me if the blanket doesn’t look good.” 

“ I will not. ” 

“I know, Sparks.” They spread the blanket out over the ground, plopping down. “Oh… I can try to pull you out of the wheelchair?” 

“ You will drop me.  ”

“Will not!” Toph punches Zuko’s leg, crossing their arms. “Do you want me to try?” 

“Be careful.” Zuko relents, watching them nervously as they stand up again. They hook their arms under Zuko’s, squatting down to do so before straightening up to carefully pull him out of his chair. Toph stumbles a couple steps back, Zuko’s feet dragging along the ground, before they slowly lower themselves and Zuko to sit on the blanket, helping rearrange Zuko so he’s sitting comfortably. 

“You’re pretty light, Sparky. Do you even eat?” They ask, reaching up for his tablet and settling it in his lap. 

“ Here yes. ” 

“Good.” Toph leans their head on Zuko’s shoulder, sighing softly. “Isn’t it kinda fucked up?” 

“What?” 

“We’re teenagers. We should be out there living our lives, not… stuck here. Like, I’m glad I’m doing better, but I’m so sick and tired of being empty.” They run their fingers over their flower marks, chewing on their bottom lip.

“ Flowers are f...u...c...k...e...d. ” 

“Yeah, they really are. Imagine all those kids out there who only got one flower. This is like, the first place to figure out how to restore flowers. Kanna made headlines..” 

“ Is that a thing? ”

“Yeah. Sokka has a friend, her name is like, Yue or something? She was only born with one, so she’s had to be real careful her whole life.”

“ She date did  H...a...h...n…"

“Ew.” 

“If I see him again, I will beat him up. It is on sight.” 

“Let me help?” Toph laughs, punching Zuko’s shoulder. “No offense, but unless you’re using your bending, you’re probably not that big of a threat.” 

“ I am much scary! ” 

Toph shakes their head. “Alright, my guy.” Zuko feels his chest warm up. “So, any lucky… people back home?” 

“ I date did girl name M...a...i… ” 

“Do you think she misses you?” 

“ We break up. Not right for me, I do not know why.  ” Zuko huffs out a sigh. “  She was pretty and so nice, but… it did not feel right.  ” Toph nods. “  No girl has feel did right. Maybe I’m just not made to love. ” Zuko sighs a bit, staring at his lap. 

“Come on, that’s not true.” Toph nudges him. “You’ll find the right person someday.” 

“ I hope she comes soon. ” 

Toph coughs into their hand. “Yep. I’m sure she will.”

“ Are you okay? ” 

“I’m fine, Sparks.” Toph hums to themselves. “Sokka seems nice, right?” 

“ Yeah, he is pretty good. Why? ” 

“Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to know what you thought of him. He’s awfully handsome, isn’t he?” 

“What.”

“I mean, look at the guy. He-” 

“ You have girlfriend, T...o...p...h… and not into boys? ” 

“I don’t mean-” 

“ Right? Why talk about S...o...k...k...a… like that? ” Toph sighs in frustration, shaking their head. 

“Never mind.” 

“Why? Want to know.”

“Drop it, I was just thinking out loud.” Zuko glances at them, his eyebrows pulling together. 

“Tell?”

“I mean, if you aren’t ready to see it, I’m not gonna force you to.” Zuko’s face pales. 

“ No no. I am not g...a...y. ” Toph blows out a breath, their bangs moving with the air released through their lips. 

“Yeah.” Zuko squints at them. 

“ Let us change the subject. ” 

“Alright, Sparky. When you get better we’re totally going to play bending soccer. I miss playing that with you, I bet it’ll be awesome now that we’re both better at bending!” 

\--

Zuko and Toph are in Zuko’s room, Toph bouncing on their feet as they walk around and speak animatedly. The door opens, Sokka and Haru stepping in. “So then, the ball was on fire, and-” 

“What?” Haru’s eyebrows shoot up, glancing around the room nervously. “You guys set a ball on fire?” 

“No! I’m telling Zuko about the bending soccer match I went to once.” 

“How did you see what was going on?” Sokka questions, tilting his head. 

“ There was person. N...a...r...r...a...t...e game. ”

“I could also see most of what was happening when the ball was on the ground,” Toph chimes in. “I love bending soccer, if I wasn’t blind I’d totally go pro.” 

“I’m sure you would,” Haru answers, a broad smile filling his face. “It’s dinner time, let’s go let Sokka and Zuko wind down.” Toph flings their arms around Zuko. 

“I’ll miss you, Sparks. I’m glad we got to spend time together today.” 

“ Me too, ” he answers, leaning his head into Toph’s shoulder and clenching at their shirt with his other hand. 

“Can’t wait until you can hug for real. I’m sure you’re great at it,” Toph says, backing away. 

Sokka rounds on Zuko as Toph and Haru step out. “You won’t believe what happened!” 

“What.” 

“So, Gran-Gran made headlines when she recovered her flower, and that actually caught the attention of investors! Long, boring, legal stuff short… We’ve got funding! And a lot of it, too!” Sokka pumps his fist, his face absolutely alight with joy. “Which means JJ and Yugoda are finally gonna come out of the red, and… wait for it… I’m getting paid for my work!” Sokka laughs gleefully, dancing around the room. “Isn’t that great?” 

“Yes. ” _Agni, if I could dance with him I would!_

“They’re thinking of hiring more staff, and Yugoda told me when you recover, she might let me be chief of caretakers!” Sokka’s chest puffs out in pride. “I’d be taking care of all of the day to day duties, even helping hire new people, _and_ I’d only be working four to five days a week!”

“Congrats, ” Zuko types. _If I could cheer right now I would! This is so cool. He’s glowing!_

Sokka takes a seat, unloading Zuko’s dinner from the tray. “So needless to say, I’m really excited. Anyway… dinner! It’s grilled cheese tonight, I know you love it.” _Fuck yeah, I do_. 

Dinner passes relatively uneventfully, Sokka cracking jokes as he feeds Zuko. _He’s in a great mood._

“Don’t worry, sunshine, when I’m rich with my just-barely-above-minimum-wage pay, I won’t get too big of a head.”

“ Good. Head too big already, ” Zuko shoots back, his eyes dancing with laughter. 

“I’m wounded, _gik_.” 

“Hush.” 

“Bossy.” Sokka winks, “I like that.” Zuko can feel his face turn red to the tip of his ear, and he averts his gaze, focusing intently on chewing his grilled cheese. _What’s wrong with you,_ Sokka laughs, reaching over to tap two fingers against Zuko’s blushing cheek. “You’re pretty when you blush.” Sokka’s eyes widen as he realizes what he said, and he pulls his hand away to rub at the back of his neck nervously. “Uh, pretty red, I mean.” Zuko’s face goes even redder. Sokka coughs into his arm, shaking his head. “Anyway! Grilled cheese! How about that?”

“Thanks?” Zuko taps the screen, glancing at Sokka. 

“Uh, no problem, duckling. You done?” Zuko glances at his empty plate. _What else would I eat? The plate?_

“Yes.” 

“Water?” Zuko blinks once. _Not thirsty, thanks though._ “Alright, let’s get you in bed and get that bandage changed, huh?” Two blinks. Sokka picks him up, settling him in bed delicately and grabbing the needed supplies. “Oh! The doctors said you’ll be good to take the bandage off in a couple weeks or so. Isn’t that exciting?” 

“ I can see then? ” Sokka shrugs, undoing the careful wrapping. 

“That’s up to Yugoda, you know that.” 

“Please. ” Sokka hesitates, glancing down to make eye contact with Zuko. “  Do not want to be last person to see. ” 

“I’ll talk to her,” Sokka deflects, 

“ She just say no. ” Zuko’s shoulders slump, moving his gaze past Sokka’s shoulder. 

“I don’t want to do anything to put your healing in danger.” 

“ You do not know that will happen. ” 

“But I don’t know that it won’t. And… that’s not a chance I’m willing to take, _asik_. I like talking to you, I like watching your progress. And I refuse to be the reason you relapse. That’s final.” Sokka dips his fingers in the ointment after setting the rag aside. “I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks with a sigh. Sokka spreads the ointment over Zuko’s burnt skin, the silence between the two growing. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m doing this out of spite.” 

“ I know,  ” Zuko answers. “  I still want see. ” 

“Zuko, we’re not having this conversation every night.” 

“ Could stop if you just let me look.  ” Sokka crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow. _He hasn’t covered my eye yet, so that’s a good sign._

“Will you please listen to me? I’m just looking out for your wellbeing.” 

“ How do you know what is good for me? ” 

“I’ve been taking care of you for like, four and a half months.

“ I have been taking care of me for 1-8 years. ”

“Yeah, but you’re also a stubborn ass. You’ll do shit you _know_ is bad for you just to prove you can.” _Shut up._ Sokka reaches for the fresh bandage. “I’m wrapping your wound. You can see it some other time.” He reaches towards Zuko, his hands at the ready.

“ Please  ,” Zuko asks again. “  Please, please, please. ” 

“No, Zuko. Not yet.” Sokka sounds worn out. He wraps Zuko’s head with a practiced ease, securing it in place before Zuko can complain about it again. 

“Mean.” 

“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make me mean. I’m taking care of you.” 

“ Yes it do. ”

“Alright, grumpy, let’s get you to bed.” Zuko goes to type something, but Sokka gently pulls the tablet out of his hands, plugging it in across the room. _I’m gonna kill you._ “Your glare doesn’t scare me, _gik._ ” Sokka gently lays Zuko in bed, smiling at him softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” _Fuck you. Dick._ “Ah, I know that look. Fuck you too, buddy.” Sokka winks at him, walking to the door and shooting his finger guns. “Sweet dreams!” He flicks the light off, closing the door gently behind himself. 

_God damnit. I just want to see._ Zuko’s eye fills with tears of frustration. _Why does everyone else get to see before me? It’s_ **_my_ ** _fucking face._ He blinks a couple times, desperately trying to clear his tears. Zuko’s hand twitches, and he pushes against his locked muscles. _I’m tearing this bandage off, fuck Sokka._ He’s only able to raise his hand halfway, before it falls limp against his chest. _Shit._ A wave of exhaustion rolls over him, his eyelid struggling to stay open and a yawn stretching his mouth open. _Maybe I’ll try… when I wake… up._ Zuko relaxes onto the mattress below him, his eye sliding shut and sleep overtaking him. 

That night, Zuko dreams of rain, a crying kid curled up on the side of the highway, his hands being chained to his feet and a painful itch on his eye. Everytime he goes to itch it, his wrist gets caught on his chain and a jolt of electricity flows through him. _Why can’t I move?_ He tries everything he can think of; leaning over so his face is closer to his hands, lifting up his foot as he moves his hand so he can bring it to his face, everything. But no matter how many different ways he moves his hands, no matter how hard he tries, he can’t touch his face. A familiar lilted voice taunts him when his head slumps in defeat. 

_You’ll never make it, Zuzu. You’re not strong enough._

Zuko wakes up in a cold sweat, the wisps of his dream fading into oblivion in the bright light of the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys better get ready, we're very excited for what's coming up


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula comes. Sokka's not a fan of fire flakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inuktitut translations  
> asik- my dear  
> gik- pretty, lovely

Zuko’s been sitting alone in his room for fifteen minutes past Sokka’s usual time. It’s not on the dot, of course, Sokka will come in a few minutes before or after, but fifteen minutes is unusually long.  _ Where is Sokka? Is he alright? I hope he is.  _ Glance to the clock. Sixteen. He sighs, looking around the room yet again. Fire lilies. Koala-sheep. “Turtle-duck”. Spider buddy. Clock on the wall. Abandoned paint bottles. A spear of light on the floor as the door cracks open.  _ Wait, what? _

Sokka steps in,  _ fucking finally _ , and greets Zuko with a grin.  _ There you are, dick. I thought you died or some shit. _

“Sorry it took so long this morning,” Sokka says, setting the tray of food on Zuko’s little nightstand. “Your uncle called.”  _ What! What? What! What?  _ “Usually calls are reserved for emergencies, but he said it’s important. Your sister is gonna be visiting tomorrow, too.” Sokka lifts Zuko into a sitting position, either not noticing the way Zuko’s gone rigid or choosing to say nothing about it. Sokka nabs the tablet out of it’s holder, plopping it on Zuko’s lap. “You ready to eat?”

“ No. ” 

“What? It’s the breakfast wrap, you like those!” 

“ No. ” 

“What’s going on, sunshine? You not feeling great, or something?” 

“ Not want eat. ” 

“You’ve gotta eat. No skipping meals on my watch. Even if I wasn’t making you eat, Yugoda would kill me the second she heard I wasn’t feeding you.” 

“ Not want .” 

“Buddy, you’ve gotta eat something.” 

“ I do not want eat. ” 

“Are you feeling nauseous, or…?” 

“ Can not see… A...z… her. ” Zuko’s physically shaking, his gaze staring past Sokka’s shoulder. 

“Your sister?” 

“ Can not see her, ” he types again. 

“Well, yeah, she’s not gonna be here until-” 

“ Do not want… her. ” 

“She’s coming, whether you like it or not,  _ asik… _ I don’t quite know all the details but your uncle had a long conversation with Yugoda, we’ll be in the room watching. If… if something happens, I’ll pull you out faster than you could believe.” 

“ Have to see her? ” 

“Yugoda thinks it’s a good idea. Says it’ll be good for your therapy or whatever.”  _ Stupid Yugoda and her stupid therapy.  _ “Cursing herself out in your head isn’t going to help.” Zuko turns his glare on Sokka. “And cursing me out isn’t going to stop me from making you eat at least three bites of this thing.” Zuko glances at the breakfast wrap, before pulling his gaze back to Sokka.  _ What’re you going to do? You can’t make me- _ “Fine. I know you like those candies  _ Atatak  _ sends. If you don’t eat at least three bites, I’ll never let you have any again. Ever.”  _ Fuck you.  _ Zuko’s stubborn, not stupid, so he opens his mouth.  _ I’ll throw up all over. Just to show you. Shouldn't have made me eat. Fucker.  _ “You swear too much, duckling.”  _ Get out of my head! And I swear a normal amount, asshat. _

\--

Zuko’s sulking in his wheelchair as Sokka walks behind him, a tight tension filling the air between them. Zuko can’t stop fidgeting, his eyes glancing around nervously as they get closer and closer to the room Yugoda had reserved for the siblings.  _ Why do we need to chat in private? And it’s not even private, they’ll be listening outside. Dumbass setup. I want to go back to my room.  _ Sokka stops at a nondescript door, glancing at Zuko. “You ready?” One blink. “Perfect, let’s do it!” Sokka pushes the door open, and pushes Zuko in. 

Zuko glances around the small room, eyes settling on the figure hunched over a table in the corner.  _ Spirits, she looks like hell.  _ Azula’s clothing is unusually disheveled, her hair thrown into a messy bun that obviously hasn’t been redone in a while. Her gaze stays fixed on the table as Sokka approaches. 

"You're Azula, right?" Sokka asks, needlessly.  _ Why would she be here if she wasn't? Idiot.  _

Azula finally looks up. “Yeah, I…” She trails off as she catches sight of Zuko. “He looks so-- different.” 

“That happens.”

Zuko stares at Azula. She looks different.  _ Way different.  _ Sokka claps, stepping back. “Well, I’d love to stay, but…” He points at the door. “I really need to go do literally anything else.” Sokka flips on his heel, starting to the door. __

" No. " _ I don’t want to be alone with her. I can't be alone with her, don't leave me.  _

Sokka sighs. “ _ Gik,  _ Yugoda’s orders.” 

" No. Do not. "  _ Please, Sokka, please.  _ Sokka shakes his head apologetically, stepping out the door and closing it gently behind him. 

" D...i...c...k... " Zuko scowls after him, knowing he’s listening just out the door.  _ I hope you heard that, you pile of garbage.  _ Zuko sighs a bit, glancing up at his younger sister. She doesn’t seem to know what to do with herself, sitting stiffly with her back straight. She blinks a couple times, before leaping to attention. 

“Oh, I-- uh… I brought this thing.” She reaches into her bag, digging through the contents before finally pulling out a small candle. “It’s a candle.”  _ Duh. _ She reaches for it, tilting the label so she can read it. “Ocean Breeze, whatever that means.” 

" Why. "

"I don't know, Uncle said I should bring it. He chose it, I just approved it."

“ Why you here .” 

“Uncle said I should come. I kept asking about you, and he told me to come find out myself. ‘Go find out yourself, young one, for showing up is the first step to forgiveness’. Old windbag never stops talking.” She shrugs, glancing at her nails. 

" I do not want see you. " Azula recoils like she’s been slapped, her eyes widening with shock. " Out. " 

“Zuzu-”

“ Out. ” Zuko looks away, squeezing his eye shut. 

“No.” Azula says after a couple beats. “I’m going to say what I have to say, and you can talk back or you can listen, I don’t care.” 

“ You always do this. I want you out. ” 

“I don’t- Well… I suppose,” she sighs. “Look, Zuzu… I miss you.” 

" Out. " 

“I just want my brother back,” she pleads. 

“ Do not. After what you did. ” Azula pauses, her gaze falling to her lap. " Out ." 

“What do you want me to do? Go back in time and undo it? I can bend lighting, sure, but no one can bend time.” 

" I want you out. " Azula stands, pounding the table in frustration. Zuko flinches, glancing towards the door and hoping against hope Sokka would rush in. 

“No! Just listen to me, for five fucking seconds!” 

" Out. Go. " 

“Zuko, I’m trying to fix this!” 

“ There is nothing to fix. ” Zuko hesitates, staring at his tablet through a haze of tears. “ You not my sister. Out. ” Azula’s shoulders slump, her eyes filling with tears.  _ Agni, she’s so manipulative.  _

"Can't you just let me apologize? For  _ once? _ " Zuko hesitates, his hand hovering over his tablet, before he finally sets it down, staring at her. Azula takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I- I- Zuzu, I miss you so much.” 

“ Why did you tell him? Why? ” 

“You know how father is-” 

“ I would not have done that to you. Never. ” Azula wrings her hands, her tears falling faster. 

“I… I just… I didn’t know how bad he was until you were gone.” She collapses against the table, her face in her hands and loud sobs ringing out through the otherwise quiet room.

" Out. Go. Out. Out. Out. " Azula’s rocking in her chair, mumbling ‘sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry’ over and over again. The door opens.  _ Thank Agni, it’s Sokka.  _ Sokka rushes to Zuko’s side, glancing at Yugoda standing in the doorway. 

“I think it might be best if you leave,” he tells Azula cooley, raising an eyebrow in her direction. 

“Zuko, I lost a flower,” Azula pleads, her chest heaving. 

" So did I. Go. " Zuko turns his head away. “ Go. Out. ” Sokka grabs her by the elbow, pulling her out of her chair. 

“Ow! You’re hurting me!” She protests, pulling her arm away from him. “I just wanted to talk to my brother." She watches Zuko again, heaving out a sigh as she notices his gaze firmly fixed on his lap. “... Fine. I’ll just- I’ll leave. If that’ll make you happy.” 

“ It will. ” Zuko types, blinking at her once.  _ Just go, Azula. I don't want to see you anymore.  _ She stands on weak legs, swaying back and forth as she stumbles towards the door. 

“I’ll see you in two weeks?” She tries one last time. 

“ No. You will not. ” Azula glances at Sokka, before finally stepping out of the room. As soon as she’s out of sight, Zuko crumbles in on himself, curling his torso towards his legs and his head being tucked in his lap.  _ Fuck her.  _

"Zuko, buddy, while this is super impressive and I'm super proud of you for moving this much, we've gotta get you sitting up, okay?"  _ Don’t touch me.  _ “I’m sure you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, and I’m sorry in advance, but…” Sokka rests his hands on Zuko’s shoulders pushing him up until he’s slouched against the back of his wheelchair. Sokka’s hands linger on his shoulders a second longer than needed, before he finally pulls away. “Do you want to go see your uncle or do you want to be alone?” 

" Do not know. " Zuko looks up at Sokka, blinking a single tear out of his eye, before returning his gaze to his lap.  _ Agni, I’m pathetic. It wasn't even close to her worst.  _ Sokka nods, glancing at Yugoda before running a hand through Zuko’s hair. 

“It’s okay, Fireboy. We’re right here.” Sokka drops to a knee, resting his hands on Zuko’s knees and looking up at him. “You hear that?  _ I’m _ right here.” 

" Okay. I think, " Zuko pauses, weighing his options. " Few minutes of a...l...o...n...e." 

"We can do that." 

" My r...o...o...m. " Zuko catches Sokka's gaze, eyes hopeful. 

"You wanna do that in your room?"

" Yes. " Sokka grabs Zuko’s handles, turning him to wheel him to his room. 

“I really think it’d be better if he talked to his uncle,” Yugoda suggests as Sokka walks past her. 

“Listen, ‘Goda, I get you’re trying to help, but look at him.” Sokka motions at Zuko, slumped against the back of his wheelchair, staring into the distance listlessly. “He needs a break.” 

“Visiting time is almost over,” Yugoda insists, her lips pursing. 

“Seeing his sister took a lot out of him. I know you’re the head of the institute, or whatever the title is, but Zuko’s my patient. I’m not going to push him any further today,” Sokka stands his ground, glancing away from Yugoda. “With all due respect, that is.” 

Yugoda nods with a sigh. “Very well. You know what’s best for him.” 

“ Thank you. ” Zuko types, not looking up from his lap. 

“We’ll be talking about this in therapy tomorrow,” Yugoda reminds him as Sokka pushes him through the door.  _ Of course we are. _ As soon as they’re clear of Yugoda’s icy gaze, Sokka leans into Zuko’s good ear, mumbling softly. 

“You okay,  _ asik? _ ” 

“ Feel… weird. Break. ” Zuko answers, his hands moving together to wring nervously. 

"That's what we're doing, don't worry," Sokka says with a sigh, straightening back up. He rounds the corner, almost running into Toph, Jet, and Haru. 

“Sparky!” Toph calls, throwing their arms around Zuko before Sokka can stop them. 

“Toph, let go of him.” Sokka reaches forward to carefully unravel Toph’s arms. “He’s not feeling great right now, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

"Oh! Sorry, Sparks, my bad." 

“What happened, my dear?” Jet kneels down to eye level, resting a hand gently on Zuko’s. Zuko avoids making eye contact, slipping his hand away.  _ This is fucking embarrassing _ .  _ I'm like this because of my  _ **_little sister_ ** _. She didn’t even do anything… but that’s the problem. She didn’t do anything.  _ A couple more beats pass in silence, before Sokka pulls Zuko’s wheelchair away from the group. 

“I really think it might just be a bit too much for him right now. I’m sorry.” Sokka scratches the back of his head, frowning at Zuko.  _ Thank you. Thank you, Sokka.  _

“Don’t apologize. Want us to let his uncle know he won’t be visiting today?” Haru offers. 

“Yeah, that might be best.” 

“ Tell him… sorry. I… ” Zuko stares at his hand, before pushing through his thoughts. “ I love him. ” 

“Of course.” Haru herds Jet and Toph away, shooting a glance behind him as Zuko and Sokka continue down the hall. Sokka frowns, quickening his pace a bit. 

“We only run into people when we don’t want to, huh?” Zuko can’t be bothered to respond. Sokka finally reaches Zuko’s door, pushing it open and helping him through. “Bed or chair?” Zuko shrugs, chewing on the inside of his lip. “I’m gonna set you up in bed, I think it’d be more comfortable. Is it okay if I pick you up right now?” Zuko hesitates. _I don’t really want to be touched but… it’s Sokka. Sokka’s okay. He's gotta do his_ _job._ Two blinks. “Alright, _asik._ One… two… three.” _This is the first time he’s ever counted down. That’s nice._ Sokka hefts Zuko up with ease, settling him in bed and arranging the pillows and blankets around him the way he knows Zuko likes. Zuko slumps against the pillow he’s propped up against, his shoulders slouching. Sokka grabs Zuko’s tablet, setting it next to him. “Do you want me to stay or go?” 

“ Stay. Quiet time. ” 

“I’m not sure I’m the best person for quiet time,” Sokka laughs quietly, perching on the edge of Zuko’s bed. 

" No. You good quiet ." Zuko types. “ Make calm. ” He pauses for a second, before pushing his arm to the side, his face a mask of intense concentration. With a bit of effort, he’s able to pat the spot next to him a couple times, glancing at Sokka, before withdrawing his arm and replacing it in his lap. 

“You sure you’re okay with that much contact right now?” Two blinks. _ Fuck, that was difficult.  _ Sokka hesitates again, frowning softly. “I don’t want to… what’s the word? Overstimulate? Overwhelm? One of the 'over's." 

“ Shut up. Pat. ” Zuko glances at the spot next to him again. “ Pat. Pat. Pat. ”  _ I can’t move my arm that far again.  _ Sokka laughs under his breath, crawling to Zuko’s side, and settling into their normal position; Sokka’s elbow resting on Zuko’s shoulder, his head resting on his own bicep. But this time, Zuko’s head lays to the side, resting on Sokka’s arm as well. Sokka’s face lights up red, and he glances at Zuko, whose eye is slid shut. Sokka hums quietly, a smile pulling at his lips. 

The door clicks open, Iroh appearing in the doorway. He glances between the two boys, before stepping in slowly. “Nephew.” Zuko’s eye flies open, and Sokka scrambles to set the tablet back up where he can reach it. “You forgot this.” Iroh holds up the candle Azula brought, setting it on his side table. “You have amassed quite the collection here.” He glances at the turtle-duck, confusion dancing in his eyes. 

"Turtle-duck," Sokka sighs. "Thanks for bringing it, I totally forgot." 

“ Do not want. ” Zuko glares at the candle, his jaw set. 

"Zuko, it's a gift from your sister. She is trying to earn your forgiveness. Azula came to me, asking about you."

“ No my sister. I have no sister. ” 

“Nephew.” Iroh sets a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “You have to realize she was as abused as you were.” 

“ She was his favorite. ” 

“She was manipulated and pitted against you.” Iroh waves his hand through the air. “When he didn’t have you to take everything out on, well…” Iroh leaves his sentence unfinished, the unspoken implication hanging in the air. 

“ Did he burn her? Like this? ” 

“Not like that, but-” 

“ She sold me out. I just wanted... Done talking. ” 

"Nephew-"

" No. ” Iroh sighs, shaking his head. 

“You are going to have to figure this out, Zuko. She is living with us when you come back.” 

“ I will not live with her again. ” 

“And I won’t turn down my family in need,” Iroh answers. Zuko squints at him. 

“ I will not live with you. ” 

“Where will you go, Zuko? Back to your-” 

“ Out. ” Zuko’s chest is getting that familiar weight.  _ Shit, this hasn’t happened since I got on those meds. They were supposed to stop this! This isn't supposed to happen! _

“Zuko.” 

“ Out. Go. Out. Out. ” He pokes at the screen, frustration filling his features. 

“You’re as stubborn as you’ve ever been.” 

Sokka finally speaks up from his lapse of silence by the door. “Uh- Mr. Iroh, sir, I’m sorry- I think Zuko needs some time to process everything. It's probably best if you go until the next visiting day." 

“ No sister, no live with him. Or her. ” 

"Zuko, do you want my help or not?" Sokka asks, cracking the door open, not-so-subtly trying to get Iroh to leave. 

“We’ll talk about this next time,” Iroh speaks softly. “I know you’re mad at me, but-” 

" No. Will not. " Iroh continues speaking as if Zuko hadn’t interrupted. 

“But I still love you, my nephew. I will be back in two weeks.” 

“ Do not bother. ” Zuko’s eye stings with the tears he’s barely holding back.  _ How could he choose her over me? Iroh was supposed to be on my side, not hers!  _ Sokka and Iroh are speaking quietly next to the door. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Sokka promises.  _ Don’t talk to him, Sokka. He betrayed us.  _

“Thank you, young man.” Iroh shoots a sad glance at Zuko. “Hopefully he’ll realize I’m trying to do right by both of them.” 

“I hope so too. It’s been a rough day, I think. He needs to have some time to just relax alone.” Sokka glances out the door, then back at Iroh. 

“I understand. You take care, Sokka.” Iroh nods at him, before finally stepping out. Sokka closes the door behind him, returning his attention to Zuko. 

"You gotta stop pushing him away, dude. I'm not gonna say anything else, because I know you've been hassled all day by people, but just keep that in mind."  _ Oh, what do you know? Your sister gives a shit about you. You don’t have to rely on your uncle for things your parents should provide. You don’t have to lose all of that because your sister started manipulating your uncle.  _ Zuko blinks, noticing his cheek is wet with tears.  _ Well, at least I can breathe. That’s a bit of an improvement.  _ Sokka steps towards Zuko, his eyebrows creased in worry, and a hand reaching out.

“ Don’t. ” 

"Alright. I won't. You want me to get you a tissue?" 

“ No. Alone. ” Zuko can’t bring himself to look at Sokka, his own face clouded in grief. 

"Alright, sunshine. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Zuko blinks twice to acknowledge him. Sokka sighs softly, slipping through the door. 

_ I’m all alone.  _ Zuko glances at the corner.  _ Hey spider-buddy, you got a place I could live? If I ever actually get out of here, that is.  _ Spider-buddy doesn’t answer.  _ Good ‘ol spider-buddy. Brevity is the soul of wit. Spirits. This is fucked. This is fucked! Why would he- Why would he pick Azula over me? She’s been terrible since mom left. I just wanted to be a good big brother when mom vanished and all Azula wanted was dad’s- father’s favor.  _ Zuko bites on his bottom lip, more tears spilling freely.  _ I never would have done that to her. I spent all of our childhood taking the blame for things she did so she didn’t get punished. And she rats me out when I’m just trying to get  _ **_dinner_ ** _. My family life fucking sucks. Yugoda’s right, this isn’t normal. This can’t be normal. Stupid fucking Sokka and his stupid perfect family.  _ Zuko doesn’t notice as he instinctively curls himself into a ball, his knees tucking under his chin and his face burying into his lap. 

Zuko remains curled up in this position for a while.  _ Seconds, minutes, hours, who knows?  _ Zuko jaw clenches up, the tension radiating through his body, his muscles sore from straining but unable to relax. _ Breathe, like Yugoda said. Just focus on deep breaths in and slow breaths out. It’ll calm you down. In...two, three four, out… two, three, four. Why isn’t this working?  _ He digs his nails into his forearm, taking a deep, shuddering breath.  _ I can’t fucking believe this. I want to go home… where the fuck is home? I don't know. Fuck. This is so fucked up.  _ **_I'm_ ** _ fucked up. _

The door opens, and Zuko can hear some shuffling on the other side of the room. He can’t be bothered to look up until his bed dips with the weight of someone sitting on it. He pulls his head from his knees, meeting Sokka’s worried blue eyes. 

“Hey, sunshine. I just wanted to check on you.” Sokka glances at Zuko’s curled up form, his eyebrows pulling together. “Are you okay?” Zuko shrugs, blinking a couple times. “I brought some fireflakes,” Sokka offers, pulling out a small bag. “I know they’re your favorite.” Zuko slowly uncurls, a small smile pulling at his lips.  _ At least I’ve got Sokka.  _

Sokka lights up with a grin. “There’s that smile.” He shifts closer to Zuko, settling next to him and opening the bag. “It’s resealable, so if you can’t eat all of it we can save some for later.”  _ Shut up and give me some fire flakes.  _

Sokka dips his hand into the bag, holding out a couple chips to Zuko’s mouth. Zuko accepts them gratefully, crunching down on them happily. “ You have? ” Sokka hesitates, glancing at the chips. 

“No, I- uh- don’t like the taste.” 

“ Too s...p...i...c...y... for you, ” Zuko teases, reaching out to nudge Sokka with his elbow. 

“No! I just don’t-” 

“ Then eat. ” 

“I got these for you, Fireboy.” 

“ Eat. ” Zuko raises an eyebrow, smirking at Sokka. Sokka sighs, reaching into the bag to pluck a chip out.

“You sure you want to share?” Two blinks.  _ Just eat it.  _ Sokka takes a deep breath in through his nose, before popping a flake in. As soon as the chip touches his tongue, his eyes fly wide and his face turns a bright shade of red, different from his normal flush. Sokka jumps to his feet, dashing across the room to Zuko’s garbage, spitting out the half chewed chip.  _ Ha.  _ Sokka straightens her back, his eyes watering. “Oof- it’s just… so bad. So bad, dude, it just doesn’t… taste good. It's all spice! Where's the flavor!”

" Yes. It do. Taste is spice. " 

"Spice isn’t a flavor!” Sokka throws his arms in the air, huffing. 

“ You only do not like it. ” 

“Also yes.” Zuko glances at the bag again, raising an eyebrow. “More?” Two blinks. “I can’t tell how on earth you like these things.” Zuko’s mouth opens as Sokka brings another few flakes to his lips, accepting them excitedly. _Fuck, I haven't had these in ages._ Zuko casts a wayward look at the clock. _What?_ _How the fuck has it been_ ** _four fucking hours_** _? Stupid time._ Sokka glances after Zuko’s gaze. “You want dinner?” One blink. “I’ll let it slide tonight.” _Good. I don't think I can eat anymore than I already have. Fuck, my stomach is all twisty now. Four_ ** _hours_** _?_

Sokka stands, stepping across the room to the undone mural. He tilts his head, rubbing his jaw and humming to himself. Zuko feels the edges of panic creeping into his body, his hands shaking.  _ I just fucking sat there for hours. I didn't do a damn thing except just sit there in my own fucking head.  _ Sokka’s speaking across the room. 

“-so I’m probably going to add the sun soon, I’m just trying to figure out where the light source should be.” Sokka hums to himself, holding a hand up in an ‘L’ shape.  _ What’s he doing?  _ “I also need to scrape some money together for the paints I need.” Zuko glances at his hands, shame rising in his gut.  _ He’s spending so much money on me. I don't deserve it, I don't need all this.  _

Sokka glances at the time again, heaving out a sigh. “We should probably change your bandages. ‘Tara’s gonna be wondering where I am.” He opens Zuko’s nightstand, pulling out the supplies Zuko’s become all too familiar with. Sokka gently unwraps Zuko's bandage, but Zuko flinches despite his caution. Sokka backs off, hands spread in the air to show Zuko he's not touching. “What’s wrong, duckling?” Zuko shrugs, his hands trembling. “I know you’ve been taking your meds…” 

Zuko can’t bring himself to meet Sokka’s gaze, his hands balled into tight fists. Sokka shakes his head, frowning slightly. “I have to do this real quick, okay? After I’m done, I can leave you alone.” Sokka steps forward slowly, his hands moving slowly in the edge of Zuko’s vision. Zuko takes a deep breath, squeezing his eye shut. Sokka changes Zuko’s bandage quickly and fluidly, stepping back as soon as he’s done. Zuko’s eye opens slowly, looking up to meet Sokka’s gaze. “You okay?” Zuko takes a deep breath, blinking twice. “Alright, let’s lay down. Can I help you?” Zuko glances at his tablet, frowning to himself. Two blinks. “Alright,  _ asik _ .” Sokka rests his hand on the small of Zuko’s back, his other hand resting on Zuko’s chest. 

Sokka lays him back, settling him on his pillows. Zuko glances away from Sokka as he grabs some blankets, pulling them up to tuck under Zuko’s chin. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

Two blinks.  _ I feel like such a shithead.  _ Sokka smiles at Zuko softly, pushing Zuko’s bangs back, before stepping out of the room, shooting his finger guns behind him. “Sweet dreams!” 

Zuko did not have sweet dreams. When he was finally able to drift to sleep, all he could dream about was Azula, sobbing against the table. In his dream, he noticed something he hadn’t before, burn marks littering her bare arms. Zuko met her red-rimmed eyes, heavy bags formed under her eyes. She begs for his help, for his forgiveness, and Zuko feels a pang in his chest. He opens his mouth to answer, to accept her back, but… “Get out. I never want to see you again.” He hears his voice for the first time since the incident. It’s undercut with hatred, and deeper than he remembers.  _ That sounds like… it sounds like Father.  _ Zuko glances at his hands, his eyes widening as he realizes they’re bigger than they’re supposed to be. He glances at the mirror, catching his reflection.  _ Fuck! That’s-  _ Fire bursts from his hands, surrounding him in a burning heat. 

Zuko jolts awake in a cold sweat, his arms covering his face and his chest tight. It takes a while of breathing and calming down before he can bring his arms down.  _ Agni, I’m fucked. He messed me up. He really fucking ruined me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boy, Hank: give azula a redemption arc!!   
> Us, already halfway through writing azulas visit: ohohoho!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aang visits. Zuko doesn't recognize what he's become.

Zuko’s staring past Yugoda’s shoulder, tuning her out. 

“Are you going to talk about anything today?” Yugoda asks quietly, her eyebrows pulling together. 

“ You did not tell me she was coming. ” 

“I did!” 

“ The day before, ” he shoots, his eye narrowing. 

“I didn’t have much warning, Zuko. I falsely assumed that you and your sister would have a…” Yugoda stops, chewing her cheek. “Better relationship.” 

“ Normal, you mean? ” 

“There’s no such thing as a normal relationship. There’s differences and intricacies in each one. Why don’t you tell me more about your sister?” 

“ Why? So can use that against me too? ” 

“So we can figure out what made you react like that. I’m not going to use anything against you, and I am incredibly sorry that I put you in that situation with insufficient warning.” 

Zuko sighs, glancing around the room, irritated. “ F...a...t...h...e...r… favorite. Love Z...u...l...a… ” 

“And...?” Yugoda prompts, setting down her pencil. Zuko relaxes a bit at that. _I hate that dumb clipboard._

“ Uncle say… she a...b...u...s...e... too. He love her. Say she p..i...t... against me always. ” Yugoda nods. 

“Abusive parents don’t pick and choose. Their abuse might be different per child, but there’s still usually some form of abuse or manipulation,” Yugoda speaks, glancing at her pencil but not reaching for it.

“ She burn. ” 

“I saw that. Do you think your father turned his physical abuse on her after you left?” Zuko glances at his hands, clenching in on themselves.

“ Do not know,  _”_ is what he settles on. _How am I supposed to answer that? ‘Yeah, it’s all my fault.’_

“Maybe the reason you never noticed her trauma was because it was different from yours,” Yugoda stars, watching him closely. “You got the physical form, but hers was all emotional manipulation and gaslighting.” 

“ F...a...t...h...e...r… m...a...n...i...p...u...l...a...t...e… me too.  ” Zuko glances at his hand. “  I hurt Z...u...l...a…? ” 

“You might have, yes. But you can’t be blamed for reacting the way you did.” 

“ Do not want hurt her. Big brother… p...r...o...t...e...c...t… her. ” 

“Have you always felt a need to protect her?” 

“ Take blame. Things she did. F...a...t...h...e...r… leave her… alone. ” 

“So some part of you knew he was doing the same thing to her.” Zuko hesitates, his eyebrows pulling together. _I hadn’t thought of it that way before._

“ I guess. ” 

“If you wouldn’t mind, could you tell me what sort of thing Azula would do? What was bad enough to warrant a punishment from your father?” 

“ F...a...t...h...e...r… always mad. Everything bad.  ” Yugoda nods, pulling an eyebrow up. Zuko keeps going, trying his hardest to remember. _Why is this so difficult?_ “  She… leave plates out… do not clean. Forget… train session. Friends t...e...x...t… at dinner. F...a...t...h...e...r… say no phone at table. I say… is my phone. ” 

“That seems like a lot of small stuff to get mad about. How would he… how would he react?” Zuko glances at his arms, his jaw clenching as his gaze runs over the healed burns. They were never as bad as the burn on his face, but small singes and burns mark his arms in an array of scars, ranging from pale white to a dark brown, almost like mini birthmarks.

“Done, ” he types, staring at his hands. “Talk other thing.” 

“Alright… so last time you told me you were afraid you were becoming like your father?” Zuko glances away, remembering his dream. 

“ Other thing. ” 

“What else would you like to talk about, then?” 

  
  


“ Face scar.  ” Yugoda sighs. “  Bandage off soon, want see. You see, S...o...k...k...a… see, uncle see, my turn. ” Yugoda watches Zuko closely, before sighing. 

“Fine. Tonight, when Sokka changes your bandages, I’ll come in and we’ll take a look.” 

“ Thank you. Thank you. Thank. Thank.  ” Zuko taps the same button, trying to get his point across. Yugoda smiles, her eyes weighed down. “  Hug? Happy. Thank.  ” _That makes people feel better, right? She seems tired._

Yugoda shakes her head, blinking a couple times. “No, Zuko. Thank you, though.” 

“Okay. Thank.” 

“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” Zuko sits in silence for a second, wracking his brain for something else. _The only thing I can think of is Azula, but I can’t handle that right now._

“No.” Yugoda pulls herself to her feet, sighing to herself. 

“Alright, my dear. I’ll see you tonight,” she promises, reaching to pat Zuko on the back before stepping out of his room. Sokka slips in a few minutes after she leaves, grinning at Zuko. 

“I heard the news!” Sokka crosses the room easily, tossing an arm around Zuko’s shoulders. “You’ll finally stop asking me to see!” He laughs, pushing Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko smiles, as big as he can, (which is slowly becoming bigger) to try and show Sokka how _grateful_ he is. 

“ Finally see my own face. ” 

“Yeah,” Sokka says, a soft look taking residence on his face.

He reaches forward, tucking a stray hair behind Zuko’s ear, then tilts his head so his forehead is resting on the side of Zuko’s. Zuko closes his eye, leaning towards Sokka with a content sigh. _He’s proud._ He’s filled with a warm, glowing feeling at the thought, one he’s never had before. _He’s proud of me._ **_Of me_ ** _._ Sokka’s hand travels up, his fingers threading through Zuko’s hair, careful to avoid dislodging the turtle-duck feather. Zuko had specifically asked for it this morning, avoiding Sokka’s gaze as he did so. In doing so, he missed Sokka’s beam of excitement. 

After a couple minutes, Sokka finally pulls away. Zuko’s eye opens, squinting at him. “Sorry, _asik_ , I- uh- set something up for you.” Sokka smiles at him excitedly, jumping to his feet. Zuko tilts his head slightly. 

“What?”

“It’s a surprise!” Sokka teases, scooping Zuko into his arms and depositing him into the wheelchair. _Surprises are dumb._ He settles Zuko’s tablet in the holder, clicking it in place, before leaning to Zuko’s good ear. “Trust me. You’ll like it,” he mumbles, before pulling away. _Suddenly, I’m a bit more excited about this. Sokka’s a great friend. He wouldn’t surprise me in a bad way._

Sokka steps in the hallway ahead of Zuko, glancing around. He puts his pointer finger to his lips, smiling softly with a wink. “Wheelchair skating,” he whispers. Zuko smiles, pushing his arms to his arm rests and wrapping his fingers around the metal. Sokka glances around one last time, searching for any sign of Jeong Jeong, before taking a running start and jumping onto the back of Zuko’s wheelchair. Zuko can feel his face split in a grin, the largest it’s been since he’s been in rehab. 

Sokka whips them around a few corners, laughing wildly behind him. _I wish we did this more often. Then we would laugh like this more._ Sokka jumps off with a final whoop, glancing around one last time. “JJ’s losing his touch, huh?” Zuko nods, glancing up as Sokka pushes the door open, pulling Zuko through. _Outside! We’re going outside! Yes! I love this surprise! This is a great surprise!_ Sokka glances around, frowning. “Huh, I guess he’s not here yet.” 

“Who?” Sokka tuts, waving his finger. 

“That’s not in the spirit of the surprise, my dear Fireboy!” He puts on a weird accent to imitate some character. _Sherlock?_

“ There is more? ” 

“Did you think the whole surprise was me taking you outside?” 

“ ...yes. ” Sokka laughs, leaning on Zuko’s shoulder. 

“You’re an easy guy to please. My exes could take a lesson from you.” Sokka reaches into the bag hung on the back of Zuko’s wheelchair, pulling a blanket out and rolling it out on the ground. 

“ Bad t...e...a...c...h...e...r. Would go out of class worse. Teach to bother you. ” 

“Wow… I can’t believe this… betrayed by my very own lizard boy. A shame, I do say. A shame.” Sokka laughs when he finishes dramatically flailing onto the ground. 

“ Let me join? ” 

“No, you’ve wounded me. You get to stay up there.” Sokka answers, kicking his feet up. 

“ I push you over when better. ” 

“I’ll hold you to that. Just you wait. I’ll keep it in my mind until the second you walk again. Your first steps better be coming to wreck my shit, Zukes.” 

“ I remember too. Will for sure w...r...e...c...k your s...h...i...t. ” Sokka laughs, pushing himself back to his feet and lifting Zuko up carefully, settling himself on the ground and allowing Zuko to lean against him, grabbing Zuko’s tablet.

“Can’t you sit up on your own now?” 

“ Yes. Lazy. Easy more this. ” Sokka laughs, sliding an arm around Zuko’s shoulder to pull him closer. 

“Well, luckily I’m strong enough to hold the both of us up.” He flexes with the arm not around Zuko. 

“ Okay, c..a...s...a...n...o...v...a… ” Zuko teases. Sokka pushes him with his free hand, his arm secured around him so he doesn’t fall. 

“Oh shut it, jerkbender.” 

“ No you. ”

“Did you legitimately just say ‘no you’? How old are you again? Six? Six, right?”

“ You say ‘would you just s...h...u...t… up, man?’ Are you 7-8? ” 

“Do you just know off the top of your head how old Joe Biden is?” 

“ Do you not? ” 

“No, buddy. No normal person has that on the tip of their tongue. What else do you know, uhh, the hottest day in recorded history?” 

“Yes. ” Zuko shoots him a half grin. Sokka lets out a barked laugh, as Zuko pulls his eyebrows together, focusing on the tablet. “  S...e...p...t...e...m...b...e...r… 1-3, 1-9-2-2. ” 

“So are you just a walking trivia book?” Sokka chuckles playfully, watching Zuko with a subtle affection dancing in his eyes. 

“ J...e...r...k… bender. Learn school. ” 

“Ah, an academic,” Sokka teases, shooting him a wink. 

“ Will you just s...h...u...t… u... p... man. ”

“Hypocrite. Oh! The surprise is here!” Sokka grins, calling to a figure outside Zuko’s view. “Just reach over and undo the lock! Left, left, down.” Zuko pulls his head around as much as he’s able, his head tilting as he sees _Aang_ stepping through the fence with a _literal goddamn horse. Holy shit, that’s a huge dog._ He’s also holding a crate, but Zuko can’t see in enough to see what’s in there. 

“Hey!” Aang calls, pulling on the dog’s harness to stop him from rushing at Zuko and Sokka. Zuko’s momentarily distracted by his _bright_ orange shirt.

“ Not visit day? ” 

“Shhh, don’t tell.” Sokka winks at him, glancing at the door. _You do that an awful lot._ “As long as JJ doesn’t notice, we’ll be fine.” Aang walks closer, waiting until the dog calms down before finally joining the two. 

“This is Appa! He’s a Tibetian Mastiff, and a very good boy! Also,” Aang unlatches the door to the crate, and _something_ steps out. 

“ Goblin  ” _Why’s there a button for goblin? I guess it came in handy. Who designed this app? Like, there’s a button for ‘king’ and ‘goblin’ but not for ‘does’? Or ‘abuse’? Or- you know what, maybe I shouldn’t think on that more._

“Not a goblin! A hairless cat! This is Momo!”

“ Like m...o...r...o...n? ” 

Aang gives Zuko a horrified look. “No! Be nice to him! Look, he’s crying. You upset him so much.”

“I don’t think cats cry, Aang,” Sokka tilts his head, his hand resting idly on Appa’s head. 

“Well, he is. He’s crying a lot. His bald baby face is covered in tears right now. He’s inconsolable.” Aang picks Momo up, settling him in Zuko’s lap. Zuko stares at _it,_ his eyebrows pulled together as it starts vibrating. 

“Broken.” 

“No, he’s purring!” Aang grins. “He likes you!” 

“Seriously, have you _never_ been around a cat before?” Sokka asks, reaching over to pet Momo. 

“No.” 

“Ah. They’re not all like this. Most of them have fur,” Aang says. _I know what a cat looks like._ “But when me ‘n’ Gyatso went to find a cat, he was supposed to be put down the next day. No one really likes hairless cats, they all want a soft cuddle buddy. But look at him!” Aang reaches over, pinching Momo’s face gently. Momo pulls his head away from Aang, curling into Zuko’s lap. “He’s so cute! And he makes a good cuddle buddy.” 

“He probably likes you because you’re like, a heater,” Sokka says, smiling at Zuko’s perplexed face. 

“ Warm? Like warm? ” 

“Yeah, buddy, cats like warmth. Probably this fellow more than anything, since he doesn’t have fur,” Sokka answers, his eyes barely leaving Zuko’s face. Zuko tilts his head, patting Momo’s head a couple times. The fence rattles again, and Aang leaps to his feet. 

“‘Tara!” He greets her excitedly, before turning red with a glance to Sokka. “Uh- it’s good to see you again?” He offers. Sokka laughs, leaning towards them. 

“Ooooh, Aang has a crush!” He turns to Appa, his lips puckered up. “Kissy kissy!” Appa tilts his head, before leaning forward to cover Sokka’s face in a lick. “AUGH! Appa!” He pulls his face away, wiping at it desperately with his sleeve. Zuko laughs from beside him, a small, quiet chuckle. The face Sokka makes, a mix of betrayal and disgust, is enough to make Aang burst into laughter.

“ You did ask. ” Zuko points out with a smirk. 

“He’s-- he’s trained,” Aang gasps, dissolving into more wild giggles. 

Katara drops next to Aang, finding herself across the blanket from Zuko. She hesitates, giving him a nod in greeting. He tilts his head, but decides not to push it. “Thanks for getting ‘Goda to let me hang out for the day, I didn’t want to be at home with Gran-Gran while she flirts with her personal trainer.” 

“You mean you _don’t_ want to hear our 80 year old grandma try to convince a 30 year old that she’s still a catch?” Sokka responds, an expression of shock slipping on his face.

“Tui, _no!_ It’s horrible! I mean, she _is_ a catch, but that’s besides the point.”

“Oh! I’m spending all day with Gyatso, he wants me to do some extra training. I had to get up early to come here.” Aang speaks up, ruffling Appa’s ears. Sokka grab’s Zuko’s free hand, plopping it onto Appa’s _massive_ head. Zuko curls his fingers a few times, giving the big dog some well earned scratches. _You’re fucking huge, dude. How’d you get so big? Did you eat straight protein powder as a puppy or some shit?_ Appa’s tail thumps against the ground, slapping against Sokka’s torso a couple times.

“Train?” Zuko asks, ignoring Sokka’s complaints of ‘dog abuse!’ from beside him. 

“He’s, like, really strict, but also oddly flippant? It’s hard to describe. He likes having a good time but when it’s time to work, it’s time to work. But also, you can distract him, but it’s hard.” Aang shrugs. “It’s impossible to describe.” 

“ Why train? ” 

“Oh, he wants me to get better at airbending. I dunno, he thinks it’s important that I master it. But I guess I can always get into probending or something.” 

“ Air? Air? Air?  ” _I knew it!_

“Yes, air.” 

“Am I the only one here without bending?” Sokka throws his free arm in the air, huffing in irritation. 

“Sucks to suck,” Katara shoots with a teasing grin. 

“Oh, I could beat you in a fight with nothing but my-” 

“With your trusty boomerang, I know. You talk about this all the time but refuse to spar with me.” 

“I was gonna say my sword, actually.” Sokka pulls his arm away from Zuko, crossing his arms with a feigned sniffle. 

“ Me. S..,w...o...r...d. Me. Have s...w...o...r...d… good at. ” Zuko meets Sokka’s eye, raising his eyebrow. 

“So after you take your first steps and push me down, we’ll have to have a fencing match.” 

“Yes.” 

“Wait- push you over?” Katara leaps in, raising an eyebrow at Zuko. 

“Yeah, it’s his lifelong dream,” Sokka answers, leaning back with a laugh. 

“ Yes. W...r...e...c...k his s...h...i...t, ” Zuko reminds him, a teasing smile pulling on his lips. Aang chokes on his water at that, his eyes wide. 

“Phrasing,” Aang jumps in, glancing between the two.

“Hell yeah, dude! Gonna absolutely trash me, I’ll die the second I hit the floor,” Sokka ignores Aang. 

“ Too fast. S...u...f...f...e...r… first,  ” Zuko types. _That was fast._ Sokka acts betrayed, but it cracks when he laughs.

“Why are we pushing Sokka over?” Katara asks, her arms crossed. 

“ Annoyed me. ” 

“He annoys me too, and I don’t push him over!”

“Yes you do! You literally did this morning when I took the last muffin!” Sokka shoots back, his arms crossed. “I’m surrounded by liars and traitors. Aang’s my only true friend.” Aang glances up, reaching over Zuko to shove Sokka. 

“There, now you have no true friends.” 

“I’m gonna end my shit, you guys just watch.” Sokka crosses his arms, his giggling undercutting his fake irritation. “Appa, end it right now. Do it. Unleash your inner killer and prove it.” Appa barks. “No! _Tui and La,_ that’s loud as hell. I said _end my shit,_ not break my ears.” Appa tilts his head, before barking again. “You’re no help,” Sokka huffs. Zuko giggles from beside him, pulling a goofy grin out of Sokka. _Laughing. I’m_ **_laughing._ ** _My throat hurts like fucking hell, Agni. But I’m laughing!_ Katara’s eyes dart between the two, her hesitation slowly melting. 

“So… Zuko,” She starts, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Uh, tell me about yourself?” Zuko squints at her. _That’s a weird shift._

“ I live here?  ” he offers, not knowing _what the hell she wants._

“Well, yeah, but like…” she shrugs weakly, glancing at Aang for help. He shoots her a supportive smile, and a thumbs up. “Like, uh… what type of music do you listen to?” She finally settles on, cringing to herself. 

“ What S...o...k...k...a… sing. P...a...i...n...t. Have no phone here. ” 

Katara lets out an annoyed sigh. “Never mind.” _What does she want from me?_

“Come on, sunshine, what did you listen to before you came here?” Sokka asks, breaking some of the tension. Zuko gives him an uncomfortable look, 

“Sunshine?” Katara questions, glancing between the two again. She raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“Yeah, look at him! He’s a ray of sunshine!” Katara glances at Zuko, who looks back at her blankly. 

“Sure.” 

“So, what do you listen to?” Aang prompts Zuko again, butting in to prevent what feels like a brewing argument. Zuko rests a hand on Momo, who’s still purring away. _That’s nice._

“ Don’t know? I like… i...n...d...i...e…? And rock. ” 

“I’ll put some rock on for us sometime, _g-_ Fireboy,” Sokka cuts himself off, glancing nervously at Katara. She doesn’t notice, instead leaning over to examine Zuko’s tablet. Zuko curls away slightly, watching her cautiously. He squints when she looks up, turning her scrutinizing gaze on him instead. 

“What kind of soundboard is this, Sokka? There’s one for ‘garden’ and ‘king’ and ‘ _goblin’,_ of all things, but there’s nothing for ‘paint’? Or other more common words?” 

“Listen, I didn’t program the thing, I just charge it and hand it to Zuko. Ask Yugoda, she’s the one who downloaded the app.” he shrugs. 

“And there isn’t an option to add words? Or remove them?”

“I dunno, never looked.” 

“I feel bad for Zuko now, he’s stuck with your incompetent ass.” _Don’t patronize me._

“ _‘Tara!”_ Sokka scolds. “Language!” 

“I’m sixteen, leave me alone. I can swear if I want.” She looks at Aang, waiting for him to back her up. He jumps as he realizes the attention has been turned to him, looking up from patting Appa.

“I don’t really know anything about that, sorry. Gyatso never really curses,” he says sheepishly, putting a hand up defensively. 

“ I swear since 1-0, ” Zuko types, catching Katara’s eye with a shrug. 

“See? He’s been swearing forever! Wait, _ten?_ ” 

“He’s not my little sister.” 

“Yeah, obviously,” Katara says dryly, a smirk pulling at her lips. 

“Shut up! If you’re going to swear, do it at, like, the patriarchy or something.” 

“I already do, idiot. What do you think I do at the Women's March every year?” 

“Um, _march?_ ” Sokka shoots. 

Aang and Zuko share a look. _Siblings._ Aang speaks up quickly, defusing the argument. “Yo, Sokka, wanna throw Appa’s ball for him?”

“Uh, fuck yeah I do. How big does the ball gotta be to fit his mouth?” Aang reaches into his backpack after squirming his arms out of the straps, pulling out a comically large ball. “Holy shit.” 

“Language!” Katara jumps on him with a smug grin. 

“I’m an adult! I pay bills and taxes and shit! I get to swear.” Sokka shoots back, pulling himself to his feet as he hefts the ball up. “Alright, boy, you ready?” Appa jumps to attention, dropping into a playful stance. “Alright, here it goes!” Sokka tosses the ball across the courtyard, watching Appa lumber after it. “He’s massive, dude. Where’d you even get a dog that big?” 

“ How g...r...o...w much big? ” 

“I dunno, like… two and a half feet tall? You should see him when he stands on his hind legs, he’s bigger than I am,” Aang answers, watching Appa bound back. 

“Well, you’re still pretty short, Aang. Maybe someday you’ll grow to be taller than him,” Sokka teases.

“Oh, I totally will. And then I’ll, in Zuko’s words, ‘wreck your... _shit_.’” 

“Ay! There you go, buddy!” Sokka cheers. Katara stutters in disbelief.

“He’s younger than I am!” 

“He’s cooler than you. He gets a pass. Just this once. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s his first time. I didn’t give you shit when you walked in the house and shouted ‘fuck’ that one time.” 

“I stubbed my toe,” Katara mumbles, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, and then shouted like a fuckin sailor would.” 

“ My uncle was s...a...i...l...o...r. ” Zuko pushes his way back into the conversation. 

“Wait, does that mean I can say ‘fuck’ around him now? Damnit, I was limiting myself because he’s like, sixty!”

“ You hold back scared of him. ” 

“No, I do not, it’s-- _oomph!_ ” Appa leaps on Sokka, dropping the ball and covering Sokka’s face in slobber, flattening Sokka to the ground beneath him. Sokka takes a few shocked breaths in, unable to breathe out for a second. “Aang! Get your beast off of me!” 

“He’s not a beast. Apologize to him. He’s upset.” Appa proves Aang’s points with a well timed whimper. 

“Aang!” Sokka shouts, the word coming out strangled as Appa settles onto him, Sokka thrashing below him. “He’s crushing me!” 

“Apologize, and I’ll help.” 

“That’s what you get for calling him a beast, Sokka,” Katara says, laughing and watching the show with glee. 

“ Good boy, A...p...p...a. W...r...e...c...k his s...h...i...t. ” Zuko types. Katara laughs in response, reaching over to give Zuko’s resting hand a fist bump. Zuko’s chest glows with pride.

Sokka gives up on trying to wiggle out of Appa’s hold, instead throwing his head back so he can look at Zuko. “Zukes, my dying wish… I want you... to get better...I want you... to travel the world… spread my ashes... everywhere you go.” 

“ Too bad. Your a...s...h...e...s stay in ground. ” 

“ _Zukoooooo!_ ” Sokka whines, twisting around his shoulders. Zuko can feel his cheeks heat up, and he breaks eye contact with him. Aang finally whistles, prompting Appa to get off of Sokka. Aang glances at his watch with a frown. 

“Ah, I should really get running. I gotta be home in ten minutes.” Aang lifts Momo from Zuko’s lap, herding him back into his crate, before grabbing Appa’s leash and clipping it to his harness. 

“Can I walk him home, Sokka? He doesn’t live that far away,” Katara asks. Sokka shrugs, waving her off. 

“Just don’t get hit by a car or some shit. And text me when you’re on the way back so I know you’re okay.” 

“I will!” she promises, leaping to her feet and following Aang past the fence. 

“Ah, young love,” Sokka sighs. “That monster-dog of his is crazy, huh?” Zuko leans against Sokka’s shoulder, his eye sliding shut. “Like, first off, he’s fucking massive, and second, he slobbers so much, he could be a whole damn water source. And, Aang has him entirely trained. How do you train a dog that big? Like, what!” Sokka slides his arm back around Zuko’s back, humming under his breath. 

“ Like cat. ” Zuko answers with a smile. 

“Yeah, that cat was pretty cool.” 

“ Want cat. When go. ” 

“Yeah, you seem like a cat guy,” Sokka answers, catching Zuko’s eye with a soft smile. He nudges Zuko, clearing his throat. “We should probably go back in when Katara comes back.” Zuko nods, leaning his head back to bask in the sun. He can feel Sokka’s gaze catch on him, but when he slips his eye open, Sokka’s looking away. _Wonder what’s up with him._ Zuko trails his eye across Sokka’s jawline, whose head is tilted back to gaze at the sky. Zuko jumps as Sokka speaks again. 

“Hey, look at that cloud!” Sokka points up with a grin. Zuko glances up, squinting against the glare of the sun. “Doesn’t it look like an arrow?” _It looks like a cloud._

“Yes. ” Sokka lights up at that, his gaze returning to the sky with a sense of wonder. _Agni, he’s got a good smile. If I smiled like that I’d never stop._ The fence creaks open, Katara slipping back through. 

“What up, losers?” She glances between the two boys, before settling next to Zuko, keeping a small bit of space between them. 

“Just looking at the sky. Look! That cloud is an arrow.”

“That’s a lumpy mess, Sokka.”

“The _other_ one.” 

“They’re the exact same.”

“Oh, whatever. Zukes agrees with me, don’t you?” Two blinks. “See! Anyyyyway, we should probably head in. Don’t want to stay out too long.” _There’s no such thing as too long._ “He’ll get all wrinkly, like a real lizard.” 

“ I will not. ” 

“I don’t think lizards can wrinkle?” Katara says, climbing to her feet with a sigh. “So how do you get Zuko into his chair? He can’t stand, right?” 

“I just pick him up?” Sokka says, confused. “I mean, what else would I do? Levitate him?”

“You’re kidding me. Zuko, you just let him pick you up willy nilly?” _What am I gonna do, stop him?_

“ He tell first. Look. ” Zuko looks to Sokka expectantly, and Sokka starts their usual ritual. 

“Ready?” Two blinks. Sokka loops one arm just above Zuko’s knees, the other around his midsection to lift him into a quick bridal carry. Sokka gently sits Zuko in the wheelchair, picks up the tablet, and clicks it into the holder. 

“Alright.” Katara shrugs, moving to Zuko’s right. Sokka slips behind him, gathering up the blanket and folding it messily. He drops it into Zuko’s lap, and they’re off. 

\--

Sokka pushes Zuko’s trey meal aside, glancing at the clock. “Yugoda will be here soon, okay?” Katara’s sitting in the corner. 

“What’s she doing coming in so late?” 

“Oh, Zuko’s getting a look at his scar for the first time. Plus she’s just doing a medical check, seeing how much longer he’ll need the bandages. We’ll probably have you step out for that.” Katara nods in understanding, glancing at Zuko’s bandages. 

Zuko can feel the nerves rising in his stomach, his hands twitching a bit. He glances at his hands, taking some deep breaths to calm himself down. 

“It’ll be alright, sunshine! You’ve been asking for this for a month, maybe longer. I dunno, time’s fake.” Sokka shrugs, dropping a reassuring hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “Deep breaths. You’ll be okay.” 

A knock rings out on the door. Zuko leaps in surprise. 

“Come in!” Katara calls. Sokka’s on his knees in front of Zuko, both of his hands tightly. 

“If you change your mind, let us know,” Sokka mumbles quietly.

“Hey, uh, Sock, I need your help.”

“Who’s this?” Katara asks, and Sokka turns to see Haru peeking his head through the crack in the door.

“Haru, what’s up, dude?”

“I need another volunteer, Toph--” 

"Say no more. I’ll be back in a couple minutes, ‘kay?” Two blinks. Sokka smiles. “Great. Don’t burn down the building, you two. Especially you, jerkbender.” He stands, following Haru out the door. 

Katara stays quiet for a minute or two, the only sound being Zuko’s nervous tapping on the arm of his wheelchair. 

“He talks about you all the time,” she finally says. “Like, _all_ the time. Sometimes he comes home and looks at his dumb clipboard for ages.”

“Why?”

“Hell if I know,” Katara scoffs, and Zuko cringes at the judgement in her voice. 

“ Why mean? I never do anything. ” 

“You do everything. If you were me, you’d be sick of you too. ‘Oh, he flipped me off today, he’s amazing! Oh, I miss him so much! We’re camping with our dad and I can’t stop talking about him!’.”

“Okay. ” Zuko looks away, his eyebrows pulled together. His stomach is churning, but with guilt now instead of nerves. “  Not my f...a...u...l...t… I try nice with you. ” Katara sighs, shaking her head.

“I don’t know what he sees in you, really. You can’t even talk. And you burned him, for fuck’s sake.” Zuko pales, his gaze falling to his lap. 

“ I do not know either.  ” If he was able to speak, he’d be whispering. Tears spring up in his eye as he continues typing. “  Too good, do not deserve friend like him. ” Katara pauses, squinting at him. 

“ _Friend_ ?” Zuko’s heart stills, his blood running cold. _Are we not friends?_

“ I do not know. Am only job?  ” Zuko’s breath catches in his throat, his knuckles turning white as his hand clamps on his armrest, sparks jumping across his skin. _Am I that stupid? Did I actually think we were friends?_ Katara stands up, watching his hand with a panicked gaze. 

“Zuko, what are you doing?” There’s terror in her voice. _Agni, no, I’m-_ His hands tremble and he tries to regain control, gasping for breath. _Control the breathing, control the breathing, control the breathing._ Katara backs against the wall, her hands coming up defensively with water materializing in front of her. “Zuko, you have until I count to five to _stop._ ” _I’m trying! Don’t! Stop, I can’t help it!_

“One.” The sparks jump higher off his hands, his face filling with despair. _Wait!_

“Two.” He reaches towards his tablet desperately, flinching as a jolt of electricity jumps from it to him. 

“Three.” _Fuck! Stop!_ Katara watches him nervously, her fingers flexing. 

“Four.” Zuko squeezes his eye shut, flinching away from her and raising his arms to cover his face, his breaths coming out in ragged, panicked gasps. _Fuck! Stop sparking, stop, stop, stop,_ ** _stop!_** Katara stops counting, tilting her head as she watches him. The sparks shower over Zuko, raining over him, small embers landing on his own skin, but he doesn’t move, he _can’t move._ “Zuko?” _Leave me be! Please. I don’t want to hurt anyone._

She takes a couple steps closer, stopping when he flinches away, curling in on himself with his arms pulling tighter to his face. Zuko can hear her take a deep breath, before his hands are encased in… _water?_ He pulls his face from his arms, looking up. Katara has his hands submerged in bubbles of water, her face a mask of intense concentration. Zuko’s arms finally drop to his lap, and she slowly pulls the water away. He glances at his hands nervously, but there’s not so much as a sizzle. They’re still shaking, which can’t be helped, but he lets out a slow breath of relief, slumping against the back of his chair. 

“Zuko, _what_ happened to you? Why do you flinch away like that so much?” Zuko stares at the wall. “You scared me,” she speaks quietly, glancing at the ground. “My mother… was killed by a firebender.” Zuko doesn’t spare her a glance, he can’t. _I don’t want to look at her. Not right now._ Katara shifts to make him look at her, but he can’t, he _can’t._ So he closes his eye, and lets Katara’s nervous chattering fade away. 

The door opens slowly, Yugoda stepping in. “It smells like smoke. Zuko?” Zuko’s eye flies open, and he throws Yugoda a desperate glance. _Save me_. Yugoda notices Zuko trembling, and Katara sitting across from him. “Katara, what did you do?” 

“I- He was sparking at me! I thought-” 

“He can’t control his bending, Katara. He sparks when he’s nervous.” Katara’s eyebrows pull together as she meets Zuko’s gaze. 

“Oh- Zuko. Do I… scare you?” _You just told me my favorite person isn’t really even my friend._ “I didn’t mean to.” Kataras reaches towards his hand, stilling as he jerks away again. “Did I just ruin all the progress we made today?” _Yes._

“I’m sure you didn’t, he’s just on edge,” Yugoda reassures her. _No I’m not. I don’t want to be near her alone again._ “I think it might be best if you left, though. Go wait in the common room until Sokka clocks out.” Katara nods dejectedly, slipping out of the room without another word. Yugoda turns to Zuko. “Where’s Sokka?” 

“ H...a...r...u… help. Back soon. ” 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” 

“ Yes. Much. ” 

“Are you alright? Did Katara say anything?” 

Briefly, Zuko considers telling the truth. “No.” Yugoda frowns. 

“Then what happened?”

“ No thing.  ” _I don’t want you, I want Sokka._ The door opens, Sokka stepping in, his hair down and disheveled. 

“Sokka? What happened?” 

“Long story, including Toph, a recorder, and a lot of duct tape,” Sokka answers, reaching into Zuko’s bedside drawer to pull out the supplies for Zuko’s bandage change. “Do you have the mirror?” Yugoda nods, pulling one out of her robes. Sokka kneels in front of Zuko. “Are you sure you’re ready?” Two blinks. “Alright.” 

Sokka unravels Zuko’s bandage with practiced ease, stepping back so Yugoda can inspect Zuko’s scar. She tuts softly, turning Zuko’s head gently to inspect the scar from more angles. She reaches up with a gentle hand running it along the edge of his scar to feel how it’s healing with his skin, causing him to leap with surprise. 

“Oh, ‘Goda, I always warn him before I touch him.” 

“Oh! Of course. My apologies, Zuko.” Two blinks. 

“He says it’s alright. But, uh, be careful this time, okay?” She nods. . 

“Is it okay for me to touch?” Two blinks. She gently rests her hand on his scar, running her fingers over it. “Does it hurt anywhere I touch?” One blink. “What about here? Can you... _feel_ that?” One blink. She presses down a bit more, careful to not upset the delicate tissue. “Can you feel it now?” One blink. She pulls her hand away, glancing up at Sokka. “I think the main area’s completely numb.” 

“We knew that was a possibility,” Sokka answers easily, stepping in front of Zuko. “Zuko, close your right eye.” Zuko slides his right eye shut, his vision blurring over. “Can you see anything?” Zuko reaches blindly for his tablet, punching what looks like the right button. 

“King. ” _Fuck me._

“Uh- you can open your eye to answer.”

“ Kind of,  ” Zuko responds. “  B...l...u...r...r...y… hard to see at all.  ” Sokka and Yugoda share a look. “ What?”

“I’m afraid at this point, that’s not going to get any better,” Yugoda answers, resting a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. _Oh._ Zuko looks at Sokka, who has the same regretful look as Yugoda’s. 

“I was waiting for Yugoda’s check before I told you,” he says. “I would’ve said something sooner, but I wanted to be sure.” 

“Okay. ” _Of course, I can’t fucking see._

“I’m going to touch one more time, and I want you to tell me how it feels.” Two blinks. Yugoda brings her hand up, touching the very edge of his scar. “How’s that?” Two blinks. 

“He can feel that one.” 

“Does it hurt?” Yugoda asks, tilting her head. One blink. “That’s good. I think we can bandage at night, but during the day he’ll be fine without. The bandage is just to make sure the scar absorbs the ointment,” Yugoda says, more to herself than anything else.

“ See now? ” 

“You’re absolutely certain that you’re ready?” Sokka asks, grabbing Zuko’s free hand. 

“ Yes. Please. See now. ” Sokka takes the mirror from where they had placed it on the night table, taking a steadying breath. 

“Okay?” Two blinks. Sokka turns the mirror around, letting Zuko get a look at himself for the first time in months. 

Zuko stills completely. _That’s not me. That is_ **_not_ ** _me._ He stares at the stranger, who’s staring back at him, pale skin starkly contrasting against the angry red-purple scar. The boy in the mirror seems just as startled. Zuko leans forward, looking in the stranger’s eye. _Same flecks of brown. Me but not me._ He brings one hand up to his face, covering the scar. _Me._ Moves it over to cover the rest of his face. _Not me._ He takes a deep, shuddering breath. Yugoda and Sokka are watching him carefully, gauging his reaction. Sokka still hasn’t let go of Zuko’s other hand, and Zuko gives it a tight squeeze. Sokka squeezes back, gentler than Zuko did. Zuko doesn’t look away from the mirror. 

“Are… are you okay?” Sokka asks hesitantly, but Zuko’s busy focusing on the Not-Zuko-But-Still-Zuko staring back at him. Sokka leans toward his good ear, appearing in the mirror next to “Zuko”. _That’s Sokka. Regular-Sokka-Who-Looks-The-Same._ “ _Asik,”_ He speaks quietly. Zuko finally breaks eye contact with “Zuko”, pulling his gaze to meet Sokka’s in the mirror. “Everything okay?” _No. Everything is_ **_not_ ** _okay. Everything is fucked._ Yugoda looks between them, standing up slowly. 

“I’ll let you be. You call me if you need me, okay? Keep a close eye on him.” 

“Of course. I’ll stop by your office before I leave.” Zuko’s not listening, pulling his hand up to his hair, and pulling it down in an attempt to cover his eye. _Hm. That’s no good. I should grow my hair out._

“Good. Oh, try and have a talk with Katara later. Something happened in here that he’s not going to tell us about.” Sokka nods, watching Zuko carefully. Yugoda steps out, leaving the two alone. 

“ Who that? ” 

Sokka’s expression changes, and Zuko feels his chest tighten. _Stop making that face at me. Stop looking heartbroken, dick, and tell me!_

“That’s you, buddy,” Sokka whispers, squeezing Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko shakes his head, his good eye filling with tears. 

“ No. Lie. ” 

“I’m not lying. That’s you. Here, I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks. Zuko watches in the mirror as Sokka’s finger’s trace along the bottom of his scar, careful not to poke him in the eye. Zuko’s eyebrow pulls down. _That doesn’t make sense._ “See?” 

“ No. Is no me. No. ”

“I need you to trust me, Zuko.” 

“ No me. No. Fake Z...u...k...o… ” Zuko’s shaking his head, his mouth pinching down in a frown. 

“Can you look at me instead? Not the mirror. Just me.” Zuko pulls a deep breath in, finally turning away from the mirror and meeting Sokka’s careful gaze, his hands trembling. Sokka sets the mirror face-down on the bed. “There you go, sunshine.” Sokka reaches forward, grabbing his hands tightly. “Zuko, you know that scar doesn’t mean shit, right?” 

“ U...g...l...y. Do not like. Bad. ”

“Absolutely not,” Sokka cuts him off. “I can’t believe you think that.” 

“ Bad. Stop lie. ” 

“Have I ever lied to you?” 

“ No. You are start now. ”

“Why would I do that?” 

“ Feel better. ” Sokka sighs. 

“Maybe you weren’t ready for this.” 

“No. Am ready.” 

“Will you stop calling my Zukes ugly now? It makes me sad. I don’t like hearing you say that.” Zuko sighs, nodding slowly. “Alright.” Sokka reaches for the mirror, showing it to him again, but tilting it so Zuko can see his turtle-duck feather. “Look at how cute that is. That’s my duckling, isn’t it?” Another slow nod. _What is he trying to say?_ “And look at your eyes. They’re such a pretty shade of amber. And don’t think I haven’t noticed those flecks of color, too. Part of my job is looking at your face, I know it’s not ugly. Got it?” Zuko takes a deep breath, nodding slowly again. Sokka smiles, setting the mirror back down. 

“ Do not like it  .” 

“That’s alright. But that doesn’t mean you’re ugly.” Zuko clenches his jaw, nodding slightly. His eye is stinging. _Don’t fucking cry. It’s just a scar. That’s all. Don’t cry._ A tear slips down from his good eye. _Fuck me._ “Can I give you a hug, sunshine? You look like you could use one.” Zuko nods, more tears welling up. _Please._ Sokka moves, scooting closer to Zuko so he can wrap his arms around Zuko’s torso, pulling him close. 

Zuko buries his head in Sokka’s shoulder, shuddering with muted sobs. _I’m an embarrassment. That’s what I am. I have this stupid fucking scar and I’m_ **_crying_ ** _about it. Crying doesn’t fix anything. Stop crying._ Zuko pulls in a deep, shuddering breath, forcing his arms forward to circle around Sokka, clinging to him tightly. 

“I know, _asik_ , I know.” Sokka sighs, his breath ruffling Zuko’s hair. “I’m gonna wrap your scar, okay?” Two blinks, though Sokka can’t see them. Sokka untagles himself from Zuko’s grip slowly, standing reaching around him to grab his ointment. Sokka uncaps the ointment, glancing at it, before looking up at Zuko. He reaches forward, cupping Zuko’s good cheek gently, his finger running along Zuko’s cheek. “I’m proud of you,” he whispers. Zuko smiles at him, blinking a couple times to clear the tears out of his eye. Sokka hesitates, before leaning forward and tilting his head to the side, pressing a soft kiss to the bottom of Zuko’s scar.

Zuko’s heart skips a few beats -- _ten at least --_ , his cheek blazing. Sokka pulls away, clearing his throat and dipping his fingers into the ointment. “I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks. Sokka smears the ointment on Zuko’s face, careful to keep his hand gentle and steady. Soon after, he wraps Zuko’s eye. Sokka runs a gentle hand through Zuko’s bangs, before plucking out the turtle-duck feather. He goes to grab the tablet from Zuko’s lap, but Zuko lays a hand on it before he can. 

“Wait.” 

“What’s up?”

“ Thank. Thank you. Thank you much. For be… so good... friend.  ” Sokka smiles at him. He has that _look_ in his eyes, the one Zuko can never decipher, no matter how hard he tries. Whatever it is, it makes him feel warm and safe and like Sokka will never ever hurt him. He leans down, helping Zuko lie flat.

“I’d do it even if I wasn’t taking care of you. You’re- uh. You’re very important to me, Zuko.” Sokka scratches the back of his head, his face lighting up red. 

“ You me. Same. You. ” 

“I’m happy to hear that,” Sokka sighs, looking away. _You don’t sound happy._ He takes the tablet aside, plugging it in. “I’m gonna take ‘Tara home. And, uh, if I, um, ever make you uncomfortable, just tell me to not do that. Okay? I want you to be-- uh… to be comfortable around me. I don’t want you to be afraid of telling me to- I dunno, stop doing something.” Sokka stands, shrugging and rolling his shoulders. _What brought this on?_ Two blinks. “Thanks, Zukes… I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sokka shoots Zuko his signature finger guns, before finally flicking the lights off. _Yeah, tomorrow._

That night, Zuko dreams of gentle fingers threading through his hair, delicately and securely fastening his feather in his hair. He dreams of bright smiles and jovial, bubbling laughs. He dreams of lumped clouds, forming shapes he’ll never be able to make out. He dreams of sharp jawlines. He dreams of a stranger in the mirror, melting away and being replaced with him as a soft kiss is planted on the angry scar staring back at him. He dreams of nervous fidgeting and deep blushes. He dreams of whale bone necklaces, of leather wristbands, of colorful friendship bracelets. He dreams of doodled shoes, skirts and pink jean jackets. He dreams of _fucking Heely Crocs_ and the excitement in the inventor’s voice. And for once, Zuko knows _exactly_ what his dream is. 

Zuko dreams of Sokka. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad news! No further updates until December 17. Chapter 15 my (Zahir's) favorite chapter (we already have it written lmao) and I wanted to wait to post it until my birthday! We'll see you guys on the 17th.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh.

Zuko’s been thinking about his dream from last night all day. _What does it mean_ ? Sokka had let Zuko be when he’d said that he was just tired, leading him through a small physical therapy session and then sitting to paint. They’d been here for hours, Sokka occasionally taking painting breaks to dance around the room and sing, laughing when Zuko would attempt to dance along. He'd bop his head or halfass jazz hands just to make Sokka laugh. _Agni, that laugh._ When Zuko ate lunch, Sokka sat across from him and wormed around when his favorite parts of a song played, a wide grin splitting his face.

Now, as the sun sets, Sokka sits next to the window, palate in hand, paintbrush in the other. There’s red paint smeared on his jaw, and he’s concentrating hard, his eyes narrowed in a squint. He puts the tip of his brush between his teeth, before moving it away to add swirly details to the wall. The very tip of his tongue peeks out between his lips as he leans in close to examine the stroke of paint. Zuko’s content just watching him from his bed, the golden light from the window lighting up Sokka’s side profile. The soft golden light reflects off of Sokka’s necklace, the bright white a stark contrast to Sokka’s skin. 

_He’s pretty,_ Zuko thinks. _Really pretty, attractive pretty… Just like in my dreams._

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Oh._

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking FUCK._ **

He turns on the tablet with a rapid tap to the screen. _I need him out, I need him out, out out out_ **_out._ **

“Out.” 

“Hm? What’d you need, _gik_ ?” Sokka drags his gaze from the wall and towards Zuko, a soft smile spreading across his face. Zuko’s blood turns to ice, accompanied with a shiver. _Shit._ **_Shit!_ **

“Out.”

“We can go outside if you want. Let me finish this leaf up, mkay?” Sokka turns back to the wall, adding another wide stroke of green.

“Out. Out. Out. Out. Out, Outoutoutoutoutout.” Zuko taps it again and again, heart picking up speed. _I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I_ ** _can’t_** _._. His chest struggles to rise and fall, his throat constricting in panic, which makes him panic more, leading to his throat tightening more. A cruel cycle. _Gods, it feels like a snake is wrapping its way around my throat_. 

“Okay, _what_ do you need?” Sokka’s confused, his eyebrows coming together and creasing his forehead. _Stop looking at me, stop, stop._   
  


“You out out you out you out out out you you out out you out.”

Sokka’s face falls. “Oh. Okay, sure, Fireboy. Yeah. I’ll-- I’ll go.” he begins picking up the paint tubes and putting them back in their basket. Zuko wants to feel bad, he does, but his heart is racing like a rabbit’s and he needs to get Sokka _out,_ **_out out out out out._ **Zuko stares at the wall, absolutely terrified. He doesn’t dare move an inch. His whole body is shaking, tremors tearing through his slight frame from head to toe. 

The dark is coming earlier and earlier as fall gets closer, and by the time Sokka returns, Zuko’s staring blankly at the dark sky. “Hey, duckling--” 

“ No. No. No. No. No. No no no no no no no no. ”

Zuko won’t look at Sokka. He won’t. He _can’t_ look at Sokka. He glares at the first star twinkling in the sky, the freeness of it mocking him. 

“I get if you’re not hungry, but ya gotta eat at least a couple bites, Zukes. It’s grilled cheese! You love grilled cheese!” 

_Fuck. Don’t look at him. Don’t look. You can’t. Don’t look._ Zuko’s jaw clenches.

“No. No. No. No.”

“Okay, what are you _no_ -ing?”

“You. You no. Out.” 

“Oh,” Sokka says, “Um. O-okay.” There’s a tremble in his voice that Zuko forces himself to ignore. _Don’t feel bad. You’re protecting yourself. This is how it works._

Sokka steps towards the door, glancing over his shoulder one last time, a semblance of hope sparkling in his gaze as he meets Zuko’s eyes. Zuko blinks once, pulling his gaze away and staring into the corner where spider-buddy usually was. _Where’s spider-buddy? Did he leave me?_ A soft sigh sounds from the door. _Don’t look at him. He did this to you._ After another pause, the door finally clicks shut, and Zuko lets himself collapse. 

Zuko’s crying. Crying so hard he can barely breathe, chest heaving. Gasping for air and getting little in return, tears rolling so quickly that the vision in his eye blurs completely. He is _so fucking ashamed. Spirits, I’m_ **_worse_ ** _than father. He might be a dick, but at least he’s not… not_ **_this._ ** _Fuck._ His head gets thrown back against the wall, the force of it leaving a dull ache radiating through the back of his temple. He can’t bring himself to care. 

The firelilies on his nightstand only seem to mock him. He wishes he was strong enough to throw the vase against the wall Sokka had been working on, shattering the ceramic and leaving real lilies flattened against the carefully painted ones. He wishes he could tear out his stupid hair that Sokka threads his stupid fingers through, he wishes he could scream until his throat was raw and bloody, he wishes he could throw himself against the wall behind him until he falls through the hole created by his own bruised body. Anything would feel so much better than this-- this pathetic, drippy display. Zuko feels _fake._ He feels like plastic, like he was manufactured in a factory and shipped off as this disgusting defect of a product. But he can’t be returned, he can’t be refunded. He can’t be fixed. He doesn’t see Sokka again that day.

\--

The next two weeks are the worst Zuko’s had in a long time, in over five months now. Haru and Sokka switch, with Haru taking care of Zuko and Sokka for Toph. Zuko misses Sokka. He hates Sokka, and he misses him. He misses being called _gik,_ or Fireboy, or sunshine or lizard boy or duckling or _asik._ He misses bright smiles, boisterous laughs that come often but pass too quickly. Doodling on shoes, friendship bracelets, stupid jokes. But he hates them all at the same time. _How terribly conflicting._

Zuko’s scar is itchy, dry, and tender, which would be an easy fix, except he won’t let Haru touch it. Haru tried once, and almost got his hand burned for his efforts. He wasn’t exactly thrilled to find out Zuko’s got his fire-breathing back. From fear of being burned, he left Zuko’s scar alone. His body aches, he hasn’t been practicing movement at all. Worst of all is; he’s tired, he’s so, _so_ tired. But he can’t sleep. He spends the nights staring at the half finished wall, tears leaking out of his good eye until he has none left. 

Haru tries in vain to coax Zuko out of his room, met with absolute resistance and defiance. Even when Iroh and Aang come to visit, Zuko refuses to leave to see them. When Jet swings in his window, Zuko is completely unresponsive. He can barely bring himself to eat, a permanent emptiness taking up residency in his stomach. In fact, it’s been a few days since anyone’s even been able to enter his room. When they do, he sends them out with scowls and a constant “No. No. No. No.” on repeat until they get the message. 

_I miss Sokka._

_No, no, stop. You don’t. You don’t miss Sokka. You_ **_can’t_ ** _miss him. You hate him. You hate Sokka with your whole heart._

\--

Haru is refusing to leave, trying to get Zuko to do something, anything. Let Haru put his ointment on, or take some deep breaths, go outside, eat. **Anything** _._ One minute, Zuko is staring at the wall, trying to block Haru out, and the next, he’s crying. _Again_. 

“Zuko, hey, I’m sorry. You don’t have to. I’ll stop pushing.”

He only cries harder. And eventually, louder, harder, until he’s unable to keep up the sound and he’s left silently sobbing so much his eye hurts. He’s crying so hard he can feel the emptiness in his stomach rising and _shit, I might throw up._

“What’s wrong? Zuko?” Haru goes to touch his arm, and Zuko flinches so hard he gasps, ragged and sharp against the silence. Haru hovers for a moment, before leaving the room, Zuko sitting in his own misery. 

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know, Sokka, he won’t stop crying. You know him best.” 

Zuko manages to see Sokka and Haru, blurring together into one figure through his tears as they stand in the doorway. 

“...alright. I’ll try.” 

_No. No no no, NO. I_ ** _don’t_** _want Sokka- I_ ** _can’t_** _want Sokka. Get away from me, get away!_

But Sokka approaches anyway, hooking his arms around Zuko’s legs to pull him forward, then gently pushing his chest down with his palms so he’ll lay flat. Zuko’s palms heat up in a defensive reaction, but he can’t bring himself to set his hands against Sokka. His sob hitches in the middle, cutting himself off. 

“ _Hey, now, shhh,”_ Sokka whispers, brushing Zuko’s bangs out of his eyes. Zuko’s forehead burns where Sokka touched him. “ _Shhh-shh-shh.”_

Sokka keeps murmuring the word until Zuko’s cries sputter out, the air cool on his face now that the tears have stopped. 

A small sigh parts Sokka’s lips, and he cups the uninjured part of Zuko’s face in his hand. He lingers, for just a moment, watching Zuko. There’s that _look_ on his face, the one Zuko can’t figure out. Zuko hates it. _Stop looking at me like that. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you did this to me._

He hates Sokka, he hates him for being here, for holding his face like this, for drawing on his shoes and wheelchair-skating. He hates Sokka for weaving that stupid turtle-duck feather in his hair, for playing with his hair, for threading his fingers through it. He hates Sokka for making Zuko smile, he hates Sokka for calling him nicknames, for laughing at his own dumb jokes, for saying ‘I'm gonna touch, okay?’, for letting Zuko lean on his shoulder when they sit. He hates Sokka for Croc Heelys, he hates him for being one of the only goddamn people in the world who has touched his scar, he hates him for making him _like_ this. For making him a _dirty fucking homosexual._

And almost most of all, Zuko hates Sokka for being so, _so_ easy to love.

Somehow, at the same time, Zuko can’t hate him. He can’t bring himself to.

Sokka brushes the bangs out of Zuko’s eyes, and then he’s gone.

\--

A soft knock sounds against his door. “I know you’re gonna say no, but I need to ask; can I come in? It’s dinner time,” Haru calls, and Zuko hesitates, before slowly pressing the YES button on his speech app. There’s a pause, and Zuko’s door creaks open for the first time in days. _Three, to be exact_ . Haru’s eyes land immediately on Zuko’s scar, grimacing slightly. _Sokka never grimaced._ “Zuko, your scar’s flaring up. Doesn’t that hurt?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why don’t you let me put some ointment on it?” Haru slowly reaches towards the counter, where Zuko’s gauze, a clean rag, and ointment sit. 

“ No. No. No. ” 

“What’s your endgame, here? What do you think you’re getting out of denying the help you need?” Haru asks, his voice undercut with frustration. Zuko’s at a loss for words. “Fine. Do you want something to eat? You haven't eaten in-”

“No.” 

“Then what the hell do you want, Zuko? Why did you let me come in here?” Zuko has to take a second to swallow his pride, but he finally answers, his fingers slowly typing his answer. 

“ S… o… k… k… a…  ” Haru’s eyebrows raise in surprise. Last he heard, Zuko hated Sokka. He must not answer fast enough, because soon Zuko’s repeating himself. “  S...o...k...k...a… S...o...k...k...a… S- ” 

“Sokka? Are you sure?” Haru asks, and Zuko hits the YES button again. With a soft sigh and a shake of his head, Haru exits the room, leaving the door open. A minute passes. Then two. _If you’re going to leave me hanging, you could at least shut my door_ , Zuko thinks bitterly. He comes to attention as voices carry down the hallway. 

“Me? Why-”

“I don’t know, Sokka. He asked for you. It’s the first time he’s communicated in days. He wants you.” 

“I- I don’t think I can-” 

“Please.” The voices come to a stop just outside Zuko’s door, the frame hiding them from his view. There’s a long pause. _Please, Sokka._

“...fine.” Sokka finally steps into the room, but there’s… something off. He’s just wearing a plain grey t-shirt, tucked into simple blue jeans. His necklace sits where it belongs, as does his leather wristband, but his friendship bracelet is gone. Beyond that, he looks awful. There are bags under his bloodshot eyes, which are narrowed in Zuko’s direction. _Spirits_. Sokka doesn’t say a word, not of greeting nor of anger, and the silence is deafening. He grabs the ointment and sits in his usual spot, covering his fingers in it.

“I’m gonna touch, okay?” Two blinks. Another tense minute passes, Sokka applying Zuko’s ointment in silence. _Agni, that feels good._ Zuko sighs in relief, his scar’s itching and aching finally fading. He wants to say something, anything, but he can’t figure out what to type. All too soon, Sokka pulls his hand away, wiping his fingers on his pants. Sokka wraps Zuko’s injury securely and lets his hands drop to his lap. Sokka’s mouth opens, before snapping shut again. Another minute passes, the two boys simply looking at each other, blue staring into gold. The shame is rising in Zuko’s throat, and he just can’t- 

“What the fuck, Zuko?” Sokka’s voice breaks, and Zuko can see the tears forming in his eyes. _Not the waterworks, please_ . _I can’t take it. I can’t._ Zuko swallows back the lump in his throat, his fingers finally moving over his tablet. 

“ Sorry… S...o...k...k...a… ”

“Why?” Sokka asks, a few tears slipping from his eyes. He swipes at them with the back of his hand, clearing his throat. Zuko feels a pang in his chest. 

“ S...t...u...p...i...d… ”

“Damn right you are. _Why?_ " 

“B ...r...o...k...e…n...  ” Zuko feels the buzz of panic start to creep into the edges of his skull. _Stop. You’re acting weak. Just muscle through._

Sokka waits for him to elaborate, but it’s obviously not coming, so he lets out a sigh. 

“You’re not broken, Zuko.” Hearing his name in Sokka’s mouth is almost too much. _It’s not natural. Call me Fireboy. Call me gik. Call me sunshine. Shit, call me an asshole. Scream and call me a douchebag. Hit me, tell me I’m worthless, call me a disappointment._ **_Anything_ ** _but Zuko. Please._ “You’re healing.”

“Bad.”

“Zuko-” 

“ Bad. Bad. Bad. ”

“You’re not bad--” But Zuko’s hitting the button over and over again. Sokka can barely get a word in, much less a sentence, so he reaches over and grabs Zuko’s hands, holding them in place so he can speak. “ _Stop that._ You’re not bad,” Sokka speaks sternly, and Zuko jerks his hand, almost violently, away from his. _You can’t touch me, Sokka. That’s what did this to me in the first place._ **_You’re_ ** _what did this to me. You and your fucking-- your_ **_skirts_ ** _, and_ **_touching_ ** _and_ **_singing_ ** _. You._ More silence passes. “Will you just tell me _why?_ ” Zuko stares at his lap, before moving his hand again. 

“ F...a...t...h...e...r… ” He answers, his eye desperately blinking away his tears. There’s a button for ‘dad’ but Zuko has never used it.

“What?” Sokka asks, and Zuko’s breath is getting shorter, choppier. _Shit, shit, shit, shit shit shit shit shit_. 

“ Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. ” 

“Stop pressing that!” Sokka snaps, and Zuko flinches away from him, a hand instinctively coming up to protect his face. “Zuko,” Sokka takes a deep breath, “what’s wrong, _asik?”_ And Zuko can no longer hold back his tears. He hunches over, his chest heaving with sobs, because as much as he wanted to be called something else, _needed_ to be called anything else, the term of endearment reminds him: _I am so terribly, colossally, fucked._ “Zuko, please. I’m worried.” Zuko’s hand hovers over his tablet, slowly typing out the insult his father threw his way countless times over. 

“ F...a...g...g...o- ” Before he can finish, Sokka grabs the tablet away from him, hands shaking. 

“Stop!” Sokka’s face is covered in pain, his eyes squinting in disbelief. “What would- Why would you call me that?” Zuko blinks in confusion. _I didn’t-_ “Zuko, what-- What the **fuck** ? I thought- I thought we were friends!” The tears start fresh down Sokka’s face, and Zuko will do anything to stop them. _No, this is all just a misunderstanding!_ His mouth cracks open, a groan falling out of it and drawing Sokka’s attention towards him. 

“Me.” He croaks out, his voice strained and cracked from months of neglect. It barely sounds like a word, just a broken sound. Sokka’s looking at him now, and Zuko slowly reaches for the tablet again. 

“Zuko, did you just _talk_? What the fuck is going on?” Zuko starts typing again. 

“ F...a…- ” 

“Stop!” Sokka pleads, but Zuko’s going to say what he needs to say. 

“ -t...h...e...r... was… right… f...a...g- ” 

“Quit it!” 

“ Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. ” Sokka pulls the tablet away, and Zuko huffs in frustration.

“What are you saying, Zuko?” _You just took away my communication, dumbass._ “Please.” Zuko’s eye closes, refusing to look at Sokka. _I hurt him so much--_ A sigh tumbles out of Sokka’s mouth, and he speaks quietly. “I guess I’ll just… I’ll call Haru back in.” 

Zuko shakes his head violently, his neck twinging in pain. _Tablet. Tablet. I need my tablet! Just one word hurt. It_ **_hurt._ **

“Listen, if you’re just going to call me that- that word again… I don’t know what you’re playing at, Zuko, but you need to stop. Now.” Sokka’s voice has a dangerous tremble in it. “I get it, you’re going through a rough time. Healing is hard. But you have absolutely no right-” 

“Gay.” Zuko rasps, praying that Sokka will get the gist. _My throat’s on fire._ Sokka sputters in disbelief, his eyes wild. _Ah, shit._

“You’re calling me gay? That’s all you have to say?” Zuko cuts in again. 

“ _Me!”_ His voice cracks on the word, it feels like his throat is literally bleeding. _This hurts, it hurts, it_ **_hurts_ ** _. My throat is so fucking sore._

“Zuko…” And Zuko’s face is wet as more tears spill out. _I don’t want to be._ “That’s what this is about?” Sokka questions, a hand falling on Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko curls away from Sokka’s hand, pulling a deep breath through his teeth with a hissing noise.

“ _Gay_ .” Zuko practically spits out, collapsing yet again into sobs. _I cry so fucking much. It’s not a fucking surprise I turned out like this. I’ve always been a crybaby._

“Stop saying it like that, like it’s some- some bad word.” _It is, though. It’s disgusting. Disgraceful._ “It’s not- Zuko… It’s not like-- You’re not bad. You’re not broken.” Sokka sighs. Zuko can’t bring himself to look at Sokka. His eye is zeroed in on his lap, filling with tears yet again. Sokka’s hand comes to rest on Zuko’s cheek. “Oh, sweetheart,” _Sweetheart. That’s good. He doesn’t hate me. Yet._ “Don’t cry.” Sokka pulls Zuko out of his chair, giving him the tightest hug he can manage. As if he fears that if he lets go, Zuko will fall apart. Maybe he will.

A hand runs through his hair, slowly. Almost more for Sokka’s benefit than Zuko’s. The two sink down onto Zuko’s bed, Sokka almost entirely supporting Zuko’s weight. “Can I tell you a secret?” Sokka whispers into Zuko’s good ear. Two blinks, even though Sokka can’t see him. “I’m bi. You know what that means, hm?” Zuko shakes his head to the best of his ability, _fuck, I haven’t done physical therapy in so long_. “I like boys, girls, everything in between. Everyone, you know?” 

Zuko can’t breathe. Zuko can’t _fucking breathe._ Choked sobs break through his throat, the tears in his eyes dangerously close to spilling again. _What’s Sokka saying? What’s he trying to get at?_ Sokka presses his nose into Zuko’s hair. “Zuko, Zuko, Zuko,” Sokka hushes, the ‘K’ sticking in the back of his throat. And the tears spill free, Zuko's tears soaking Sokka’s shirt. Sokka rocks them back and forth slowly in silence for a minute, but then… he starts to sing.

The melody fills the room, sung in a rough, quieted voice. It’s in Sokka’s native language - _Inuktitut?_ Zuko barely recalls - and completely foreign to Zuko. Despite that, Zuko can feel himself relaxing into Sokka’s arms, his eye sliding shut as Sokka’s fingers continue trailing through his hair. By the end of the song, Sokka’s repeating three words, as if stuck on a loop. 

_“Aata, asik, gik, aata,”_ he croons to the smaller boy, curled up in his arms, hidden away from the outside world. 

_Hush, my dear, my lovely, hush._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko goes back to therapy. Iroh visits again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: zuko calls sokka “monkey” in this chapter.  
> It’s meant to be a cute nickname because the person who headcannoned this (me, Zahir) is indeed a brown person who’s called monkey by some of the most important people in their life. It was a self-projection of a cute nickname, not a dig on Sokka’s race.  
> With that out of the way, please enjoy the chapter! Thanks for readinf :)

Zuko blearily blinks awake the next morning, and his first thought is  _ wow-- holy fuck my neck hurts, what the hell?  _ His next thought comes with a bit more clarity, realizing he’s leaned against Sokka, who’s shifting uncomfortably.  _ Oh Agni I’m leaning on Sokka oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no--  _

“You awake?” Sokka asks, shifting again.

Zuko nods, feeling his face turn red. “Alright, I’m gonna put you back in your chair, you ready?” Another nod. 

When Sokka settles him back into his seat, Zuko sees that, to his horror, Sokka has a wet spot on his shirt from where Zuko was crying.  _ Holy. Fucking. Shit. How the fuck did this somehow get even  _ **_worse?_ ** _ I want to fall into a hole and keep falling until I forget about everything that’s happened to me, ever. _ “Oh, yeah, the uh, the whole falling asleep thing. It’s fine, I understand. Don’t think about it too much, buds.” 

\--

  
  


“You can do it, sunshine,” Sokka gently encourages. “I believe in you.”  _ Well then that’s the fucking problem here, isn’t it!  _

“I believe you, Sokka, but I’m just not sure if he’ll be able to do it again. From what I’ve gathered, Zuko was under extreme stress when he spoke,” Yugoda explains, “And I know you wouldn't even consider this, but we are  _ definitely  _ not going to be putting him in that kind of situation again.” 

“ Tell? ” Zuko questions, biting his lip harshly. 

“I didn’t tell her, Zukes, don’t worry. Just… that you were having a rough time.” 

“ Good. No tell. ”  _ I would never fucking come back from that. _

“I won’t, I would never,” Sokka promises. 

“ I know. Just ask. ” 

“Sokka, I believe it’s time for our therapy session to start,” Yugoda reminds him, beginning to put away her clipboard like usual. She’d figured out eventually that Zuko doesn’t like the writing she does, like he’s an experiment and she’s writing down all the things that make him hurt.

“Oh, right.” He huffs a self-deprecating laugh through his nose, “I’ll be back in thirty,” Sokka says, standing to leave the room.  _ Wait! I don’t want to do this alone again. Please.  _

“All right, Zuko, we have quite a lot to talk about today,” she says gently. Zuko hates it. Her tone of voice makes it sound like he’s some… fragile, glass… thing. Like he’ll break the second anyone speaks to him normally. “Why don’t we start with why you wouldn’t let anyone in your room?”  _ I don’t want to talk about that.  _

“ Mad. ” 

“You were mad? At who?” 

“ Me. ” 

“What about?”

“ Stop talk that way. ” 

Yugoda has the nerve to look confused.  _ You know exactly what you’re doing!  _ “Talk like...what exactly?” she asks, in that same stupid fucking tone of hers. _ Stop it! _

“ Baby. ” 

“Oh!” Realization dawns on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to come off as too harsh. I’ve been noticing lately that my tone will sometimes…” she trails off, choosing her next words carefully. “Soften a little  _ too  _ much. I don’t want you to feel like I’m babying you.” 

“ Good .” 

“Now, you were mad at yourself?” Yugoda’s voice has lost the gentleness to it, now back to her usual tone, edged with the slightest sharpness.  _ That’s better. I still won’t talk about it though.  _

“ Yes. ” 

“Do you mind if I ask why?” 

“ Yes. ”

“You do mind, or you don’t?” 

“ Do. ” 

“Alright, we can move on from that, then,” Yugoda sighs. “Was there anything else you were feeling this week?” 

“ Sad. ”  _ I hate fucking talking about this- I’m so goddamned pitiful.  _

“Yes?” Yugoda prompts. 

“ Afraid? ” 

“Is that a question or an answer?” 

Zuko’s fingers hover over the screen, lingering over a few different options as he considers what to say. “ Do it matter? ” 

“Depends.” 

“ Do not. ” 

“And you’re certain you don’t want to tell me about what happened?” A flash of panic runs through Zuko at her words.  _ Positive.  _

“ Yes. ” 

“Do you… want to talk about something else?” A pause. “Some _ one _ else?” 

_ WHY DID SHE SAY IT LIKE THAT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHO IS THE SOMEONE ELSE? AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? _

“ Who? ” Outwardly, Zuko looks indifferent, but on the inside every inch of him is screaming with panic and the need to  _ run get out leave get out get out leave leave run get out yell lash out leave run run leave. _

“Anyone, really,” Yugoda says lightly. “But I was thinking of the people you pushed away recently?”  _ Oh. I know who she’s talking about _ .

“ H...a....r...u…? ” 

Yugoda makes a noise that sounds like she’s biting back a big sigh. “Yes. Haru.” 

“ Bad. Want say sorry. ” 

Yugoda hums. “We can arrange that. Would it make you feel better? Apologizing?”

“ Yes. Much. ” 

“Do you know why?”

“ Bad. Was bad. Say sorry. Haru mad. ”

“You weren’t bad, you were having a breakdown. Do you still want to have a conversation with Haru about it?” 

“ Yes. ”  _ Not really, but it’s what I’m supposed to do. I think.  _ “ Please. ” Zuko adds.  _ That sounds better.  _

“Okay, I’ll make sure that happens,” Yugoda reassures. “So, was there anybody  _ else _ you want to talk about?” 

_ What is she trying to get me to do?  _ Zuko’s smart enough to know that she’s trying to lead him to a specific answer, but he has no clue what that answer is supposed to be. _ Okay, think. Somebody you both know. You both know lots of people. Hm. Somebody you both know that is affected by all of this. Haru.  _ **_No,_ ** _ idiot. You already said Haru. It can’t be Jet, I don’t think she knows Jet all that well. Aang? Nope, she doesn’t know Aang. Dumbass. _

Yugoda’s waiting patiently as Zuko frowns at the wall, working through the prompt that she’s given. 

_ Who the fuck else is there?  _ Zuko squints, raking his mind for an answer. 

“Maybe… someone who’s pushed you to be your best? Someone who believes in you no matter what setbacks you may have?”  _ Oh! _

“ You? ” 

“No, Zuko. Someone you spend every minute of every day with and pushed away like he was nothing.” Yugoda sounds like she’s losing patience, and Zuko pulls his hands together, wringing them a few times.  _ Please don’t be mad. I’m not very good at this.  _

“ S...o...c...k…? ” 

“Yes, my dear. Sokka was…” she hesitates, letting out a sad sigh. “He had a hard time with that. Your breakdown really affected him.” Zuko blinks a few times, his eyebrows pulling together. 

“ Why? ” 

“Because he cares about you. A little too much, I’d think, but you seem to hold a special place in his heart.” Zuko nods a bit, staring at his lap. “So, I asked a while ago, and I’d like to ask again.” Zuko pulls his gaze to meet her crinkled eyes, warm and questioning. “How do you feel about Sokka?” A choked noise forces its way through Zuko’s vocal cords, causing Yugoda to raise an eyebrow.  _ Why did she ask that what does she know she knows she definitely knows oh Agni oh fuck. _

“ He tell you. ” 

“Tell me what?” 

“ About... bad. ” 

“My dear, he didn’t tell me anything. I’ve asked a couple times, but he says it’s your story to tell. Would you… be willing to share with me?” Zuko squints at her, shaking his head so hard he can feel his muscles ache in protest. “Hey, it’s okay, Zuko. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to,” she pauses, searching for her next words. “But remember… it’s important to let yourself be yourself. You deserve that.” Zuko crosses his arms, pulling his gaze away from hers. “Are you done for today?” Two blinks. “Alright, sweetheart. I’ll call Sokka in.”  _ Don’t call me ‘sweetheart’, that’s a stupid nickname. I hate it.  _

As she slips out, Zuko can see Sokka hovering just outside, wearing his blocky red-yellow-blue shirt.  _ Huh, Katara must’ve brought him a change. Because the other one is… ew. Agni, that’s embarrassing.  _ As Yugoda passes him, he slides in easily. “Hey, fire lily.”  _ Is that a new one? _ Sokka takes a seat next to him, grabbing his hand with some hesitation. “You feeling okay?” Zuko makes a noise of affirmation, or as much as he can. “Good… I called your uncle. He’s coming to see you.” Sokka scratches the back of his head. “I thought you’d want to see him.” 

“ No visit day. ” 

“I know, but JJ made an exception, since… ya know…” Sokka shrugs, smiling a bit.  _ Unfortunately, I do. _ “Had to trade in a favor or two, but you deserve it.”  _ Not really. _

“ Favor? ” 

“Uh, yeah.” Sokka laughs, shaking his head. “Two weeks of yard work. Lazy ass hates raking the leaves, but I have fun with it.” 

“ Sorry. ” 

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart.” Zuko flushes at the name, staring at his hands.  _ It’s better when Sokka says it. He doesn’t say it all… patronizing.  _ “I wanted you to be able to see him. I thought… it might help you process everything, even if you aren’t ready to come out.” Sokka reaches a hand towards Zuko’s scarred cheek, catching his eye with an eyebrow raised. Zuko blinks twice, and Sokka settles his hand on his jaw, his thumb running across Zuko’s cheek. Zuko swears he melts into a puddle on the spot, leaning into Sokka’s touch with his eye-  _ eyes, you have two, they’re both open now, even if that one doesn’t work _ \- fluttering shut. Sokka leans forward slowly, resting his forehead against Zuko’s. 

_ This is nice. I could get used to this.  _ Zuko fights through the churning in his stomach, the deep, angry voice in his mind shouting slurs and insults at him, and lets himself enjoy Sokka’s embrace, his affection, his… Zuko shakes himself out of that rabbit hole.  _ No, we’re not jumping down that yet.  _ He pulls away from Sokka, glancing up at him apologetically.  _ I did what I could… It’s not the same. It’ll never be the same.  _ Sokka nods in understanding, the unspoken words hanging between them, and leans forward to tuck a strand of hair behind Zuko’s ear. 

“You hungry,  _ gik? _ Wanna eat something before Iroh comes?” One blink. “Alright. Wanna wait in here?” Two blinks, Zuko glances at the wall. “Ah, you just want me for my work.” 

“ You know it. Get p...a...i...n...t monkey. ” Sokka lets out a boisterous laugh, his first  _ real  _ one of the day. 

“Alright, duckling. Whatever you say.” Sokka shoots a wink at him before settling on the ground, pulling all of his paints together with a soft hum. “What’re we listening to today?” 

“ I...n...d...i...e… ” 

“Oh!” Sokka whips his phone out, his eyes lighting with excitement. “I made this playlist while you were asleep last night. It’s got some music we should both like!” Zuko tilts his head, watching Sokka’s excited movements. “Here we go.” A familiar ukulele starts strumming through the speakers, and Zuko tilts his head. 

“ Run away man. ” He types, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

“You threatening me?” Sokka jokes, glancing behind him. 

“ No. Song. ” Zuko finds himself humming along softly, loud enough to be heard but soft enough that he’s not completely fucking his throat. 

“Ah.” Sokka glances at his phone, swaying along to the melody. “I’ve never heard it before.” 

“ Good. Like. ” Zuko’s hand hovers over his keyboard. “ Add S...a...i...n...t… B...e...r...n...a...r...d. ” 

“Oh! I love that song!” Sokka puts his brush down, fumbling with his phone to add the requested song. 

“Me also.” As Runaway Man dances its way through the air, Sokka pulls himself to his feet and spins his way across the room, grabbing Zuko’s hands. Zuko feels a smile spread, but this one feels… _weird._ _It’s the same, but not. The same routine, the same dance moves, but something shifted. Hm._

Zuko’s pulled from his thoughts with a laugh bubbling through Sokka’s lips, one he can’t bring himself to tune out. “Wanna dance?” Sokka leans forward, one of his hands falling onto Zuko’s hip.  _ What? We are.  _ Zuko blinks twice curiously, and a small  _ ‘oomph’  _ of surprise sounds as Sokka lifts him out of his chair, but leaves Zuko’s legs beneath him. “Try to put some weight on them; just a little.”  _ I’m not ready for this! Put me down!  _ “I’ve got you,  _ asik. _ You’re okay.” With a second glance at Sokka, Zuko forces his mind to focus, no matter how fuzzy it feels with Sokka holding him this close. 

_ Straighten your legs. You’ve been walking almost your whole life, you can do this.  _ He blinks twice at Sokka, who slowly loosens his grip slightly. “There you go, you’re holding some of yourself up!” Zuko can tell he’s still leaning heavily on Sokka, but  _ Agni, it feels good to stand.  _ “Hold on, I’ve got you.” One of Sokka’s hands is snaked around Zuko’s waist, the other on his back to steady him, and Sokka starts swaying. “There. Dancing.” Zuko can barely hear what Sokka’s saying, the pleasant buzzing in his mind filling up all the space.  _ He’s close. Very close.  _ Zuko can’t bring himself to listen to the voice in the back of his head, the one that’s slowly getting quieter. 

_ You’re allowed to have fun, Zuko. You… you’re allowed to have  _ **_this_ ** _ feeling. Just once. You can enjoy it. Just remember you don’t deserve this. This won’t be a normal thing. Just once.  _

Zuko is violently ripped from his thoughts as his legs buckle and his body crashes towards the floor. His hand becomes a claw on Sokka’s arm as he panics, but before he can fall even halfway, Sokka’s swooped down and supporting his weight. Zuko can feel himself trembling, glancing up at Sokka’s arms, noticing just how  _ close  _ Sokka’s face is. He can feel their breath intertwining as Zuko tries to catch his shaking breath, focusing on slowing his hammering heart. 

Sokka’s not moving, just holding Zuko’s weight between his arms, his eyes flickering from Zuko’s good eye to his bad one.  _ But he’s not judging me. What’s that look? Agni, I hate this one. I can never figure it out. _ Sokka’s moving closer, and Zuko can feel his cheeks burn.

“Sorry, I gotta figure out how to do this so we don’t drop ya.” _His breath smells like mint. Ew. Don’t be a pervert, stupid. Don’t think about that. You’re not allowed to think about him like that._ _He’s your friend. And he’s a_ ** _boy._** Despite chewing himself out, Zuko can’t pull his gaze away from Sokka’s lips, which are moving a mile a minute as he babbles on to himself. Zuko shakes himself out of it as Sokka finally manages to lift him up, settling him in his chair. “Did you hear me?” 

_ Shit, what?  _ “ No. ”

“Your uncle should be here. You wanna go see him?” Zuko glances at his hands, the knot that had formed in his stomach slowly untangling itself. 

  
  


“ Yes. ”  _ Uncle will know what to do. He’ll know how to fix me.  _

Sokka nods, pushing Zuko out of the small room and into the hallway beyond. They move through the hallways quickly, but Sokka doesn’t offer wheelchair skating today. Zuko doesn’t think he’d want it anyway. They enter the small room used for personal visits, where Uncle is already waiting patiently. Zuko knows that Azula isn’t here, but he casts a glance around and checks for her anyway.  _ Good. I don’t want her here. Not now.  _

“Nephew!” Uncle exclaims, opening his arms and sweeping him into a tight hug. “I was worried about you, Zuko.” Zuko can feel himself melting into Iroh’s embrace, his arms pulling up to hug him back. He hums in the back of his throat, the closest he can get to apologizing now. “I am  _ so relieved _ you are okay.” Iroh pulls back after a few minutes, resting his hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “And your bandage is off. Look at that handsome young man.” Iroh smiles at Zuko fondly, amusement dancing in his eyes. “You must be getting all the love here.”

“ Uncle, do not e...m...b...a...r…r…a...s...s.”

“I’m just messing with you, Zuko.” Iroh laughs, sitting back in his chair. “You do look happier, though. Healthy.” He spares a glance at Sokka. “I suppose we owe that to the tea murderer, here.” Sokka slinks in his chair, his arms crossing. 

“Is that all I’ll ever be?” 

“Indeed.” Iroh pats Sokka’s hand.

“ Tea monkey. P...a...i...n...t… monkey. ” Sokka reaches over to push at Zuko’s shoulder lightly, ensuring he can track his movements. 

“Drop it,  _ gik, _ ” he chides, a smile pulling at his face. 

“ _ Gik? _ ” Iroh questions, a knowing smile pulling at his face, eyes glinting with amusement. “Did you hear that, nephew? He called you lovely. Isn’t that sweet?” Sokka’s face turns pale, his eyes flying to Iroh’s.

“ Mean friend. ” Zuko glances at Sokka, confused.

“Nephew,  _ gik  _ means lovely.” 

“What?” Zuko can feel his mouth moving before he processes what he’s doing, his eyes jumping between the two. 

“You know Inuktitut?” Sokka questions, his jaw dropping.

“You can speak again?” Iroh asks at the same time, speaking over Sokka. 

“ _ Lovely? _ ” Zuko repeats, his voice rasping, but his throat isn’t twinging as bad as it was yesterday. 

“Uh-” Sokka flushes a dark shade of red, scratching the back of his neck. “It has many meanings across different tribes, and-” 

“That one’s universal, Sokka. Do you not know that?” Iroh questions, a teasing light jumping in his eyes. 

“I-” Sokka crosses his arms, pulling his gaze to the ground. “Uh- How do you know Inuktitut?” 

“I spent a few years in the Northern Water Tribe,” Iroh answers easily, resting a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “So, how long have you been talking?” 

“ One day. Hurt throat. ” Zuko types quickly, before turning to Sokka. “ L...o...v...e...l...y? ” 

“I was going to tell you!” Sokka trails off, rubbing at his forearm. “Eventually.” 

“ Lie. Not say. ”

“Zukes…” Sokka sighs, a hand resting on Zuko’s other shoulder.  _ Too much! One of you get off! _ Zuko shrugs his shoulders, dislodging both of them. “Oh shit-- sorry, duckling.” Sokka takes a few steps back, allowing Zuko to have his space. 

“ Lie? ” 

“I mean… yeah. I thought you’d get weirded out by it. And I didn’t want you to hate me,” Sokka explains, wringing his hands together. 

“ No. ” 

“No?” Sokka asks, his head tilting. “No me?”  _ Shit! Fuck!  _

“ No. No hate. But. No lie. ” Sokka lets out a breath, nodding a few times. 

“Yeah,  _ as- _ uh.  _ Gik.  _ I can make that work.” Iroh watches the exchange, a small smile settling on his face. 

“I’m glad you boys worked that out.” Zuko glances from Iroh to Sokka, a breath pulling in through his nose. 

“ S...o...c...k? ” 

“Yeah?” Sokka answers immediately, his eyes filled with concern. 

“ Are alone? No one hearing? ” 

“No, sweetheart, it’s just us.” Zuko nods, pulling his gaze back to Iroh. “Are you--?”

“ U...n...c...l...e. I need help. ” Iroh immediately sets his travel mug down, alarm filling his face. 

“What’s wrong, my nephew?” Sokka’s watching from his chair, his eyebrows pulled together with a knowing melancholy. He doesn’t say anything, just crosses his arms and bites down on his lip.

“ More smart man I know. I need help. No mad. ” 

“If you need help, Zuko, I’ll never be mad at you. I want you to trust me with these things,” Iroh answers, slipping a hand over Zuko’s. Zuko takes a deep breath, shaking his head to physically gather his courage. 

“ I am… ” Zuko pauses, his hand hovering over his tablet. “ No normal. ” 

“I know that, nephew. You’re a special young man.” Zuko rolls his eyes.  _ Not the time for compliments, Uncle. You’re about to disown me.  _

“ No. My heart. No normal. My heart wrong. ” Zuko pokes at the screen to get his message across, but it doesn’t feel like enough. He forces his mouth open, pointing at his heart. “Wrong.” Iroh’s confused, his eyebrows pulled together as he tries to figure out what Zuko is saying.

“What’s going on?” Zuko sighs, glancing at Sokka for support. But Sokka’s not looking at him, he’s staring at the ground and kicking his foot, his shoulders slumped. 

“ G...a...y. ” 

“Oh, nephew, that’s--”  _ Don’t disown me yet! _ Zuko pleads wordlessly as he quickly continues typing. 

“ Help. ” A heavy silence falls over the room, Zuko trembling with the weight of his confession. Iroh squeezes Zuko’s hand, which he hadn’t let go of. 

“Help? What do you mean?” 

“ Make it stop. Fix me. Please. Help. Fix. ” Zuko frowns, blinking away the tears forming.  _ You’re not allowed to cry. You’ve cried enough. Don’t be a baby about it.  _

“Zukes-” Sokka starts, straightening from where he’s standing. 

“ Stop. Not you. ” Zuko shoots him a look, before turning back to Iroh.  _ You don’t understand, Sokka. We’re not the same.  _ “ I...r...o...h… please. Fix. ” He pokes at his screen, hitting the same two buttons over and over again. “ Fix. Please. Fix. Please. ” Iroh seemingly shakes himself out of his shock, and he raises his free hand. Zuko flinches away, his hand snatching from Iroh’s and going to cover his face. Iroh pauses, his grief stricken expression hidden from Zuko. 

“Nephew. Look at me,” he speaks quietly, but firmly. Zuko slowly pulls his arms down, pulling his gaze to meet Iroh’s watery eyes. “I knew. I’ve known.” Zuko swears his whole body turns to ice, like someone stabbed him through the heart with an icicle, replacing his bloodstream with fear.

“ Did? ” He forces himself to blink away more tears. They’re stubborn this time. “ Why not fix? ” 

“What is there to fix?” Iroh questions softly, folding his hands on his lap. 

“ Me. ” 

“What about you?” 

“ G...a...y. Fix. ” 

“That’s not something to be fixed, nephew. That’s something to celebrate. You’ve figured yourself out. And you’ve done it on your own.” 

“ No. No. Fix. Please. Fix. Please. Help. Fix. ”

“I can’t ‘fix’ this, Zuko. You love who you love.” 

“ I can not. ” The tears come back  _ again _ , and Zuko is so,  _ so tired _ of making them go away. It hurts to force them away. The pain is welcomed, finally something he can understand. 

“You have to,” Iroh answers, glancing at Sokka, who’s still sitting in his seat, staring pointedly at the door. “You know other gay people, why are  _ you _ the bad one?” 

“ I… ” Zuko can’t find an answer for Iroh, his eyes jumping across the table as he tries to formulate a response. Iroh speaks gently. 

“I’m proud of you for finding yourself, nephew.” Zuko flinches.  _ I’m not ‘found’, Uncle. I’ve never been so lost.  _ “Now you need to accept yourself.” He takes a sip from his tea. “I don’t see you any different. I’d never see you any different. And I’m here for you, whatever you need.” He glances at Zuko’s hand flying towards his tablet. “ _ Except  _ ‘fixing’ you. There’s nothing to fix.” 

A broken sob tears out of Zuko’s throat, finally letting his tears break free. _ He was my last chance. If he can’t fix me… no one can.  _

“Help. Please. Fix _. _ ” He’s begging, forcing himself to speak through the lump taking up residency in his throat. 

“Zuko--” 

“ _ Please! _ ” Zuko can hear the echo of his plea ring through the room. He looks up to meet Iroh’s gaze, who’s watching him closely. 

“There’s nothing to do. All I can do is offer you my love and support.” 

“I don’t _ want that!  _ I want-” Zuko cuts off with a cough, his throat committing mutiny. After the fit passes, he forces himself to keep going. “I want to be  _ normal again,”  _ he spits, glowering at Iroh. Iroh pushes himself to his feet, his arms crossing. 

“And what’s normal? Forcing yourself to be with people you’ll never be happy with?” 

“Help,” Zuko sobs pitifully, desperately.  _ Please, Uncle, please. Help me.  _

“There’s no ‘help’ to be given, Zuko.” Iroh pulls him in a tight hug. 

“Uncle,  _ help _ me.” Zuko’s muffled against Iroh’s shoulder, but Iroh doesn’t respond. Instead he rubs his back, shushing him softly. 

“I’ve got you, nephew. I’ve got you.” 

“ _ Help. Please, _ ” Zuko whispers, one last desperate attempt. Iroh just holds him tighter, holds him closer. 

“I love you, my nephew.” Zuko grips Iroh’s clothing, catching a glimpse of Sokka’s tear stained face just over Iroh’s shoulder before he squeezes his eyes shut against the world.  _ I’m stuck like this. If Uncle won’t help me, no one will.  _ The rest of Iroh’s visit is spent with the older man holding Zuko tightly, a semi-comfortable silence falling over the trio. Zuko keeps his death-grip on the fabric of Iroh’s horrible hawaiian shirt, dissolving into fresh rounds of tears on Iroh’s shoulder throughout the rest of their time together. 

\--

After dinner, Sokka’s sitting across from Zuko in his room, a nervous look flitting across his face. 

“ What? ” 

“Do you hate me?” Sokka’s voice spills out in a rush, rubbing at his forearms anxiously.  _ What?  _ Zuko’s eyebrows pulled together, shaking his head slowly. “I mean- You keep talking about how bad gay people are and how you want to be normal or whatever, and-” 

“ No. No. No. No. No. ”  _ The opposite. That’s my problem.  _ **_You’re_ ** _ my problem.  _ Sokka meets Zuko’s gaze, which is narrowed in a glare.

“It’s kind of hard to tell otherwise, Zuko.” Zuko flinches at his name, glancing at the tablet. 

“ Stop. Do not hate. Do not hate… you. ” 

“It really doesn’t seem like it!” Sokka exclaims, jumping to his feet. Zuko watches his movements carefully, his eye squinted in suspicion. His gaze flicks between Sokka’s hands and his face.“I mean- I feel like every other word you speak is about how much you hate gay people! Have you… have you hated me this whole time? Have you hated Haru and Jet this whole time?” 

“ No. No. Stop. No. Stop. Stop. ”  _ Why is he doing this?  _

“Then what’s the problem? Why are you so against being gay if you claim you’re okay with it?” 

“ Do not know. Stop ask. ” 

“Zukes, I can’t do that. I can’t be around you if you’re going to be… constantly negative towards an important part about me.” Zuko feels like he’s been sucker punched, his eyes widening as he watches Sokka pace around the room. “I care about you, but I need to take care of myself too.”  _ He wants to leave you, you fucking freak.  _

“ Do not leave. ” Zuko finds himself typing.  _ Pathetic. You’re begging him to stay?  _ Sokka sighs, pulling his hair tie out and running a hand through his loose strands. “ Please. ” 

“Why can’t you just… why do you have to be so  _ violently  _ opposed to even the thought of being gay? Why can’t w-” he cuts himself off, crossing his arms. “Why can’t you just let yourself be happy?” 

“I don’t know!” Zuko cried out. “I  _ don’t know _ .” Sokka glances at Zuko’s face, filled with conflict and pain, and he sighs. 

“Zukes…” Sokka pulls him into a tight hug, a hand instinctively coming to tangle in Zuko’s hair. “I want to be here for you,  _ with you.  _ But you need to cool it on the homophobia. It’s not healthy for either of us.” 

“So--rry.” Zuko’s voice cracks loudly in the middle, strained from a good amount of use. 

“I-I forgive you, duckling. I just… I want you to be better. And to do that, you need to accept yourself. And… that’s not gonna happen if you continue spouting off this  _ bullshit  _ people hammered into you. Especially if you only believe it for yourself.” Zuko’s hands clench onto Sokka’s shirt, his eyes sliding shut. 

_ I can try. I’m shit at this, but for you… I’ll try.  _

Sokka pulls away, pressing a gentle kiss to Zuko’s hairline, before clearing his throat. “Uh-- I need to do your dressing application, buddy.”  _ He’s kissed me like three times now. Does he-- No. No way.  _ Sokka works quickly, while Zuko intertwines his fingers. 

_I mean-- look at him. He’s so bright. So warm. So… him. And I’m just me. Agni, for my first real crush, I sure as hell picked an unattainable one. He doesn’t like me. I just have a big head._ Zuko stops, realizing what he just told himself. _Crush? Agni, fuck me._ ** _Fuck!_** Sokka finishes his work, pushing Zuko’s bangs out of his hair. 

“I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll say it many times again,” Sokka speaks softly. “I care  _ a lot  _ about you. And that’s not going to change. I’m here for you and with you. Let me.” 

Zuko looks at Sokka, who’s watching him tenderly, telling him all these beautiful things. And Zuko believes him.  _ Shit,  _ Zuko believes him. With his whole Agni-damned heart. Sokka smiles at him softly, his hands gentle on Zuko’s arms. “You ready for bed, sweetheart?” Zuko almost falls apart at the nickname, but he tells himself to  _ just hold on a little longer. _ Two slow blinks.  _ I don’t want you to go home.  _

Sokka scoops him up securely, pressing his nose into Zuko’s hair before settling him in bed, pulling Zuko’s covers up and over him, tucking the blankets the way he knows Zuko likes. Zuko can feel the tension leaving his shoulders, settling into the mattress below him. Sokka rubs a feather light finger over Zuko’s bandage, a small smile pulling at his lips. 

“Good night, my sweet duckling.” Sokka’s voice is filled to the brim with affection, and if Zuko opened his eyes he would’ve seen Sokka’s tear filled eyes. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” 

“Okay,” Zuko whispers, watching Sokka slip out of the room quietly. He waits a few minutes. And then Zuko lets himself crumble, his heart falling to pieces that stab the inside of his chest. He can feel his chest twitching and convulsing as he shakes, but he can’t bring himself to stop as sobs tear from his throat, a hand coming up to clamp over his mouth.  _ Gotta be quiet,  _ he reminds himself, blinking in a desperate attempt to clear his eyes. It doesn’t work. 

After an unknown amount of time passes, Zuko finally falls into a restless sleep. He dreams of Iroh’s unconditional acceptance, of Sokka’s pained expression, of his own desperate pleading. His face sticky from dried, unwiped tears, his chest empty from the sobs pulling themselves out of nowhere, and his throat on fire from sobs tearing through his unused vocal cords. The darkness closes around him, slowly suffocating him, but he’s trapped. There’s no way out. Just as it feels like Zuko’s going to drown, a brown hand grabs his, pulling him to solid ground and holding him up.  _ Sokka.  _ Zuko melts into Sokka’s embrace, the stormy waters of his dreams settling for the first time all night, and he can finally sleep in peace. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Teen Idle Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0eepUo6EDSk34Tpx1mof1V?si=UUWieqoeT1u_ULSqY6d0EA)
> 
> for anyone who'd like to listen to the music that makes me think of these two idiots (specific to this story).  
> If you'd like to see a song, shoot it to me in a comment and I'll take a listen!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko makes progress.

The door opens, Sokka stepping in. Zuko glances away from what he's working on to shoot him a quick nod, before turning back to the paper he's forcing his pen across. 

" _Asik_?" Sokka's eyebrows pull together, taking in Zuko leaned against the wall. "Did you get up on your own?" Zuko taps at his tablet. 

"Got sit up myself." Sokka breaks into a grin. 

"Oh, Zukes! That’s great! But..." He glances at the pen and paper settled on Zuko's lap. "Where'd you get that?" He leans forward to peek at what Zuko's working on, but Zuko hurries to hide it with his arm. 

"Y...u...g...o...d...a... help." He levels Sokka with a glare until Sokka steps back with a chuckle, shaking his head. 

"Alright, my dear. Keep your secrets." 

"I will, my monkey." 

"Why monkey?" 

"Yes. Smart, funny, energy. Monkey." Sokka snorts.

"Ever the charmer. Want breakfast?" 

"Finish." Zuko glances at his paper. 

"Alright, I'll just work on my painting." After working on their respective projects for a while, listening to Sokka's music in silence, Zuko glances up. 

"Done," he rasps, a smile pulling at his lips. Sokka glances up, tilting his head. 

"Can I see?" 

"For you. Yes." Zuko pushes it towards Sokka, his arms crossing across his stomach anxiously. Sokka settles next to Zuko, leaning his head on Zuko’s shoulder as he brings the paper up to reading level, his eyes squinting. Zuko glances at the paper again, flushing at the messy, wobbly writing staring back at him. 

“‘I’m sorry Sokka-’” Sokka glances up, frowning at Zuko. “Zukes-” 

“Read it.” Zuko pushes at Sokka’s shoulder, glancing at the paper again. 

“‘I’m sorry for: making you…’ cad?” 

“Sad,” Zuko corrects, staring at the poorly drawn ‘s’. _Like a six year old wrote it._

“Oh! ‘Making you sad, being loud plus angry, burning you, being…’” Sokka glances up again. “I can’t read this word.” Zuko leans over, squinting at it. 

“Uh- homophobic.” Sokka looks back at the paper, continuing reading. 

“‘Being a brat.’” Sokka laughs at that. “I think we’re all brats at some point or another, duckling.” Zuko grunts in the back of his throat, nudging Sokka back to attention. “‘You are: good, nice, funny, smart, kind,’” Sokka cuts off with a cough, his face flushing red. “‘Take care of me really well, make me feel safe…’” Sokka glances up again, his eyes filling with tears. “Zukes…” Zuko can’t make eye contact. 

“Read,” he urges him again. 

“‘Best friend. You mean lots to me. And I’m so happy we met. But don’t tell anyone I wrote this. I’ll wreck your shit.’” Sokka cuts off with a laugh, wiping at his eyes roughly. “Zuko, my dear…” Sokka sighs, wrapping Zuko into a tight hug. “Thank you.” 

“I’m sorry.” Zuko’s voice is quiet and breaking, but he pushes through. “I’ve been a dick. But… I’m sorry.” 

“You’ve been healing, _gik._ ” Zuko flushes at that word, his fingers intertwining. “And you still are. There are more hard days ahead, but… I’m ready to help you face them.” Sokka glances at the note in his hands. “Your handwriting isn’t half bad, considering.” Zuko snorts. 

“Looks like a four year old.” 

“Yeah, but… it’s legible. Mostly. Context helps.” 

“So… you’re not mad?” Sokka smiles gently, warmth and subdued affection dancing in his eyes. 

“I never was, sweetheart. But if you need to hear it,” Sokka grabs Zuko’s hands. “I forgive you. Okay?” Zuko’s crying again. But they’re tears of relief, and he wraps his arms around one of Sokka’s, leaning into his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” 

“Nothing to thank me for, Zukes.” 

“For being here.” 

“I could say the same to you,” Sokka answers, sliding an arm around Zuko. He squints at the paper again. “Is that supposed to be a turtle duck?” He points at a drawing on the corner of the page. Zuko laughs, wiping at his cheeks. 

“Better than _your_ drawings.” 

“Woah, Fireboy, that’s a low blow,” Sokka chuckles in response, shaking his head. “Enough with the mushy feely time, I’m almost done with your mural. Besides, Jeong Jeong will be here to start your physical therapy soon.” 

“You do that.” _Agni, my throat hurts._

“Yeah, your small movements. He’s taking you to the PT room to start working on walking.” Zuko’s eyebrows shoot up, glancing at his legs. Sokka pulls away, moving towards the wall. 

“You think ready?” Zuko switches seamlessly to his tablet, watching Sokka grab his paints and settle into his position. 

“Oh, hell yeah. You were able to hold some weight yesterday, and your arm movement has been _insanely_ good. I think you’re ready.” Zuko’s stomach lights up with warmth, and he glances at his legs. _He’s right. I’m ready._

\--

_I’m not fucking ready for this. I shouldn’t have let Sokka talk me into this._ Jeong Jeong watches Zuko hold himself up between the parallel bars, his arms and legs trembling with exertion. 

“Come on Zuko. You need to make it across the length one more time,” Jeong Jeong reminds him, leading a frustrated sob to tear from Zuko’s throat. 

“ _I can’t_ ,” he rasps, glaring at his white knuckled hands. 

“Then we’ll stand here all day.” Jeong Jeong crosses his arms, meeting Zuko’s glare levelly. “Come on.” 

“I want Sokka.” 

“He’s waiting in your room. The sooner you finish this, the sooner you can see him.” 

“Done so much.” There’s no way for Zuko to rest, either his weight is fully on his arms or partially on his jelly-legs. He glances at his wheelchair, willing it to come closer. It doesn’t move. _Stupid wheelchair. Stupid brain not being stupid telepathic. Stupid JJ._

“You’ve done two laps. You can finish this one, too.” 

“But-” 

“Complaining isn’t getting you out of this, young man.” Zuko huffs, and Jeong Jeong lets out a grudging laugh. “Think of it as payback for skating through my halls.” 

“That’s Sokka.” 

“You encourage him.” Jeong Jeong reminds him. 

“Okay, JJ.” 

“ _JJ?_ Is that what you all call me?” 

“I plead the fifth.”

“Seriously, is it?” Zuko mimes zipping his mouth shut, turning to focus on his movement again. He pushes his arms forward, clamping his teeth on his bottom lip as he feels his chi dancing around within him, and he channels it into his legs. Leaning heavily on the parallel bars, he lifts his right leg just barely, his foot dragging against the ground as he pushes it forward. As it lands on the ground, he braces himself against the bars, easing his weight onto it slowly. And it holds. Zuko lights up with pride, glancing around for Sokka’s grin. _Oh, right._

His eyebrows pull together in determination, and he forces himself to stumble forward a few more steps. When he looks up again, he realizes he’s only a quarter of the way away from the end. _Fuck yeah! Almost there!_ He spares a glance at Jeong Jeong, who’s watching on with the barest hint of a smile. 

“You’re doing great, Zuko,” he encourages. “You’re almost done. Keep going.” Zuko nods, taking a deep breath through his nose and screwing his eyes up. He quickly crosses the final distance, reaching Jeong Jeong, who’s holding his arms out. _I don’t want to touch him._ Zuko’s legs are giving out. _Fuck it._ He reaches forward, allowing himself to slump into Jeong Joeng’s arms. “Fantastic, you did so well!” _He’s trying his best to be supportive, it doesn’t sound great on him._ “Now just lean against me, we’ll walk to your wheelchair together.” 

“What?” Zuko spits, glancing at his wheelchair. _So close but so far._ “You said we’re done!” 

“We are. But I’m far too old to lift you up. At least you won’t have to use your arms, okay?” _I hate you._ “Just lean against me and we’ll make our way over there.” With Jeong Jeong’s arm secured around him, Zuko reaches for his energy again, reawakening his legs and pushing them to move towards the wheelchair. _Come on! So close to salvation!_

Jeong Jeong finally deposits him into his chair, stepping back to give him some space as Zuko gasps for breath, struggling with the strain of his muscles from the day. “You did fantastic, young man.” Jeong Jeong forces a smile, his arms crossing again. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Zuko just wants to curl up and go to bed. “Sokka?” 

“He’s in your room, remember?” _What, are you gonna make me push myself there?_ “You think you can wheel yourself there?” _Eat shit._

“I’m exhausted, JJ.” To prove his point, Zuko slouches against the back of his chair, his arms going theatrically limp. “If you make me do more, I’ll literally _die._ ” 

“Oh yeah?” There’s an undertone of amusement in Jeong Jeong’s voice. 

“And then you’ll be arrested for _manslaughter_.” 

“Alright, kiddo. I’ll push you back.” A victorious smile erupts across Zuko’s face and he moves his legs into a more comfortable position with some difficulty. _Will I ever be able to feel my legs again?_

Jeong Jeong pushes him through the halls, making their way back to Zuko’s room in silence. When they reach Zuko’s room, Jeong Jeong leans forward and cracks the door open, only to be met with a strangled “ _WAIT!”_ being shouted from the other side. Jeong Jeong steps away, and there’s some shuffling, before Sokka pops his head in the crack in the door. “You almost knocked over a paint bottle!” 

“Why’s that in front of the door?” Jeong Jeong snaps. “You think it’s funny for me to replace the carpet?” 

“You think it’s funny for me to buy a whole new tube of paint?” Sokka shoots back, a goofy grin pulling at his face. “Let’s call it a draw, Jeong Jeong.” Jeong Jeong snorts. 

“Sure. Whatever you say, Sokka.” He glances at Zuko. “Zuko’s probably pretty tired,” _That’s an understatement and you know it._ “Might be good to take it easy today.” 

“Oh, for sure!” 

“Zuko, I’ll see you later this week for another therapy session.” 

“Can’t wait,” Zuko deadpans raspily, his eyes already half closed. Jeong Jeong steps out without another word, closing the door behind him, and Sokka pulls Zuko towards the bed, lifting him up easily. “JJ tried to kill me.” 

“Oh my Spirits, he tried to kill you,” Sokka answers lightly, settling him in bed. “We’ll have to strike back.” 

“Cut his hair off.” 

“You’re absolutely evil.” 

“He’d look ugly bald,” Zuko defends his idea, frowning slightly. 

“Oh, I bet. Tell me more about your JJ-Hair-Assassination-Plot,” Sokka encourages, turning back to the mural with a paintbrush in hand. 

“So, you’ll have to get a razor…” Zuko dives into his semi-improvised plan, his chest lighting up each time he manages to make Sokka laugh. The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur, Sokka babbling on and Zuko giving him smart-ass responses until his throat hurts too much, forcing him to switch to the tablet. By the end of the day, he’s completely worn, and falls asleep leaning against Sokka while Sokka’s trying to change his dressing. Sokka finishes his work and lays Zuko down softly, flicking the lights off behind him as he leaves. 

\--

 _I'm fucking_ **_tired_ ** _._ Zuko scowls at the timer in Jeong-Jeong's hand. _And I hate that stupid fucking timer. And I hate doing PT. And I super-hate JJ for making me do this. Fuck off, JJ. Stop trying to help me get better, it’s annoying. Everybody here is bad at this. Except for Sokka. You aren’t even close to Sokka. Bastard._

“Come on, Zuko. If you don’t get 20 knee raises in 40 seconds, we’re starting over. _Again,_ ” Jeong Jeong reminds Zuko, shaking his head. Zuko huffs, struggling to raise his right knee. _Eleven_. “You’ve got ten seconds.” Zuko growls in frustration, letting his hips lean against the bar beside him as he throws his arms up in frustration. 

“What’s the point? We’ve been working at this for the last two weeks, I’m _not getting it._ ” 

“But you’re getting closer,” Jeong Jeong reminds him, his arms crossing. “Last week you were collapsing at five. We know you can do up to twenty-” 

“So just _let me do my knee raises!”_

“-but we’re trying to get your movements faster. It’s important.” Zuko’s hands are back on the parallel bars, holding his weight up, and glowering at the ground. “Remember your first week? You couldn’t stand on your own. Now you can walk around.” 

“For like, eight seconds,” Zuko shoots, letting out a huff. 

“Which is eight seconds more than when we began. And besides, it’s closer to a minute.” Jeong Jeong waves his stopwatch. “I timed it.” 

“Of course you did,” Zuko mutters, rolling his eyes. 

“You need to start your knee raises again. 20 in 40-” 

“ _I know!”_ Zuko snaps, shooting a glare at the physical therapist. Jeong Jeong meets his glower levelly. 

“You seem to forget I met that exact same glare every day in a boardroom. You know your father didn’t scare me, and you know _you_ don’t scare me. Knee raises. Now.” Jeong Jeong nods at Zuko’s legs, crossing his arms. Zuko lets out a sigh, listening to the beep of the stop watch as he raises his left leg, his right leg trembling with the effort to hold his weight. _One._ Zuko loses himself in the repetitive movements of his knee raises. _Seventeen… eighteen… n-_ “That was a good attempt! Almost there! Let’s restart.” _What?_ Zuko shoots him a questioning glance, and Jeong Jeong shrugs, motioning at his timer. “Time’s up, Zuko. You have to start from the-” 

“ _Enough!”_ Zuko shouts, swinging his arm in frustration. A weak sputter of fire bursts from his palms, falling short of Jeong Jeong by quite a bit. Jeong Jeong steps forward, stomping out a small ember that dropped on the carpet, then raised his gaze to Zuko. 

“Is that the best you can do?” Zuko grunts in irritation, raising his hand again and shooting a slightly stronger lick of fire past Jeong Jeong’s shoulder. “Better. Again.” Zuko’s weight is leaning on his left hand, his right throwing fireball after fireball at the targets around the room, each burst of fire getting stronger, getting hotter, getting- 

Zuko snaps out of his rage, staring at his hands with unbridled fear. “I- I can’t.” 

“You were doing fine, Zuko.” Zuko slumps against the parallel bar next to him, blinking desperately at his clenching knuckles. 

“I… I can’t. I was…” he shakes his head, not looking up from his palms. “I lost control.” 

“Looked like you were controlling yourself to me.” Zuko shakes his head, a trembling hand coming up to touch his scar. 

“I haven’t done _real_ firebending since…” He blinks his eyes harshly, pulling his hand away as if he were scared of it. “I can’t. I’m done. I _won’t._ ”

“You’re… done firebending?” 

“I can’t bring that kind of destruction in the world.” Zuko waves his arm around, motioning at the smouldering targets surrounding them. “I almost _shot fire at you_.” 

“Trust me, you couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”

“That’s not the point, JJ. I didn’t even think twice about it.” Zuko crosses his arms, his hips supporting his weight against the parallel bar behind him. “I’m done.” 

“I’ll let Yugoda know. She’ll talk with you about it-” 

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“--But that’s not my area. Yugoda handles emotions, I do physical. Now, knee lifts. 20 in-”

“In 40 seconds, I fucking know.” Zuko takes a deep breath in through his nose, pulling his left knee up. _One. Two. Three._ His breathing starts to get heavier around fifteen, but he narrows his eyes at Jeong Jeong. _Gotta finish this. Sick and tired of looking at his stupid face. And that stupid beeping. I hate it. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen._ Jeong Jeong raises an eyebrow, looking up to meet Zuko’s gaze. _Nineteen._ He’s gasping for breath at this point, but he’s _not fucking restarting. Twenty._ He stomps his foot down in victory, dropping his head against one of his hands. 

“Good job, Zuko.” Despite his irritation, Zuko can feel himself light up at the gruff praise. He leans heavily against the bars, legs trembling. “With this progress, maybe we’ll be able to get you back to fencing sooner than expected.” Jeong Jeong turns away, musing to himself. 

“Wait! Wheelchair,” Zuko says feebly, gesturing at his chair on the other side of the room.

“No. Walk to your wheelchair.” Jeong Jeong doesn’t glance back, walking to his desk.

“I’ll die.” 

“Go ahead.” He settles himself into his desk, pulling out some paperwork. “I’ve gotta update your progress.” 

“So you want me to just sit here and _wait_?” Zuko asks incredulously. 

“No, I want you to go to your wheelchair then wheel yourself to your room.” 

“I can’t!” 

“Then you can stand against the parallel bars all day. I don’t mind.” 

“I’ll burn this fucking place down.” 

“That threat would be a bit more concerning if you hadn’t just sworn off firebending,” Jeong Jeong doesn’t look up from his paperwork, waving a hand dismissively. “If you insist on hanging around, be a bit quieter.” 

Zuko lets out a frustrated groan. _I just need to go back to my room!_ Jeong Jeong reaches over to his old-fashioned boombox, flipping a switch and letting some music twirl through the room. _Smooth jazz? Now I’m genuinely committing arson. This is a hate crime._ Zuko lets out a louder, more irate sigh, fighting to be heard over the music. Jeong Jeong just turns it up. _I hate you._ With a defeated shake of his head, Zuko pushes himself off of the bar behind him, leaning on the parallel bars as long as he can, straining to get close to the wheelchair. There’s still a solid ten feet between him and the chair, though, so there’s no hope of reaching it while holding onto the bars. _I’m gonna fall. Just to spite him. Gonna collapse on the floor and make him regret it._

Sucking in a deep breath, Zuko lets go of the parallel bars, slowly making his way into the open space. His arms are held out to the side for balance, his eyes narrowed in concentration as he takes his careful, trembling steps. When he’s about halfway to his chair, Zuko stumbles and jerks to balance himself, a quiet “ _ack!”_ sounding from his throat. Jeong Jeong glances over his shoulder for a second, but quickly returns to his work. _Dick. I almost died. Maybe if I just sit here long enough Sokka will show up_ . Zuko takes another wobbly step towards the chair. _But then I have to listen to fucking smooth jazz._ His breath is trembling, but _no. I’m not going to fucking cry over this. I’m not a baby._ He stumbles, falling onto his hands in knees, and his fists curl up in frustration, pounding them against the carpet. “Fuck!” 

“Come on, Zuko. Get up.” Jeong Jeong’s turned around again, reclining in his chair and watching Zuko. 

“I _can’t._ ” 

“You’ve been saying that for two weeks, then you go ahead and prove that you can. _Get up._ ” 

“You’re pushing me too far!” 

“I’m pushing you exactly as far as you can go. _Get. Up._ ” 

“Obviously you pushed me farther, because I’m _on the fucking floor!_ ” 

“So you’re just going to spend your life feeling _sorry_ for yourself? You think that’ll get you anywhere? Do you think that’ll get you off the floor? Do you think that’s what Iroh did after Lu Ten--” 

“Stop it!” 

“--died? Do you think it’s what Sokka would do? Do you think it’s what your mother would-” 

“ _STOP IT!”_ Without a second thought, Zuko’s pushed himself to his feet, storming over to Jeong Jeong and grabbing him by his collar. “ _Don’t_ talk about her.” Jeong Jeong meets his gaze, and the asshole has the _audacity to smile._

“See?” He points out, placing his hands under Zuko’s forearms to help steady him. 

“I don’t want to do this.” Zuko collapses against Jeong Jeong’s table, sliding a hand into his hair. “It’s not fair.” Jeong Jeong seems to be at a loss for words, a frown settling on his face. 

“What do you mean? What’s not fair?” 

“ _All of this._ ” Zuko gestures at the PT room. “Why do I have to do this? I’m… supposed to be at school. And… the whole…” Jeong Jeong pauses, giving him a second to finish his sentence. When he doesn’t, he speaks up slowly. 

“The what?” 

“Everything!” Zuko sputters. “I don’t want to be here anymore!” 

“Do you think anyone does? Do you think you’re somehow special?” Jeong Jeong hits him with a level stare, raising a scarred eyebrow. 

“No, but--” 

“Then _why_ do you think it’s unfair for you to do the work that others have to do? I know you weren’t spoiled growing up, so stop acting like a brat.” 

“I’m fucking tired! I’ve been unable to move for _months_ , and now you just expect me to-- to-- to do _fucking cartwheels_?”

“No. I expect you to try. But you’re _not_ , you just keep complaining.” 

“I’m not just complaining over _nothing_. I’m exhausted.” 

“Push through it. Piandao taught you better than to give up because you’re _tired._ ” 

“Piandao isn’t here!” Zuko snaps. 

“But I am,” Jeong Jeong shoots back. “And while we might seem like different people, I _assure you_ he and I have intensely similar teaching styles.” He lets the silence hang for a second, before speaking again. “Now, stop pitying yourself, and walk to your wheelchair. Sokka’s waiting for you.” 

“I can’t--” 

“You will.” Jeong Jeong grabs his pen, setting to work on his paperwork yet again. Zuko reaches over to flick at his ear, easily getting his wrist pushed away. “Go.” 

“I’ll just wait for Sokka to come help me.” 

“I’ve already told him he’s not allowed in this room. He’s too easy on you.” Jeong Jeong glances at Zuko pointedly. “Now walk to your chair. Stop relying on other people, because you know as well as I do… they’ll just let you down.” Zuko stares at his hands for a second, before pushing himself off of the table, slowly making his way to his chair. When he gets there, he collapses into it, his eyes sliding shut in relief. _My legs are fucking killing me._

After taking a second to rest, he drags his arms towards the wheels, pushing himself out the door. As he wheels out, Jeong Jeong calls over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Zuko.” 

“Fuck off,” Zuko responds, glancing around the halls. _Where’s Sokka? He normally meets me here._ Zuko pushes himself through the hallways, twisting through easily after months of being pushed through the labyrinth. When he finds himself in front of his door, he reaches forward, pressing a knock to the wood. 

“Who is it?” Sokka hollers, his voice muffled. 

“King Kuei!” Zuko shouts back, rolling his eyes. _Who else would it be?_ Sokka cracks the door open, poking his head through. 

“Well hey there, your majesty!” He slides through the small crack in the door, closing it behind him. “You’re hanging out with Toph today."

"Am I?" Zuko asks wearily, shutting his eyes for a moment. 

"Yeppers!" 

“I want to take a nap.” Zuko’s face falls into his hands, rubbing at his eyes. 

“I’m sure you do, Fireboy, but you haven’t seen them in a while, you’ve been so busy with your PT. Besides--” Sokka shoots Zuko a wink. “--I want to finish your mural before you come back in.” 

"Small nap?" Zuko tries, but Sokka shakes his head. 

“Sorry, bub, I can’t risk you seeing it." Zuko huffs. _Asshole. Just let me sleep! I can’t look if I’m sleeping!_ “It would ruin the surprise!” 

"I'm gonna fall asleep on Toph. Just to show you how tired I am.”

"Sure you will. Toph’s definitely quiet and calm enough to let you do that.” 

“...Sleep in Yugoda’s office?” 

“No.” 

“Coffee?”  
  


“Your uncle might literally gut me if I let you drink coffee,” Sokka laughs, settling behind Zuko’s wheelchair, taking it by the handles and letting Zuko stop pushing it. _Thank fucking god._ “How was therapy?” 

“I’ve never been closer to committing murder.” 

"That doesn't sound right. You've thrown me some pretty dirty looks over our time together."

"This time it was worse. I'm never going back."

"You're going back tomorrow."

"Nooo," Zuko whines, rubbing a hand over the unscarred side of his face. "I already said I was never going back, you'll make a fool out of me." 

“You’d be a fool if you _didn’t_ go, duckling! It’s good for you.”

Zuko grunts, knowing that he’s being _somewhat_ unreasonable but not really caring. _I hate Jeong-Jeong. He’s a jerk. And a bully._

“Good to hear it!” 

“Dick,” Zuko grumbles, scowling to himself. He throws a glare at a framed print on the wall. _At least we’re almost at Toph’s room._

“Sure. Oh-- I wanted to tell you! I finally figured out how I’m gonna paint the lobby!”

“Mmh.” 

“I’m gonna paint outside! Like, the backyard! It’s gonna be super cool. Cooler than it is now. It’ll be a bit… embellished. I’ll tell you more later, ‘kay?” Sokka reveals, giving a proud little hum. “Genius, right?” 

“Very nice, Sokka,” Zuko grants. _I don’t have the heart to say anything else, he sounds so happy. It’s not horrible, I guess. I’m sure it’ll look nice if Sokka’s the one painting it._ Sokka stops pushing the wheelchair as Zuko reaches out and knocks on the door. 

“Who is it!” Toph crabs, already in the midst of pulling open the door and sweeping their foot on the carpeted floor to feel for something. Their foot hits the wheel on Zuko’s chair, and Toph brightens, knowing only one person who comes directly to their room. “Oh. Sparky!” 

“Hi Toph.” Zuko looks around Toph’s room, which is still the same, for the most part. There’s some bags in the corner, open with clothes haphazardly thrown into them. 

“What am I, chopped liver?” Sokka laughs, slowly pushing Zuko into their room. “Good to see you, Toph. Where’s Haru?”

“He’s not with me _all_ the time. And it’s his day off. Shouldn’t you know that by now, Sock?” Toph steps back, sliding their feet along the floor to track where the wheelchair is. 

“I’m still getting used to the new scheduling! Everything’s getting moved around while we get used to it.” 

“Didn’t _you_ do the scheduling?” Toph points out. 

“Yeah! And I’m tired! Cause I did so much work! C’mon, Tophers, give me a break.” 

“No, I don’t think I will.” Toph flops onto their bed, squirming down the side to make sure their bare feet are still touching the floor. “Now go do your mural thing.” 

“Alright, alright. You know where I’ll be. And I’ll come back in like, an hour to grab Zukes. And--”

“I know! Fale is in the other room! We’ll be fine, now get _out_.” Toph swipes their foot in Sokka’s direction, disturbing the floor under his feet and making him stumble backwards. Zuko lets out a quiet puff of laughter, taking in Sokka’s betrayed face.

“Tui and La, Toph!” 

“What?” Toph asks innocently. “You said you were going. I was just giving you a push. Maybe you should take the _very obvious barely-even a hint_.” 

“I’m just making sure you two will be okay!” Sokka defends, backing out the door. He sticks his head through one last time. “See you in an hour, Zukes!” 

“Bye,” Zuko rasps, then clears his throat. _Glad I didn’t have to say much during this._

“So, Sparks! What’ve you been up to?”

“PT.” Zuko grinds his knuckle into his un-injured eye. “Can we take a nap? Just sleep?” He’s only half-joking. _I’m tired. Jeong-Jeong pushed me way too hard_ . _I’ll never forgive him. Ever._

“But you just got here!” Toph protests, sitting up and shooting a pout in Zuko’s general direction. “And we barely talked!” 

“Right.” He forces his eye open, swallowing to stop a yawn from escaping his stupid mouth. “Whaddya wanna talk about?” 

“I dunno! You can choose.” 

“Can we talk about how annoying JJ is?” Zuko deadpans. Toph puffs a laugh. 

“What’d he do this time?” 

“Be a jerk. And make me do knee raises.” 

“Oh, the knee raises are fucking hell. _Twenty in fourty!_ ” Toph parrots, making mimicking talking signs with their hands. 

“If I have to hear that again today I’m going to break something.” 

“Do it,” Toph says immediately, grinning. “Break something. Start a riot.”

“No. You’re bored today, huh?” Zuko digs a knuckle into his good eye, willing it to stay open. _Agni, I’m tired._

“Yeah. I’m still not used to hearing your real voice, Sparky! I’m used to you sounding. Like. This.” Toph makes their voice sound robotic, in a decent imitation of the speech app. “You’re making _really_ fast progress.” Zuko scoffs.

“Hardly. I’ve barely done anything.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Okay. Sorry.” 

They sit in an awkward silence, Zuko staring at his hands. _Did I fuck up too bad? Are they gonna kick me out of their room? I mean, I wouldn’t blame them._

“Uh. You know you can talk, right?”

“You were telling me to--”

“About _that_. You can talk about other stuff.”

“Oh.” _That would’ve been good to know._ Zuko glances to the corner of the room, frowning as he takes in the suitcases. “You leaving?” 

“Oh… uh… yeah. Soon, hopefully.” Toph shoots an apologetic glance at Zuko, who can barely pull his gaze up from his lap. “Yugoda thinks I’ll have my flower regrown by the end of the month, hopefully within the next two weeks.” Zuko swallows around the rising lump in his throat, shaking his head desperately. 

“Oh.” 

“Is that the only word you know?” Toph shoots him a look, frowning. “I thought you’d be happy for me.” 

“I _am_ ,” Zuko insists, letting out a soft sigh. “I just… it feels like we just found each other again, and you’re leaving?” 

“Yeah, but… I’ll leave a point of contact with Haru or Sokka or something, they can pass it on to you when I go.” Toph reaches over, taking Zuko’s right hand in their own, Zuko’s hand easily dwarfing theirs. _They're_ _so… tiny. I always forget how young they are. Agni, they’ve really had it rough._ “Then we can hang out in the _real_ world, cause some _real_ trouble together, okay?” Zuko forces himself to nod, glancing at Toph from the corner of his eyes. “And… and we’ll never lose each other again, okay? I promise.” Zuko closes his eyes, pulling in a deep breath through his nose and releasing it with a soft smile settling over his lips. 

“If you break that, I’m gonna melt you.” 

“You wish. I’d beat you in a heartbeat.” Toph drops Zuko’s hand, pulling their own away, but Zuko reaches out with his hand and grabs Toph’s hand in a vice-grip. “Uh… sparky? Trying to break my fingers?” 

“I… I need to tell you something, but you have to promise you won’t look at me any different.” 

“I don’t look at you at all. I’m blind.” 

“I know, Toph,” Zuko lets himself snort, shaking his head. “But seriously.” He shifts in his seat, turning to face them more. 

“...What’s going on?” Toph’s voice switches to a more serious tone than Zuko ever heard them take on, their head tilting to the side. Zuko feels his stomach twisting into knots, then untwisting as he takes a deep breath. But the second he opens his mouth, his gut twists up again, threatening to empty its contents. He slides his eyes shut, willing himself to calm down. “This is the part where you speak,” Toph reminds him with a nudge, huffing softly. Zuko swallows down the lump in his throat, opening his mouth and letting the words spill without a second thought. 

“I’m gay.” Zuko squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for Toph’s laughter, for their disgust, for their anger, but there’s just silence - which is almost worse. Until Toph breaks it. 

“And?” 

“And what?” Zuko cracks his eyes open, peering at Toph curiously. “That’s it.” 

“Oh. Oh!” Toph squeezes Zuko’s hand, letting out a snort. “That’s what you were so worried about?” 

“Uh…” 

“I thought you were gonna tell me you were dying or something. Or ‘I’m gay and in love with your dad’.” 

“ _Ew,_ ” Zuko spits, his mouth twisting in disgust. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought! But you’re just gay?” 

“‘Just gay’? Toph, this is kind of a big deal.” 

“I mean… is it?” Toph shrugs, glancing away. “I mean, your father… was a shithead. But you know that like, everyone’s gay now. I mean, I’m nonbinary and trixic, right?” Zuko nods, blinking a few times. “You knew that from the letters we wrote in middle school. So… why would I care that you’re gay?” Zuko pauses, weighing their words in his head. 

“I.. don’t know?” 

“It’s because your father hammered these backwards ideals in your head. But you knew they were wrong and worked to overcome them for anyone you cared about.” Toph lets the implication hang in the air for a second, before confirming their words. “You just don’t care enough about yourself to overcome these… ‘values’.” Zuko reaches up to wipe at his good eye, a stray tear landing on his hand. 

“So… you’re Yugoda 2.0?” 

“Shut up.” Toph socks his shoulder, snorting softly. “So… what made you realize?” With that question, Zuko’s back to _that day_ , Sokka sitting right in front of him with his toothbrush clenched between his teeth, the golden sunlight flickering through the tree leaves and dappling his skin, his gorgeous blue eyes narrowed in concentration, his- 

“I dunno.” Zuko pulls himself out of that nosedive, glancing at his and Toph’s intertwined hands. “Therapy, maybe?” Toph’s mouth quirks down. 

“I can tell you’re lying. If you’re not ready to talk about it, just say that.” 

“Sorry. I’m, uh- not ready to talk about it.” Toph nods, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “Uh… by the way… what does ‘bisexual’ mean?” Toph shoots Zuko a questioning face, their eyebrows pulling together. 

“Why do you ask?” 

“I’ve heard it a lot recently, but before that I only knew gay, straight, and trixic. I only knew that last one because of you.” Toph squints in his general direction, before jumping to their feet, pacing around. 

“You came to the right place! I’ll be your gay guru guide!” Toph motions at the empty wall behind them, pulling Zuko up and out of his wheelchair with surprising strength. He sits down on the bed facing Toph, who’s gesturing at their green-toned wall. “Behold! My chalkboard!” They glance around, their foot dragging along the floor beneath them. “Uh… pretend I’m writing super cool and smart stuff, okay?” 

“Got it.” 

“Okay. So, gay!” Toph slaps at the wall behind them with an open palm. “It means you experience same-gender attraction, but it’s also an umbrella term for many members of the LGBT community!” 

“LGBT?” 

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans.” 

“What’s-” 

“We’re getting there, my dear grasshopper.” Toph kicks their foot, frowning at the interruption. “Now, shut up.” Zuko mimes zipping his lips shut, humming to himself. “Perfect. Now, we all know what straight means, so what does ‘bi’ mean? To some, it means attraction to members of two or more genders, while to others, it means attraction to _all_ genders.” 

“How many genders are there? Nonbinary is one, right? Like you?” 

“Exactly! But as for how many…” Toph trails off, shrugging. “It feels like I learn about new ones everyday, but as long as people are finding labels they feel comfortable with, who cares?” Zuko bites at his bottom lip, nodding a bit. _This is confusing._  
  


“So… Sokka likes two or more genders… or all genders?” Toph’s eyes widen in understanding, and they cross the room quickly, dropping on the bed next to Zuko and lowering their voice. 

“ _Sokka?_ ” 

“Oh! Did you not-” 

“I knew! But… _he’s_ why you’re asking?” Toph laughs triumphantly. “I knew it!” 

“Knew what?” Zuko demands, a bit too defensively. 

“I knew you two were _perfect-_ ” Zuko reaches over, covering their mouth with an unseen glare. 

“ _Shut up_ ,” he hisses through clenched teeth, his cheeks lighting up red. 

“But I called it,” Toph mumbles around his hand, pushing it off. 

“Fine, yeah, _Sokka’s why I asked,_ but you can’t tell _anyone,_ okay?” 

“Who would I tell?” 

“Sokka, for one.” 

“And break crush code? I would never.” Toph rolls their eyes. “Rule one, you never tell your pal’s crush they like them until your pal is ready.” Zuko squints at them, before shaking his head slightly.

“What about Haru? Or Yugoda?” 

“Haru’s too busy fawning over his boyfriend to care about anyone else’s relationships, and I wouldn’t talk to _Yugoda_ about anything like this. She’d want to do a psychoanalytic deep dive around why your subconscious picked Sokka and how he’s comforting and a sense of warmth and blah blah blah.” They sigh, slumping into Zuko’s side. “So, what’re you gonna do about it?” Zuko slides his eyes shut, his head coming to rest on Toph’s head. 

“I… I dunno.” His shoulders slump with the weight of his confession, tense muscles loosening into jelly. 

“Well, maybe we should start with a nap?” Toph twists around, pushing Zuko back by his shoulders. “Lay down, get some sleep. Sokka will be back in like…” Toph glances around, before shoving Zuko’s side. “Tell me the time.” 

“Uh…” Zuko glances at the clock. “Like, 4:40.” 

“So twenty minutes. Perfect nap size.” Toph crawls up next to him, tucking themselves into his side and hiding their face away in Zuko’s shirt. Zuko absentmindedly slides an arm around them, his head falling back and his eyes slipping shut, a content sigh parting his lips as he dozes off. 

It feels like Zuko had just slid into sleep when Sokka was shaking him awake, a small grin dancing over his features. “Hey,” he speaks quietly, careful not to wake the small earthbender who’s wrapped themselves around Zuko’s torso. “C’mon. Mural’s done.” Sokka helps Zuko slide Toph’s arms from around him, pulling him up and helping him walk the few feet from Toph’s bed to his wheelchair. 

Zuko collapses into his chair, pulling his knees up and tucking them under his chin, his head drooping to the side. With an amused hum, Sokka pushes him forward, navigating through the halls smoothly to avoid jostling him too much. “You sure were tired, huh?” Zuko lets out a small noise of agreement, his eyes remaining shut. “How long did you sleep?”

“Hmmm… twenty minutes?” Zuko’s voice is rough from sleep, and he fights his way through a yawn. 

“That’s a decent size nap.” 

“Could’ve slept _longer_ if you let me stay in _my own room._ ” Zuko can’t see him, but he can practically feel the smile emanating off of Sokka’s face. 

“Sure, but then you would’ve seen the mural.” 

“I’ve been watching you work on it for a while, what’s so different about today?” 

“Today’s the last day, so I was adding details, shadows, the works. The stuff that’ll set this painting apart from anything else you’ve ever seen.” 

“Ever?” Zuko snorts. “That’s a large order. Father was _obsessed_ with art. It was all over the mansion.” Sokka hesitates, speaking softly. 

“...Yeah. But your father… probably chose lifeless pieces, right?” Zuko found himself nodding, chewing at his inner cheek. “This is far from lifeless. I’m not painting this to sell it off for the highest bidder, I’m painting it for _you_ .” A small smile pulled at Zuko’s lips, and he crossed his arms over his chest, an unfamiliar flutter settling into his stomach. _That’s nice. Weird… but nice._

“Yeah,” he agrees softly, but that’s not saying much. Zuko’s found recently he’d agree with almost anything Sokka said. Sokka reaches across Zuko’s sitting form, pushing his door open and leading Zuko in. 

“Alright, duckling, you ready?” He positions himself between Zuko and the mural, a teasing smile dancing at his lips. 

“Yeah.” 

“I can’t hear you!” Sokka singsongs, a smirk pulling at his voice. Zuko rolls his eyes, pushing himself to his feet and ducking under Sokka’s arm. “Shoot. Forgot you could do that.” 

Zuko’s not listening anymore. His gaze is filled instead with the painting that Sokka had been painstakingly working on. There’s a field of emerald green grass, broken only by a pristine blue pond, waves lapping at the shore and a small disturbance rippling through the water as a stone leaps across the surface. If Zuko didn’t know any better, he could swear the water and the stone were frozen in place, straight from real life. He squints at the far end of the lake, where small yellow turtle ducklings float on the water while their mother duckling watches from the shoreline. A handful of trees surround the pond, hiding it from the rest of the world and allowing only dappled beams of sunlight to break through the foliage, a natural shade falling over the family of turtle-ducks. In the small, scattered patches of sunlight, vibrant red fire lilies grow, looking as if they’re burning the area around them. Behind this, the sun is setting - _or rising? -_ , the sky a breathtaking blend of red, blue, purple, orange, yellow, and every other brilliant color Zuko could name. In the edges of the border, small, pure white, puffy clouds float along, tailing mist behind them as they settle over the sky, looking soft as cotton. Zuko almost reaches out to touch them, but his hand is frozen in place over his mouth, struck by the beauty sitting in front of him. It’s almost as if the painting itself radiates light, glinting in reflection of the sun setting outside Zuko’s dingy window. And if Zuko squints, in the background, he can barely make out a small dragon, flying towards the oasis. He decides that it’s coming for a quick drink.

“So…” Sokka speaks quietly from where he’s wringing his hands in the corner. “Do you… like it?” Zuko blinks a few times, snapping himself out of his open mouthed awe, and turns to meet Sokka’s eyes. 

“You added all of this _today?_ ” 

“Well, yeah. It was just some ray tracing, details, and shadows.” Zuko blinks a few more times in amazement, glancing up at the mural again with his mouth agape. 

“‘Just’? This is amazing, Sokka!” Sokka scratches at the back of his neck, laughing to himself as his cheeks light up red. 

“I dunno about _amazing_ , but-” 

“No, Sokka.” Zuko glances over to meet his eyes, an intensity burning in his golden gaze that Sokka hadn’t seen before. “It’s astounding. I’ve seen some of the most famous art pieces from some of the most famous painters in the world. But this?” He breaks eye contact, missing how Sokka reaches a hand out to support himself against the wall. “This is… This is something else. This is _passion._ ” Sokka slides his eyes shut, pulling a deep breath in through his nose and releasing it through his mouth. He straightens himself up, crossing over to Zuko, and pulling him into a tight hug. “What are-” 

“Shut up,” Sokka hisses, his breath slowly steadying. “I never- No one’s ever said that about my painting before.” 

“That it was good?” Zuko slowly reaches up, returning Sokka’s hug, though much less tight. 

“That it was ‘amazing’, ‘astounding’... no one’s ever gaped up at it like it’s the first thing they’ve ever seen.” Zuko doesn’t quite know what he’s supposed to say here, his hands balling up the fabric of Sokka’s shirt. 

“Uh… I’m sorry?” he tries, cringing to himself as soon as the word leaves his mouth. Sokka laughs, pulling himself away from Zuko and wiping at his face. 

“That’s where you’re supposed to say ‘you’re welcome’.” 

“Oh. You’re welcome?” Sokka rolls his eyes, settling a hand on Zuko’s bicep and meeting his gaze. For a drawn out second, neither of them move, the only sound in the room their own soft breathing and the _tick… tick… tick…_ of the clock. Zuko glances from one of Sokka’s eyes to the other, and back again. _Agni, he’s so pretty, it’s unfair._ Suddenly, Sokka retreats, pulling his hand away from Zuko with his face flushed red. 

“Uh… you should… I gotta- I gotta go get your dinner.” Sokka twists on his heel, hurrying out of the room and leaving Zuko standing on his own, confusion dancing in his mind. _What?_

Another worker brings Zuko his food. Sokka doesn’t return until the next day. They don’t talk about whatever it was that happened. 

\--

As Sokka rushes away, he curses himself out. _Shit. Fuck. I’m trying_ **_so hard_ ** _to remain ethical, to not make a harebrained move on such a vulnerable patient, but… it’s a little tough when he’s looking at me like I’m the only thing that matters. Fuuuuuck._

\--

A couple of weeks later, Zuko’s dodging and weaving from Jeong Jeong’s well placed swipes, his breath strained as he waits for an opening. Jeong Jeong jabs, and Zuko jumps at his chance, using the broadside of his sabre to push Jeong Jeong’s up, ducking under his arm and landing a strong kick, his sword levelling at Jeong Jeong’s back. “Yield,” Zuko demands, panting for breath. 

“I feel like…” Jeong Joeng cuts off, his arms coming up to his sides, his rough breathing indicating that he’s equally exerted. “Like maybe, you’re not supposed to _kick_ your opponent in fencing.” Zuko clenches his jaw, reaching forward with a strong leg and swiping Jeong Jeong’s ankles from under him. He takes a step forward, one foot resting on the hilt of Jeong Jeong’s sabre, holding it down, and pressing his sabre a bit heavier against the middle of the physical therapist’s back.

“I said _yield._ ” Jeong Jeong lets out a groan, reluctantly letting go of his sabre. 

“I yield.” Zuko steps away from Jeong Joeng, tossing his sabre to the side and reaching up to peel his defensive mask off, wiping at the sweat forming at his hairline with his forearm. Jeong Joeng pulls himself to his feet and follows suit, puffing away. “You… You must be further trained in the ways of sword fighting than in fencing. Some of those moves you pulled would’ve gotten you disqualified in a snap.” 

“Hm. But I won, didn’t I?” Zuko answers easily, collapsing on a bench near him. Jeong Jeong relents, giving Zuko a nod. 

“Yes. You won.” 

Zuko breaks into a grin, pushing his bangs off of his sweaty forehead. _Wait until I tell Sokka. He's gonna lose his shit._ "Is that all for today?" There's a giddy undertone in it, and _Agni, I want to tell him!_ Jeong Jeong rests his hands on his knees, shaking his head. 

“No, knee raises.” 

“Come _on,_ JJ, even _you’re_ barely able to breathe. Why should I have to do a bunch extra?” 

"I can last forty seconds," Jeong Jeong answers easily. “If you get this done in one go, we won’t have a problem.” He pulls himself up, digging out his stopwatch. “I’ll do it with you if that makes you feel better.” Zuko shoots him a glower, crossing his arms. “It’s either that or bending exercises, and Yugoda says you’re still refusing to bend.” 

"And _then_ that's all?" Zuko sighs in resignation. 

“For the week, yes.” Jeong Jeong shoots a look at Zuko, raising his scarred eyebrow. “You ready?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko reluctantly answers, a wave of irritation rising through him at the high pitched _beep_ from Jeong Jeong’s stopwatch. He pulls his right knee to his chest, moving faster than he has in weeks. _I just want to be done. Fuck PT, fuck knee raises, fuck fencing- no. Fencing rules. Fuck JJ. Fuck that stopwatch. I hate it. And the stupid beeping._

Jeong Jeong is standing across from him, matching each of Zuko’s movements with his own, steadily holding the same pace. “You’re doing good.” 

“Shut up,” Zuko hisses through his teeth, his brow furrowed in concentration. _18… 19… 20._ With that, he throws his fists into the air, shouting a wordless yell of victory. Jeong Jeong, surprisingly, _laughs_ . _I don't think I've ever heard him do that before_. 

"Nice work, Zuko." He slaps a companionable pat on Zuko’s back, careful to approach him from his right. _Everyone’s careful to do that. It’s nice._ “You’ve made a lot of progress from the whining boy who came in here six weeks ago.” 

“I wasn’t _whining_!” 

“It’s all you were doing.” Jeong Jeong shoots him a half smile, squeezing his shoulder. 

"I was… _justifiably annoyed._ " 

“Whatever you call it, I’m proud of you, kiddo.” Jeong Jeong pulls his hand away, turning his back on Zuko, who’s almost literally glowing with pride. _He’s proud? Of me?_ "Now go on, tell Sokka about everything that happened. I know you’re dying to see him already.” For a second, Zuko almost considers just _walking_ to his room, but his legs feel like they’re turning to jelly, shaking and trembling beneath him. “Take the wheelchair.” Jeong Jeong glances behind him. “You did a lot of work today. You should probably take it easy for a few hours.” 

“I won’t argue with that.” Zuko collapses into his wheelchair, his hands finding his wheels and pushing himself towards the exit. He pauses in the doorway, speaking so quietly he’s not sure if Jeong Jeong even hears him. “Uh… thanks, by the way. For everything.” Jeong Jeong waves him off silently, not looking up from his paperwork. 

Zuko pushes himself back to his room, nudging the door open with his foot and wheeling through. He glances around with a frown, Sokka nowhere in sight. _He said he’d be here after PT?_ Zuko pulls himself to his feet, grabbing his notebook and settling on his bed, curling up against the corner with his pen at the ready, hovering over the page. 

At Yugoda’s and Jeong Jeong’s combined insistence, Zuko had started writing poetry again. Yugoda claims it’s a way to express himself, and Jeong Jeong thinks writing is a good way to practice his fine motor skills. It’s not quite the same without Piandao’s messily scrawled words of praise, but it’s _something._ He glances out the window, chewing at his pen, before he slowly starts writing, the ink of the pen flowing easily. 

_stifling stark eggshell walls, torched aflame with_

_the life-giving rays of the sun._

_something i never would’ve thought i’d miss_

_but a treat on a dark day,_

_keeping the shadows at bay._

_it glints off_ ~~_her_~~ _his necklace, pure cotton white_

_against caramel brown. he smiles_

_and he’s my own personal sun._

Zuko blinks at the poem scrawled in front of him, his formerly neat script reduced to a barely legible chicken scratch from months of abandonment. He sighs to himself, chewing on his inner cheek, and closes his notebook, glancing around the room again. _Seriously, where is he?_ He leans against the wall behind him, his gaze finding the corner where spider-buddy resides. 

“Hey man, how’s it hangin? You spinning up a storm up there?” Spider-buddy doesn’t respond. “Good ol spider-buddy, you always know what to say.” The door clicks open, and Zuko glances at the source of the intrusion. Haru steps in, glancing around curiously. 

“Who are you talking to?” he questions. 

“No one!” Zuko practically shouts. Even though his notebook is closed, he lays a protective hand on it. 

“Alright… well, Sokka’s putting some finishing touches on Toph’s going away party.” Zuko can feel his heart twist in on itself, clamping his teeth on his bottom lip. _I totally forgot that was today._ “He sent me to come get you.” Zuko hums, pulling himself to his feet and making his way towards his wheelchair. “No, he said you walk well if someone’s supporting you. Sokka and Jeong Jeong want you to walk more often.” 

“I--” Zuko starts, cutting himself off. _Just over-exaggerate._ “I’ll die.” 

“Sokka said you’d say that, and he said…'' Haru pulls a slip of paper from his back pocket, squinting at it. “‘Then perish’. With an orange photo of this guy’s eyes squinting.” Haru shows the photo to Zuko, who crosses his arms. “He said you’d know what it means.” _Well played, Sokka._

“Damnit. I _do_ know what it means,” Zuko huffs, settling his arm around Haru’s shoulders, who’s careful to stay on his right. _Again, everyone’s so good about that. I wonder if Sokka told all of them._ “Lead the way, mustache man.” 

“I’ll drop you, right here, right now.” Zuko snorts, Haru supporting some of his weight as they make their way towards the common room. Zuko steps inside, untwining himself from Haru’s grip and walking to a chair, collapsing into his seat with a groan. 

“I’m dead, Haru. Tell my uncle I tolerated his tea.” Zuko throws his head back melodramatically, an arm flinging across his forehead. 

“I’ll do that,” Haru answers with a snort, pouring a glass of water for Zuko. “Here, drink this.” Zuko downs the glass easily, settling it back on the table when he’s finished. 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem, dude.” Zuko frowns slightly, glancing at Sokka, who’s in the corner, working away. 

“He could be a party do-er.” 

“Party planner?” 

“Yeah, that.” Zuko’s eyebrows furrow, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watches Sokka fiddle with a paper ‘S’. _Why do we need a ‘Congrats!’ sign? Toph can’t even see it._

“Why the long face, Zuko?” 

“I just… aren’t you gonna miss Toph?” Zuko finally meets Haru’s gaze, shaking his head incredulously. “You’re acting all happy about it, but you’ve been taking care of them for over a year. How does that not… not _suck_?” 

“Because it means I did my job,” Haru answers easily, waving his hand around. “Yeah, I care about Toph. A _lot._ You don’t take care of someone for a year and three months and _not_ care about them. But…” He shrugs. “It’s part of the work we do. The patients get better, we celebrate, then we all move on.” Zuko glances at Sokka, his frown deepening. 

“So… the patients get better, and that’s it? Clean cut?” 

“I mean, they can stay in contact. Toph and I have known each other for a while, so we’re buddies, but Kanna and her caretaker only really talk through the occasional email.” Haru follows Zuko’s gaze, settling on Sokka. 

“And… you’re going to get a new patient?”

“Maybe. I might just fill in for people for a while. Especially now that it’s not volunteer work, so people have paid days off.” Zuko nods slightly, his hands coming together to fidget with his own fingers. 

“Yeah.” There’s a beat of silence. 

“Yeah,” Haru confirms, resting a hand on Zuko’s shoulder with a sigh. Sokka finally finishes finnicking with the drink stand, turning around and quite literally lighting up when he sees Zuko. _My personal sun._

“Hey, sunshine!” He makes his way over, ruffling Zuko’s hair affectionately. “Your hair’s getting long. You’ll have to get a haircut soon.” Zuko pulls a hand to his hair, running his fingers through the silky smooth strands by his ear. 

“I like it.” 

“In that case, it looks great.” Sokka shoots him a winning grin and a thumbs up. “How was therapy?” 

“I kicked Jeong Jeong’s ass at fencing.” 

“Because you cheated,” Jeong Jeong’s voice boom from behind the group, tinged with humor. Zuko twists around in his seat, shooting a glare at Jeong Jeong. 

“Did not.”

“You can’t kick in fencing.” Sokka laughs as Jeong Jeong sits a few chairs down from Zuko.

“You _kicked_ him?” 

“It wasn’t even that hard of a kick. He’s a wimp.” Zuko shoots Jeong Jeong a humorous glare. 

“Nice.” Sokka reaches a hand out for a fist bump, ducking with an indignant squawk as Jeong Jeong shoots a controlled flame just over Sokka’s head. “You _can’t-_ ” 

“It wasn’t even that hot of a flame. You’re a wimp.” Jeong Jeong waves him off, chuckling at his own joke. 

“Jeong Jeong! Stop shooting fire at Sokka!” Yugoda appears, settling herself into a seat next to Jeong Joeng. Toph slides up from behind Zuko, tapping his shoulder to alert him to their presence, before sliding their arms around his arm. 

“We’re bending at Sokka?” 

“ _No!_ ” Sokka chokes out, his chair bumping below him. Toph cackles, tapping their foot on the ground a few more times. 

“Enough, Toph,” Yugoda says, an amused smile spreading on her face. Zuko’s gaze rests on Toph, who’s _glowing._ There’s a lightness in their presence that Zuko hasn’t felt from them in a long time. He’s used to them being dull, grey, and empty, like him. He can’t help the pang of envy that pushes through his chest, but he swallows it back with a grin. 

“Woah, Toph, you’re… different.” 

“That’s the point, Sparks!” Toph exclaims, rubbing their cheek on his shoulder. “I’m all better!” Their energy is almost overwhelming for Zuko, but he just reaches over, squeezing their hand with his own. 

“I’m… I’m proud of you.” 

“You’re gonna miss me, though, right?” 

“Yeah.” Zuko swallows back his tears again. _Agni-dammit, don’t cry._ “I’m gonna miss you a lot.” 

“So, Toph, what’re you going to do next?” Haru asks, breaking Toph and Zuko’s moment. 

“Take over the world, torture my underlings, the usual.” 

“And after that?”

“Eh. Probably just try and get through school. Haven’t been in a while.”

“Where are you going to live?” Sokka questions, a frown pulling at his lips. “I don’t… I don’t quite feel comfortable sending you back with your parents.” Toph shrugs, staring at their hands. 

“I think I’m going to stay with this guy… Gyatso? He apparently has a kid around my age, he’s some monk my parents know. Probably the only guy they trust me with. I just hope he’s not a dick.” 

“Language!” Yugoda scolds, and Zuko perks up. _I know him! Kind of. Not really._

“Gyatso?” 

“Yeah,” Toph shrugs. “Weird name, I know.” 

“That’s my friend Aang’s foster father. I’ve heard he’s a nice guy. He’s also friends with my uncle, and Uncle doesn’t choose bad people to be around.” Zuko squeezes Toph’s hand. “You’ll be okay.” A small smile quirks at Toph’s lips, their foggy eyes lighting up minutely. 

“I’ll be okay,” they repeat, as if Zuko’s speaking a well known, worldly truth. As if his promise of their safety is all that matters. 

“Yeah. You will.”

Toph sits up straight, smacking their hand on their knee in delight. “Is there food, or what? This party’s _lame_ so far.” Sokka stutters in indignation, crossing his arms. 

“For your information, _Toph_ , I put in a special request for the chefs for earth kingdom specialties I know you love. But if that’s how you think this party is, I’ll let you eat _dirt._ ” 

“Dirt is good.” 

“WHAT?” Sokka throws his hands in the air, huffing to himself. “I give up!” Haru and Zuko snort, shooting each other a glance as the two go back and forth. _Wow, I love these people._ Zuko stops laughing. _What? That’s… not right. Right?_

Zuko glances towards the door as a couple members of the kitchen staff make their way in, trays on trays piled up. They set the food in front of the group, slipping out as quickly as they entered. On the trays, an assortment of dishes sit, steamed and broiled meats, roasted veggies, dumplings, and even egg tarts. Toph takes a deep breath in through their nose, shifting a foot to rumble the chair beneath Sokka again. “Shut up, I smell something fantastic.” 

“No!” Sokka sniffles, crossing his arms. “You said you’d rather eat dirt.” Toph rolls their eyes, digging into the plate in front of them. 

“Woah, Sokka, this is soooooo good. You’re a genius. I’m in awe of your amazingness,” Toph deadpans around a full mouth, but Sokka lets out a self satisfied grin.

“ _Thank you,_ dear person.” 

“Shut up and eat before I eat for you,” Toph threatens, shovelling food into their mouth. 

“Wait, before we go any further,” Yugoda interrupts, raising a glass. “I’d like to make a toast. To Haru, who worked tirelessly to take care of Toph.” Haru scratches at the back of his neck sheepishly, his face flushing red. “To Jeong Jeong, who works as hard as I do to help bring patients back to themselves.” Jeong Jeong nods silently. “To Sokka, who’s uplifting personality makes everyone he meets leave with a smile.” Sokka raises his glass, a self satisfied smile settling on his face. “To Zuko, whose friendship with Toph was rekindled when he arrived.” Zuko glances up in surprise. _I didn’t expect to be mentioned._ “And last but not least, to Toph, who did all the legwork to get this far. We’re extremely proud of you.” 

A chorus of “hear hear!”s sounds from around the table, water glasses clinking together, and everyone begins their meal in earnest. The rest of the evening is filled with laughter, warmth, and palpable _joy_ , so prevalent it feels like Zuko’s gonna suffocate on it. He smiles more than he has in years, even since before he lost his flower. If it weren’t for the echoing emptiness inside him, he could almost _pretend_ he was back to normal, going home with Toph in the morning. 

At the end of the evening, Sokka takes residence on Zuko’s left, letting him lean against him for support. Despite being on Zuko’s blind side, Zuko couldn’t bring himself to be on edge at all. They walk back to Zuko’s room together, giggling as the energy from the night slowly wears off. 

“So _I_ said, ‘Tara, _why the long face?_ ’” Sokka cuts himself off with a boisterous laugh, and Zuko can’t help but snort at the stupid joke. 

“That was the dumbest, most convoluted set-up I’ve ever heard,” Zuko shoots back, settling himself on his bed as Sokka bustles around his room, gathering up the supplies for his bandaging. 

“Ah! But you laughed!” Sokka teases, patting at Zuko’s rapidly healing skin with a washrag. 

“I laugh at anything. It’s like a disease, at this point.” 

“You and I both know that’s a lie, emo.” He dips his fingertips in the ointment, glancing up to meet Zuko’s glittering gold gaze. “I’m gonna touch, okay?” 

“Yeah,” Zuko breathes, his eyes sliding shut as Sokka delicately slathers the ointment over his scar. _I wish I could feel it._ Too soon, Sokka pulls his hand away, wiping the excess on his pants, then reaching up to wrap Zuko’s eye tightly. 

“There you are, sunshine!” Sokka shoots a crooked smile at him. “How’s that?” 

“Good,” Zuko forces out, blinking rapidly. He averts his gaze from Sokka’s face, staring into the corner. _Spider-buddy, save me. I’m gonna die, just because of that stupid smile._

“Good!” Sokka ruffles Zuko’s hair, shifting to settle next to him on his bed. _What?_ Sokka’s fingers find Zuko’s hair, working through it with a speed that only comes from familiarity, pulling the turtle-duck feather from Zuko’s hair. _Oh. I forgot I asked for that this morning._ “I’ll have to teach you how to weave this in yourself before you leave.” Zuko makes a noncommittal grunt, his teeth clamping down on his bottom lip. 

“I guess.” 

“Hey.” Sokka frowns, tapping Zuko’s jaw with his first two fingers. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

“Will we… will we still be friends when I leave?” Zuko can feel his eyes stinging with slowly forming tears, and he glances at the ceiling, willing himself to calm down. “Cause… it’s gotta be coming up. I’m almost independent.” Sokka lets out a soft sigh, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Zuko’s ear. 

“Of course, _asik._ You’re too important to just stop… being friends with. To stop knowing.” Zuko finds himself nodding, his fingers twisting in on themselves.

“Good. You too.” His voice is unsteady, unsure, but he forces himself to say it anyway. His gaze locked on his feet, he misses the affection filled gaze Sokka shoots his way. 

“You should get some sleep, dearest,” Sokka speaks softly, patting Zuko’s back as he stands. 

“Yes. Good night.” Sokka makes his way towards the door, glancing back at Zuko, who’s twisting himself to a comfortable position, pulling the blankets up around his chin. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Zuko hums in acknowledgement, sliding his hands from under his covers to shoot Sokka a pair of finger guns. A surprised laugh falls from Sokka’s lips. “Holy shit. _Holy shit_ , you actually did it.” 

“Yeah. I did. And you know what, Sokka?”

“What?” 

“ _No one will ever believe you._ ” Zuko snorts to himself, rolling so his back is facing the open door. Sokka opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. 

“You’re evil, you know that, right?”

“Yes I do, yes I do,” Zuko hums, laughing under his breath still. 

“...good night, _gik._ ” 

“Good night, monkey.” With that, Sokka finally steps out, closing the door behind him with a _click._

Zuko can feel his body relaxing into the mattress below him, his free eye sliding shut and sleep overtaking him quickly. That night, Zuko dreams of Toph, alight, glowing, floating, tethered only by their connection to Zuko. Zuko knows the only way for them to leave is to sever it, so he gets to work, undoing the knots that hold the string from their wrist to his. It hurts, but he knows it needs to be done. For them. As they float away, an arm slides around Zuko’s shoulders. He glances to his left, a comforting presence taking place, and lights up when his gaze meets Sokka’s. Sokka’s mouth is moving a mile a minute, but Zuko can’t hear him. It doesn't matter, Zuko laughs anyway. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, so widely, so freely. His heart aches with the affection he feels for the water-tribe boy, and his eyes sting with the tears of unrequited… love? No. It can’t be love, not yet. Unrequited affection. 

_I’m like a moth, and he’s a source of light and warmth._

_It’s no wonder I’m drawn to him._

Zuko’s final poem dances in his brain as he cracks his eyes open in the morning, a bittersweet weight settling in his heart. He’s been remembering his dreams more and more often, and despite the sadness tinging this one, he wouldn’t forget it for the world. He reaches across for his notebook, scribbling down the words through sleep-blurred eyes. Once he’s done, he lets out a monumental yawn, setting the notebook back on his nightstand. He’s about to roll back to bed, but he pauses, grabbing the ‘turtle-duck’ from his nightstand and pulling it into his chest, curling up around it as he slides back into sleep. 

Dream-Sokka sees this, and smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the month of radio silence! enjoy the *squints at notes* 11,124 word chapter!


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